Jason frowned as he sat there. Alone. In a stranger’s house. Should he leave? Should he stay? Was Oliver coming back? What the hell? His knee bobbed up and down as he waited. After five or so minutes, he figured that the coward had fucked off and left him there. He stood and stomped out of the house, slamming the door so hard behind him that the house shook. He stormed towards his rental car. A myriad of emotions fought for priority in his mixed up mind. I didn’t ask to be in this fucking situation! I didn’t even fucking want to be here! Fucking coward.
‘Jason! Wait!’ The man’s voice stopped him in his tracks, and Jason halted with one hand on the door handle of the hire car and the other clutching the letter that brought him here. As his chest heaved, he clenched his jaw and turned his head to the side so that he could see Oliver walking towards him in his peripheral vision.
‘What?’ he snapped.
‘I’m sorry about what happened back there. It was a… You being here… You being you… It’s a complete shock to me. Please forgive me. I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know what to think. I still don’t if I’m honest, but I’m sorry. Please come back inside so we can talk.’
Jason turned to face him, a wave of sadness washed over him. ‘Don’t fucking bother. You don’t owe me anything. All you were was a sperm donor, so don’t do me any favours.’ He couldn’t help the hurt and anger evident in his voice.
Oliver stepped tentatively towards him again with his hands held up in surrender. ‘Please, come on in. Let’s talk…please? I would very much like the chance to talk with you about all of this.’ He motioned for Jason to follow him. Jason inhaled deeply and followed reluctantly behind. Once inside the living room with its rich cream coloured walls and sumptuous gold hued soft furnishings, Oliver gestured for Jason to sit.
Oliver rubbed his hands over his face again and looked over at Jason. ‘You look so much like… I mean you and I look…’ He seemed incapable of stringing a coherent sentence together. He stopped and tried again. ‘You have to know that I had no idea about you, Jason. None at all. If I’d have known—’
Anger rose in Jason’s gut once again. ‘You’d have done what exactly? Married my mother out of some misplaced sense of duty?’
Oliver held his hands up as if to calm Jason down. ‘I’m sure you have questions. I know I would in your position, and it’s clear that you’re angry, but you can’t get angry at me for something I had no clue about.’
‘Why did you leave her waiting at the altar?’
Oliver closed his eyes briefly. He shook his head and looked at Jason. ‘I was…too young. We both were. I wanted to be a doctor. At first I thought I could be married and still have that. I loved her so very much, you need to know that, but then I realised it would tear us apart, me studying all the time and being away from her. Long distance relationships are so hard. Eventually, we would have split. I didn’t want to put her through that.’
Great, another person who thinks long distance is a mistake. ‘So you didn’t show? You left an eighteen-year-old girl who loved you…no, adored you, so you could go off and pursue your own life without her?’ Jason suddenly clamped his mouth shut. The realisation that he had done exactly that to Stevie ten years ago hit him like a runaway train. He dropped his head forward, feeling physically sick.
‘J-Jason, are you all right?’ Oliver reached out and touched his arm.
Jason flinched and lifted his head. He glanced at Oliver and was met with a compassionate gaze. ‘Why didn’t you come back to her and explain why you were going to leave? You slept with her knowing full well that you wouldn’t be staying around to deal with the consequences. Why would you do that to her?’ At least I hadn’t done that to Stevie. At least sex wasn’t involved when I left.
Oliver’s nostrils flared. ‘You want the truth? Well, here you go…I did it because I loved her, Jason. I always have. I couldn’t get enough of her. Leaving your mother was the hardest thing I ever did. It broke my heart, and I have never truly recovered. But I left for her. I left to save her from a life of misery with me. Sleeping with her was a one-time thing that went too far. It wasn’t meant to happen. But I never regretted it. I loved her so much. You have to believe that, Jason. In all honesty I can tell you that I have never loved like that again. Don’t get me wrong. Of course I love my wife, but the intensity with which I loved your mother… I…I can’t put it into words.’
Jason snorted. ‘You left her to save her from a life of misery, but that’s what she ended up with anyway.’ He could completely understand the notion. Oliver’s reasons for leaving were totally different to his own, but nevertheless, he had made the same decision, to leave the woman he loved more than anything in order to try and achieve a better life. So damned selfish.
Jason went on to explain in detail the life he’d had with Mick and Shirley, the struggles, the beatings, his love for Stevie, and how he couldn’t tell her what was going on but that, instead, he too had left home at eighteen to get away. Oliver’s lip trembled, and he slid along the couch to be next to Jason. He put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him into his chest. Oliver’s body shuddered as he sobbed. It felt weird having a complete stranger hug him and pour out grief for him, for what he had gone through in the absence of his real father. He didn’t quite know what to do. How to react.
After a few moments, Jason reciprocated the embrace as overwhelming grief took hold. He clung to his father, giving an outlet to his own feelings of sadness and regret at the time that he had been denied with this man. Although a complete stranger, Oliver seemed to be a decent, caring person. The anger he had felt and the questions as to why he had abandoned his mother just melted away. The man holding him would have been a good father. He would have loved him. This much was clear. He seemed such a warm and kindly man. Misguided when he was younger, but he couldn’t criticise him for that. How could Jason stay angry with a man who knew nothing of his existence? Especially when he had done pretty much the same thing to Stevie when he left. Oliver had wronged Jason’s mother, but Jason too had done that when he left without saying goodbye. He had more things in common with the man than he liked to admit, and so far they all seemed to be negative things.
Oliver spoke in a strangled sob. ‘If only I’d have known, Jason. You would never have suffered like that. I’m so very, very sorry.’
Jason wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. ‘No, it’s a shame that you didn’t know about me. I hate the fact that I missed out on knowing you or even knowing of you until now.’
Oliver clasped his shoulder. ‘We can start afresh now. I…I need some time. I must go and speak to Hannah…my wife…this will be a major shock to her…and you should know…you have two brothers.’
Jason smiled. ‘Delia told me about them. She’s very proud.’
Oliver beamed. ‘Oh, you met my mom?’
‘Yeah, I went to see her after reading the letter. She was so sweet.’
Oliver’s smile diminished. ‘She’s a good mother. I hurt her badly when I left the UK.’
‘Much the same as I hurt my mother when I left. We all make mistakes.’
‘Some of us more than others, son.’
Jason stood to leave. ‘I should go. I’m sure you have things to do. Calls to make and such. So…where do we go from here?’
Oliver rose to his feet. ‘You’re right. As I said, I need to speak with Hannah. That’s my priority right now. I was travelling down there in a few days anyway. She’s in Boston with her parents and the boys. I’ll explain everything to them in person. It’s better that way. When I come back, I’d like to meet with you again…if you’d like to.’
Jason nodded enthusiastically. ‘Yes, I would like that. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be staying, so I paid for an open ended return flight. I’ll stay for as long as it takes for us both to get the answers we need. I think…I think I’ve ruined things for Stevie and me now…not that things would have gone anywhere anyway. We live over five hundred miles apart at opposite ends of the UK and�
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‘Jason, don’t do what I did. Don’t lose her over your own pride and stupidity. Make things work with her or at least try, okay?’
Jason felt awash with sadness again. A feeling he was becoming startlingly accustomed to, albeit reluctantly. ‘I think it may be too late. I haven’t told her any of this. I up and left…again. She doesn’t know where I am or why I left. And my little brother doesn’t know he’s adopted. I need to think about how I’m going to tell him that. He’ll be devastated.’
Oliver pulled his lips in for a moment before speaking. ‘You have a lot to think about, Jason. And it’s not going to be easy riding. But I’ll help or advise you in any way I can, if you want me to.’
‘Thanks, but I need to figure this whole thing with Stevie and Dillon out for myself. I have no clue how at the moment.’
Oliver and Jason agreed to meet again when Oliver returned from Hannah’s parents in Boston. In the meantime, Jason went back to his hotel and decided to do a little research whilst he waited for news. Dillon hadn’t known about his adoption, and another few weeks would make no difference. He could go to the Internet café and do some web searches on how to find one’s birth parents. At least that way, when he arrived home, he would be armed with something other than bad news. On returning to his hotel, he dialled Delia’s home number.
‘Hello?’
Jason felt the butterflies take flight in his stomach. ‘Delia, it’s Jason…your…your…’
‘Grandson,’ she answered.
He could tell she was smiling, and a warm feeling spread through his chest as he went on to tell his Grandmother about his first encounter with his real father.
Chapter Five
Several days later, Jason was sitting by a sparkling lake when he received a call from Oliver.
‘Hi, Jason. How’ve you been?’
‘Hi…erm…Oliver…not bad thanks. Although I think I’ve walked about a thousand miles in the last couple of days.’ He chuckled. ‘Nerves about this whole situation kind of got the better of me. How are things with you?’
‘Things are…really good actually. I’m calling to invite you to meet with me at the country club near my home. I thought perhaps we could catch up a little and talk some more.’
Jason cringed. ‘Country club? Aren’t those places a little dressed up and snobby?’
‘They can be, but the place I go is real nice. And you’re my son, so people will take you as they find you.’ He laughed. ‘Long hair and all.’
‘Gee thanks,’ Jason replied. ‘That fills me with such confidence.’
‘Come on, I was kidding. It isn’t what you think. The guys are great. They’ll all be happy to meet you. Although there may not be anyone there at this time of day. Let’s meet, and see how it goes. If you feel uncomfortable, we’ll leave and go somewhere else.’
‘Okay. I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m struggling with this whole thing, that’s all. I wish I could talk to Stevie, you know?’
‘If that’s what you need to do, then you should give her a call.’ Oliver advised.
‘I can’t…I want to but…I can’t yet. I need to get this whole thing straight in my head before I go involving others. And she’d want to tell Dillon everything. I need to speak to them both face to face.’
‘Okay, that’s your call.’
After agreeing to meet Oliver and jotting down the address of the country club, Jason said goodbye. The one thing he’d forgotten to do was to ask about the dress code. He hadn’t brought anything overly smart with him. He considered calling Oliver back, but after mulling it over, decided it wasn’t something he would bother him with. They would have to take him as they found him.
At two o’clock the next day, Jason walked into the country club feeling a little out of place in his black cargo pants and white long sleeved T-shirt. Oliver wore black slacks, a yellow polo shirt, and a grey sweater. Jason’s dark hair hung loose, falling to his shoulders and very shaggy, whereas Oliver’s was perfectly styled to the side and gelled in place. Jason held his hand out to shake Oliver’s when they greeted each other, but his father pulled him into a bear hug embrace, patting him on the back. Jason was taken aback at the outpouring of affection from this virtual stranger but his heart warmed a little too and he reciprocated the gesture.
They were shown to a table by the window, which looked out onto a patio area and small boating lake. It was a very pretty location, and Jason found it surprising that he could almost forget they were on the edge of a city.
Once the pleasantries were out of the way, Jason cleared his throat when his curiosity got the better of him. ‘So…did you talk things through with Hannah?’
‘I did. She was shocked to say the least, and she was angry too…at first. She cried and it broke my heart. I felt like I’d betrayed her somehow. I think the fact that the children I have with her weren’t my first hit her hard. But I explained that I hadn’t known about you, and that it didn’t change how much I love my boys. There was a whole lot of shouting. But when she calmed down and we talked things through, she was quite accepting. She’s a very levelheaded woman, thankfully, and the fact that this happened long before I met her was the main factor in her acceptance. I told her about things with you and…and Mick. I hope that’s okay. She needed to understand the full picture, you know?’
Jason nodded as guilt washed over him. ‘Yes, of course. I feel bad for disrupting your lives like this, but I had to know for my own peace of mind who you are, and I guess, who I am too.’
‘Absolutely. I showed her the photo of you as a teenager, and we looked back at some of my old snaps. She was amazed at how similar we look. She said there was no doubt about you being a Halford.’ His brown eyes lifted as he smiled warmly with his whole face. The crow’s feet at his eye corners crinkled as he did so, making Jason smile. At least judging by his full head of hair, I know I won’t go bald.
After a thoughtful pause, Jason spoke. ‘I want you to know that I don’t want anything from you…just a little of your time…and…perhaps to know you better…that’s all. I’m not after money…nothing like that. I’m independent financially and in every other way.’
Oliver listened intently and then smiled. ‘Jason, it’s clear to me that you are your own man. I need no reassurances on that score.’
Jason smiled back and nodded with relief at his words. ‘So...how about your sons? What did Joshua and Elliot say when you told them?’
‘I think they were a little disappointed at me for not keeping it in my pants like I keep lecturing them to do until they’re in serious relationships, or even better…married. The number of times I’ve talked to them about the dangers of unprotected sex and the possibility of knocking up some poor girl.’ He laughed humourlessly. ‘And now I seem like the biggest damned hypocrite and jack ass that ever walked the earth.’
Jason cringed. ‘Hmmm, I bet that went down pretty bad, eh?’
‘Oh yeah. They ripped me a new one, pretty much.’ He laughed heartily this time.
‘Are they pissed off about me then?’
‘Are you kidding me? Not at all. They were pretty damned happy once they knew their mom was okay. They…ah…they all want to meet you. In fact, we’re having a cookout tomorrow…just the family. Hannah and the boys want me to ask you along.’
Jason’s spirits lifted. ‘Really? I have no clue what a cookout is, but I’ll be there!’ He nodded enthusiastically.
Oliver threw his head back and laughed louder. ‘You have no clue what a cookout is, huh?’
‘Not a bloody clue.’ Jason joined in with the mirth.
‘I believe you Limey’s call it a barbeque.’
‘Ahhh! I get it now! Cooking outdoors. A cookout.’ Jason slapped himself in the forehead. ‘Good grief, you must think I’m as thick as pudding.’
‘Ha ha! Your accent takes me back, son. I can hardly call you a Limey, can I, when I was born in the same area as you?’ The pair laughed again.
Oliver called the waitress
over and ordered coffee. The men sat without speaking for a few minutes, but Jason felt comfortable with the silence. He didn’t get the urge to talk drivel to fill the space in conversation.
As Oliver stirred creamer into his coffee, he glanced over at Jason once again. ‘So…tell me more about Stevie.’
‘Pfff, where do I even start? We met at school. I adored her from afar for a long time. Pretty much from the moment I discovered girls, I was in love with her. She was such a lovely girl. Popular but shy and really didn’t get how gorgeous she was back then. Still doesn’t even now. We became closer as we got older. She was…so beautiful…still is.’ He stared at his coffee cup aware that he was repeating himself. ‘She had the most beautiful hair…long and dark with a hint of red and a slight wave. Her eyes are the colour of the sky on a clear sunny day…you know, the kind of bright blue that almost looks like she must be wearing coloured contacts.’ He smiled and shook his head as images of Stevie danced through his mind. ‘And her laugh… You can’t help joining in when she’s in full guffaw.’ He laughed at the memory. When he glanced up, he could see that Oliver was anticipating more.
Nervously he continued. ‘She and I were so…in love. We spent so much time together that neither of us had proper friends outside of us. There were a couple, but we preferred each other’s company. As time went on, things were getting worse at home. Mick was losing his temper with me more and more, but I was getting to the point where I feared what I’d do to him each time he hit me with a belt or his hands and fists. I couldn’t take it any longer. I couldn’t take the next step with her even though I desperately wanted to.’
Oliver frowned. ‘Next step?’
Jason felt his cheeks heat. ‘Sex. I wanted to be her first and for her to be mine, but I couldn’t undress in front of her because of the bruises and scars. She couldn’t understand why I was so reticent, and I couldn’t explain. Things were getting beyond difficult. Then it was prom, and…well…she had expectations. But I couldn’t go through with it, and Mick went ape shit on me for something ridiculous, and so I walked. I’d been planning it all. The army…the train tickets. Things came to a head, and I had to go.’
Reasons to Stay: Reasons Part Two Page 4