“Mmm,” she moaned, and I rubbed her eyes.
My hand grazed her body, and goose bumps popped up all over. She stretched her arms above her head. “Morning, sleepyhead.”
“Good morning, my husband,” she said with one eye open. “I can’t believe I slept all night.”
“You were tired from all the festivities.”
Emilia rolled over and laid her head on me. She kissed the center of my chest and rested her ear over my heart. “Did I tell you today how much I love you?”
“Not today.”
Emilia looked up at me and smiled. “I love you, Weston Carter.”
“I love you, Emilia Carter.” I winked at her and she giggled. “We should get up soon. We need to pack.”
“Pack?” Her forehead scrunched together.
“Yes, pack.” I sat up and kissed the top of her head. “We’re going on our second honeymoon.”
“Sec . . . Honey . . . What? Second honeymoon?”
“Yes. Me, you, and Lyra.” I took her hand in mine and kissed her wedding band. “First stop, Australia.”
Emilia gasped. “Weston! I can’t just pick up and leave.”
“It’s all taken care of, babe. I spoke with the agency and Jennifer will come along with us so you can get all the treatment you need.”
Emilia jumped up from the bed. “Seriously?”
I nodded.
“We’re going to Australia?”
“That’s our first stop.”
“Oh my God!” She covered her mouth with one hand and her eyes pooled with tears. “Weston, this must have cost you a fortune.”
Coiling my arms around her, I brought her closer to me. “You deserve so much more than what I have planned.” I leaned in and kissed the side of her neck. “But I’ll let you in on a little secret. My wife is really rich, and I’m not doing so bad myself.”
Emilia laughed. “We’re going to Australia!” She jumped up with joy and then stopped. “You said that was the first stop. Where else are we stopping?”
I framed her face and kissed the tip of her nose. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”
Australia Lyra played on her iPad, her feet dangling off the seat as we waited for takeoff. Emilia looked like a kid in a candy store as she gazed out the window and then over to me. Jennifer sat in the row in front of us.
“I can’t believe we’re really doing this!” She bit her lower lip, trying to contain her excitement. “Imagine, in fifteen hours we’ll be in Sydney!” Emilia reached for my hand and closed her eyes as we prepared to be airborne.
We had a month and three countries to visit, so every minute counted. Jennifer knew everything I had planned. Since she was there as support for Emilia and to help her manage her pain, I needed to keep her up to date with what we were doing. Jennifer was also there to help us accept the fact there would be a day when Emilia would no longer be in our lives. For now, I refused to think that way and focused solely on making it the best trip anyone could ever have.
After we’d checked into the Radisson Blu Plaza Hotel, we showered and headed out to enjoy the city. I strolled with Lyra and Jennifer as Emilia hid behind her camera, capturing every moment.
The Sydney Opera House was remarkable. Sitting on its own peninsula between Sydney Cove and Farm Cove, we had a view of the deep blue water. Emilia held on to the rail of the ferry as we approached the dock just as the sun began to set. The sky was painted purple and orange, and the five peaks reflected the sun.
She smiled at me. “This is a dream come true.”
We sat in our seats and watched an evening of classical ballet. The dancers eloquently moved from one side of the stage to the other. Lyra’s face lit up as the beautiful ballerinas twirled in front of her. Emilia didn’t blink. The music, the dancers, the story . . . It was all she had hoped for.
We would be leaving Sydney and heading north to the Great Barrier Reef, so we decided to stay in the following night. Jennifer was in her room, Lyra was tucked away in her bed, and Emilia and I sat on the patio looking out into the city.
“How did you like Sydney?” I asked.
“I’m exhausted.” Emilia stretched her arms above her head. “But it was incredible. I still can’t believe we’re going to swim in the Great Barrier Reef!” Her finger twirled her wedding band.
“You do that when you’re nervous.” I pointed to her thumb that was twirling the band. “What’s the matter?”
“Actually, I used to do this when I wore Mama’s ring. It was how I remembered you, even when you were in London.” She grinned. “I never took it off. Ever. The only time it left my hand was the day I married Jeremy. I put it on a necklace and placed it around Lyra’s neck. It was a long time after I took that ring off before I had another one you gave me on my hand.” She shrugged. “It’s nice.”
“Do you like that one? I can get you a new one if you don’t like it.”
“No!” She put her hand over her heart. “It’s absolutely beautiful. Did you ever notice that I had yours engraved?”
“Engraved?” I pulled my wedding band off. Tilting it to the side, I noticed the letters that had been delicately embedded in the platinum band. Endless Love Letter.
“You’re constantly giving me invisible love letters, and my love for you is endless like that ring. It will continue to go around and around for eternity. That is my endless love letter.”
I rose from the chair and knelt in front of Emilia. Burying my head in her lap, I held her until the city noise drowned out the pain in my chest.
The Great Barrier Reef was a hidden gem. We spent a week sailing the Coral Sea.
With our snorkeling goggles, life vests and flippers, the three of us jumped off the boat into the crystal blue water. The exotic fish, colors, and corals all came to life when we put our heads under the water. Emilia swam, splashed around with Lyra, and touched a turtle that was over one hundred years old.
It was another trip crossed off her list.
After a week at sea we were back at the airport and off to another city. Lyra slept in my arms as we walked through Carnis Airport. Emilia still didn’t know where we were off to next. I refused to tell her until we checked our baggage. She and Jennifer walked together as they talked about life.
Bali
“Bali!” Emilia jumped up and down when she looked at her boarding pass. Jennifer joined her dance party in the middle of the airport. We had spent five nights in Sydney, a week sailing and I had planned for a week in Bali.
The crickets sang, the birds chirped, and we were surrounded by greenery. Our resort sat in the center of the rainforest, and our private infinity pool with cabana looked out into the mountains.
Emilia and Lyra had gone off to get ice cream, and I was sitting beneath the cabana when Jennifer tapped on my chair, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Hey, Jennifer.” I straightened. “Everything okay?”
“Do you mind if I sit?”
“Of course not.”
“Thank you.” She smiled. “I actually wanted to talk to you about Emilia.”
“Is she all right?”
“Yes, but I don’t think you’re dealing with what will eventually happen.” She folded her hands on her lap.
“I am dealing with it.” I stared at the sprinkles of rain that fell onto the concrete.
“I’m here to help her, and that’s the majority of my work, but I’m also here to help the family understand and cope with what is happening.” She paused for a second. “If you want to talk, I’m here to listen and help you both.”
I exhaled. “I need more time.” I shook my head. “I feel as if I’m fighting the clock. Every day is one we can never get back. She’s on borrowed time and it’s not fair.”
“I know.”
I swallowed the golf ball that had lodged itself in my throat. “When I fell in love with her, I never in a million years imagined I wouldn’t grow old with her. I wish we had done something differently, seen more doctors, and gotten more opinions
. I’m not ready to lose her. I’ll never be ready.”
Jennifer sat next to me as I told her my fears of losing the love of my life.
The rain had trickled at first before it suddenly started to pour down. From afar, Jennifer and I heard Emilia screaming and both she and Lyra were running in our direction. Lyra’s ice cream ran down her arms and her hair stuck to her face.
Emilia laughed when she finally made it to the cabana. Her hand was over her heart as she tried to catch her breath. “It was sunny two seconds ago.” She inhaled slowly. “Where did this rain come from?”
“I believe it’s rain season,” Jennifer chimed in.
Lyra tried to lick the remainder of her washed out ice cream and a thought popped into my mind.
Let her dance in the rain.
I tugged on Emilia’s arm and pulled her out into the open. “Weston!” She planted her feet on the ground. “What are you doing?” She squealed as I threw her over my shoulder.
“Dancing in the rain!” I shouted. She slid off my body, the torrential downpour soaking our clothes in seconds.
Emilia opened her arms and began to spin, her face raised to the brooding clouds. Her smile was wide as she laughed.
“Lyra, come on!” I shouted.
Lyra left Jennifer’s side and ran to Emilia. Holding each other’s hands, they danced in the rain. Their laughter and glee were the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.
I would have given my soul to be able to capture that sound for all eternity.
Emilia and Lyra skipped toward the Ubud Monkey Forest. Deep green moss had grown over the carved stone temple, and sunlight peeked through the branches of the trees overhead. When Emilia first mentioned that this was a monkey forest, I assumed we would see monkey statues, but to my surprise, little monkeys ran around as we walked along the cobblestone path.
Lyra squealed when a monkey jumped on her shoulders. His buddy jumped on top of Emilia’s head. Taking Emilia’s camera, I captured the moment.
We strolled through the forest and followed the path to the White Lotus Yoga & Meditation Centre. Lyra sat outside with Jennifer and enjoyed her black rice pudding with coconut milk while Emilia and I meditated. We sat on soft, round pillows that had been placed in a circle. The room had full–length bay windows that looked out into the rainforest. Ketut, our instructor, sat in the center and guided our breathing. At first, it was hard to concentrate. It was difficult to let go of everything that I feared and completely clear my mind, but I inhaled all the air my lungs could take, exhaled, and found peace.
It was a day of serenity and peace.
Scotland
We had five days left on our trip and I wanted to make them the most memorable. We were in Scotland, Emilia’s father’s homeland. This was her heritage.
We strolled through Holyrood Park. Though it was freezing compared to Bali and Australia, we made the best of it. Emilia took pictures of the handmade stone castles and breathtaking architecture that had been here for centuries. We sat and people watched when we visited the Botanic Garden. On our second day, we took a private tour of the National Museum of Scotland.
On our second to last morning, Lyra ran into our room screaming at the top of her lungs. “We’re going to a real castle!” She jumped on the bed. “Mommy! Daddy! Wake up!”
Groggy, I pushed off the bed and scooped Lyra into my arms. “It’s a little early, princess.”
“But today we get to see a real castle where a princess lives!” She looked over at Emilia, who was stretching. “Can we go now, Mommy?”
“How about I make you a deal?” Lyra nodded. “Let’s go eat breakfast and then we’ll walk over.”
After breakfast, we walked up the paved streets. A thin layer of snow covered the grounds, but the temperature was in the mid–thirties. Emilia explained to Lyra the history of the castle. For the first time on our trip, Lyra was more interested in what we were doing than her mother. Emilia and I couldn’t find it in us to tell her there was no princess living in that specific castle.
Jennifer walked with Lyra and the tour group while Emilia and I hung back, my arm draped over her shoulders and our hands laced together. Alec spoke about how King James VI returned from England for the Jubilee celebration in 1617, and I found any reason to kiss Emilia.
“Thank you for this,” she whispered, her voice sounded tired.
“I hope you enjoyed it.”
“I did. And I think it was a trip Lyra will never forget.”
“Lyra will never forget her beautiful mother.” I let out a long, audible breath. “I promise.”
Emilia let go of my hand and wrapped her arms around me. In the middle of Edinburgh castle, I hugged my dying wife.
85
WESTON
I thought I knew what pain felt like.
I had broken plenty of bones as a kid. And losing out on Lyra’s first few years was painful. Watching Emilia go through chemo was tortuous to my soul, and when she decided to stop treatment, I thought the world would come to an end. But never had I felt pain like the day Emilia took her last breath.
It ripped through me.
It shattered my soul.
I tried to scream, but no sound would come out.
The pain was unbearable, uncontrollable and indefinable.
Emilia left us three months and two days after she’d stopped treatment. Even with all the counseling we had, I was not prepared for that day.
After Scotland, we’d had two great months at home. She was able to take Lyra to school and dance class. She was able to watch Lyra blow out her candles for another birthday. She had a normal life. But three months and two days after she stopped treatment, she knew her time with us was up.
It was an ordinary Tuesday. I was still asleep when she touched my shoulder. “West,” she moaned, her hoarse voice waking me. There was blood dripping from her nose. I quickly grabbed a tissue.
“I’m really tired, Weston.” She coughed and I noticed the blood pooled in her mouth.
“Are you in pain?” My breath caught in my throat and my heartbeat accelerated with each passing second.
Emilia shifted her head and looked up at me. “I’m not in pain, babe.”
“I’m going to go get Jennifer, okay?” I raked my hand through my hair. “You need to be here when I come back.” My voice faded to a hushed stillness. Emilia gripped my hand and nodded her head.
My legs felt like Jell–O as they ran down the hallway toward Jennifer’s room. My knuckles ached as they banged on her door and I barged in. “She needs you. She’s . . .” The air evaporated from my lungs. “She’s . . .” My vision blurred. “I think this is it.”
I had mentally prepared myself for this moment. We had done it all. We talked about her dying and what she wanted. She had made her peace with Jeremy. We had spent hours talking about life. But I wasn’t ready.
Not yet.
Not now.
Not ever.
I would never be ready to say good–bye.
“Weston.” Jennifer gripped my shoulders. “Breathe.” She nodded dramatically. “You’re going to need to be strong. For her and for Lyra.”
I nodded slowly. My fists balled at my sides. I inhaled all the air my lungs could physically take in and still it wasn’t enough. Emilia sat in the same spot I had left her. She and Jennifer spoke softly as Emilia reported on her pain. Jennifer walked over to the in–room nursing station she had made for Emilia and pulled out a syringe with her pain medication.
Emilia turned her attention from Jennifer to where I stood. My body rested against the doorframe. My legs wouldn’t move.
“Hi,” she whispered. Tears filled her eyes. “Can you hold me?” She reached for me. This was the moment she needed me the most. I pushed off the wall and walked over to her bedside. Kneeling beside her, I traced the outline of her face.
Jennifer squeezed her hand before heading to the door. “If either of you need anything, I’ll be right outside.” She looked back at Emilia. “Do you wan
t me to have your mother care for Lyra?”
“Bring her to me when she’s up,” Emilia whispered.
I pulled the comforter back and crawled into bed with her. Emilia’s head rested on my chest, her breathing coming out in spurts. With a clenched heart, my hand ran up her arm, tracing love letters over her skin.
“Are you scared?” I asked once her breathing seemed to normalize.
“Not really,” she answered with a staid calmness. “I was afraid my life didn’t have a meaning and that I would be forgotten in a few years, but my life had a purpose—to love you and bring Lyra into this world. Once I let go of that fear, serenity came easily. I’ve accepted my destiny. Even though my time with you was short–lived, being with you, our love, our family, has been the best part of my life. I know one day our souls will meet again. One day we will get a do–over. Until then, our short time together was worth it all.”
I kissed the top of her head and closed my eyes. She was so strong.
We stayed in bed that day. Lyra joined us and Emilia hugged her tightly, showering her with kisses. She lay between us, her head resting on her mother’s heart. I draped my arms over them both and counted the last few minutes I had with her, praying that this time, the seconds would feel like eternity.
The sky changed from blue to a soft peaceful orange, in the sky. Emilia grew weaker, her breathing barely a whisper. She was leaving us. “One day we will do this again.” I held her hand. “We’ll meet, fall in love and have a beautiful family.”
“Yes…” She moaned. “I love you.” She closed her eyes and a lone tear fell down her cheek. Her hand traced a heart over my skin. Her last letter to me.
I kissed her warm lips one last time and held her and Lyra.
“It’s okay, Em.” I swallowed back a sob. “I’ll take care of her.” I kissed her forehead.
“Promise?” Her word was barely a whisper.
Love Letter Duet: The Encore Edition Page 48