by Blair Grey
“Hey, guys,” the doctor said when we went inside. He was a good friend of Ray’s. An old friend of Ray’s. I tried to think if he might have told someone about Ray’s illness. But of course, he wouldn’t have. It was just us and the white vans. Conspicuous for no reason.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I just wanted to be over with this whole thing.
“How’s he doing?” Cameron asked the doctor, and he was almost cheerful about it. Like he wasn’t just asking about Ray’s health. Like there was no way there were going to be any complications. But whatever hope I heard, in having Cameron say that, was quickly dashed.
“He needs to slow down on his business, first and foremost,” the doctor said sternly. He paused, glancing back over his shoulder. “He needs to stay away from stress.”
“Until he heals up?” I tried.
There was silence in the hospital, and I could tell that the doctor was trying to figure out how to word things. “Put it this way,” he finally said. “I don’t think we’re ever going to be able to clean up the damage that cancer has done to his lungs. It’s better that you keep him away from stress for an indeterminable future.”
He was trying to be delicate, but all I could focus on was the first part of that last statement. He didn’t think that they were ever going to be able to clean up the damage that cancer had done to his lungs. He didn’t think that Ray would even manage to go into remission. He thought that Ray’s time was limited.
And I knew that it had to be. They were discharging Ray already, no chemo or anything. I didn’t know how much of that was his idea and how much was just the doctors shrugging their shoulders, but I knew the score. I knew where we were at the moment.
It just terrified me, thinking that Ray’s days might be limited. If he was serious about making me the next leader of Red Eyes, it might be soon. It might be before I could sort things out with Holly, that sweet girl from Montana was quickly going to find out what a terrible choice I was.
I couldn’t let myself be sad, though. We had a task that we needed to do.
“All right, I’ll hang out by the van, if you can get him out of here.” Cameron asked, looking seriously at me. “Go ahead and bring him out in a wheelchair, with his IV or oxygen or whatever they have him hooked up to and going home with him. We have the space.”
I nodded at him. “All right,” I said.
I headed into Ray’s room. This whole thing was starting to feel surreal. Ray was already in a wheelchair, over at the window. He glanced back over his shoulder at me. “This whole thing is beginning to make me feel even sicker than I really am,” he said wryly.
I snorted. “That’s honestly good to hear,” I said.
“What did the doctor tell you?” Ray asked, narrowing his eyes at me.
I shrugged. “That you’re supposed to stay away from stress for the foreseeable future.”
Ray laughed incredulously. “Does he know what line of work I’m in?” he asked.
I grinned at him, unable to help it.
“Well, I’m just ready to get back to the MC,” Ray said, shrugging a shoulder. “Even if my doctor thinks it’s bad for my health.”
I paused, thinking about that. With everything that I’d been willing to give up lately, that made me feel even worse. Even on his deathbed, or the equivalent, Ray was ready to give up everything for the MC. I could never hope to be like that, even if I became leader of the club.
I knew it in a moment of crystal clarity. That this was the perfect time to tell Ray that I wasn’t cut out to do this job after him. I might have heart, like he wanted, but that made me the worst possible leader for Red Eyes. Because I cared too much. About the club, about Holly, about everything.
The moment passed. I couldn’t think of the words to explain it to him.
“Well, are you going to help me down to that weird van that Cameron wants to put me in, or am I going to have to wheel myself down there?” Ray asked archly.
“I’ve got you,” I said, springing to action and calling a nurse to escort us out. I led him downstairs, thinking about this confidence that Ray had. Wishing that I could have the same. Ray wasn’t scared or sad. He was ready to get back to the MC. He was still ready to devote his whole life to the MC.
I had never been that sure about any of it. And right now, that felt like a terrible thing.
We were on the drive back to the clubhouse when I noticed Cameron’s white knuckles. “Aren’t we going to take him home?” I asked, glancing back toward Ray.
“We can’t,” Cameron said tersely. “Not only would Belle and Braxton find out about his illness immediately, but we don’t know what the police would do.”
“The police can’t arrest an innocent man,” I protested.
“No, they can’t,” Cameron agreed. “But you and I both know that Ray is far from being an innocent man, by this point. I don’t know what the police think they have on him, but I assume that it’s time for them to move. That they’ll pounce before long.”
I stared at him. “How would they even know that Ray was in the hospital?” I asked slowly.
Cameron slammed his fist against the steering wheel. “I don’t know, Grant. How would they?” he asked, clearly agitated. He glanced over at me. “All I know was that mine wasn’t the only white van at the hospital. Their stupid surveillance vans were there as well.”
I frowned. “But we haven’t done anything. They can’t just haul Ray off to jail, not like this. Not because of something that happened in the past, can they? The sheriff is on our side.”
“No,” Cameron said, shaking his head. “The sheriff has never been on our side. We bought a little time when Marcus handed the Unknowns to him, but that was nothing. We always knew that they would be back. The sheriff ran for office by telling the good people of Las Cruces that he was going to clean up their streets.”
“But surely…” I trailed off, glancing back over my shoulder, hearing Ray’s hacking cough. But surely, they wouldn’t go after Ray now. Not like this. I had to believe that the police force had some amount of sympathy to it. That no matter what Ray had done in the past, which I didn’t think was too terrible, which I couldn’t believe was too terrible, they weren’t going to lock Ray up. They wouldn’t go after him, not when Ray was clearly on his deathbed. Not when he had kids like Belle and Braxton and me to take care of.
I might not be his biological son, not the way that Braxton was, but that didn’t stop me from loving the man all the same. I just couldn’t imagine things getting worse for him.
Cameron seemed to think that the police would be after him, no matter what. But I had to believe that we were safe. White vans or not. It was the only way I could get out of bed in the morning
20
Holly
I watched through the surveillance video as Grant brought Ray out of the hospital. The doctor said something, there, but I couldn’t read his lips. He was half turned away from the camera. No one knew what he said. We still didn’t know why Ray had been in the hospital to begin with.
Ryan was furious that we didn’t have more information for him. But he was still happy that I’d at least been able to tell him that Grant would be there at the hospital when Ray was discharged. I felt sick to my stomach wondering what might have happened otherwise. If I hadn’t happened to hear that conversation, if Grant hadn’t told me, what would Ray have thought? Would he have realized that I was compromised?
Ryan was pacing through headquarters, with a scowl on his face and his eyebrows drawn together. “He looks like he’s getting close to the end, doesn’t he?” he asked, gesturing at the faint image of Ray on the screen. “Like there could be a shift of power in the MC.”
I blinked in surprise. “Is that what we’re waiting for?”
Ryan gave me a look as though I was stupid. “York, what did you think was going to happen?” he asked exasperatedly. “This man is the leader of the most powerful gang in our state. He’s not just going to die, not without naming a successor.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t realize that he was dying,” I said defensively, automatically thinking about Grant. He would be devastated if he found out that Ray was dying. No, whatever was going on with Ray, which we still couldn’t know, it wouldn’t be death.
Ryan gave me another look, but he didn’t comment, and I wondered if I was just being too optimistic. I didn’t like to think that things with Ray could be that bad, though. I could only imagine how Grant must feel if they were.
“What if someone takes over the MC who is actually better?” I asked slowly. I couldn’t help thinking about what things would be like if Grant was the one in power. Sure, he had shown that he didn’t really want to lead the MC. He was too soft, maybe. But I just couldn’t help thinking of him in that role. He just might be able to turn around the MC’s violent streak. Right?
I didn’t know how to explain it to Ryan. That I had seen a difference in Grant. That I had seen all the pros of that hesitance that Ryan was sure he had. He really loved Las Cruces. He had shown that he really had a soft spot for the local businesses. Maybe having Grant in power wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
Ryan looked incredulously at me, though. “There is no one that should be in power in that MC,” he said flatly. “No matter who they’ve got in there at the moment, they’re fucking with our communities. Pressing our business owners for money and information. Whatever they’re up to, we’re going to get what we need on those fuckers and put them behind bars. Or they’ll be dead.”
I thought about how Ray had looked in the surveillance video. I had a feeling Ryan was just waiting for him to die so that he could put the rest of the club behind bars for various reasons. I wondered what kind of reasons he thought he had for locking up Grant, though. I didn’t think they would hold up in court, whatever they were.
One more time, I watched as Grant helped Ray into the van. I remembered how he had called him his adoptive father, the warmth that he seemed to have for Ray. And when I watched the video, it seemed obvious. I could see the way that Grant squeezed the older man’s hand as he loaded him into the van.
“Grant and I went out for a date the other night. And ended up sleeping together,” I finally admitted to Ryan, even though I wasn’t sure that it was the right thing for me to do. But I needed him to know that I was still trying my best to do my job. I might have redeemed myself by telling him about Ray’s discharge from the hospital, but I still felt like there was more that I had to do.
Ryan raised an eyebrow at me, but it wasn’t like I had anything more to report. I shrugged at him. “I don’t know what’s going on with the MC,” I finally admitted. “I’m trying to figure it out.”
“Good,” Ryan said, nodding at me. He grinned. “I knew that I could count on you, York. You have to keep pushing that line, and I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”
“I’m trying my best,” I admitted.
I tried to think about everything I knew about the MC. Grant had made it clear that he thought of Ray like his father, even if he didn’t think of Braxton like a brother. God, he had to be devastated. And Braxton as well.
This was exactly what I had suspected was happening, but why wasn’t Landon back from Florida yet? Or did he not know?
I watched the video again. Braxton wasn’t anywhere on the screen. It was just Grant, Cameron, and Ray. That led me to believe that maybe Braxton didn’t know. And if Braxton didn’t know, if Ray’s own son didn’t know, then why did Grant know?
That was the part that was puzzling me.
Ryan thought that Ray’s illness would mean that there were changes about to happen in the MC. What if one of those changes had Grant at its heart? What if he was primed to be the next leader?
But when I thought about everything I knew about Grant, it just didn’t seem like the right move for a guy like Ray to make. Grant loved the guys that he was working with, of course, but would he feel the same way if it was all up to him? If Ray wasn’t there to inspire that level of commitment in him?
I wasn’t sure.
What’s more, I was sure that Grant would make a horrible candidate for leader. Not that he wasn’t a good guy, but his heart just wasn’t in the right place. Ray had to see that. Hell, Ryan had to see that. I started feeling a bit panicked, though. Cameron didn’t look at all like the next leader of Red Eyes. And Grant, although marginally better for that, still didn’t seem like the right choice.
But if Grant became the next leader of Red Eyes, it would be all too easy for me to figure out some way to take him down. Ryan would expect that of me. And if I refused, it could be the end of my career. All the same, I didn’t want to take him down. I had feelings for him now. I had to admit that I was half in love with the guy.
Not just because of the way that he had fucked me. Although that certainly had something to do with it as well. But more because he was caring, kind, and sweet. Because, from the moment I got on the back of his bike, he had made sure that I was wearing a helmet.
“You need to get a meeting with Ray,” Ryan suddenly said, still staring at the surveillance video like there was something that he might have missed.
“What?” I asked in surprise.
“You need to get a meeting with Ray,” Ryan said, as though it was obvious. “Find out what’s going on with him. Find out what he’s planning for the club. If you slept with Grant last night, then that shouldn’t be so hard for you to do.”
“You’re not asking me to seduce Ray as well, are you?” I asked, feeling dizzy. Not only was Ray more than twice my age, but that wasn’t what I wanted my career to be. A series of conquests, nothing more? I felt sick just thinking about it.
But Ryan laughed. “No, I’m not asking you to seduce him,” he said, shaking his head. “I want you to use your connection with Grant to get closer to the MC. To get inside their work. To see what they’re planning.”
In my head, all I could think was that these weren’t the guys we were after. All I could think was what Grant had shown me about himself. He was a good guy, the kind of guy that maybe bad situations had happened to, but a good guy, through it all. And I was sure that Ray was just the same.
But on the other hand, this was my career. This was the police force. And my first undercover job to boot. If Ryan wanted me to go after them, what choice did I have? I was nodding at him before I’d even fully considered the ramifications of a job like this.
“All right,” I told him. “I’ll see what I can do. I’m sure it can’t be too hard to get an audience with Ray. Even like this.” I jabbed at the figure on the screen. Ray was in a wheelchair, bent over. Clearly sick and clearly in pain.
But the sight of that didn’t seem to move Ryan at all. If anything, it seemed to make him feel more positive that now was the time to act against Red Eyes. That vicious motorcycle club was coming down as far as he was concerned.
I wished I could have the same conviction as him. But to be honest, I just couldn’t. No matter what I did to make this right, the whole thing felt wrong.
There was no one that I could talk to about it either. Not Ryan, not the other guys on the force. Not Vera for sure. Vera was just worried about me, but she didn’t want to hear anything about Grant. She was prejudiced by the fact that he was part of Red Eyes, and she would never believe that he wasn’t putting me in danger.
I had the stupid desire to tell Grant about all of this, to explain that I didn’t want anything bad to happen to him but that I didn’t know what to do. But I wasn’t sure I could tell him. That also seemed like the wrong thing to do.
My hands were tied. I couldn’t do anything else except keep using Grant the way that I already had. And as wrong as that felt, I had to admit that I was excited to see him again.
I watched the video with him and Ray again, noting the way that he squeezed Ray’s hand. Like everything was going to be okay. I just wished that he could give me the same sort of assurance.
21
Grant
On Saturday, the ph
one rang with another call from Cameron. “You need to come to Candy now,” he said grimly.
“What’s going on?” I asked in surprise. Candy was one of the businesses that had been loyal to Red Eyes for a long time, a bar-slash-nightclub that was popular with the ladies. However, I didn’t think for a second that Cameron was calling me to Candy to get a drink with him in the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday.
But Cameron didn’t answer any questions. Instead, he just hung up the phone. I frowned down at the device, but it wasn’t like I had anything else to do other than meet him. I just hoped that there wasn’t anything too terrible happening right now.
When I got to Candy, though, I grimaced, staring in horror at the business. Or rather, the site where the business had formerly stood. Red-and-blue lights flashed all over the place: ambulances, police, and most of all fire trucks. But the place had nearly burned to the ground by now, and the firemen seemed to be focusing their efforts mostly on the surrounding businesses, making sure that they didn’t catch on fire as well.
I watched the building burn for a moment. If it was almost to the ground already, that meant it probably had been going for a long time. I wondered why no one had made any move to help the place. Probably just something else to do with our biased, fucked-up police force.
I turned away in disgust and saw Cameron off to one side talking to Linda, the owner of the place. I swear, for a moment, I had been expecting to see Ray there. But of course, he wouldn’t be there, not yet. He could barely leave the house. He wouldn’t want anyone from the club to see him yet, and he definitely wouldn’t anyone from the wider community to see him in such rough shape. Half of being leader of the most powerful motorcycle club in New Mexico, from what I could tell, was making people believe that you were stronger than you were.
It gave people no reason to doubt that you could protect them.
I headed over to Cameron and Linda, already sure of what Linda must be thinking at the moment. She had paid her dues for so many years, and as far as she was concerned, we had betrayed her. Or if not betrayed her, we at least had failed her. And none of us could blame her for that. We had.