by Blair Grey
I nuzzled against his chest. “I love you,” I whispered because I still hadn’t had a chance to say it. “And I’m not just saying that because of the sex.”
Again, another startled laugh out of Grant. I smiled, glad that I had the power to make him laugh like that. “I love you too,” he said quietly.
“And I’m sorry for deceiving you,” I said, realizing that that was another thing that I had never had the chance to say. I had been so busy telling him the reasons why I had lied to him that I had never truly apologized. I pulled away from him so that I could look him in the eyes. “Seriously, I really am sorry about all of it. That I never came clean with you. That I did any of it in the first place.”
“That’s all right,” Grant said, stroking a hand through my hair and then pulling my head back down to rest against his chest. He kissed my hair softly. “I know that your work is important to you. I get that. It’s the same way with me. I’m not happy that you lied to me, but I definitely understand why you did so.”
“So are you my boyfriend for real now?” I asked, unable to help myself.
“I think I just might be,” Grant agreed. “But only if you’ll be my girlfriend.”
“Mmm, you’ll have to check with Vera about that,” I said. “She’s not going to be very pleased with this. I think she was secretly relieved when she thought that you and I had gone our separate ways.”
Grant snorted. “Well, I’ll make a note to be extra charming to her from here on out,” he said. “It seemed to work with you.”
I giggled. “I couldn’t have left the diner that day even if I’d wanted to.”
“Of course not,” Grant said teasingly. “You were lost, after all, and I was your knight in shining armor.”
39
Grant
One month later
A month later, there were a lot of things that had gone back to normal. But one of the things that was proving to be all too normal these days was the fact that Ray still looked like he was hurting. He had given me time to think things over and hadn’t asked me again about taking over the MC. At first, I thought that it was that he no longer wanted me to have a part in the club. That he was upset with some of the choices that I’d made in going after Ryan with Braxton and had decided to rescind the offer.
But I realized that was ridiculous. There was still no one else better suited to take over the club, and besides, this was Ray we were talking about. If he wanted to rescind the offer, he wouldn’t pussyfoot around it; he would come right out and tell me that he didn’t want me taking over after him. If we hadn’t had that conversation, I had to conclude that the offer was still on the table.
I had talked all of it over a lot with Holly. It had only been a month since Ryan was arrested, since we had made up and promised not to lie to each other anymore. But it felt like it had been much longer than that. I don’t know how, but we just understood each other. We were different enough, though, that we could each see the other person’s dilemmas clearly and offer advice.
The advice that Holly had offered me was, if I didn’t like the way the club was in terms of violence, why not become its leader and try to change things. I’d get to keep all of my brothers, these guys who felt like my family. And at the same time, I’d get to make a change. To shape things the way that I saw fit.
And as she further pointed out, if things didn’t work out, then we could go about finding a replacement for me. It was an excellent plan, and I wondered why I hadn’t been able to think about it.
Today was the day that I told Ray about it. I felt confident in my decision now. I could tell that I had already shaped the club somewhat: the recruits who I had trained, the ones who had ended up joining the club as new fledgling members, acted in ways that were more similar to Ray or me than they were to Braxton or Cameron. It honestly gave me a strange sense of pride to realize that I had a hand in molding them like that.
When I told Holly that I was worried about her safety if I kept on in the club, she’d laughed in my face, reminding me that she was highly trained in self-defense (so much so that she could often flip me when I wasn’t expecting it, despite my height and weight advantage) and that the things she did with the police force were just as likely to get her into danger.
“I mean, honestly. You’re worried about me?” she asked. “I should be the one who’s worried about you.”
“What the hell sorts of things are you getting into at work that you need to worry about my safety in regard to it?” I asked in surprise.
Holly gave me a devilish look. “Well, we have a new fledgling, and he is hot,” she said teasingly.
I rolled my eyes and pushed a pillow over her head.
I shook myself out of those thoughts and went over to see Ray. “Could I have a second?” I asked him.
“Of course,” Ray said, glancing around the busy clubhouse for a moment before leading me back to his office.
I shut the door behind me and then moved to sit in a chair across from Ray. “How are you doing anyway?” I asked. I held up a hand before he could protest. Or before he could lie and tell me that he was feeling one hundred percent. It was obvious that that wasn’t the case. But I knew that he got sick of everyone asking. I couldn’t blame him.
Ray shrugged. “It comes and goes,” he said. “Not the cancer obviously. But the pain. They had me on some better meds, but they started to make me really nauseated, so they’re trying something new right now.” He grimaced. “Doesn’t seem to be very effective, but what do I know?”
“Sorry to hear that,” I said.
“It’s what happens,” Ray said matter-of-factly. “Guess maybe I shouldn’t have been a smoker for all those years. But I figure that if it hadn’t been this, it would have been something else. That’s just the way it goes.”
“Yeah,” I said. It was time to get down to business. I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I wanted to let you know that I thought about your offer and I’ve decided that I’ll do it,” I told him. “I’ll become leader of this chapter of Red Eyes when you decide that it’s time for you to retire.”
Ray’s grin was the biggest that I’d ever seen from him. “I was hoping that would be your eventual decision,” he said. “To be honest, I thought it would take you a little longer to decide.”
“It took me a while to figure out,” I answered honestly. “But I know that this is where I belong, and like you said, there’s no one else better suited for the job.”
Ray nodded his head. “Deciding when to tell the others will be up to you, of course. If you want to tell them right away, you’re more than welcome to. Or if you want to wait, that’s fine too.”
“I’ll see when it comes up in conversation,” I said. “I definitely don’t want to get up and make an announcement at the Monday meeting or anything like that.”
Ray gave a wheezing laugh. “You’re going to have to get over that,” he said. “Once you’re leader, you’re going to be the one heading up all of the Monday meetings.”
“Not if I make Cameron do it instead of me,” I said breezily. “After all, he’s treasurer. Shouldn’t he be the one explaining our gains to everyone?”
Ray grinned. “You’re going to make a fine leader,” he said. He cleared his throat. “Have you heard anything about Ryan?”
“In jail for a while, last I heard,” I said cheerfully. “And we don’t have to worry about the rest of the mob cracking down on us. He dropped a bunch of names in the hope that they would reconsider that plea bargain deal that failed. Basically, he sang like a canary and half of the New York mob scene is in jail now.”
“That’s excellent,” Ray said. He was frowning, though. “Remember that he’s not dead yet, though. He’s still alive, and while he’s alive, he can still cause problems.”
“I don’t think he’s going to be able to cause many problems soon,” I said, shaking my head. “You don’t cross the New York mafia and get away with it. I’m sure there’s already a price on his head. He
won’t last long in prison.”
“I hope you’re right,” Ray said, nodding sagely.
“Anyway, I have to go,” I told him, glancing at my watch. “I’m supposed to help my girlfriend move in with me.”
“Wow, it must be pretty serious then,” Ray said, smirking at me. “I’ll have to have the two of you over for dinner sometime.”
“I’d like that,” I told him. “Or maybe we should have you over to ours. Neither Holly nor I are very good in the kitchen, but I bet we could talk her sister, Vera, into making something for us. She’s a phenomenal cook, and we’d love for you to see the new place. I don’t know how we got so lucky.”
Just then, there was a knock on the door. Cameron poked his head in. “Oh hey, guys. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I was just wondering where Ray had gone to.”
“I’m still here,” Ray said, sounding annoyed. “Don’t worry; I haven’t crawled off to some back alley to die. Not yet anyway.” He was smiling, though, clearly not too upset. But I knew that it wore on him, having everyone constantly check up on him. He had spent so much of his life as this incredibly strong, independent man, head of the largest motorcycle club in New Mexico. But life went on.
“What were the two of you talking about anyway? Did you hear that Ryan is still going to prison, even though he told them about nearly every major mobster in New York? How long do you think he’s going to last in there?”
“Not long at all,” I said. “And good riddance.”
Cameron laughed. “Yeah, amen.” He paused, and I could see concern knit his brow. “There’s something else, isn’t there? Is everything okay? Ray, you’re not holding out on me, are you?”
Ray and I exchanged a glance. I finally shrugged. Might as well start letting everyone know. I didn’t think anyone would be too shocked by the news anyway.
Ray smiled at me. “Grant has just agreed to step up as president of the MC when I’m ready to step down,” he informed Cameron.
“Oh, wow,” Cameron said. “Congratulations, Grant.” He paused. “You know, maybe I shouldn’t say this, but you’ve really amounted to be a lot more than any of us could ever have expected. Even a year ago, I feel like you weren’t nearly the man that you are today.”
“That’s because he didn’t have a girlfriend to steer him right!” Ray crowed. “Did you know the two of them are moving in together?”
I rolled my eyes, but I had to laugh. This was what I would miss if I stepped away from the motorcycle club. The camaraderie would never be the same anywhere else. Here, you had to be able to trust that the men around you had your back, no matter what. That they would be willing to put themselves in harm’s way if it meant that you made it out all right.
What better group of guys to lead, really.
“Anyway, nothing’s going to change for a while, right Ray?” I asked. “You’re probably going to outlive all of us anyway, cancer or not.”
Ray laughed. “I wish I could say that were true, but I’m not so sure about it,” he said. “But what I can say is that I definitely expect to be around for at least a while longer. Seems like everyone else has found their girl, Cameron, so it must be your turn next!”
Cameron rolled his eyes. “If that’s what you’re waiting for, you really are going to outlive all of us,” he joked. We all laughed.
I glanced at my watch. “Well, I really have to go,” I said. “But I’ll see you both around.”
I hurried off to the new place, already imagining the life I would have with Holly.
Epilogue
Holly
It was so strange to be packing up all of my things to move out. Between my childhood and my current time here, it was hard to imagine living elsewhere in Las Cruces. I had lived here forever. But it was also good to be saying goodbye. To be moving on to something else. Especially when that something else was as exciting as my life currently was.
There was a lot that had changed since Ryan had been arrested and subsequently jailed. A lot of changes had been made in the Las Cruces police department. It was on track to be a lot less corrupt from here on out. At least until the next “Ryan” came along. I was happy to be back working on the department, even though I steered clear of the undercover stuff now. It was less stressful and a lot less demanding on my time, leaving me more time to see my boyfriend.
My boyfriend, who I was moving into a new apartment with. I was honestly a little worried about that still. Part of me liked to insist that it was too soon, that things were moving too fast. That there must be some kind of trick to it. But the majority of me was excited for it. It was a change for sure, but it would be good to move out of my childhood home again, and it would be wonderful to wake up in Grant’s strong arms every morning. It wasn’t like I didn’t already spend most nights over at his place anyway.
Plus, the apartment that we had found was perfect. It was a three-bedroom apartment in a nice part of town. A good family place. For the family that we didn’t have. Yet, I thought, laying a hand on my lower abdomen. It was too soon for me to start showing, too soon for me even to know if I was really going to have this baby. But right now, I was happy in the knowledge that I was pregnant and that Grant, the man of my dreams, was the father.
That wouldn’t be without its own challenges of course. I had my motorcycle license by now, so the kid was probably going to grow up around motorcycles, but boy or girl, he or she wasn’t going to have anything to do with Red Eyes until they were at least fifty. I was putting my foot down on that one.
I yanked my hand away from my stomach as Vera knocked on the doorframe and then leaned against it, watching me. “How’s it going? Do you need any help?” she asked.
“Nah, I’m pretty sure that’s the last of it,” I said. I looked around at all the boxes. There was nothing on the walls anymore, and no furniture left in the room either. Just boxes and boxes. I’d really tried to cut down on the number of things that I had, but it still seemed like a ridiculous amount. And I was moving into an apartment. But the good thing was, if things didn’t fit in there, I could bring them right back here to Vera’s for safekeeping. The perks of living just up the road from your sister.
In spite of all the boxes in here, though, the place seemed utterly bare. I had never seen it this way.
I could tell Vera was thinking the same thing, as she looked sadly around. “I can’t believe you’re really moving out for good.” She sighed.
I laughed. “How do you know it’s for good?” I asked. “Maybe things with Grant will be terrible, and I’ll be back in a matter of weeks.”
Vera’s brows knit together. “Do you honestly think that might happen?” she asked. “Because if so, you know you don’t have to move in with him right away. You could stay here for a little while longer.”
I shook my head, grinning at her. “I don’t think that’s going to happen,” I said. “I’m just saying it could be a possibility. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, that sort of thing. He could have some terrible quirk that I don’t know about, or I could do something that drives him totally crazy. You never know.” I paused. “But things are going really well with the two of us. He’s good to me, and he makes me happy. I really like him.”
“So you’ve said,” Vera said, sounding amused. “And I’ve seen the two of you together. You’re so sweet it’s practically sickening just to watch.”
I stuck my tongue out at her. Very adult, I know. “You’re just jealous because you still haven’t found a guy of your own,” I said.
“Who knows, now that you’ve proven that biker dudes aren’t all bad, maybe I’ll widen my search criteria,” Vera said, grinning at me.
I couldn’t help laughing. “That’ll be the day,” I said. “You with a biker dude. Jeez. I can’t even imagine it.”
I still didn’t know who the perfect guy for Vera would one day end up being. I hoped she would settle down with someone soon, though, now that she saw me settling down. And now that she had the whole house to herself.
I felt kind of bad moving out and leaving her on her own; I didn’t want her to be lonely.
“Yeah, me neither,” Vera said, also laughing. She shook her head. “I really am glad that he makes you so happy,” she said. She paused deliberately. “Actually, though, I can tell that you’re particularly happy lately. Any particular reason why?”
I gave her a guilty look, wondering how she could see through me so easily. She had to know that I was pregnant. But I didn’t want to tell her until after I had told Grant. So for now, I just shrugged. “It’s just the move that’s got me all excited,” I lied. “I mean, you saw the place. It’s gorgeous.”
And perfect for a family: mom and dad and two kids. I was secretly hoping that we’d have two little girls, just like Vera and me, but I knew that Grant was hoping for a boy and a girl. We’d have to see. Just over seven more months of suspense.
“Anyway,” I said, going back to earlier in the conversation, “you’re acting like I’m moving back to California again. I’m just going to be a two-minute drive away.”
“Five minutes,” Vera protested. “Ten if the traffic’s bad.”
I rolled my eyes. “If the worst thing that you have to deal with is a ten-minute drive to come see me, you’ve got it pretty good,” I joked.
“Fair enough,” Vera said.
Just then, the doorbell rang. “That’s probably Grant,” I said, clapping my hands together.
“I’ll get it. You make sure that you have everything,” Vera suggested.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “You’re not going to tell him that I’m staying here?”
Vera laughed. “As tempting as that is, no. In fact, I’m looking forward to a little peace and quiet once you’re gone. Did you know you snore loudly enough that I can hear you down the hall sometimes?”