by Lindsey Hart
“I doubt it.”
“You didn’t see her. Don’t put anything past my mom. Second, I haven’t used my money to impress you. And here I was going to make you an offer, but I guess that’s off the table.”
Sydney’s eyes darkened dangerously. She only ever looked that way when she was super pissed off or really turned on. He’d only ever seen the latter once before, but he’d give his left nut- okay, maybe that was going too far- to see it again.
“What kind of offer? Let me guess. I’m really not going to like it.”
“You’re probably not, but you’re here now. I’ve expended a considerable amount of time, money, and effort in getting you here all because of something that was a drunken joke to you. I don’t think that people would like to hear that about you, do you, Syd? That you so casually toy with a man’s heart. A man who used to be your childhood best friend.”
“You wouldn’t…”
“Oh, I would. I would go out there right now and set the story straight, but I don’t think that’s the kind of light you want to be painted in. The girl who broke Philly’s most eligible bachelor’s heart for the last and final time. If I become a reclusive man who lives on the edge of a mountain and can’t face the world after this, that would make some story, wouldn’t it?”
“You- you bastard!” Sydney’s eyes widened so big that they looked like baseballs in her head.
“That’s right, Syd, I know all your weaknesses. If you wanted to stay away, off my radar, you never should have written that message. You should have blocked me a long time ago so you didn’t have the chance to drunken anything.”
“What. The. Hell. You are an asshat of the finest variety. Grade A.”
“I might be. But I’m also serious. I’ll do it. I’ll tell the whole world that you broke my heart ten years ago, then left, then wrote that message just to toy with me and break it all over again.”
“I didn’t break your…” she trailed off like his words had just sucker-punched her in the gut when she took a second to digest them. “Jesse? No… no, we were just friends. That was it… you couldn’t- you didn’t…”
The air shifted and crackled between them. Syd’s shoulders slumped and she actually slid down the door, like her legs just couldn’t hold her up anymore. She couldn’t look at him. She buried her face in her hands and for a second, he actually felt bad about the guilt trip he’d laid on her. How could she not have known what he felt about her? He figured that she pretty much did, she just chose to ignore it because, like him, she didn’t want to do anything to ruin their friendship. That she never wanted more. And then that night… the night that was going to be forever etched on his brain, carved inside of him, chiseled away on the walls of a heart that never wanted anyone else- that night happened.
And Syd ran.
She ran from him.
He’d always wondered if she’d run from herself too. Because drunk or not, she’d had four orgasms. Four. One could be a mistake. Two could be a fluke. Maybe three she could blame on the amount they’d drank and strange and shocking chemistry, but four… seriously. Four. Was. Not. A. Mistake. Four was her being into it. Four was right in ways it had never been right with anyone else.
Syd was there, and he was going to be damned if he let her walk out that door again. Not until he’d exhausted every last option and he was definitely not above bribery.
“I’ll make you a deal,” Jesse finally said, his voice a little softer, the edge gone, because Syd looked so damn miserable it ate him up. He couldn’t stand seeing her that way, even if she’d nearly shattered him a second time, because talk or not, he’d definitely had his hopes up.
“What?” Her head snapped up and her eyes, eyes which were beginning to leak a little out of the corners, went even wider.
Damn it, he hated it when she cried. Those tears were his weakness. His kryptonite. He couldn’t keep being an asshole to her when she was crying. He wanted to go to her, wrap her up in his arms, tug her right up against his heart so that hers beat in time with his, and they were a part of each other again like they used to be, but in a different way. He wanted to welcome her home, to prove to her how right they were and were always going to be.
“What’s your deal?” she prompted when his words died on his tongue.
He stood there, mouth parted, ready to put it out there between them. Ready to take the chance, because hell, he’d already let her go once and there was no fudgepickling way that he was going to let her walk out on him again. He probably would spend the rest of his life lonely, because he was damn sure that there was no one else on the planet for him, so frickstingling rights he was going to fight for her with everything that he had.
“It’s already late afternoon. I was going to say that I want the weekend to prove to you that we’re right for each other, but two days are not enough. I also want Monday as well.”
“No go,” she said automatically, too quickly. “I have to work on Monday.”
“Call in sick. It’s not negotiable. You give me three days and an open mind and at the end of it, if you’re still not feeling it, then I’ll fly you back home. I won’t bother you again. I’ll make up some story for the media. No hard feelings. No one the wiser. You’ll get to go on with your life and I’ll go on with mine.”
“So, you won’t turn into a reclusive hermit?”
“No.” I probably will.
“And you’ll find someone else to make you happy and drop the stupid notion of me somehow being the one for you?”
“That’s right.” Not a chance.
“And you’ll get some serious fudging help because there is no way that I broke your heart ten years ago. You’ll admit that we were just friends and that you got it wrong?”
“Yes.” No way in hell.
“And you’ll throw in a thousand dollars for my trouble. For kidnapping me. I’m going to buy my mom something with it. A purse or some shoes or something. Not only does she deserve it, but I’m going to let her down big time with this one, as much as I hate to admit it. And it’s not because I didn’t have serious relationships. It’s because she wants me to get married and have grandbabies for her. Like… asap.”
“I’ll give you enough money to treat your mom to a nice girl’s day out. Complete with spa and five-star dining, champagne, and a shopping spree.”
Sydney arched a brow like he’d gone too far, and he was pretty sure that he had. Seriously. He knew that she hated accepting things from people. Mostly help, but money, whatever. He knew she’d never use him for it. That it would never cross her mind. Ten years apart or not, Syd was still Syd. It was as much a relief as anything. He knew the old Syd. He could work with the old Syd. Three days wasn’t a long time, but it was seriously all the time he needed.
“I…” She blew out a breath. “Fine.” Thankfully she swiped away her tears at the same time as she rolled her eyes. “But this seriously can’t involve whoring.”
He took a step back and threw his hand over his heart in mock astonishment. “What do you take me for?”
“You’re going to try and seduce me. These are my stipulations. We stay here since the media will dog our every step anyway. That way, you can’t throw money at me to try and impress and confuse me. It’s easy to whisk someone to Paris or Rome or like… the freaking beach or whatever. It’s a lot harder when it’s just you. No distractions. No fancy dinners. No nice things. No money, period. I’ll give you the time you asked for because it’s obvious that if I don’t, you’re going to throw a stupid grown-up tantrum and I don’t want to ruin my life, for my mom’s sake. She’s happier than she’s sounded in a long time, unfortunately. I’m going to have to let her down easy. My last stipulation is that you don’t do anything to confuse me any other way. Like manipulating my feelings.”
“So, I can’t try and seduce you? We can’t really see if this would work in any other capacity other than friends?”
Syd frowned. The tip of her little pink tongue darted out between her soft lips
to moisten them and he nearly groaned out loud. Jesus, she really was trying to kill him. And so far, she’d been absolutely successful.
“I…”
“That’s not part of the bargain. We can’t figure anything out that way.”
“That’s not fair. I’m not a whore.”
“Never said you were. This isn’t about that. This is about you and me figuring out if that night meant anything at all. If it might mean anything in the future. If you were just drunk texting or if some part of you wants this. I want you to give it a real shot or the deal’s off. I’ll march out there right now and feed those reporters a sob story that will break hearts around the world. You’ll forever be known as Heartbreaker Syd. Or Dream Crusher Sydney. Or-”
“Stop! Alright! God!” Sydney pushed to her feet, her eyes blazing with the force of her anger and her indomitable spirit.
Jesse was privately relieved. He didn’t want to see her sitting on the floor like a kicked puppy, a crushed up, mangled up version of the Sydney he knew and loved. Yes. Loved. The Sydney he didn’t really even know but was pretty dang sure that he still loved.
Thankfully, she faced him, dry-eyed.
“But it has to happen naturally. I don’t want to be forced or feel obligated. That’s not going to get us anywhere. And like- no- no actual… I think we can both tell from whatever develops. It doesn’t have to go all the way.”
“Yeah.” Jesse nodded.
All the painful knots stitched up in his chest loosened just a little. She wasn’t giving him much, but he could sure as hell work with what he had. A little was better than nothing at all. He stuck out his hand and Syd stared at it like it was some kind of lethal animal coming for her. Not a snake. Something worse, something that liked to toy with its prey before it devoured it.
“We have a deal then?”
Syd stared at his hand for a moment longer before she took a step forward, spat in her palm, and waited. God, it was so like the old days, the days of them being grubby kids that ran wild through town, made up games in the mud in her mom’s garden, played dangerous games on his trampoline, pranked their friends and his know it all older brother, kids who didn’t listen to a word that anyone told them, who set their own schedule, who built forts and played outside from dawn until dusk, who got eaten alive by bugs, who rode their bikes terrorizing the neighborhood with hockey cards and clothespins in the spokes, that for a minute it winded him.
Forced the air right out of his lungs. She gutted him with that palm outstretched, spit glistening in the center.
He brought his hand to his mouth, spat on it, and slapped it to hers just like he’d done a million times before.
It didn’t matter that ten years had passed.
It felt like they were right back to being where they’d started. Or at least, in a spot where he had his confidant, his friend, his partner in crime, his buddy, his crush, his entire world back. Syd was just back and that was all that mattered.
This time, he was going to do everything in his power to stop her from leaving.
CHAPTER 10
Sydney
She couldn’t think straight hungover, tired, her brain aching along with the rest of her body. She felt grimy and sweaty from the long, impossibly crazy day, and worse, she’d just dug herself into an even deeper hole.
All she could think to do was ask for a shower.
Jesse granted it and even promised her a fresh change of clothes after.
Sydney took her time in the shower. It was, of course, ultra-luxurious, part of a huge bathroom that was bigger than her whole apartment. The entire thing was tiled from top to bottom with beige colored stone, but the shower had some kind of pebbly looking rock that while rough and natural-looking, probably cost a fortune. The sinks were copper, all three of them, set into a vanity of amber-hued granite that had streaks of white, brown, and gold cutting through it. Even the toilet looked fancy, some low riding, water-saving device.
The shower was basically enclosed into two tiled columns, strangely open, but the floor swirled downwards in the middle, and she realized, when she cranked the spray on at one side, then the other, just because she’d never been in a shower with dual showerheads before, she realized that the spray never reached the outer edges of the shower, to wet the rest of the bathroom.
It was amazing what money could buy.
It was also amazing what it couldn’t. And what time couldn’t change.
No matter how hot she made the shower, she couldn’t burn out the images of that night. She’d tried. She’d tried for ten years, and still, they came back to her with surprising clarity. The sensations. The feelings.
Fuck.
She grabbed the bottle of shampoo that was in the shower and soaped up her hair so roughly that her scalp stung. She did it again, rougher yet, as though she could wash or beat the images out of her brain.
Too bad that all the sensation was encased in her heart.
She’d kept it a secret, locked in the darkest recesses of her soul. For as long as she could remember ever caring about boys, she’d noticed Jesse. Even when he was geeky and kind of nerdy and didn’t like sports. He had a tender soul. They’d once found a baby bird who’d fallen out of the nest. The poor, tiny little thing didn’t have any feathers. Its skin was a blue hue, the veins apparent. Jesse had picked it up, tears glistening in his eyes. They were thirteen, so too old to really cry about the cruelties of life, but it didn’t matter to him. That little bird who never had a chance- it mattered. He’d taken the bird, wrapped it up in a white washcloth, and buried it under the biggest tree in his back yard, all without saying a word. She’d watched him do it, stood there in silent support, amazed at his capacity to feel for the world around him when most people their age- any age- didn’t give a shit.
He was like that now. Cared about helping the world. Cared about making a difference.
Yeah. Seeing him again pretty much skewered her right in the same place it always had. Straight in her heart. Because since she was sixteen, she remembered the exact day it happened- on their joint sixteenth birthday party that Jesse’s mom planned for them- she’d known she was in love with her best friend.
Jesse hadn’t done anything differently. It was her. She’d changed. She’d woken the hell up and realized that her best friend had sprouted broad shoulders and gotten tall, that his voice changed and that he was stronger than her, but that his heart would always be that tender, kind heart that was so rare in the world.
So yeah. That night, when they’d had too much to drink and honestly, when she’d given in to what she wanted but had always denied herself because she’d rather break her own heart than lose Jesse, it scared the shit out of her.
She didn’t know what to do after. How to stick around and try and pick up the pieces of everything that shattered. Nothing was the same. Nothing could ever have been the same. Leaving seemed like the best option.
She thought Jesse would get on with his life. Find someone that could make him happy. Find a pretty woman who had a heart of light and hair the color of sunshine. She figured he’d have a family with her, forget all about his childhood best friend the same way she’d never forget a single detail of that night no matter how many times she tried to erase it from her mind.
He hadn’t.
He hadn’t moved on.
Neither had she.
And now she was there, trapped in his house with him for two more days just so she could go back to living a life that was ultimately empty. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t just admit to herself that she loved him? Admit it to him and go from there?
The old fear came back, nearly choking her as she rinsed the shampoo out of her hair. It had started to run down her face and was burning her eyes. Or maybe that was just the harsh prick of the tears gathering there, sliding down her face, the moisture indistinguishable from the shower’s spray.
She couldn’t stay. She’d have to be strong. Stay strong, like she’d always managed to do, minus that one
terrible, horrible, blissful night that was going to haunt her forever. The truth was, she’d always known that Jesse deserved someone better. Someone who saw the world the way he did. Someone who wanted to make a difference. She sat in an office every single day and answered phones. Scheduled board meetings and booked flights. She did absolutely nothing for the world. She had nothing to contribute. She’d always wondered, even when they were younger, why Jesse chose her as his best friend. Sure, he was nerdy, a little dorky, but his light and his energy were attractive enough that he made friends wherever he went. He never cared about that though. He’d stuck with her.
It didn’t make sense. Even when it was obvious that maybe he was into her, it still didn’t make sense. She always knew how the relationship would end up. Jesse would get older, find a million things that he was passionate about, and outgrow her. He’d leave her behind, break it to her gently, let her down as easy as he could. He’d tell her it was him, not her, but she’d always know the truth.
They were destined to fail because they were two different people. They made good friends. God, they even made good lovers, but that was a one night, too many drinks, lowered inhibitions kind of a deal. They would never make a good couple.
So yeah.
Sydney stepped out of the shower. She grabbed one of the huge, fluffy white towels off the rack and wrapped it around herself. She swiped at her eyes, angry and annoyed at herself for crying.
She padded, her wet hair dripping down the towel, her feet leaving little dark impressions on the tiled floor, over to the huge mirror that stood over the sink. There was a fan going overhead that had turned on the second she’d hit the shower’s spray- which was pretty dang impressive. It sucked the moisture out of the air, making sure that the mirror hadn’t fogged up at all.