by Lindsey Hart
Apparently, it could because Ross’ mom sunk into the matching leather chair across the way and began to fan herself frantically with her hand. “Oh lordy. I think I’m going to pass out,” she moaned.
“No, mom! Don’t pass out!” Ross was suddenly there, his naked chest glistening with sweat, his shoulders heaving up and down.
Teela was ashamed to admit that a puddle of lust shot straight to her va-jay looking at the acres of chiseled muscle and the smattering of dark hair that trailed into Ross’ jeans.
She covered her face with her hands as Ross began to rapidly fan his mother with his hand as well. “Oh god, I think she saw my box,” she muttered.
“Here.” Ross’ dad joined the fray. He had a glass of water in his hand, which he passed over to his wife. She took it and drained the whole thing.
“Uh- mom, dad… I didn’t want you to find out like this, but- well- I wasn’t thinking, and I’ve already blurted it. Teela is- well- you’re going to be grandparents.”
Ross’ mom’s face went completely white while his dad echoed pretty much the same shade of ghostly pale. If Ross’ mom was petite and tiny, Ross’ dad was huge. It was easy to see where Ross got his height and broad shoulders from. His dad had the same strong features as well, that square jawline and brow, the straight nose and carved cheekbones.
“We haven’t been together long,” Ross rushed on. “It was a surprise to us both, that’s why I haven’t told you yet. We were trying to think of a way to tell you and- er… we didn’t get that far.”
“You could have burned down the neighborhood!” Ross’ dad muttered.
“Oh Hank,” Ross’ mom said. “Don’t be so hard on them. Remember what it was like to be young and in love?” She clapped her hands together and the stars in her eyes were already obvious. “A baby! Did you hear that! I’m going to be a grandmother!” The whole walking in on them having sex, fainting spell forgotten, she stood up and lunged towards Teela.
Teela barely had time to get her arms out before she was crushed into surprisingly strong arms. She was rocked back and forth and nearly smothered until Ross finally pried his mom away.
“Mom! Just let- uh- give Teela a minute. I- er… this is really just- a lot.” He ran a hand through his hair, which was already sticking up at all angles from where she’d just raked through it with her fingers.
“I’m sorry!” Ross’ mom stepped back. “I’m Mary-Anne. This is Hank.”
“And they were just on their way out,” Ross ground out.
“We just stopped in because I made muffins and I thought you’d like them, but then we smelled burning and rushed in.”
“That would explain why I didn’t hear you knock.”
“It was an emergency!” Mary-Anne huffed. “We thought the place was on fire.”
“It kind of was,” Teela muttered. She couldn’t look anyone in the eye. She wanted to know how much of her box Ross’ mom had seen. Nothing like making a first impression. Not a good one, just a first one.
Ross huffed. “I’ll take the muffins. Thank you very much. We can talk about this tonight.”
“You should bring Teela over for dinner! Tomorrow night!” Mary-Anne glanced enthusiastically her way and Teela wanted to bury her face in her hands again. She’d probably never be able to look either of Ross’ parents in the eye again.
“Mom, seriously, I…”
“Please, Ross! A baby! Oh my goodness sakes, I’ve wanted to be a grandmother for years and it’s finally happening! How are you feeling dear? Have you been sick? How far along are you?”
“Mom!” Ross sighed. “Maybe we’ll come over for dinner and we can talk about this. Okay? Tomorrow or some other night. I’ll talk to Teela and I’ll let you know.”
“Oh, um, alright.” Mary-Anne’s face was so crestfallen, mortified or not, Teela couldn’t help herself.
“We’ll come tomorrow,” she assured Mary-Anne. “I’m okay with that. It’s very exciting.”
Ross’ dad made a noise low in his throat. He stood and lovingly ushered Ross’ mom from the room. Teela could hear them at the entrance before they let themselves out, Mary-Anne babbling on excitedly.
When they were gone, the room lapsed into an awkward silence.
“So?” Ross finally raised a brow. “Can I interest you in takeout? The Vietnamese place down the street is good and it would probably only take them twenty minutes to deliver.”
“Do they serve up a magic dish that I can eat that will make me brave enough to face your parents again? Or better yet, maybe they make something magical that we can have delivered over to their house that will make them unsee all the things they just saw. A unicorn that poops amnesia poops, maybe?”
Ross’s lips wavered. “For the record, they’ve forgotten all about that. The baby bombshell did it.”
“I can’t believe that was the first thing you said. About me having your baby, mom.” Teela slapped her hands over her face. “And I still can’t believe she saw my box. That is not the kind of first impression anyone wants to make. Ever. Ever. Ever.”
“I panicked, okay?” Ross put out his hands in self-defense. “I’ve never had them walk in on me before. Besides, they’re both thrilled. Obviously, my mom is but I could tell my dad was too.”
“I’m a complete stranger.”
“You could be an alien with tentacles or warts or something and they’d still be thrilled. I promise you that.”
Teela didn’t have a comeback for that, so she snapped her mouth shut. They needed a change of subject. Badly. “How bad was the barbeque on fire?”
“It’s pretty much ruined,” Ross admitted. “Likely a call away from the fire department showing up here.”
“That would have been so much worse,” Teela groaned.
“Agreed. So… Vietnamese?”
All Teela could do was nod. How had her mostly normal, uneventful life turned into this? And no, as mortifying as it was, as crazy as it all had been lately, she wasn’t exactly complaining.
CHAPTER 14
Teela
“They really saw your snatch? Like the whole thing? Your whole box? Like… spread open or kind of clamped together so they couldn’t really get a good view?”
Teela groaned. She set down a mug of tea a little too hard on the coffee table in front of Amy. Her place was a mess, dirty dishes in the sink and here and there in the living room but when Amy dropped by unannounced, she wasn’t going to turn her away. She’d seen the place a hell of a lot worse. She’d had to literally pick Teela out of bed and wash the chocolate stains out of her sheets while she showered after one of her worst break up pity parties.
Because falling asleep surrounded by chocolate is a pretty good way to go out, if you’re going to go out.
Just a side note, chocolate is really hard to get out of sheets. The oil never comes out.
“Do you want something to eat? I can make us popcorn.”
“No! I want to know everything!” Amy tilted on the couch, her eyes tracing Teela’s every move. It made her sorry that she’d spilled the news at all but after she’d got back from Ross’ place and Amy just happened to show up, she couldn’t not spill it. “Why were you even- uh- naked? I thought you hated Ross?”
“We were trying to work things out,” Teela groaned. She dropped down so hard on the couch that Amy bounced upwards in response.
“I see. It sounds like you did.”
“Not work things out like that. That just kind of happened.” Teela grabbed her mug and since the tea had pretty much cooled off, mint tea, because as usual in the evening, her stomach was upset, she took a huge gulp. The mint was nice and soothing. She felt it to the bottom of her toes.
Just like she felt the shiver that ripped through her at the thought of Ross, hot and sweaty and so damn muscular it was actually unfair, spread out over her, spreading her, eating her out like he was starved, and she was a ten-course meal. No one had ever, ever eaten her out like that. Most of her exes didn’t even know it was possibl
e to go down on a woman.
Fuck. Damn. Shit.
Trying not to think about it made her think about it harder. She was suddenly all hot and shivery at the same time.
“I thought you’d sworn off men. Getting involved with your baby daddy isn’t the smartest idea.”
“It just happened,” Teela ground out. “And I did swear off of men because they are heartbreaking assholes who ruin your entire world when you least expect it. This is- different though. IT has to be different. Uh- I don’t know what happened last night. Maybe it was hormones or something. It just happened. I didn’t plan it. I didn’t want it. We were supposed to be talking about what was going on with us and the baby and how we were going to maybe do custody or something and then all of a sudden he was kissing me and I was flat on my back and we were minus a few crucial things.”
“Like clothes?”
“Yeah. Like clothes.”
“Well, he can’t blame his actions on hormones. He isn’t the one who is pregnant.”
“Maybe it was sympathy hormones.”
Amy rolled her eyes. “I’m serious here.” Her forehead scrunched up into one of those wrinkly frowns that also included her nose. “I’m worried about you. Having a baby is hard enough. Maybe I should never have told you that he’s the father. Maybe that was a bad idea. If things go south or sideways or whatever, I don’t want to be the reason you got hurt.”
Teela tensed. She knew Amy was right. She should be taking things slow, not thinking about how badly she regretted not being able to feel Ross’ cock inside of her the night before. She couldn’t help it. He had a really, really nice dong. Annnnndddd it had been a really long time since her va-jay saw any real action.
“No, no, don’t think that,” Teela tried to assure Amy when she realized there was a huge guilt tsunami heading that way that was probably going to end with Amy breaking down and crying and blaming herself for everything wrong in the world and worrying about losing her job for the hundredth thousandth time. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
“I… I just- maybe I shouldn’t have done any of it. It was bad. It was wrong. All of this is so messed up!” Amy started fidgeting and twisting her hands.
“Here, have some tea. Mint makes everything better.” Teela picked up the cup and practically shoved it in Amy’s face.
Amy took the cup, but her face didn’t change. “Oh god. I’m a terrible person. A really bad person. I’m going to go to jail. Someone is going to find out and I’m going to lose my job and then they’re going to lock me away and I don’t think I could survive in prison and-”
“I thought you wanted to hear about the snatching incident,” Teela rushed on. It was the last thing she wanted to talk about, but anything had to be better than watching Amy implode right in front of her.
“Really? You’re going to tell me?” Amy turned watery eyes her way.
“Yeah. I’ll tell you. I- uh- so Ross was… you know. Uh- we started out kissing and it got carried away and he was cooking steaks on the barbeque and both of us kind of lost our minds a little and all of a sudden he wasn’t wearing a shirt, then I had his pants open and uh- then my leggings were off and he was- well- yeah. So yeah- my legs… they were spread. Pretty far open. I think his mom got an eyeful. And as soon as she let us know she was there, Ross covered me up and I covered myself up and he was fumbling with his clothes and then his dad was shouting something about the barbeque being on fire because we’d forgotten all about the steaks and Ross was rushing around looking for something to put it out with and his mom nearly passed out on the spot.”
It took a second but Amy snort-giggled. “Oh my god. I can’t imagine meeting his parents like that.”
“That wasn’t the worst part. When they asked who I was, Ross just kinda blurted out that I was carrying his baby and now they’ve invited me over for dinner. Tomorrow night. They’re so excited. They’ve wanted a grandkid forever. My parents don’t even know. I haven’t found the courage to tell them. Maybe that’s a good thing. I had no idea what I was going to say but if Ross and I practice, then maybe…”
“You’d actually bring him home with you?” Amy gasped.
“No way. I was thinking though that I could tell my parents there is someone and the pregnancy is a surprise and we’re trying to work through it. They’re old fashioned. It would make them feel better knowing there is a dad, even if he’s not exactly with me.”
“My parents would disown me.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“Just saying. Your parents are nicer than mine. Mine wouldn’t even let me bring a guy home and sleep in the same bed until we were married.”
“I know. No wonder you went home as little as possible.”
“They were just relieved when I finally stopped living in sin.”
“Oh god.”
Amy paused. She swallowed a sip of tea and set her mug down. “So, how do you think it’s going to go at the dinner? His parents sound nice. I mean, if they didn’t call you some whore and phone the police for sodomizing their son’s face, that’s a step in the right direction.”
“Sodomizing!”
“I just said that to make you laugh.”
“Ha-ha,” Teela supplied diplomatically. “Very funny.” She gulped her tea. “I’m not sure how it’s going to go. I’ll probably be a nervous wreck and Ross probably won’t be any better and his mom will probably die on the spot of happiness and then I’ll feel guilty my whole life and his dad will probably play it like he’s stoic and in control but really on the inside, he’s doing the happiest of happy dances because Ross said they’d pretty much given up on ever having a grandkid.”
“Uh- why?”
“I guess… because he felt that women were using him for his money, and he didn’t like it. He found it hard to find someone who just wanted to be with him for him, so he was kind of like me. After a few bad experiences, he just kind of quit the whole thing.”
“Sounds a lot like you. I kept telling you that prince charming was out there. You just had to kiss all the frogs first and blah, blah, blah, but you didn’t believe me.”
“Ross and I aren’t together. What happened last night was a mistake and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again. We got carried away. That was it. After his parents walking in on us, we’re never going to go there again. We learned our lesson. We’re just going to be friends.”
Amy sighed dramatically. “That’s so disappointing. I would have liked to hear more dramatic horrifying and embarrassing stories. Or just steamy stories. You never date anyone hot. Ross is really, really hot.”
“You’re married!”
“I know, I know. I was just thinking for you. You deserve to be with someone who is going to give you a good experience. You’ve had a string of real stinkers in bed.”
“Thanks,” Teela shot back dryly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Just saying… maybe if it’s going to happen again, you should just let it. Just for you. Treat yourself.”
“You were just telling me how bad an idea that was!” Teela said incredulously.
“Maybe I changed my mind.”
“No, you just like to hear about drama and all my mortifying moments.”
Amy grinned. “What are best friends for?” She gripped Teela’s hand. “Anyway, I’m sure tomorrow will be fine. Just be yourself. They’ll love you.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. Being myself. I swear I’m not that lovable.”
“That’s crazy talk. I love you. I love you like a sister. I’m sure they’ve forgotten all about what your box looks like. Even if they haven’t, they’ll be seeing it again in like, seven months.”
“Amy! They will not! I’m not letting anyone in there with me!”
“Not even me?”
“You want to witness me screaming and yelling like a madwoman while I’m in labor?”
“Of course! Like I said, what are friends for?”
“Well maybe I�
��ll make an exception for you then, but my parents and Ross’ parents and Ross himself aren’t going to be allowed in there. No way. I don’t need to be completely traumatized by the experience. And my poor va-jay is never going to be the same. Don’t need to traumatize it anymore either by letting every single person on earth see it getting all stretched and ruined horribly.”
“I’m sure that’s not really a thing.”
“Want to bet?”
“Maybe after like five or six. Not after one.”
Teela swallowed hard. “I hope so. I never really thought about that part when I’d planned on being single for the rest of my life.” It shouldn’t matter because I’m still going to be single forever.
“Oh,” Amy added. “I almost forgot. Tell Ross that your best friend in the whole world says that if he ever hurts you, I will hunt him down and cut off his nuts with a pair of rusty pruning shears and feed them to the neighborhood cats.”
“Shit on a stick, that would make you sound like a crazy person.”
Amy winked. “When it comes to you, maybe I am.”
Teela groaned. She purposely pushed away thoughts about rusty shears and Ross’ balls which were pretty perfect, from what she remembered. That didn’t help so she tried to think of something else but all her mind could come up with apparently was images of Ross and his ridiculous muscles and bronzed skin and glorious body and masculinity and perfection up the ying-yang straight out of her mind. No, she was not going to think about his tongue or his lips or how talented he was with both of them. Amy was right. Her baby deserved a dad and if she screwed things up with Ross before they even got to that point, things were just going to be ugly and she didn’t want them to be ugly.
She wanted them to be beautiful. For herself. For her baby.
So, Ross was definitely off limits.
And even if she ended up with an ugly va-jay after giving birth, it wasn’t going to matter one bit.