by West, TJ
“Harmony, I’m getting off now. Talk later, Babe.”
“Okay. Talk to you later.”
I shut the phone off and bark at Danny to take it back. I click off the light inside my bunk and go to sleep.
THIS IS THE NIGHT. I am actually going to get up on stage, after…shit I don’t even recall how many years anymore - I just know I am shaking like a leaf and afraid I’ll bomb my entire song. I’ve gone over and over with this song, it’s like tattooed in my brain, I should be ready. No, I am ready. Yet really, really terrified.
It took me forever to find the right outfit to wear. I own mostly black clothes, so it shouldn’t have been hard to choose, but you know…nerves and all. I decided on my trademark, black leather pants, black off the shoulder top and black heels. I didn’t know what to do with my hair, so I kept it simple; down, curled and sleek.
I’m waiting behind the bar until the first singer is finished, looking out into the audience. They seem to be enjoying themselves and relaxed. That’s a good thing because I don’t want to fuck this up and be laughed at, or worse, be booed off the stage. Shaz is beside me, holding me around the waist. I’m sure he can feel how nervous I am. “Fuck, Shaz, you think I can do this?”
He squeezes me. “Sugar Cube, you got this.” God, I hope I do. The singer finishes his set of songs, then the audience claps, whistles and cheers for him. Good Lord I hope they do that for me. The MC introduces the next entertainer - me. “Now take that white ass of yo’s and do yo thang,” Shaz offers a shove and vote of confidence.
I give him a hug. “Thanks, Shaz. You’re the best.”
“Nah, I’m just the black jack. Now, get the fuck out there.”
“You got it, boss,” I salute him with a laugh and quickly make my way over to the stage. There is a single bar stool and mic stand waiting for me. I adjust the guitar strap around my neck, sit on the stool and glance out into the audience. They seem like a good crowd. I say a small prayer to my parents, hoping they’ll hear me and give me the strength to get through my fear. I clear my throat first, then speak into the mic. “Hi everyone, I’m Melody,” I announce shyly. “It’s been too many years since I’ve stepped up on a stage. I never thought it would happen again, not until I met the one person who gave me the strength to move forward. I’m starting to believe that certain people enter your lives for a reason. Without being able to move forward, I don’t think I would be up here tonight.” I finally start to feel relaxed, and more than ready to begin. “The song I’ll be playing for you, Show Me is a song I wrote a couple months ago. Hope you enjoy it.” I close my eyes while my fingers begin to take action. It’s like they’ve got a mind of their own; they know exactly what to do without me having to do all the work. It’s magical. Every verse I sing hits me in the gut. I feel it, breathe it and live it. Yet I don’t allow the words to make me cry. The confidence takes me to another place. I relish the moment, and before I know it, the song is over. I slowly open my eyes and say, “Thank you.” The audience begins clapping, whistling - for me! Wow. It brings a huge smile upon my face.
“Do you have any others!” I can’t see who yelled that out, but it makes me feel fucking awesome.
“Yes, I do in fact. Lots,” I chuckle. “Okay…this one I wrote when I was just a teenager. I had a dream of becoming a music labeled artist in LA. Sometime along the way, my dream was stripped away, but singing and playing would always be a passion. This song is called What if? The energy that surrounds me is incredible. It feels even more amazing than when I used to play back in LA. This time I open my eyes and take in the audience’s expressions. I use their energy to give this song my all. When I complete it, they are shouting for more. “Wow, you guys are amazing!” I laugh. I want to continue to do this forever, but I know there are more entertainers waiting for their moment, so I make this my last song for the night. “When I write my songs, I write with honesty. I like to tell a story and make the listeners feel the words, kinda like country artists. In a way this song has some of that country feel to it. This last song is called, Junkyard. Hope you enjoy it.” This song is a little more upbeat. It makes me feel extremely good and happy. By the end, the men and women at their tables are giving me a standing ovation. It’s overwhelming, in a very very good way. “Thank you so much! You’ve been an awesome audience. Enjoy the rest of your night!” I run off the stage and into Shaz’s arms.
He gives me the biggest hug ever. “You did it, Sugar Cube!”
I can’t help but laugh. “Thank you! Wow! That was mind-blowing! I can’t wait to get back up there!” I feel so fucking good!
“How about you be my number one entertainment from now on?”
He catches me off guard. “Huh, what?”
“Every night. Six nights a week. No more bartending. I’ll pay you double if you bring that shit you just brought up on that stage, every fuckin’ night.”
Holy shit! “Seriously, Shaz?”
“Does it look like I am jokin’?” He gives me a definite serious stare. “Hell, girl, you got somethin’ special.”
I start jumping with excitement and give Shaz another hug. “Yes, yes! Thank you!”
“Now, go get a drink. You deserve it.”
“I’m on it!” I am giggling like a twelve year old; an out of body experience. How cool is this! I am going to be Shaz’s number one entertainer! That means, I get paid higher than all the entertainers within the club, and pick my own times for each gig. I am flabbergasted!. A couple shots of silver tequila sound pretty good. I order two shots from the bartender.
“He says that to all the entertainers. You’re nothing special.”
What. The. Fuck? Emily…the cocktail waitress who has never spoken one word to me, decides to finally open her big pie hole, hitting a nerve. I slowly turn my head, glaring. “Excuse me?”
She leans her back against the bar, resting her elbows on top. “Yeah, Shaz doesn’t do this out of the goodness of his heart,” she scoffs. “He is only thinking about money. He’ll throw you away, once you become boring. Always happens.”
I point my finger in her face. I am mad as hell. “You’re a bitch, and have a lot of nerve saying that to me.”
She moves into my space, and looks up at my face. “Honey, you’re talking to the master of bitches. It’s not news to me.”
“You’ve got that all wrong, Honey. I am the queen of all bitches, and if you step on my throne, you’ll be fucking sorry you ever got in my way.”
“Just sayin’,” she shrugs with a nasty smug on her face. “He’ll get bored of you. Speaking from experience.”
I cross my arms. “Maybe you just weren’t all that special.”
She laughs, “Oh, I was special, alright. He fucked me over, though. He’ll do the same to you.”
I am so ready to pounce her stuck-up attitude onto the floor, if she doesn’t shut up. “Get the fuck out of my face, before I make you sorry you ever got in it.”
She grabs her drink tray from the counter. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” and walks off.
The nerve of that bitch! Then I think about it. What if it’s true? What if Shaz really is that vicious? Am I playing right into his trap? Will he -
“You were fucking brilliant, Sweetness.”
I freeze. When I hear the smooth, sexy voice of my beloved ex-lover, I immediately tingle between my legs and form a sweat on the back of my neck. Oh. My. God. I gasp - loudly - the second his fingers comb through my hair. My heart begins to rapidly pound as I turn around to face him. I almost fall to the ground when I get a look at his gorgeous self; he’s wearing a dark blue baseball cap, hanging low over his forehead, and a pair of raybans. “Rocker Boy,” I whisper out. I can barely form any words, he’s left me breathless and speechless.
He takes his shades off and says, “Knew you had it in you,” grazing his thumb across my left cheek. He mumbles out, “Beautiful.” Chills travel throughout my entire blood system, I think I’ll need a heart transplant. What he does to me.
�
�What are you doing here?” I manage to get out.
“Have a show tomorrow, and heard you were playing tonight. Sounded really, really good up there.”
Most likely my sister told him. I really wish she wouldn’t speak to him about me. Aside from that, he heard me sing. I don’t know what to say, other than, “Thanks.”
He lowers his mouth to my ear. “Need to go somewhere to talk. Don’t wanna get noticed, ya know?”
He wants to talk? I don’t want to talk. Yet, I owe him. I bailed on him without a moment’s notice, so I need to give in. “Uh, yeah…yeah, upstairs.”
I lead him up to my small apartment. There’s really nothing to it; one bedroom, one bathroom, small kitchen and a living room. But it’s home for me, and I’m comfortable with it.
“This your place?”
“Home sweet home,” I laugh nervously.
“Kickass quarters, you’ve got.”
We stand a couple feet apart. I cross my arms over my chest and look around the room. “Yeah, thanks. I like it too.” This is such an awkward moment. I need something to distract me. “You want something to drink?”
“No.”
“Wa -”
He cuts me off, taking two steps forward. “The fuck you leave me for?”
“Um…”
He slowly shakes his head, scowling at me. “Wasn’t fucking cool, Baby, the way you did it.”
My shoulders sag as I uncross my arms. I am defeated. “I know.”
“Why then?” he shrugs, continuing to have that scowl. “Wasn’t I enough for you?”
“Yes!” I take a step forward, almost wanting to touch him, but I keep my hands from doing so. “You were more than enough. Too much.”
“The fuck does that mean? Not leaving until you give me a good excuse.”
“I don’t have one.”
“Guess I’m not leaving.” He moves over to my couch. He sits downs, throws his hat off, and places both arms across the cushions, making himself comfortable. He’s waiting for an answer.
Shit! I don’t want to raise my voice, but I am frustrated. “God, Wayne!” I slap my hands down on the sides of my thighs. “Don’t you see that you’re way too good for me? I’m a runner, explorer. I don’t do well in relationships. If I get the least bit overwhelmed and scared…I run away. That’s who I am.”
“Fucking bad excuse, Babe.”
“That’s all I have, so what do you want from me then!” I exasperate.
Like a flash - and that superhero thing he does - he slams me up against his chest. He lifts my chin and forces me to look into his hurtful eyes. “Want you to explain to me how the fuck I am supposed to go through life without you, because I fucking love you, Sweetness!”
No. No. No! I try to get away from him, but he’s way too strong, trapped in his bionic strength. “Stop! Don’t say that, please! Don’t ever say that!” I start to cry. I can’t hide myself anywhere so I bury my face into his chest.
He squeezes me, gently, like he’s protecting me. “Ain’t gonna happen. You know me.”
“That’s why this is so hard,” I choke out.
“What the hell was that song all about then, huh? You miss me. You ache for me. You’re lonely without me. I’m all those things too. Come back home with me, after the tour.” He rubs my back as I continue to pout and feel sorry for myself. I am such an asshole. “Baby. Please. I need you in my life. I am fucked up without you.”
I wipe my eyes after Wayne releases some pressure on his hold of me. I’m afraid to look at him, so I keep my forehead planted on his chest. “I am so, so sorry,” shaking my head. “I never wanted to hurt you like this. But no..I cannot go back to San Diego with you.”
He won’t allow me to hide any further. He embraces my face, forcing me to look back up. “Then we’ll go somewhere else. Hell, I’ll live here, just as long as we’re together.”
“No. It would never work. I’m afraid -”
“Stop being fucking afraid!” I jolt from his anger. He has always been so calm and collect. I’ve created such agony for him, it’s unforgivable. He begins to pace the room, not saying a word. I stand in the same spot he left me in and wait for him to finally realize I am not the woman he needs. Yet, a few seconds later he spins back around and closes in on my space again. He grips the sides of my shoulders and says with gritted teeth; his jaw flexing, “Wouldn’t you rather be with me, spend all your waking moments with me, someone who loves you, would fucking die for you, than spend it alone forever? If I were to die tomorrow, wouldn’t you feel gutted knowing you didn’t get to kiss me goodbye or call me to say goodnight?” I wince at that thought. “Or better yet, make love to me for one last time?” My eyes start to fill up again. I don’t want to think of him dying. Why did he have to bring that up? He wipes away the tear that just leaked from the corner of my eye. “You need to treasure all those close moments, cuz you never know what can happen.” He lowers his voice. “Stop fucking running, Baby. Let me love you. Let yourself love me.” I do want to love him and I desperately want him to love me; I don’t want to run anymore. I’m tired of disappointing him, my sister, myself, but I just don’t know how to stop. Before I get the chance to knock him down - again - he places a finger over my lips. “No. Don’t say it again. Just think about everything I said. I won’t pressure you. The ball is in your court. Just let me be with you one last time, before I leave.”
God, this man is too much, too perfect, anyone would kill to be with him. He deserves that. Yet, he wants me; a screwed up runner who has no idea what she wants. He’s giving me more time to think. I need it. However - I cannot, for the life of me turn his plead down. Even though my stupid head wants to say no to those blue windows of his, I say yes, because…because our hearts are linked by a chain, pulling us together. It’s inevitable. Saying no to this glorious man, over and over, hurts beyond repair. I give in. I allow myself to forget everything for a short while, and give Wayne my whole heart. It won’t be easy when he leaves, but at least I’ll have some space to reconsider our future.
He kisses me with lust, passion, and such fierceness. He is showing me that he is the only man who should be in my life, who should be inside my body. I immediately melt into him, sighing, because I have missed him so much, and I agree - he’s the only man for me. My arms naturally go behind his neck as I stand on my toes. He grabs me under my butt cheeks, secures his grip and lifts me off the ground. My legs obey his command. I wrap them around his waist and grant him his wish to have his way with me.
He takes me to my bedroom, places me on my bed and quickly discards my clothing. I am naked, vulnerable, wilting from his stare, and fucking wet as can be. My fingers slide down toward the ache between my legs as I watch Wayne take off his shirt. It’s been so long since I have seen his unbelievable abs, chest, body. He’s a fucking God, I can’t stand it! His eyes light up the second my fingers hit my clit. He licks his lips, slowly, while he pushes out of his boots, and jeans, gazing at my pussy. He growls when I stick my finger inside; I push it deep inside, pumping myself until Wayne is insanely jealous. He’s on top of me in no time, crashing our mouths together. He rolls me on top and allows me to take control. I reach behind me, grab his thick cock, and slowly guide it inside. We both make a guttural sound from our instant connection. Having him inside me again is a complete dream. How I have missed feeling this close to him. When we’re together like this, all my worries and fears disappear. He brings me to another world every time. We are magical at being lovers.
My tits bounce as I slide up and down his awesome cock. He takes hold of them, squeezes each nipple and intently roams his eyes around my entire body. “Goddammit, Sweetness, you feel fucking unbelievable. I have missed your pussy like you won’t believe,” he grunts.
I throw my head back, screaming out, “Faster. Fuck, feels so good!”
“Come for me, Baby.” He grips his strong, wide hands around my hips and fucks me long and hard. “Let me feel that tightness around my cock,” he grits through hi
s teeth. I place my palms on his chest, gaze into his amazing eyes and let my pelvis take over. “Yes, there you go!” He says over and over again, until I can’t hold off any longer. I scream out one of the most intense orgasms. As my body is still on a high, he positions me on my knees and takes me from behind. He slams into me, like the God that he is, until he goes limp on my back. We both collapse and settle into a spoon, until our breathing subsides. He snuggles close behind me, kisses the back of my neck. “We could be like this all the time. Make exotic music forever.”
I sigh from his amazing words. I want more than anything to do that with him, but I still need the time to think over everything he said to me. “Wayne….”
“Yeah, I know,” he whispers. We remain quiet for awhile, I almost think about falling asleep. For a moment I thought Wayne had, but his breathing isn’t deep or slow. His mind must be thinking all kinds of things about how to get me to see the light. “I should go,” he says with such regret. The thought of him leaving is tearing me up. I don’t want him to go, but I know it’s the right thing for me, even if that makes me a deranged, selfish bitch. He doesn’t deserve it. He’s the most selfless human being I have ever known. I keep myself wrapped up in my sheet as I watch him get dressed. I want to scream out and cry because it’s hurting so much. Once he is all dressed he comes back over to me, kisses me deeply and cups my face. “Goodbye, Sweetness,” his voice is thick with emotion. “Think about what I said, okay?” I blink back the tears, nodding my head. “Keep rockin’ that guitar and voice of yours.”
“Goodbye, Sexy.”
He leaves without a glance back, knowing it’s too hard for him to do so. After I hear the click of my door shut, I fall back onto my bed and cry.
BY THE TIME I LEFT Melody and got back onto the bus, everyone was sleeping. I was wide awake, though, thinking about how much I already missed her. Being inside her again was something I cannot describe, it was almost like coming home. I wholeheartedly believe she’s going to do the right thing and choose me. She has to. I know she’s in love with me and can’t stand to be apart any longer. She’s so fucking stubborn, It’s killing me she won’t let herself shake off the bad and move into the good, with me. It’s going to sink inside her head one of these days, hoping, she’ll allow me to make her mine for always, after the tour.