One Menu at a Time

  “Yay,” she said jumping up and down. “I call Zoom-zoom to see my room?”

  Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

  Cook the first five ingredients over a low flame and stir until the granulated sugar melts. Add the chocolate pieces and stir until completely melted. Let this baby cool slightly before adding the eggs or you’ll wind up with scrambled something or other and it won’t be pretty. And speaking of pretty, your life is a pretty big mess right now. Yeah, that Ryan has a good case. Take him back? Is he nuts?

  Take Bailey and run far away! You’ve had a lot of practice avoiding romance. But how long do you think you can keep this up? You’ve been caged in your own jail far too long and haven’t bothered to look beyond that protective seal. So seeing Ryan messed up your head again? Not good enough, Jamie girl. And what about Chase? Everyone knows you’re crazy about him—why can’t you admit it? Oh, that ship has sailed already? Really?

  If the filling is cool to the touch, you can add the vanilla and salt and mix well. Now add the pecans to the bottom of an unbaked nine-inch pie crust, pour the filling over the nuts, and watch them float to the top and mingle with the others. Bake at 325 degrees for one hour or until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean. Serve warm or room temperature with a dollop of whipped cream if desired. Having a slice may well improve your mood. Serves ten to twelve.

  Tuesday arrived and I hadn’t heard from Chase. A deep sense of loneliness filled me with wonderment and had me speculating that he’d probably taken the first plane back home to Virginia. Heck, he was looking for another doctor anyway—one who would give him the answers he wanted to hear. And there was no doubt the minute he hit the tarmac he’d be surrounded by his long-legged lovelies who would console his wounded ego. Or would they walk the other way, knowing there was a chance he’d never race again? I guess he’d find out soon enough about their sincerity.

  Sharp pains stabbed at my chest. Had I been falling in love with him without realizing it? It had been so long since I’d felt anything for a man, I wasn’t sure I was capable of recognizing the feeling. Remorse hit and I asked myself if I’d just tossed the best thing that ever happened to me down the garbage disposal.

  I recapped our last time together and how distraught he was over the doctor’s news. I’d immediately jumped on him for expressing his anger in an unkind way, but maybe I should have tried to console him—tried to understand what he was feeling. I was asking for his understanding with my plight; why hadn’t I done the same for him? Had I lost the ability to feel compassion?

  A temporary guilt hammered in my mind at my impulsive reaction to get as far away from him as possible. Why did I move so quickly? He was feeling sorry for himself and when I didn’t share his grief, he got angry. We all say unkind things when we’re angry. Should I call him? I rested my chin on my hand and closed my eyes to relive the amazing feeling of his lips pressed against mine and the strength of his arms wrapped around me when I needed to be consoled. Yet I hadn’t done the same for him. I’d failed him. Fortunately, my melancholy mood ended when Bailey bolted into the room and snapped me back to reality.

  “Are you ready to hit the trail, Miss Bailey?” I said, poking her in the ribs to make her laugh.

  “We go?”

  “Yep. Today, we’re going to find you a new school with lots of new kids to play with…and how about another new friend to stay with you while Aunt Jamie is working?” She looked confused, so I offered her my best car salesman sales pitch. “Won’t that be fun? Look at how many friends you already have, and won’t it be fun to play with kids your own age?”

  Her lips puckered, ready to cry any second, so I launched into a more dramatic tone and grabbed her two hands and swayed her back and forth in a jig, hoping to see some type of agreement. “Isn’t that wonderful?” She giggled, which told me all was right with the world. Hey, kids are resilient, aren’t they?

  Yeah, tell that to my guilt-ridden heart. God forbid we should run into Mama Pirelli or Mama Carlucci while we we’re out making things happen. Those two Italian ladies had a lot of experience under their belts, and now that Cassie was married, I was Mama Pirelli’s next project. Of course, that didn’t preclude her from bugging Cassie to have babies—but that was a different saint than the one she prayed to for marriage. Given the fact that Mama had Josh on her side meant she didn’t have to work as hard. I had no idea what Mama Carlucci had in her bag of tricks, but I was certain given her penchant to see other people married, she was running a close second. And being the older of the two, she was more formidable than Mama Pirelli.

  In a large nonstick frying pan, sauté onions, mushrooms, celery, apple, salt, parsley, and poultry seasoning in a half stick of butter until softened. Yep, everyone tried to soften that heart of yours but you selfishly guarded it and now it has cooled way down before the next step. Reserve it for later.

  Brown the sausage in the same pan, breaking up into tiny pieces until cooked. That’s just what you did. You broke Chase’s heart into tiny pieces and I don’t think he’s going to allow you to smooth talk your way back into the middle of things again. You can’t even discuss this with your sister. You’ve deep-sixed that relationship too, and Bailey…she wouldn’t understand but don’t mention Chase or you’ll have a crying kid on your hands.

  In a large bowl, add the bread cubes and pour the chicken stock over top to saturate, working with your hands until the cubes are thoroughly wet and liquid has been absorbed. Yep, you washed that guy right out of your life along with the other one. Now, regardless of your crazy thoughts, combine the wet bread cubes with the cooled mixture, add the raisins and chestnuts, and work the mixture with your hands together to completely incorporate the two. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? No, huh? Okay, girl, just admit it, you’re in love this time. So what are you going to do about it?

  Take two large nonstick frying pans, split the remaining butter between the pans, and place half the stuffing mixture into each. So you want to split things down the middle—Chase, Courtney, and your sister on one side, and lonely you on the other. Slightly lopsided, don’t you think?

  Fry to remove some of the moisture, turning until golden. When done, empty the stuffing from both pans into a glass 9 x 12-inch baking dish, cover with foil, and bake in a preheated 350-degree oven for thirty minutes. Okay, you’ll have to wing it from here, girl. It could be another long wait before anything happens again. Do you really want to risk it? Remove the foil the last ten minutes to brown the top. Serves twelve to fourteen.

  Bailey and I slowly trudged the last few steps to the apartment. Up the stairs and inside, I collapsed in the chair. Bailey took off down the hall.

  “Argh, I’m exhausted. What do you say we take a nap?”

  When she didn’t respond, I got up and walked around the apartment trying to find her. I called out to her a few times, but no answer. I suddenly began to panic, the result of watching too many thriller movies, and imagined all sorts of bad things. I did take comfort in knowing if someone was hiding out in our apartment, they weren’t doing it for the money—I had none. Nevertheless, I grabbed a wooden spoon from the utensil jar on the kitchen counter and waved it back and forth like I was someone not to be messed with—just in case.

  Despite being poised for attack, the tension channeled through my body as I wondered where she could have gone in this small apartment. I checked everywhere. Under beds, behind the curtain in the shower, and in the kitchen cupboards, all the while continually assuring myself she was playing hide-and-go-seek. One more glance into her room and I noticed Bailey’s multicolored striped stocking-clad leggings sticking out from behind the closet door like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz. I blew out reserved air and chuckled to myself, relieved that it was only my overactive mind playing a trick on me. I pulled the door open. She was out cold, her head resting on the princess pillow. I scooped her up in my arms and carried her over to the bed and covered her with a blanket.

  Those ten minutes of panic had washe
d away my tiredness and I meandered to the kitchen and decided to rummage through the fridge for tonight’s dinner when the doorbell rang. My mind a jumble of anxiety after worrying about Bailey, I instinctively opened the door, something I usually never do without checking. I opened the door only to find Ryan standing on the other side. I shut the door in his face, but he stopped it with his hand.

  “Jamie, please, I’m on my knees here. Please let me come inside.”

  I reopened the door. “You’re absolutely pathetic. I’m only letting you in out of respect for your parents.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate that—they’ve always loved you.” He breezed past me, most likely before I changed my mind, walked into the middle of the room, and glanced around. “What a beautiful apart—” He stopped talking when he saw the small table and chairs and Bailey’s tricycle. He stared at me. “You have a child?”

  “I do.” He began to stutter, “How is that possible?” His hand went to his forehead and he closed his eyes. “Whose is it?”

  “Like I said, Ryan, you’re pathetic.” I shook my head. “Why do people automatically assume when they don’t see a wedding band on your finger, you’ve had a child out of wedlock?”

  “Did you adopt a child?”

  “No, Ryan.” I gave a big sigh. “Bailey has been living with me ever since Missy died. She appointed me guardian.”

  His eyes welled. “Oh, Jamie, that’s terrible. I had no idea. I am so sorry.” He reached out to hug me, but I backed away. “The poor little thing. She must be devastated. Where is she? Can I see her?”

  “She’s napping.” I sighed. “So what do you want?”

  “Can I sit?” I gestured toward the chair and rolled my eyes. As much as I wanted to hate him, and I did after what he’d done to me, I couldn’t stop the familiar tingle he gave me whenever he was around.

  “You have ten minutes to speak your piece and then I’m going to escort you to the door. Are we clear?”

  “Yes”—he held up his hand—“I promise.”

  I shoved back into the chair across from where he sat, folded my arms across my chest, and glared at him, waiting for him to begin.

  “If I could turn back time, Jamie, I would, but I can’t. What I did to you was the worst thing any human being could do to someone he loves. I got cold feet and ran away with someone I’d just met at my bachelor party. I’d had too much to drink and it clouded my judgment into believing I was never going to be able to hang out with my friends again. I’d never be able to pick up girls or have that carefree life I loved. It all happened so fast…and with the guys egging me on…I went for it. It wasn’t until we were on the plane and the alcohol started to wear off that I realized what I’d done…but it was too late then. I’d already burned my bridges. I wanted to call and apologize, but I knew no amount of begging for forgiveness was going to convince you. It was an irresponsible decision on my part and one that changed our lives forever. I didn’t know what else to do. I knew I’d made my bed and now I had to lie in it, so figuring there wasn’t anything else I could do, I thought I’d spare you more pain. I called Brian and asked him to pack your clothes and change the locks. I was so ashamed…I just couldn’t face you. And I swear, it didn’t last longer than the weekend, but I knew that no matter what, you wouldn’t understand.” He stared at me for a long time, I guess waiting for me to say something. “I’ve never stopped loving you, Jamie. I swear.” He slid off the chair and down onto his knees. “Do you believe me?”

  “Are you finished?”

  “Yes,” he said weakly.

  I stood and walked toward the door to escort him out when Bailey hustled into the room and I knew it was all over. She loved Ryan.

  “Ri-ri,” she said, hugging him tightly and kissing his cheek in successive pecks. “Where’s Mommy?”

  There was no confusion about why she associated Ryan with Missy—not when she kissed the photograph of the three of us, Missy, Ryan, and me every morning and every evening. My heart ached for the way she reacted toward him, and in my weakened state, I didn’t have the heart to throw him out.

  “You remember me?”

  “I lub you, Ri-ri.”

  “I love you too, Punkie.” He hugged her and planted a kiss on her cheek. He put her back down and stood to leave until he heard the sound of the door shutting behind him. He gave me an appreciative smile and continued to play with Bailey. Watching the connection between the two of them was stressful because it brought back so many unhappy memories, yet anger spiraled through me because it was Ryan who had caused them. He broke the circle of love and trust that the three of us shared, yet I couldn’t bring myself to ask him to leave when Bailey was over the moon. I shuffled off to the kitchen to hide the tears welling in my eyes and began to make something that resembled dinner. It couldn’t have been more than seconds later and Bailey and Ryan were standing over me.

  “Ri-ri, eat with Bailey?” My insides flipped like a heavy weight tumbling over.

  “Um…I—”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sweetie,” he said, undoubtedly noticing my discomfort. She began to cry.

  “You eat,” she demanded.

  “Okay, Bail,” I said bending down to comfort her. “Don’t worry, Uncle Ryan can stay for dinner.” I hated to see her so distraught.

  “I can?” Ryan’s eyes were wide with surprise.

  Bailey kissed his hand. “I be back,” and she took off for her bedroom.

  “Just so there’s no confusion, this is for her, not you.”

  His voice lowered. “I understand.”

  “Do you, Ryan?”

  “You have to know that I’m going to do whatever it takes to sweep you back off your feet. No holds barred.”

  “Yeah, good luck with that.” I turned away from him and picked up where I’d left off in the preparation of dinner, feeling satisfied when I heard his feet scuff against the tile as he left the room.

  Bailey bounced back into the living room and grabbed his hand. “Ri-ri, help.”

  I heard him acknowledge her request and they both walked toward her bedroom. I could hear them talking. Judging from the conversation, Bailey must have been showing him the photograph on her dresser.

  “Oh, so this is how you remembered me,” Ryan exclaimed.

  “Mommy…Ann Amie…Ri-ri, and me,” she said with enthusiasm before she giggled. “Where’s Mommy?”

  She’s all out of love for you, dude! You messed up on this one. And seriously, waiting an entire year to apologize? Does that sound cool to you? You cheated, man. You think she’s going to take someone like you back? Sure she loves your parents, but not enough to forgive you for your transgression.

  Practicing humility right now is a good thing, and trying to get to her through the kid might work, but I wouldn’t bank on it. You’ve destroyed her trust in men and there’s little chance of you making a comeback. You know that old saying that you can never go back—well, I think it applies to kids moving back home, but in your case, she ain’t taking you back. So step out of the way and let her get on with her life. And don’t think you’ll have any more credibility with her sister—you don’t. So, Bud, you’re sailing along without either of the two in the same boat with you. Ease on down…ease on down the road.

  Now heat the olive oil in a five-quart pot and sauté the garlic and onions until soft. No, it’s doesn’t mean you’ll soften her heart. Using a blender, puree the vegetables, beans, cumin, oregano, chicken stock, and chopped tomatoes in batches until smooth. Pour back into the pot, add salt to taste, and simmer for thirty minutes.

  Serve in individual bowls with a dollop of sour cream and sprinkle with cilantro. Serves four to six.

  Mama Carlucci gave a sharp glance toward the door when I knocked. She saw Bailey and slowly strolled toward the door and opened it. She bent down and pinched Bailey’s cheeks.

  “Beautiful girl,” she said in English. I guess her exchange with Vito the other day was so I wouldn’t know what she was talking a
bout.

  “Thank you.”

  When she straightened up I almost laughed at her attire. She had on her customary housedress, cotton stockings ballooned around her ankles, shoes only a nun would wear, a scarf tied around her chubby face, and rosary beads hanging from the opening of her hand. These looked like the same beads she’d used the other day to pray for me—the single mom.

  “This is Bailey,” I said. “Bailey, can you say hello to Mrs. Carlucci?” All of a sudden Bailey was pulling the shy act and quickly turned her face to hide from view. Maybe she was a lot smarter than I’d given her credit for. “Okay, Bail, let’s get you set up at one of the tables until Stefani gets here to take you to the aquarium to see the fishies. Okay?” Mama Carlucci was focused on us like a hawk. I don’t know what she was expecting, but to tell you the truth, she was making me nervous.

  “My Vito—he’s a single man,” she said with a wide grin that exposed the space between her front teeth.

  I shuddered, wondering if she was trying to play matchmaker. Cripes, he was at least fifty years old and I was only twenty-six. I wasn’t looking for a father figure. As a matter of fact, I wasn’t looking.

  “You need a husband. Vito—he make a good husband and father.”

  “Oh, Mrs. Carlucci, don’t even go there. Vito’s a very nice man but he’s too old for me. Thank you.” Thank God I’d thrown that thank you in at the last minute because her facial expressions were changing so rapidly, I could almost picture me being tossed out of the restaurant and hoofing the pavement at any given moment.

  “But this little bambino, she needs a father.”

  “No, she doesn’t know her father.”