I nodded, somewhat listening to what she was saying. My mind was still on the conversation I had with my OB.
“What's the blood work for?” Sally asked. Her eyes were locked on the Band-Aid.
“I had a full work-up done.” I shrugged and took a sip of my water. “Jeremy and I are trying to have a baby,” I confessed. No one knew we were trying, not even Leslie.
Sally gasped, her hands covering her mouth as she danced on the chair with excitement. “Shut up! Oh my God! I never ever cared about babies, but since I'm about to have one of my own, all I want are babies. I'm so happy for you.”
I laughed at her joy. “I'm not pregnant yet,” I reminded her. “We've been trying, but we haven't had much success on our own. My doctor started me on Clomid, and in two weeks I start injections.”
Sally reached across the table and grabbed my hand. “Honestly, babe, I know so many people who had to do fertility treatments and then got pregnant right away.”
I nodded and hoped she was right.
“Plus, you got pregnant before, so it's not that it's impossible.” Sally paused and began to giggle.
“What?” I asked, knowing that I was going to regret her answer.
“Maybe it's because Weston has super sperm.” Sally laughs.
Balling up my napkin, I tossed it at her. Sally’s laughter abruptly stopped as she stood, her hands rushing to her stomach.
“Sal?” I eyed her as she stood like a deer in headlights.
“I think my water just broke.”
“Gah!” I stood with excitement.
“Shit. Fuck. Mother fucking. Shit. Mother fucker. Cock sucker. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” she spat.
“Contraction?”
“No.” She smiled up at me. “Just wanted to get those out of the way. Axel and I are trying not to curse in front of the baby.”
I shook my head and laughed at her. “Come on, we need to get you to a hospital!”
54
WESTON
I sat at the soundboard in the studio we had reserved watching Axel as he worked his magic on the drums. Though the Realm Studio provided us with a producer, I was meticulous about producing our music. I didn’t want to work with songwriters or listen to tracks from other producers.
We were on the third take and Axel’s sweat dripped down his face as he banged the wooden drumsticks. We’d been in the studio a week straight. We were trying to get as many studio sessions in as possible before Sally gave birth.
Axel had always been a whore who fucked anything that wanted a piece of him, but now he was about to be a father and he took that role seriously. He cleaned up his act, became faithful to Sally, and never looked at another girl. The guy who was willing to stick his dick in everything was now about to become a father.
I tried to push away my jealousy. He would get to experience the birth of his son, and he would be the first one to hold him. My thoughts spiraled to Lyra. I had her every other weekend, and two nights during the week I took her out for dinner. I cherished every second I spent with her.
Emilia and I hadn't really spoken one on one since the first time I met Lyra. Anytime I spoke to her it was via text message and it was only about Lyra. Emilia only had one simple rule: we were not to ask Lyra about each other’s personal lives. Not that I had a personal life anymore. Nor did I want to know about their wedded bliss. My focus was music and my daughter, but there were times I wanted to ask Lyra if her mommy was really happy with Jeremy.
Why I cared? Who the fuck knows.
Maybe it was the fact that every time I dropped her off at their home, Jeremy stood tall, watching over them as if I was an outsider. Or maybe it was that I refused to let him have my family. I refused to go on any tours or do any shows that were for long periods of time. With Sally about to pop, we had the perfect excuse to take some time off, and I planned to spend that time with Lyra.
My Lyra, my sweet little princess. She was a character. A free spirit with a beautiful, loving heart. At almost four years old, she showed no hatred and loved all, not to mention, she had a passion for music. She was always dancing, singing, or tapping her hands to make some type of beat.
She was daddy’s little girl.
Emilia’s name appeared on the screen of Axel’s phone. It stopped ringing and Sally’s named appeared seconds later. I stopped the track and tapped on the glass, motioning for him to come out.
“Your phone’s blowing up.” I tossed it over to him when he opened the studio door. Axel called Sally back and he looked like he had seen a ghost.
“Everything all right?” I asked when he dropped the phone.
“She's having the baby.” His hands gripped the sides of his hair. “The baby is coming. Oh my God, she's having the baby!” He began to hyperventilate.
“It’s all right, man! It's going be okay.” I pulled his hands away from his temples. “Why don't I drive you to the hospital so you don't miss this?”
“Bloody hell! I'm going to be a father.” Axel looked up at me with wide eyes.
“Welcome to the club.” I patted his back.
On the car ride over, Axel called the rest of the guys and Sally’s mom, Suzanne, tapping his hands on his knees the entire time. His anxiety was causing me to panic.
I followed him toward the maternity wing. Pete was already in the waiting room slouching on a chair when we arrived. Axel rushed to the nurse’s station.
“My girlfriend is back there.”
“Okay.” The nurse smiled back at him. “Last name?”
“Campbell.”
“Have a seat, someone will be right out to escort you.” She pointed to the chairs where Pete was sitting.
I tapped Axel’s shoulder and directed him toward the chairs. He brushed me off and began to pace the small waiting room, but the sliding doors flung open and out walked Emilia with a wide grin on her face.
She looked more beautiful with each day that passed. Her hair was tossed up and loose curls framed her face. Her skin radiated as she walked toward Axel. She was so fucking perfect.
“She's doing great. They just gave her the epidural.” She reached for the lanyard around her neck. “She's in room 405. Be patient and hold her hand. Tell her she is beautiful and remind her constantly how much you love her.” Emilia lifted on her toes and kissed his cheek.
The pep talk seemed to whip Axel into shape. He took a deep breath and walked toward the door.
Emilia cleared her throat and sat across from me in the waiting room. She gave me a shy smile before pulling her phone from her bag. I tried to return the smile, but I couldn’t stop the voices in my head. I had missed this when she had Lyra. I could have been Axel. I could have held Emilia’s hand and told her she was beautiful.
Since her wedding a few weeks ago, we’d never been alone without Lyra or someone else present. There were times she seemed like a complete stranger and not like the Emilia I knew—the one who had imprinted every laugh, sigh, moan and whimper in my mind.
She still worked at SoCal but as a director of the band rather than our point person. She was the mother of my child so anything else was considered unethical. Emilia continued to have a bird’s eye view of what we were working on, but we now worked directly with Stacy. I hated it.
She wouldn’t look up at me, and the sterile scent of the hospital was getting to me. Pete kept tapping his hands on the chair as he and Emilia talked about different bands and her father. She talked to anyone but me.
I stood and paced the small waiting room like Axel had done. I was cracking my knuckles for the third time when Suzanne barged into the waiting room.
Her face was flushed as she desperately tried to catch her breath. “Did I miss it?” She placed her hand over her heaving chest.
Emilia rushed to her side and guided her to an empty chair. “No, not at all. Axel’s in there with her now.”
“Thank you for being there with her, Emilia,” Suzanne panted.
Emilia rubbed Suzanne's shoulder. “Why don’t you take a
few long deep breaths? Today is a big day for you too, Grandma.”
Feeling like I needed to help, I asked, “Can I get you some water?” Emilia nodded, so I jogged over to the nearest vending machine, fed the money and waited for the bottle of water to drop. Was this what it was like, the nervous feeling at the pit of your stomach as you waited for your child to come into the world? Axel would get to hold his son for the first time. He would be there for every moment, every milestone.
Exhaling my jealousy, I gripped the cold bottle and marched back to the waiting room. Emilia and Suzanne were sitting on the chairs, and Suzanne was holding Emilia’s hand.
“Are you and Jeremy expecting? Your skin is glowing and you have this look,” Suzanne asked.
I stopped and waited for her to respond. I should have given her the bottle of water and interrupted the conversation, but I needed to know her answer.
A beautiful smile grew on her face. “No, not yet, but we're trying,” Emilia said coyly.
I wished I had taken longer at the vending machine. A few seconds longer would have made all the difference. It was like the universe constantly kept kicking me when I was down. My blood boiled with anger. “Are you going to tell the father this time? Or are you going to lie and then keep the child away from him for the next four years, allowing a complete stranger to raise his daughter?”
Emilia’s eyes widened, but I didn’t feel a drop of regret. She’d lied. She’d taken it all away from me.
“West…” Pete stood and placed his hand on my shoulder.
“You know what? Fuck it. Have as many kids as you want. I don’t give a fuck!” I tossed my hand in the air and walked away.
I’d turned the corner when the regret of what I said seeped into me. Emilia and I needed to talk, but it was unfair for me to blow up in her face. A part of me wanted to apologize, another part wanted to yell some more.
I could hear the conversation she was having with Pete. “I'm sorry,” Pete apologized for me. “He can be an asshole sometimes.” Pete laughed, trying to make light of the conversation.
“It's fine, really,” Emilia said softly. “I kept his daughter away from him, and he has every right to be mad at me. This can’t be easy on him. So, if he has to chew me out to get through it, I can take it. I deserve it.”
Needing fresh air, I willed my feet to move from where I stood and walked out of the hospital.
The car fumes and the blare of ambulances drowned out my thoughts and I was able to clear my head. For over an hour, I sat against the building with my arms resting on my knees and my gaze lowered to the ground. I was working a new song in my head when Emilia came and sat next to me. I didn’t need to look up to know it was her. Her perfume invaded my senses, and whatever I was working on vanished from my head. She didn't say anything for a few minutes. Her shoulder was a few inches away from mine, so close that if I leaned over I would be able to touch her. Her soft voice pushed the thought of touching her to the side.
“It's a healthy baby boy. Edward John Arrington, named after both of their dads. Axel is overjoyed and he's asking for you.” She shifted to face me.
I pulled my gaze off the pavement, looked over at her and was greeted with a small grin. “I'm sorry for what I said, Em.” I wanted to stay mad at her, but she had a direct line to my heart. It was at her mercy.
“There's no need to apologize. I deserve it. I deserve your hatred.”
I didn't respond. I couldn't tell her that I didn't hate her because I wanted to hate her. I wanted to hate her for what she did to me. It was as simple as that.
“Lyra asked if she can spend her birthday night with you.” Her voice changed to a happier tone as she changed the topic. A breathtaking smile was present on her face. “She asked if she could spend the night.”
“She did?” I asked. I knew Lyra would be spending her actual birthday with me.
“Yeah.” Her smile grew. She was glowing with beauty. Suzanne was right. “I told her I would have to speak with you first. I'm not sure if you wanted to have her over given that you and Chelsea are…” The smile faded from her face.
“My parents are actually down for that weekend.” I didn’t want to tell her about Chelsea just yet. It still hurt her, and a part of me needed to hold that over her for a bit longer. “I told my mom I would have Lyra for her birthday and I rented a house in Laguna Beach for us all to stay.”
Emilia’s eyes glowed with happiness. “How’s your mom? And Mama?”
“Really good. They can’t wait to meet Lyra.”
“I’m glad.” Her eyes looked deep into mine. “We're having a small birthday party for her the night before. It would be really nice if you could swing by. I know she would love it. And then maybe after we cut the cake she can go with you.” She cocked her head to the side and gnawed on her lower lip.
“I don't want to intrude on your party.”
“It's not my party, it's Lyra’s party, and you're her father. You should be there.” She placed her hand on my knee for a second and pulled it away.
“Okay, I'll be there.” An awkward silence passed between us before I stood. “I'm going to go up and see Sally and Axel.” I didn't wait for her to reply as I walked away.
“Weston?” I turned to face her. Her gaze was kind. Her shoulders were hunched forward and she huffed. “Thank you for making it easy with Lyra.”
I shrugged and gave her a sideways grin. “Anything for my little girl, babe.”
55
WESTON
I rang the doorbell to Emilia's home late Friday afternoon. The sun had painted the sky with orange and red streaks. As I waited for someone to answer, I noticed the For Sale sign by the steps. That was new. Of course they were moving. Why live in a condo when you’re planning to grow your family? I shook my head and took a deep breath.
I drove off.
I didn’t stop her from marrying him.
I couldn’t complain that she was moving on with her life.
I had to do the same.
“Cool it, Weston,” I mumbled under my breath.
Emilia opened the door. A princess crown was atop her head and her eyes were wide as she greeted me. “You made it!” She seemed genuinely happy to see me.
“Of course,” I replied.
She held the door open for me. “Come on in.” This was the first time she had invited me inside her home. Just like her apartment with Leslie, she had colorful pillows, abstract art, and furniture that didn’t match.
People I had never seen before were situated between her living room, dining room, and kitchen. I followed her through the house as she introduced me to parents of the kids I could hear playing in a different room.
The cake table was decorated in a princess theme. A cake sat in the center with cupcakes around it and candy along with other treats covered the remaining surface. Bunches of balloons were tied in every corner of the house. She even had streamers strung on the ceiling.
“Lyra, love, someone’s here for you!” she sang. Little footsteps came running around the corner toward me.
“Daddy!” Lyra screamed when she saw me.
I crouched down and caught her in my arms. Her little arms wrapped around my neck, squeezing me tight. “Happy Birthday, my little princess!” I lifted her off the floor and hugged her tightly.
Lyra released her grip around my neck. “Come, Daddy.” She pointed toward the hallway. “I want to show you my room and I want you to meet my friends.” I looked at Emilia quizzically. I didn't want to overstep my welcome, nor did I want to parade through her house.
“Go on,” she said and tickled Lyra’s back.
Lyra’s room was pink, very pink. And it was filled with little ones who cheered when I walked in. It seemed anything she ever wanted, Emilia got for her. Dolls and little doll furniture were neatly placed on one side of the room. A bookcase filled with what I thought must be every children’s book ever written was catty–cornered facing her bed.
“Here, Daddy, you need to wear one,
too.” She placed a plastic crown on my head.
It seemed awkward to socialize with Emilia’s friends, so I sat at the small child size table and had my first imaginary tea party. Lyra’s school friends and their dolls played along with us.
I stayed in Lyra’s room until a woman with short black hair came in to get us. She tapped on the door gently and smiled. “You must be Weston.” She walked in and extended her hand to me. “I'm Colleen, Lyra’s Pre–K teacher.”
I stood and shook her hand. “It's a pleasure to meet you.”
“Miss Colleen, would you like some tea?” Lyra held up an empty cup.
“No, thank you, sweetie. I'm actually here to tell you that your mommy said it's time to cut the cake.”
“Cake!” the kids shouted all at once.
Before I realized what was happening, they were sprinting out of the room. “I guess it's a good way to clear a room,” I said to Colleen.
“They’re with me every day. I know what makes them run. Usually, it’s recess or sweet treats.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s about right. Recess was my favorite subject in school. I'm still very new to this,” I said, removing the crown Lyra had given me.
“You're doing great.” Colleen leaned in and rubbed the side of my arm. “And Lyra idolizes you. You’re all she talks about in class.” I didn't know if it was an innocent touch or not, but it felt awkward.
“Shall we?” I nodded toward the door.
Colleen and I had walked out of Lyra’s room when Emilia appeared in the hallway. The corridor seemed to shrink in size. She stopped dead in her tracks and locked her gaze with mine. I knew that look. I had seen it many times before. I witnessed it when I first saw her at Yorks. I saw it when she’d see me with another girl. It was the look she had on her face when she met Chelsea. It was the look she gave me when she was trying to hide her jealousy. There was a crease that formed between her eyebrows. It was an adorable look that I hadn’t seen in a long time.
“Lyra is asking for you,” she murmured.
Love Letter Duet: The Encore Edition Page 31