by Yume
* * *
Joanna Burke. Joanna Burke. Joanna Burke.
The name kept swirling inside her head. Envy was enclosing her. Darkness had long enveloped her. Somewhere in her heart, there was a hole left open and could never be sealed. She had devoted her past ten years of youth to singing and never had she felt so perturbed before. She had given her entire heart to trust herself and never had she felt so uncertain. She knew clearly the hole was meant for him and yet he had slipped away from her. She was now down to herself again. As always.
Five years ago, Fiona Dixon came in her way during an audition for talent show. She was skilled and very artistic. Nearly everyone voted for her. Facing her opponent, Gabriella was flushed with jealousy. She turned to her own buddy for help and he actually agreed to her selfish command, which surprised her. The week before the audition, Fiona Dixon was found dead in a motel room, suspected for poisoning herself. The truth lay flat though, in both Gabriella’s and Larry’s hearts. She did not commit suicide. She was murdered and died of fatal poison.
Three years ago, Anna Wood was nominated for the most outstanding vocalist of the year. It was never a fair contest. She knew the woman cheated in the competition, charming the judges with her brilliant seduction skills. Gabriella was enraged, envious. There was something she never dared try to do or could never succeed in doing. She was ignored completely, during the nomination, even though she had dedicated the most. It was then she realized sometimes behind all those talents and sweet voices, lure and temptation were even more important. She wept again, for days and nights. This time, Larry hired a man to rape the singer and murder her afterwards. The incident was reported on news headline for nearly a month. The killer, indeed, was never found. Gabriella became the champion.
Two years ago, Gabriella met a friend. She thought Ellen Jones was just the one she needed for a simple lifelong friendship, but she was wrong again. Ellen was kind and cheerful enough, the best type of companions one could ever find. At least, in times of grief, Gabriella got a shoulder to cry on, someone to heed her problems, to gossip with about girls’ stuff and to shop with. Yet, she betrayed her. The girl was broke at that time. With her striking appearance, Gabriella thought bringing her to try out for an audition would be good. Ellen, of course, got the post. Everything was fine at first. They worked together and shared every little secret. And then, it didn’t take Gabriella long to discover her friend actually had more talents than her. Perhaps it was fate. They were never meant to be friends in the first place. Ellen stole her popularity and everything she could possibly snatch from her. Unintentionally yet terribly. Gabriella knew it wasn’t Ellen’s fault. Still, she loathed her. She wanted her dead. Therefore, Larry brought her to Gabriella. They locked her in an abandoned workhouse. On that special night, Gabriella took her revenge. Despite Ellen’s pleads and tears, she beat her to death. Standing aside, Larry looked in panic. He could not fathom how jealousy could drive a woman so mad that she could stand killing her own dear friend. Still, in the end, the corpse was burnt to hide all the possible evidence. Ellen was never heard again.
Murder wasn’t the only thing Gabriella was involved in. When she didn’t kill someone, she tormented the person. Helena Hall was defamed after being reported for having affair with a married gentleman. It was not true, indeed. The artist was approached by a stranger one day in the bar. She got drunk and slept with that man. Photos were taken and posted the next day. The man just happened to look like the gentleman, hired to accomplish a dirty job. Olivia Owen’s case was worse. She was offered with a drink on one occasion and after that, she lost her voice. The culprit was never found and the singer could never gain back her job.
Killing wasn’t the point. All these years, Gabriella only thought of herself. She never regretted or felt a bit guilty of what she did. In her eyes, there was just one person to care about and to notice. As a vain woman, fame was her energy. The more adore she gained from others, the better she felt with herself. She didn’t sing for people- she sang for herself.
Jumping out of bed, she smiled. An idea just crossed her mind. She knew whom to turn to this time. Without Larry, she could still live. Without him, she could also destroy someone.
She walked around in the room and then stopped in front of the mirror. Reflected was a lady in early thirties, with a few wrinkles lined on the forehead.
“Tomorrow, I will hire someone to kill Joanna.” She muttered, looking at her own reflection.
As the sight of Joanna covered in blood popped up into her head, she giggled and swung around merrily. Killing could be an addiction, so she heard. Jealousy was the key. Egotism was the culprit.
“It’s funny you don’t kill yourself.”
Gabriella froze at once. She turned abruptly to where the voice came from and she almost screamed.
“Hush!” The voice said. NO…the girl in the mirror said.
She could no longer see her own reflection but a shadow of another young lady. The girl was extremely beautiful, which somewhat made her green-eyed.
Gabriella opened her mouth but no sound came out. She tried to speak again and failed.
“Gabriella.” The girl went on. “That’s a good name for a singer.”
Gabriella frowned. Now, not only was she mute, she couldn’t move as well.
“But not meant for a crabby and selfish girl like you.” The reflection smirked.
“You know what; I think the real person you should kill is yourself.”
The reflection grinned at Gabriella. “You love yourself more than everyone else. And you hate yourself even more.”
Gabriella shook her head as tears welled up in her eyes. Terror had long overtaken her. Her heart was at her mouth.
“You fail yourself and you know it. You just don’t admit you’re the reason for your own failure and grief.” The reflection laughed. “Life is unfair, alright. You think when people coming in your way don’t exist, you will be fine. But that’s not what it seems. The more you struggle and fight back, the worse life gets to be.”
Tears were rolling down Gabriella’s face by now. Pain was running though her whole body, reaching at each point of her limbs and muscles. She could even hear bone cracking within her.
“This is a dream.” She told herself. “This is a dream…”
“This is no dream.” The reflection said firmly. “Your dream has long shattered into pieces. Don’t you remember what you said?”
Of course, Gabriella remembered. She just denied it.
When she decided to leave home, she told her family plainly she was seeking her own dream. Her dream was never complicated. It was, in fact, rather easy to achieve. She wanted, more than anything on this earth, just to sing forever and be happy. Nothing more. So…how on earth had she ended up this way? She never was happy or satisfied. Fame had blinded her. Jealousy had taken control of her life. There was no turning back.
“You can’t have everything you want, Gabriella.” The reflection said. “This is life.”
And that was the last thing she heard.
Next, the mirror broke into bits. Pieces of glass penetrated her flesh, right into her poisonous heart. In her last second of life, she remembered grasping desperately for air, like she had always desperately yearning for more in her career. She had never realized simplicity is all it takes to be happy. She could have sung for someone else. For instance, Ellen or Larry. She could have been living happily by now with Ellen if only she hadn’t killed her. She could have married Larry but she hadn’t. It just cost too much to be famous or…to remain so. Life changes and it isn’t fair. Yet, it was too late to understand that.
As she lay on the floor, blood spilled out from her mouth.
Even at the end of her life, she couldn’t hear her own voice one last time, for it was too painful to speak.
She held out her arm as though to call for help, but in fact, she was asking to see somebody.
Larry…
But he never appeared.
Larry…I…
She was alone.
Larry…I…am sorry…
As always.