“You can’t possibly love me.”
And this was what it came down to. She truly didn’t believe I could. “I can. And I do.”
She crossed to the door and opened it, waiting for me to leave. “Please go.”
There wasn’t one ounce in me that wanted to. “Okay.” I stepped within inches of her, cupping her face and leaning in so I could breathe in her scent. “But I won’t go far. And I won’t stop trying to convince you that we belong together. Or how much I love you.” I placed a kiss on her temple and forced myself to step back and out her door.
The sound of it clicking closed was the worst sound in the world. That horrible metallic sound echoed in my ears. And all I could do was count. Count as far as it took and pray she wasn’t done. Mercifully, she opened it when I got to forty. I’d stayed because I was either a glutton for punishment or an eternal optimist.
“For how long, though? For how long would you love me?”
Finally. Progress. I moved quickly, putting my hands at her waist and backing her up inside of her room. “Em, you’re it for me. Forever.”
Her expression was so sad it made my heart break. “It doesn’t work that way. Nothing lasts forever.”
Now I was getting my temper up. “No, it doesn’t. If it did, my mother would still be alive. She’d be adored by my father who was gutted to lose her and by her children who don’t go a day without thinking about her. But I guarantee if you’d given her a choice to have experienced that kind of love even knowing she’d leave us or never have it at all, she’d choose a hundred times to do it all over again. And so would I.”
She swallowed hard. “Nobody has ever loved me. You asked me about my dream. It was always to find someone who finally would. But I stopped believing it was possible.”
I couldn’t fathom being a child and not having love. And how hard it would be to finally allow yourself to be vulnerable to it. Taking her hands, I spoke, meaning every word. “If anyone deserves to be loved and have happiness, it’s you.”
Tears were streaming down her face. “But there had to be a reason nobody loved me. I’m broken, Trev. There’s a darkness inside of me, and I don’t know if I can be fixed.”
I pulled her closer, barely able to keep the emotion out of my voice. “You’re not broken. They were. It was them. Never you. You’ve had to be strong, but now you get to be happy. You just have to let the light in.” I stood there holding her while she sobbed, my own eyes tearing up from the pain she’d endured for so long.
Finally pulling back, she expelled a broken sigh. “What if I can’t do this? A normal relationship.”
Knowing we were at a tipping point, the difference between won’t and can’t, I had to shift the balance to try.
“Then I’ll do it for us until you’re ready. At least try for me, Em. It may take some time for you to trust in my love, but baby steps is all I’m asking. Because I need you. Hell, so does Simon. This morning, he’s also on a plane to New York to help convince you to still work with him.”
“I can’t work there any more.”
“He resigned from the Stone Group. So did I.”
Her expression showed her shock. “What? That’s not what I wanted. He and you shouldn’t have to choose.”
“There is no choice. Not even a hesitation. He won’t work with Tom anymore. Neither will I. And frankly, now that Simon and I are starting our own business of real estate investments, it’s a win for both of us.”
“You’re doing what?”
“Simon was looking for a way to stay in Dallas and not have to travel. He’s wanted to get into real estate for a while. And since it’s always been my dream, we’re starting together.”
“But won’t Phillip be pissed? I mean he has a lot of power and—”
“Simon has promised to stay in an advisory role if Phillip agrees to be amicable and not have him work with Tom ever again. And I couldn’t be happier to be in a job where I won’t have to lay anyone off. As for loving you, I hope you understand I’m not the only one. In addition to me, both Simon and Peyton adore you. Then there’s my sister. She’d be over the moon at the possibility of you becoming a permanent fixture in her life.”
“Permanent?” Her voice was a whisper full of panic.
Time to go big or go home. “Yes. Nothing lasts forever with the exception of love. And since there aren’t enough lifetimes for me to love you, I’ve gotta pack it all into the one we’ve got.”
Tears glistened in her eyes. “Why? Why would you love me? Even now while I’m pushing you away.”
I held her face, swiping my thumbs over her cheeks to catch the tears now falling. “Especially now. Because now is when you need it. Now is when you absolutely need to believe without a doubt I’m not going anywhere. And as for all the reasons, I’ll need years to scratch the surface of them all.”
“I don’t think it’ll be easy to love me.”
I stroked her face. “That’s where you’re wrong. Loving you isn’t hard. What’s hard is convincing you how much I do and having you believe it. But don’t you worry, sugar. We have the rest of our lives for me to show you.”
“I’ve never done this.” Her words were vulnerable.
“Me, neither. So we’ll probably suck at it for a while until we get it right.”
A smile played at her lips. “It might take me a long time to be able to say what you want to hear. I’ve never said it. Or heard it before.”
It broke my heart to know that. “It’s okay. Because when you do say it, I know you’ll mean it. But don’t ask me to stop telling you.”
She blew out a breath. “I won’t. Were you truly ready to move to New York?”
“I still am. In fact, I’ll search out dog parks, a good butcher, and a place with a barbeque. But under no circumstances should you expect I’ll become a Yankees or Giants fan.”
She laughed for the first time, and it was music to my ears.
“I’m guessing those are American sports teams’ names. And I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I don’t want to stay here.”
“Really?” Now it was my turn to be surprised.
“I wasn’t comforted by the obscurity the city has to offer this time around. Instead, I was lonely and felt empty.”
“Because?”
“Because you make me feel. Even when I don’t want to. Even when it scares me.”
I met her lips, letting all of my emotion pour out into a kiss.
CHAPTER THIRTY SIX
Emma
Love. It used to be the thing I’d never dared to dream of. But now that I was standing at the precipice of a cliff, I could dive in or I could stand there not taking the chance. Not having a clue what awaited me at the bottom. Being scared of the what-if’s and never knowing. Or I could live my life without regret. Knowing no matter what the result, at least I’d taken the chance.
It was nearly three o’clock in the afternoon when I woke up in bed with Trevor. He slept like the dead after traveling, so I didn’t wake him. Instead, I dressed quietly, turned on my phone, and texted Simon. And because I didn’t want Trevor to worry, I penned him a short note telling him I was meeting Simon for a drink and would be back.
My boss and long-time friend knew the place without me having to tell him. How poetic to come full circle to the Manhattan pub where I’d first spilled all of my past to him in a drunken upchuck of information five long years ago. He’d shared his as well. We’d bonded. Then fought hangovers the next morning while trying to carry on a meeting. Now, there was true friendship for you.
I slid into the booth and met his concerned eyes. “Hi.”
“Hi. How are things?”
I took a deep breath. “Better now. He loves me.” I wasn’t sure why I just blurted it out, but Simon didn’t look shocked by it. Instead, he smiled.
“Of course he does.”
He signaled the waitress, and we both ordered pints along with a basket of pretzels. I didn’t hesitate inhaling the carbs.
“
I don’t want to screw this up.” I meant it. If I was attempting this relationship thing, I needed to be all in.
“Then don’t.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
He laughed. “It is. Will you ever cheat on him?”
I was offended. “Of course not.”
“Lie to him?”
“Never again.”
“Those are the only deal-breakers I can think of. So, if you don’t do those things, and you trust him to do the same, what’s the problem?”
I blew my hair out of my face in exasperation. “I’m moody and sometimes need space to myself.”
“Then tell him that. Take a day. A night. Hell, a weekend. Recharge. I’m no different.”
“But you love spending time with Peyton.”
“I do, but similar to you, I’m used to my space, having had it to myself for many years. But sometimes now when I do get that, it makes me all the more anxious to get home. Having separation sometimes brings you together. Life-work balance.”
“For the first time, that phrase doesn’t freak me out.” To have a life outside of work sounded good instead of scary. Changing subjects, I had to ask, “Are you sure you want to resign from Phillip? I don’t want you doing it for me.”
He took my hand across the table, a rare show of affection between us. “Absolutely. In a way, the whole thing just made it easier to do now what I eventually wanted to do anyway. I love you like a sister, Emma. Always have. And when someone hurts my family, I no longer want an association with them. I wish you would’ve told me about Tom earlier.”
I swallowed hard, fighting the emotion over hearing a second person today tell me they loved me. “I was too ashamed. And by the time he joined the team, I didn’t want it to ruin the best job I’d ever had working for you.”
“I assumed as much. But understand nothing you could ever tell me would make me feel different about you. Unless, of course, you stop drinking Guinness with me. In that case, I will definitely have to reevaluate our friendship.”
I let out a laugh, squeezing his hand. “Thank you.”
He squeezed back before returning to his pint. “Don’t thank me yet. I have a whole slew of tasks waiting for you with our new venture. Assuming you will come work for me again?”
As if I’d say no. “Of course I will. What did Phillip say, by the way, when you resigned?” I was curious if Simon had told him everything.
“He said he’d fire Tom if I stayed. I told him I’d continue to consult for the next six months, but only if I never had to see Tom again. I added that he still should fire his nephew as he’s a liability. Last I heard, he’s out of a job.”
“Really?” I thought perhaps karma had been taking a snooze on giving Tom what he deserved, but now it finally seemed to be coming around to bite him.
“About time, if you ask me. He’s a liability to Phillip and his company.”
I let out a breath, feeling a deep sense of justice. “Guess it would be good to leave New York quickly.” The last thing I wanted was to run into Tom after he’d been fired.
“You think you’ll be okay with making Dallas home?”
“Believe it or not, I miss it already.”
His eyebrows shot high, and then he leveled me with a knowing look. “New York isn’t quite the escape it used to be, is it?”
“No, it sure isn’t.” Because home had taken on a new meaning.
***
Once I returned to the room, Trevor was up and seemed to have been waiting on me. I didn’t miss the relief in his expression. I guessed trust would take some time for both of us.
“Hi.” His dimpled smile made my heart beat faster. He pulled me into his arms, giving me a kiss before I could return the sentiment.
Pulling back, I murmured my hello.
“Why do you taste like Guinness?”
“I met Simon for a pint.”
“You drink Guinness?”
I laughed. “Yes. Although it doesn’t taste as good in the States as it does in Ireland.”
His grin was contagious. “Huh. Guess I still have a lot to learn about you. And evidently, we need a trip to Dublin to have a pint or two.”
“Guess so. By the way, who is watching Rufus?”
“Peyton is. We’ll return the favor next weekend when Simon takes her out of town to propose.”
I smiled, thinking it was about time. Of course, it had taken this long because he’d needed to travel to London to get his mum’s vintage ring. “Good. Um, now that we’re staying in Dallas, where are we going to live?”
“I thought perhaps renting a house with a big backyard might be in order.”
“So live together?”
He dipped his head to kiss my neck. “Does that freak you out?”
I took stock of my feelings. It had been quite the morning. They’d been bouncing all over the place, but now—Now, I felt peace about making future plans. “Not at all. Trev?”
His lips had been traveling behind my ear while his hands ran over my ass. “Yes.”
I leaned back, framing his handsome face with my hands and meeting his eyes. “I’m glad you didn’t listen to me when I told you to go.”
“Me, too.”
I took a deep breath. “Tell me you love me again.” Suddenly, I needed to hear it more than ever.
His smile came easily. “I love you, Emma. Without hesitation. Without reservation. And always without regret.”
Now it was my turn to smile. Because I couldn’t not say the words bubbling up from my heart any longer. He was amazing. “I love you, too, Trevor.”
His thumbs wiped under my eyes which, unbeknownst to me, were brimming with tears. I could see emotion in the depths of his as well. “Best thing I’ve ever heard in my life were those words, sugar.”
I kissed him deeply and then said words I never thought would pass my lips, yet felt perfect in this moment. “Let’s go home, cowboy.”
EPILOGUE
Trevor
The knock sounded on my bedroom door. “Come on in.” I was expecting my sister, and she didn’t disappoint. Her expression went astonished when she came in and saw everything that was lying about in my childhood bedroom.
“Holy shit, Trevor. What is all this?”
I smiled, looking around the bed covered in items, boxes, tissue, wrapping paper, and bows. And I could swear I had tape and scissors around here, too. “Christmas gifts for Emma.”
She met my gaze. “How many are there?”
Yeah, so I’d had an idea of what to get her for our first Christmas together. “Twenty-seven of them. One for every year she didn’t have a present under the tree.” It was a far cry from making up for her rough childhood, but I sure as hell wanted to give her the best holiday of her life.
The last few months with her had been every fantasy come true. We’d developed a good balance between working together in the new real estate venture and our personal lives. Since we’d started living together almost six months ago, we’d only grown closer.
Avery’s eyes welled up with tears. “That’s so sweet. I take it you need help wrapping them.”
“I’d be forever grateful.” It had taken me fifteen minutes to do only one. And the result wasn’t very pretty if I was being honest.
I’d driven to my childhood home two days ago and had been going through each of the packages, most of which I’d ordered online. There was one last important item I needed to get from my father.
Two hours later, we were finally done with wrapping. My sister sat back and surveyed the packages which, thanks to her, looked like they’d been professionally done, with ribbons and bows and sparkly shit that she’d gone to her room to get. In all, the effect was dazzling.
“You aren’t planning to have her open these gifts in front of everyone tomorrow, are you?”
I had. Emma was flying into Houston tonight, and we were spending Christmas Eve and Day at my house. Avery had decorated the place all up the way my mom would’ve if she’d been al
ive.
“What’s wrong with having her open the presents?”
She frowned. “I just think she might be emotional over it.”
Shit. She was right. “I wanted to have everything under the tree.” I’d pictured her waking up to that.
She laughed. “How sound of a sleeper is she?”
Thankfully, Emma slept heavily unless Rufus chose to lick her face. “Very. And I like where you’re going with this.”
That night, I picked Emma up at the airport. When she walked out to baggage claim, I thought she had to be the most beautiful woman I’d ever met, wearing her skinny jeans, knee-high leather boots, and cream-colored sweater. But it wasn’t until she fixed her smile on me that my world tilted. From the moment I’d first met her, I’d known she was it for me.
She didn’t hesitate in putting her arms around me. It might have only been a couple of days since we’d seen one another, but we’d definitely missed each other.
“Hi, cowboy.”
“Hi, yourself, sugar.”
“It felt strange in the house all by myself the last couple of nights.”
For the last few months, we’d been living together in a rental house. I intended to propose a few months from now, on the anniversary of our meeting at the gym. After she hopefully accepted, we could start to build a house.
We both liked the Dallas area as it was close enough to my father’s home and allowed us to work with Simon on our new real estate investment company. Yep, Simon and I were officially partners, and Emma was the glue that kept us organized. Our first commercial building had broken ground just last month.
As for my father, he’d been elected Mayor of Houston and had brought in a new CEO for Newhall Oil and Gas. The guy was doing a great job, and best of all, I no longer felt guilty about not taking over the family business.
“Rufus whined all night as if to say, where the hell is she?”
She kissed my lips in a display of affection I never took for granted since she had never given them to anyone before me. “Aww. Good thing I’m here for Rufus, then.”
I laughed. “He is rather gone for you.”
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