This cup of Red equaled big money. According to Clarissa, Superior Mother always paid in real money. It was never a barter; that was how most Women of the Grey got their smuggled goods like Red.
That cup would be just enough money to take June over the top of her escape funds. There would be no worries now. She’d could go. She could take that money and just go. Never to be seen again.
Rolling over to her stomach June shoved her face into the pillow. The idea of freedom from Superior Mother, The Grey, and Clarissa was too good a thought. It was delicious and sweet. There would be no way that she could sleep now.
She’d sleep on the plane out of here. Aware that Clarissa wasn’t on Red tonight and was a light sleeper June slowly slid out of bed, put on some clothes and shoes, grabbed her bag, and then quietly walked out the door.
The Grey at night is eerie, even for June. She had a reputation for getting the Women of the Grey things they wanted. She was the kingpin, the mob boss of The Grey. The leader of the underbelly. Walking slowly down the hallway, June looked into some bedrooms through doors that were left open by mothers high on Red.
While sneaking out, June noticed that the doors of some bedrooms weren’t closed. Some were left open just a crack. Many weren’t locked. At the first open door. June looked in, noticing that the sleeping mother was out in a deathlike way. For a second June almost believed that she was dead.
She wasn’t. June could see her chest rise and fall, but very slowly. A little too slowly. Unnerved, June lifted her hand and slapped the sleeping mother on the face. She slapped her roughly, as if her fingers had venom. The mother did not flinch. Not a drop of drool left her lips.
Sighing, June pulled back the sheets. The mother was sleeping naked. That was unheard of for the Women of the Grey. The Women of the Grey were proper. Always in tidy pony tails, and ironed polos. This one left her bedroom door wide open and was naked in the sheets. June felt the world turn upside down.
There were smudges of flaky, dried-up blood all over this mother’s breasts. Streak after streak. This is why she didn’t budge when slapped. Disgusted, June left her room and walked across the hall to another open bedroom door.
This door was left open just a crack, enough to tap the door open and walk on in. She was awake, and when June walked in, she smiled at her. June nodded in response. The Women of the Grey are clones; one after another, all are the same. Sometimes this shook June in unexpected ways.
June usually turned off the fact that Clarissa looked just like her. Fucking Clarissa was like fucking herself. It was a big turn off at first, but she learned to block it out and focus on the feel, not the look. Superior Mother looked just like them all, except for that ring. The ring told you who she was. When Superior Mother gave them all stern looks or spoke in her threatening harsh tones, it was like watching your own version of Hyde take over.
This mother sat on her bed in a tank top and shorts, hugging a large stuffed rabbit. Where did she get that rabbit? June didn’t smuggle that in. The mother was staring at June, tears rolling down her face, hands busily stroking the stuffed rabbit’s ears.
“I want my baby back….” The mother pleaded to June who didn’t answer her. The rabbit must have been her babies.
She was also on Red. June knew this from the way the girl rocked herself side to side, side to side. She wasn’t sure the girl really saw her. This young girl could be looking straight through June. Feeling herself choke up a bit, June turned to leave. Seeing this mother sit on the bed looking like a child herself, mourning the loss of her daughter, was too much for June. It was like watching a nightmare starring herself.
“We are all the same and none different.” June told the hallway this. “We are all lies, with no truth.” Wasn’t that more accurate? Wasn’t that what The Grey really was?
She started to walk quickly now, not bothering to look at or go through any open doors. The urgency to rid herself of The Grey was stronger than ever now. The Grey was an entity all its own, inside a very large mountain that sat right next to a major interstate.
June opened the door that led out into a service hallway of the Grey, and then through a rocky tunnel and straight out of the side of the mountain. Walking out of The Grey never got old. June breathed in and smiled every single time.
Often, she would picture families whizzing by in their cars, doing whatever it is humans do in cars. June suspected that they listened to music and ignored each other, clueless that the mountain that flew by their car window contained a secret race of alien women.
June had used her own exit out of The Grey, an exit she had discovered herself and claimed several years ago. June had several exits. She used what was most convenient at any given time. She came and went undetected by most. There was no path outside June’s exit. It was a steep climb down, but she didn’t care.
The mountain air was warm tonight; summer was here. After climbing down, June walked a rocky trail of her own making to a rundown building that Superior Mother kept cars in. June had her own car. She had kept the mother in charge of this makeshift garage supplied with meat for years in return for keeping June’s secret.
On the highway, June punched the seat with her fist. All those open doors, all those mothers in different stages of addiction to Red was all her doing. She brought it in, she supplied it, this was all her. She did it to make some real cash.
June had created the supply and demand for Red. She started screaming. It was very late at night. No one else was on the road with her and June didn’t really know where she was going. Frustration took over, and she screamed, and she screamed.
The screaming broke up the night air that was flying around the car. The image of the mother with her stuffed rabbit jabbed at June, but she wasn’t angry with herself. She was just as much of a victim as the mothers that were on Red. She had no choice but to sell Red. June had to get out and go her own way, no matter how many bodies her choices left in her wake. She’d do it again and again, over and over, if she had to. Whatever it took to get out of The Grey once and for all. To permanently never see it all ever again.
Freedom, June thought, and then screamed “FREEDOM!” That is what she wanted, and she’d do anything to get it. Pushing on the gas pedal, June knew where she’d go to get that cup of Red. It was close by, so it wouldn’t take her long to scope out a victim. She could be back in The Grey tomorrow. The idea that she might be free and gone in less than 72 hours wiped the picture of rabbit girl completely out of her mind and her cares.
Lisa
They came the next morning. There was a knock on the hotel door, and when Lisa opened it, two men and one woman stood there. They smiled at her while taking a step back. Lisa nodded at them. They feared her, and Lisa enjoyed that.
Israel lit up when they walked in, shaking hands, telling them to “come in, come in, sit down.” Lisa felt insulted by his cheerfulness. Wasn’t she worthy of cheer? How could he hand it out so skillfully to these strangers when she wasn’t granted a word, not one word, for weeks at a time?
Sitting on the bed, Lisa regarded the three strangers with scorn on her face. She wanted them all dead at that very second, all of them, including Israel. She then pushed that thought aside. She knew she’d never hurt Israel.
“Hi, I’m Maria with Z9T.” She held her hand out to Lisa. Her hand was trembling. Lisa didn’t take it. Instead, she asked, “What’s Z9T?”
Taking her hand back, Maria chuckled a bit. It wasn’t a funny question; she was nervous. Lisa absentmindedly wondered about showing them her real face, right now. Could she get them to pee their pants?
“Z9T is the last three digits from our dark web address. It means nothing. We are completely anonymous. All random numbers and letters.” Maria then placed her hands on her thighs, as if she was using them to hold herself up. Lisa wondered if her legs trembling as fiercely as her hands.
“I can’t believe I’m seeing one,” one of the men suddenly said, loudly and exquisitely clear. Lisa only blinked at him.
Israel coughed a bit, coming up behind Lisa. Finally speaking up again.
“This is Lisa. She’s safe.” He looked at Lisa, then back at the group. “She’s on our side.”
Standing, Lisa looked at Israel. “Can we talk…” pointing to the bathroom, “in private.” In the bathroom, Lisa closed the door. For the first time in many months, she grabbed at Israel’s hands, holding them in hers, knowing that he disliked her cold. Lisa knew that his heart was nowhere near where her heart was.
“You need to understand just one thing, very clearly.” Lisa sputtered this, wishing that she could make her words sound more solid and less emotional. Israel allowed his hands to be held. He wasn’t holding her hands back, and that cut Lisa a bit more, but she willed herself to ignore it.
“I’m on your side, understand. Not my side or our side. I do what I do only for you.” This was the closest Lisa could get to “I love you.” She’d never say the word “love” to Israel. She couldn’t. The word wouldn’t form in her mouth, but she knew it.
The work she had done, reading books to strengthen her thoughts. The secret practices with her cold power, doing her best to learn to use them without turning savage. Trying to better herself, but she could not work through the feelings part of her herself. That she couldn’t seem to control.
She was in love with Israel, and had been in love with Israel for a very long time. It was a love that was deep enough to swim in, and Lisa thought maybe she had been in love since the beginning. Since the first cup of coffee in his beautiful little coffee shop.
Israel pulled his hands away. He straightened himself. “My side is with them. They will do what I ask. They will…” He shook his head.
“Break the Grey.” Lisa answered for him. She opened the bathroom door, then sat back down on the bed, looking Maria directly in the eye Lisa asked. “What do you want to know?”
Superior Mother
Clarissa had Superior Mother’s assistant cornered in one of the back halls of the Grey, the halls beyond the halls, where Superior Mother often wandered. Her assistant avoids those halls. She had once seen an Original there. It stopped walking when it saw her.
The Original said nothing to Superior Mother’s assistant as it stood for just a moment and regarded her, looking her up and down as if it was collecting data. It felt like it was checking out one of the cows from the herd. She shrieked when it left, not believing that she was one of them.
Today she had been caught off guard by Clarissa grabbing her arm and pulling her into the sharpest corner possible. Clarissa positioned herself nose to nose with Superior Mother’s assistant. She’d never go in these hallways again.
“What does she want with a cup of Red?” Clarissa snarled the question. There was no need to do this. Superior Mother’s assistant had reached a pivotal point herself. She had lost all hope for The Grey and had now a simmering hatred for Superior Mother. There was nothing to do with those feelings other than be destructive.
“She puts it in her mouth…” Superior Mother’s assistant responded to Clarissa then pushed Clarissa back. “I will tell you everything you need to know, but I want something in return.”
Clarissa backed away, smiling. Her smile was fierce, not friendly. The kind of smile someone would plaster on their face right before they shot their most hated enemy.
“What do you want? I can get you anything.” Clarissa purred this at Superior Mother’s assistant, who did not find it appealing. Clarissa and she shared the same face, after all. It was like flirting with yourself. Very unappetizing.
“When the time comes… I don’t know when, but it’s going to happen. Probably soon.” Superior Mothers assistant swallowed, thinking it could happen at any minute, especially since she now felt treacherous towards their leader. “She’ll try to kill me… if I get away, I need you to hide me and get me out.” Clarissa stuck out her right hand to shake. “Yes, I can do that… no problem.”
“Good.” said Superior Mother’s assistant. “Now let’s go somewhere safe and I will tell you everything that I know…”
Superior Mother sank her fingertips into the dirt of the Grey’s garden. She was in the area where they grew fruit trees. It was a wonder to look up and see this small orchard and know that they are inside a mountain. She should pay more attention to the mothers who garden. After all, they are in charge of the food supply.
Dusting off her hands, Superior Mother sat on a small bench. She instantly regretted dusting off her hands since she almost enjoyed the feel of the dirt. Her mouth was watering. She was hungry, but nothing in The Grey would soothe her appetite.
She didn’t want the usual things Women of the Grey want when they are home. Which is all the cooked beasts in the outside world. Constant yearnings for cheeseburgers, steaks, chicken wings and soda were the norm for the mothers. None of that was on her mind. Superior Mother wanted more Red.
She was hungry for Red. The idea of it stayed on her tongue. Her body jerked alert at the idea that Red was coming to her. She’d have it soon. When it was in her possession she’d question herself. Tell herself that what she was doing was crooked, wrong.
Superior Mother was on the path to her demise, unaware that she was headed that way willingly. This morning Superior Mother believed herself cured. She’d send back that cup of Red she had destructively ordered from Mother Cara.
Standing up, Superior Mother knew she shouldn’t fool herself. She didn’t order anything from Mother Cara. She demanded it, and that was different. She demanded everything from everyone, as she should. She was their leader.
She was the one that stood before them, telling them what to think and how to think it. Why would she grovel? Why would she ask? Asking would be shameful, below her station. It would show weakness.
She had demanded a cup of Red from Mother Cara. Not once did she wonder where Cara got the Red. It was one of the things she had decided to play dumb about. She never asked where Mother Cara got her bubble gum, so why now would she bother to ask where they got human blood? It was easier to call it Red and not think of where and how it came to be in The Grey.
Superior Mother stood looking at the doors that led back to the hallway, that led to another hallway and eventually back to her office. This place was nothing but a hive. A giant hive in a mountain. That made the Women of the Grey busy bees. Come to think of it, they were busy bees.
Maybe the Originals had studied earth’s bees and pictured the clones that way. Some heading out of the hive, some staying in. There were worker bees, drone bees, and… Superior Mother leaned against the tree, then stood up a bit straighter… the queen bee. She was the queen and they were all her workers. She took some satisfaction in this.
“Don’t be an ass. Especially a dumb ass.” She had to tell herself this. Speak to herself in off tones. She knew who was really in charge here, and it wasn’t her. It was the Originals, those little grey creatures that spent their time in the pits of The Grey.
Many Women of the Grey, many mothers and daughters of the Grey, had never seen them. Most — Superior Mother believes 97% of their population — didn’t believe they were real. The Originals were nothing but legend in the bedrooms, meeting rooms, and mess halls of the Grey.
How could they not believe something was up? Superior Mother at times didn’t understand the Women of the Grey. They look alike. They are all clones. Do they not question where they came from or how they came to be?
Did they not wonder why everyone birthed a daughter that looked identical to its mother? Lisa looked just like every Woman of the Grey there was. Lisa looked like her mother, but then again everyone looked like everyone. It was surreal. It was unreal. Had the Originals planned it this way? Why would they? Superior Mother couldn’t shake the feeling that the Originals had set out to build a better human. Part Grey, part human.
Super human, maybe. Or maybe a less aggressive version of them. Build a better alien, maybe. They set out to do something and it went wrong. It’s wrong. It’s all wrong, but they don’t
know how to fix it. So, it goes on and on. Woman of the Grey after Woman of the Grey bring daughters to the Grey, polish floors, wipe down counters, climb the walls of boredom, and they refuse to pull the plug.
It's madness. Bending over, Superior Mother vomits. There are not specks of Red in her vomit and that is a relief. She would have picked at the specks of Red and put them back into her mouth. She knows she would have. She won’t deny it.
How long had it been since she’d thought so clearly? Ideas and concepts were flowing today. Red clouds thoughts. It puts a stop to feelings. Red builds a fuzzy in the brain that is comfortable. Why would the Women of the Grey want to think broad, clean thoughts of reality when they could simply take Red and think nothing at all of their incarceration?
Superior Mother grabbed the handle and opened the door. She’d go lay in bed a while. The Grey wasn’t a bee hive. It was a jail. She wasn’t the queen bee, she was the warden. It’s all so exquisitely sad.
Maybe when she’d got back to her room she’d find the smallest specks of Red left in her little glass container. Reaching her quarters, Superior Mother blushed at the idea of Red. She blushed like someone had told an embarrassing joke about her addiction in front of all her friends.
Sunny
Sunny couldn’t let go of her hatred for Superior Mother today. The hate ebbed and flowed, running along her back. She felt changes happening. Her face would feel stretched, her teeth morphed into sharp needles. The anxiety over the change and not having a mirror to see what was happening made the hate flow stronger.
When that happened, her face got tighter and her vision changed. No one had bothered to come into her quarters today. She wondered if anybody would feed her. This was happening more and more often. The mothers who were in charge of her came in less and less.
Women of the Grey- The Complete Trilogy Page 53