by Toni Aleo
Jace shakes his head, letting it fall back as he stares up at the ceiling. “No, I don’t want to worry them or hear ‘I told you so.’” When he stands suddenly, I watch as he kicks a shoe out of the way, groaning out loud. “God, I can’t believe this shit.”
“He is such a fucking dick,” Markus says, and I want to agree, but I’m still very upset with him for what he did to Mekena. I know Jace has said it was a mistake, but I can’t look at him the same. Especially when I know how upset Mekena still is. When Jace reaches for the door and leaves, slamming it behind him, I want to follow, but Markus shakes his head. “Give him a minute.”
I glare at him and cross my arms, which he rolls his eyes at. “You can’t be mad at me forever.”
“Yes, I can.”
He smiles softly. “You know it was a mistake, right?”
“A mistake that hurt my friend, but I can’t talk about this right now. I’m worried about Jace.”
He nods, his eyes full of remorse, but it’s not okay. He broke my friend’s heart. Clearing his throat, he says, “Me too. I wish he’d just call one of his brothers, or even Lucy. He won’t, though, he’s too proud. But he needs them.”
I bite the inside of my cheek and I agree. They know the pain he is feeling. And while, yeah, I have a shitty family, I don’t know his dad the way his siblings do. When Markus turns to go back to his game, I reach for Jace’s phone, sending Jude’s number to myself before deleting the text on his phone so he doesn’t know I sent it. I may be doing something wrong, but in a way, it’s not. It’s right. Jace needs his brother.
When the door opens, I set his phone down quickly as Jace shuts the door behind himself. His eyes and face are red, like he’s been crying, and that breaks my heart. “I’m gonna head back to my dorm.”
He gives me a look. “Really? You don’t want to stay?”
I shrug. “Why don’t you play some video games? Maybe get a full night’s sleep without me tossing and turning?” I add with a grin. “You also have work and hockey in the morning and always wake me up. So this way, we both can sleep.”
He nods, a smile on his face that doesn’t reach his eyes, before he reaches for me, kissing me on the side of my mouth. “I don’t want you to leave, though.”
“I know, but if I stay, I’ll fall asleep and I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“And fuck the dude who ran his mouth. I’ll find them for you, Avery. Then maybe you’ll like me,” Markus calls back to me, a huge smile on his face, and I roll my eyes.
“Doubt it, but thanks.”
Jace smiles, holding me close. “Be nice to my friend.” I give him a look and he grins. “Try to be nice.”
“I said thanks,” I remind him and he rolls his eyes. “Fine, whatever. I’m gonna go, okay?”
“No, not okay, but yeah. I’ll see you in the morning?”
“Yup. I’ll meet ya at the shop.”
“Cool, I love you,” he says, hugging me tightly before kissing my nose.
“I love you too.” I kiss his lips while my fingers tangle in his shirt. I put everything into the kiss. I can still hear his outburst from earlier, his fears and concerns rattling my soul. I never want him to feel like that. I never want him to worry about that again. It’s in the past. We have future so bright, he shouldn’t even be thinking about it. I know I don’t. I can’t.
When we part, I kiss his chin before reaching for my bag and putting it on my shoulder. “Go to sleep early? Please?”
“Yeah, I hear you.”
“Thank you. Love you.” He smiles as I wave and open the door.
“Love you,” he calls as I shut it behind me and climb up the stairs. When I get into the frigid air, I suck in a deep breath. Well, tonight was a clusterfuck. Shaking my head, I walk toward my car, hopeful my plan will work because I can’t let Jace hold this in, not when his brother can help. I may be stepping out of line, but he’s my husband. So I’m allowed to, I think? Getting into my car, I lock the doors and start the engine before searching for my phone.
When I find it, it’s blinking with a text.
Jace: I miss you, don’t leave.
I smile.
Me: Dork. I can’t stay and you know it.
Jace: Then I’ll come stay with you.
Me: And sleep in my mini bed? No, we both need sleep.
Jace: God, this fucking blows. Maybe we should just get an apartment?
Me: Just relax, we can talk more tomorrow.
Jace: Okay, be careful going home.
Me: I’ll text you in a bit.
Scrolling up, I find where I sent Jude’s number and tap it to call. As I wait for him to answer, I check the time. It’s late. He shouldn’t be at a game, but then, what do I know? I pull out of the parking spot just as he answers.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jude. It’s Avery.”
He pauses. “Avery, is everything okay?”
“Well, yeah…but no.”
“Okay?”
“Are you busy?”
“Not for you. What’s up?
“It’s Jace.”
“What’s wrong?”
Biting into my lip, I turn to go toward my building. “Well, as you know, we are married and pregnant.”
“Yeah, I know,” he says with a laugh and I smile.
“Sorry, I’m nervous.”
“Nervous? Avery, we’re family.”
I pause, chewing on my lip. I should have called Jayden. Swallowing hard, I say, “Yeah, but I don’t think you like me much.”
“What? Why would you think that? I think you’re awesome.”
That makes me smile, but I can’t help but feel he doesn’t like me. I know why; it’s because of what Seth told him. Clearing my throat, I say, “Well, thanks, but I can’t shake the feeling you don’t approve of me because of what my brother told you.”
“Ah,” he says slowly.
“But for what it’s worth, I don’t have a relationship with my family the way you guys do. While some of what Seth said was true, the stuff about my dad interfering with Caleb’s career is not true. He didn’t do that. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, and I just want you to know that I will do everything I can to make sure Jace is happy.”
I’m met with silence and then he clears his throat. “If I didn’t think you were good for my brother, you wouldn’t be here, Avery. I like you, I’m excited to get to know you, and I love that you make my brother happy.”
“He makes me happy,” I say, pulling into my parking spot and putting the car in park.
“He’s a good dude. But I have a question.”
“Yeah?”
“You said most of what Seth said was true. So you tried to commit suicide?”
I swallow hard as I pick at the hole in my jeans. “I did.”
“Wow, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, bad, bad time in my life, but I’m not that person anymore.”
“Yeah, you made it. I’m proud, and I think I like you even more.”
I smile. “Thanks.”
“Anytime. But what’s going on with my brother?”
Sucking in a breath, I let it out and then unload. He listens, doesn’t interrupt me or even comment. He just listens, and when I’m finished, he releases a long breath. “I told him not to trust that fucker. Damn it, so he doesn’t have a car?”
“No, I told him he could use mine, and Markus said he can use his too.”
“Okay, well, I’ll have my mom bring out Jayden’s old car tomorrow so at least he has a ride. And why doesn’t he use his scholarship money for an apartment? He can do that. As long as he can prove it’s an apartment within a—” He pauses and then calls Claire’s name. “Babe, how many miles does the apartment have to be within for the scholarship money to apply?”
“Fifteen, I think,” I hear her say. “Riverbend is where all my friends stayed.”
“Ah, yeah, Riverbend. He can do that and have the rent and utilities covered under his scholarship money. I know he has housing mon
ey since staying at the Bullies’ house is free. So I don’t know what the problem is.”
“They didn’t tell us that.” I say and he sighs.
“They won’t ’cause when we don’t spend all our scholarship money, they can give it to someone else.”
“Oh,” I say and then I shake my head. “Can you please call him? Talk to him?”
“Oh yeah, I planned on it. Trust and believe that,” he says and I smile. I love when Jace says that. “Listen, thanks for calling me. It shows how much you care.”
“I love him.”
“Yeah, I can tell. And thank you. Really. We’ll get y’all taken care of. I just wish he would have told me sooner.”
“He’s so proud, doesn’t want to ask, and thinks he can do it all.”
“Well, he needs to cut that shit out.”
I laugh. “That’s what I said.”
“Okay, well, you take care. I’ll see you at Christmas?”
“Yeah,” I agree and I smile. “Thanks, Jude.”
“Anytime.”
Hanging up the phone, I grin. That went really well. I actually feel good about that. As much as I wish I could have been the one to make Jace feel better, I know his brother can. Which is okay with me. I love his relationship with his family, and I appreciate the help. Getting out of the car, I lock up before heading inside. When I reach my room, I open the door to see Mekena lying on the bed reading, of course.
“Hey, didn’t think you’d be coming back tonight.”
“I can’t stay at the Bullies’ house more than twice a week. Someone outed us.”
“Jerk, probably that douche Markus.”
I shake my head. “He loves me and Jace, even though I’m a bitch to him.”
She smiles. “Thanks.”
“Anytime,” I say, throwing my bag on my bed. “He told me again what he did was a mistake.”
“Yeah, he told me that too when he tried to talk to me yesterday.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him he doesn’t deserve my tears or my time, and I walked away.”
“Good girl,” I say as I take off my shirt and pants, throwing Jace’s sweatshirt to the side. Climbing into my bed, I look over at her. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive him?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. He slept with my sister.”
“No, I hear you,” I say, holding my hands up. “Just wondering.”
“Yeah, I don’t know,” she says sadly, cuddling deeper into her blankets. “Would you forgive him?”
I shake my head. “Hell no.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you still love him?” I ask, looking over at her, and she nods slowly.
“Unfortunately.” I give her a small smile and she shrugs. “Love sucks.”
“It can,” I agree as I get my guitar and bring it into my lap.
“Not for you, though,” she says with a grin and I smile.
“Nope. I got lucky.”
“You did.”
Nodding to my guitar, I ask, “Will I bother you?”
She shakes her head. “Not at all. I welcome it.”
I smile and then I start to play my song for my baby. Mekena doesn’t know. No one does yet, but that doesn’t stop me from singing this song.
I hear your heartbeat inside me.
So strong.
So fast.
How can I love you?
When I haven’t even met you.
There are no words.
Just the sound
Of your heartbeat.
And I’m complete.
When my phone sounds, I stop playing and get up to get it out of my bag. Sitting back down, I hit the home button to see its Jace.
Jace: Thank you.
Jace: He told me you called him. I needed to talk to him.
Me: I know, you’re welcome.
Jace: Want to meet at the housing office after your first class?
Me: Yeah, 9:20?
Jace: Sounds good. I’ll come right from practice.
Me: Cool. Do you feel better?
Jace: Loads. I have a plan that will work.
Me: Good.
Jace: Have I told you I love you today?
Me: Yeah, but it doesn’t get old.
Jace: I love you, Avery. So much.
Me: I love you too.
I’m late and I totally blame Lucy.
My sister is an awesome designer, but crap, she is slow as hell. Rushing through traffic, the tarp that is covering the back passenger window flaps and I roll my eyes. Stupid car window wouldn’t roll up, but I wouldn’t have this car if it weren’t for Jude, so I’ll take what I can get because Avery and I need separate cars. That girl is busy going downtown for her internship, and I’m working more, along with killing myself on the ice.
But I have to.
Because I never want Avery to worry about anything ever again. I know she said she can handle it, and she probably can, but why should she? It’s been three weeks since my dad fucked me over and Jude called to help. As much as I didn’t want to ask for help, I hadn’t realized how much I needed it until he called. All because of Avery. That girl loves me, and man, I love her. So I have to make her proud. I have to give her everything she wants and needs. Once I sign my contract, and Ralph better hope it’s big, everything will fall into place.
But even right now, as I rush through traffic in a clunker of a car, I’m happy. Our right now is good. We are both working hard, we finally have a place, and now we shouldn’t have to worry about anything else. Well, her parents and douche brother are coming into town, but I have a good feeling about her dad. He’s been texting her, checking on her, and actually trying. Which has been nice. I don’t miss the smile that comes over her face when he texts, but I also don’t miss the way she yearns for her mother. She’s been calling mine a lot, and Lucy. Those women are three peas in a pod and I love it.
But I know she wants her mom.
It kills me, it really does, but what can I do? I don’t even know these people, but I want to help.
I want her to be happy.
And I think she will be when she sees the apartment. Parking my car beside hers, I get out and run inside the coffee shop. She must have been watching the door because when I enter, she smiles as she hits the top of her loop pedal and a sick-ass beat drops. Grinning, I maneuver around the tables to my table in the front. I sit down and she closes her eyes as she sings, her face breaking into a grin as she hits notes that are just mind-blowing.
A part of me wishes she would pursue the singing part. I love her voice, but her anxiety has gotten worse. She’s stopped going to her downtown gigs three times a week. She only goes once a week now, and I told her it was a bad idea since a lot of music people hang out downtown. But she says it freaks her out. It scares me that her anxiety is getting worse, but she showed me an article that said it could happen with the extra hormones that are running through her body. She’s been on top of it, though, and I’m thankful for that.
Because I can’t fucking lose her.
I just can’t.
When the song ends, I look up and grin as she changes the tempo with a hit of her foot. A fast beat starts very softly in the background. I know that beat, it’s ingrained in my head and I’ll never forget it. With her eyes on me, she starts the chords to what I know is our baby’s song, “Heartbeat.” While my song was my favorite before, this one just hits me straight in the gut. It’s perfect and the words… Jesus, they are just awe-inspiring.
As her eyes close and she sings, her voice making the song a billion times better, I watch her. I can’t believe that is my wife. The rest of my existence. I can’t see my baby, the little bump that grows every day, but I don’t need to see it to know it’s there.
His eyes.
My smile.
What will you have?
Will you ever realize how much we love you?
How we couldn’t ever lose you?
That you make life worth living.
> Closing my eyes, I slowly nod my head as she sings, her voice hitting me in the soul. Each word holds a certain kind of promise. A promise that our child will hold in its heart for the rest of its life. I haven’t heard the song completely put together like this yet, and it’s beautiful. So damn perfect, and I can’t wait until the moment she sings it to our baby.
As our eyes meet, hers misty with tears, I smile.
Because I think I just fell in love with her all over again.
When Avery pulls up beside me in front of our new apartment, she flashes me a bright grin as I pull open her door. She hasn’t seen the apartment yet; she doesn’t even know I’ve had the keys for the last three days. I want to surprise her, and I know it might be silly, but I’m excited for her to see home Lucy made for us.
“It’s a big building,” she says as I take her bag. “Should I have gone and gotten my stuff?”
I shake my head, shutting her door and reaching for her hand. “Later. Let’s go check it out.”
“Eek! I’m excited!”
I can tell. She’s trembling and so am I. I hope I don’t give away the surprise because I’m so excited. This is our home. Our first place together, and for some reason, that means a lot to me. Is it perfect? Hell no, it’s small. Thankfully we don’t have a baby yet because I’m really not sure how all of us could fit, but it works. It’s ours. Plus, we aren’t sharing it with anyone and there aren’t twenty other guys being loud and stinking it up. It’s ours. Mine and hers.
As we head up the first set of stairs, she’s all smiles as she asks, “How did you like my set?”
“Awesome as always,” I say with a grin. “I really love the baby’s song.”
“Doesn’t it sound awesome? I love it so hard. I can’t wait to sing it at the showcase.”
“Me either.”
“Stu thinks it will sell quick.”
“I agree.”
“I think I want to buy you a new car with my first check, if it does well,” she says, trailing off, and I smile.
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to,” she says, leaning into me. “I want to give you something for a change.”
“You give me something every day.”