by Mia Carson
“Yeah, well, I admire him for making something of himself on his own, and for being willing to do something for the greater good…unlike some.”
That stung, and Steve’s mouth hardened. “Yeah, well, some of us have more important things to do than become a grunt.” He nodded at Cat. “Be seeing you around.”
Cat giggled as Steve sauntered away. “That was brutal,” she murmured so he wouldn’t hear.
“He’s an ass,” I growled, taking a deep pull on my beer.
I mingled with the others as I finished my second beer. There were about twelve us there, more or less evenly split between boys and girls. I was feeling relaxed and comfortable, the beer hitting me harder than normal. I was a lightweight, but normally two beers wouldn’t knock me on my ass like this. I smiled as I saw Cat and Greg, a guy that Cat would bang occasionally, disappear into the barn. I knew what they were going to do, and the thought made me ache to feel Levi between my legs.
I felt out of sorts, sleepy, and relaxed, and I wanted to see what Cat and Greg were doing. Maybe I could pick up a trick or two for Levi. I moved quietly to the barn following the quiet sounds of passion. When I found them, Greg was standing behind Cat, her pants down around her knees and her shirt off as she braced her hands against a post. Her ass was in his crotch, and his pants were around his ankles as he fucked her from behind. He bent over her back and squeezed her breasts through her bra. I was mesmerized, and I watched them for a moment before I tore my gaze away and stumbled out of the barn.
“Whoa, there, Ella, you okay?” Steve asked as he caught me.
“I don’t feel so good.”
He chuckled. “Two beers and you’re stumbling drunk. You need to work out more. Here, let me help you.”
His arm closed around me, and he helped me to a log where the bonfire would be if it weren’t so wet. We sat down as his arm went around my shoulders. I was so lethargic. Something was very, very wrong. Two beers shouldn’t be doing this to me.
“I need to go,” I said, brushing him off and stumbling to my feet again. I felt like I was in quicksand, every movement an effort.
“Hang on there,” he said, taking my arm. “You’re in no condition to drive. Besides, you came with Cat, and I don’t know where she is.”
I waved at the barn. “She’s in there fucking Greg.”
He looked at the barn and grinned at me. “Well, we don’t want to interrupt that, do we?”
It was hard to think. “No, I don’t guess,” I finally said.
“I’ll take you home.”
I didn’t want to go anywhere with him. I shook my head, but that simple movement made me feel unsteady. “No. I want to go with Cat.”
“Okay. How about you just sit in my truck, until you feel better and Cat gets done? Then she can take you home. That okay?”
My mind was like cold syrup. It was so hard to think. “Yeah, okay. Thanks.”
He led me to his lifted Dodge and helped me inside. I sat for a moment, so sleepy I could barely keep my eyes open. He sat in the driver’s seat. “Why don’t you let me take you home? Levi asked me to.”
All I wanted was to sleep. “Levi said that?”
“Sure did. He’s busy and asked me to take you home.”
Why couldn’t Levi take me home? It didn’t matter. I’d ask him tomorrow. All I wanted to do was to crash. “Yeah, okay, thanks, Steve.”
The last thing I remembered was Levi, or was it Steve, starting his truck.
-oOo-
I stared at the two lines in horror. “No, no, no, no, no, no…” I murmured.
I’d taken the test once already but didn’t believe it, so I bought another pregnancy kit and had taken it with the same results. I couldn’t breathe, and my heart hammered in my chest so hard I thought it might burst through my ribs.
“How?” I asked the empty bathroom.
Levi and I had been so careful! It was impossible! Then a sinking dread settled over me. I’d talked to Cat after my escapade at the barn. Cat said I left with Steve, but I didn’t remember anything after he sat me down on the log. She’d brought me a second beer, I’d watched her getting her butter churned by Greg, I was feeling wobbly, I’d bumped into Steve as I stumbled out of the barn, then the rest was nothing but a confused jumble. I remember Levi telling me Steve was taking me home, but that was clearly impossible as Levi was in San Antonio. I also remembered Steve bad-mouthing Levi and it pissing me off, but I couldn’t remember if that was before or after I got fucked up.
What else had I done that I couldn’t remember? I picked up my phone with shaking hands and dialed Cat.
“Hey, girl! What’s shaking?” Cat’s bubbly voice said from my phone.
“I need to talk to you,” I said, struggling not to cry.
“What’s wrong?”
“Can you meet me somewhere? It’s important. Please.”
“Sure. I’ll meet you at McDonalds in an hour. What’s wrong?”
“I’ll tell you when I get there,” I said and hung up.
What was I going to do? I was supposed to leave for college in less than three weeks! My stomach twisted, and I leapt from the toilet where I was sitting, threw the lid up, and puked. It wasn’t morning sickness, it was nerves. Mom and Dad were going to kill me!
Cat worked as a cashier at PayLess Foods. She only had a half-hour for lunch, so I made sure I was early. My hands were shaking as she slid into the booth across from me.
“What’s wrong? You’re pale as a ghost.”
It was all I could do not to cry. “I’m pregnant, Cat,” I whispered, and despite my best efforts, tears began to crawl down my cheeks. “It must have happened at the barn, but I don’t know how. Did I…?”
The color drained from Cat’s face. She leaned across the table. “My God, Ella! Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m fucking sure! I missed my period, and I checked twice! You think I’d be this upset if I wasn’t sure? I don’t understand it! I only had two beers, but I was completely out of it. Did I do… something?”
Something was up with Cat. I expected her to be upset for me, but she looked horrified and unexpectedly guilty. “Steve,” she said softly. “He’s been bragging to his buddies that after you and he left, you came on to him and wanted him to give you a ride.”
I felt like I was going to throw up again, and I couldn’t stop the tears. “I didn’t! I swear! I’d never do that to Levi!” I covered my face with my hands and sobbed. “I don’t know how this happened.”
Cat moved to my side, slid in beside me, and put her arms around me. “I’m so, so, sorry.”
I twisted out of her arms. Something in her tone, and the way she looked when I told her the news was off. “What? What aren’t you telling me? What did I do?”
Her eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t mean for this happen.”
“What did I do? Tell me.”
“I put an Ambien in your beer,” she mumbled, unable to meet my gaze. “I just wanted you to relax and have a good time. I didn’t know you were going to fuck Steve. Why aren’t you on the pill?”
I stared at her in shock. “You drugged me?”
“I didn’t drug you. I put one Ambien in your beer to relax you. You were so upset about Levi being gone. I was trying to help!”
I became white hot with rage over her treachery. I shoved her out of the booth and she landed on her ass on floor. I scrambled out after her and stood over her. “You fucking drugged me, you fucking bitch! I didn’t fucking sleep with Steve, he fucking raped me after you drugged me!”
She crabbed backwards and got to her feet, making placating gestures with her hands. “I didn’t mean for this to happen!” she hissed.
I was beyond rational thought. I drew back and hit her as hard as I could, a ringing slap across the face that made her stagger back.
“You didn’t mean for this to happen? You were just trying to help?” I screamed. “I’m fucking pregnant because of you! You’re supposed to be my best friend! How could you
do that to me?”
Before she could answer the manager showed up and tossed us both out. I didn’t care. I was going to have her ass and Steve’s both in jail for this. “Get away from me. I never want to see you again.”
“Ella, please! I’m sorry! I swear, I didn’t mean for this to happen!”
“Well it did! I was raped, and you helped Steve do it!”
I turned on my toe and stomped away. I was going straight to the cops.
“Ella, please!” she cried to my back, but I wasn’t listening.
Levi
I stood at parade rest, one among many, all of us in our dress blues as the graduation ceremonies proceeded.
When I’d boarded the bus eight weeks ago I made myself a promise: I wouldn’t have to learn everything the hard way. I was going to watch and learn from other’s mistakes. That attitude had served me well.
I was in decent shape from working on the farm, so I didn’t have Sergeant Masterbaugh, or ‘Masturbate’ as some in my flight called him, always crawling up my ass over PT—physical training—like some of the others. The only person who could compete with me was Ramirez. He ran in the distance events in high school track, so running was no problem for him. In all other aspects, though, I was the guy at the front in PT, and I made it a point of pride that I was going to beat that little bastard at least once in the run before we graduated.
I learned on the first day to call Sergeant Masterbaugh ‘Sergeant’ and not ‘sir,’ as another member of my flight found out the hard way. I kept my head down, didn’t complain, and did what I was told to the best of my ability, which seemed to satisfy Masterbaugh enough that he wasn’t in my face all the time. Air Force BMT was supposed to be a cakewalk compared to the Army and Marines, so if we were being yelled at this much in the Air Force, I was glad I hadn’t joined one of the other branches.
I’d learned to salute, march, and dress properly, as well as what it meant to be a member of the United States Air Force. My best moment came during our third week when I’d done something right. I couldn’t even remember what it was, but Masterbaugh was in my face, demanding to know why I’d done what I’d done. I’d apparently answered him in a way he liked, because from that moment on, he demonstrated his newfound belief in me by getting in my face only half as often as some of the others. I threw myself into training, and on our last independent run before graduation, I’d beat that asshole Ramirez, though it was only by a few yards and I thought I was going to die.
Now, I was standing in a sea of blue, about to become part of those who were aiming high. I might be kidding myself, but I felt like I’d arrived a boy and was leaving a man. I’d done things I didn’t think I could, learned to conquer my fears and doubts, came to believe in myself and those around me, and had a confidence in myself I hadn’t felt before. I was ready to face the world in a way I hadn’t been just eight weeks ago.
I hadn’t seen my parents as my flight marched in, but that was okay. I knew they were there, along with Ella. As soon as the ceremonies were over, I had the weekend off before I returned to Lackland to begin my two months of Security Forces Specialist training.
As much as I wanted to see Mom and Dad, I wanted to see Ella more. We probably wouldn’t have time to slip away for some private time since I had to be back on base each evening, but just getting to hold her in my arms again would be a balm on the emptiness I felt with her absence.
As we completed our oath I felt a profound sense of accomplishment. When we were dismissed, we began filing out, each of us eager to meet our families, none more so than me, but I had one other thing to do first.
“Sergeant Masterbaugh!” I said, firing off my best, most crisp, salute.
“Airman,” Masterbaugh said, returning my salute.
I offered my hand. “I wanted to thank you.”
He took it, but I could tell I wasn’t the first raw recruit who wanted to shake his hand. “For what, Airman?”
“For making me who I am today.”
For the first time, I saw Masterbaugh smile. “Spice, you aren’t the worst piece of shit I’ve had the honor to train. You’re going to go far in my Air Force.”
“Thank you, Sergeant!” I said with a smile before giving him another crisp salute, just like he’d taught me. I pivoted on my toe in my most formal manner, my back ramrod straight, and marched away until I’d put enough distance between us I felt I could relax.
The families were told where to wait based on what flight their son or daughter was on so we could find each other. As I shuffled forward, I wondered what Ella would think of the egg that used to be my head. She’d always enjoyed playing with my hair, but she was going to have a hard time doing that now since all I had was a fuzzy stubble.
I saw Mom, an instant later, Dad, but I still hadn’t picked Ella out of the crowd. My heart swelled at seeing them. “Mom!” I cried as I took her into my arms. “You’re squishing me,” I teased as she held me tight.
“I so glad to see you,” she said, her eyes wet.
I turned to Dad, offering my hand. He took it, gave it a firm shake, and pulled me into a back-slapping hug. “We’re so proud of you, son,” he said.
When he released me, I looked around. “Where’s Ella?”
“She couldn’t make it,” Mom mumbled, her lips turning down and a profound sadness clouding her face as she held my gaze.
I was crushed with disappointment. “What happened? Is she okay?”
She took me by my arm and began pulling me away from the crowds, talking about other things. She was avoiding the subject of Ella. We made it all the way to the parking lot before I couldn’t contain my curiosity any longer. I gently pulled Mom to a stop.
“Ella?” I asked again.
“Something’s happened,” Mom said, her voice flat and devoid of emotion.
She was hiding something and a cold hand of impending doom squeezed my heart. “What? Is she okay?”
“She’s pregnant, son,” Dad said, his jaws tight in contained anger.
The cold hand squeezed tighter. It had to have been the first night, when I’d taken her in my truck. I hadn’t pulled out soon enough and the condom must have leaked. I’d tried to be careful, tried to be sure the condom hadn’t spilled, but obviously it had.
This was a disaster! All our plans were in shambles because I couldn’t keep my cock in my pants. She must hate me. Her parents must hate me. That’s why she wasn’t here, and I felt sick with guilt.
I’d ruined her plans to attend college, but I’d make it up to her somehow. As soon as I was out of specialist training, she could come to me. We’d get married and I’d send her to school, maybe night or online classes. Maybe she’d have to wait a little while, but I made myself the promise that no matter what it took, no matter what I had to do, I’d make sure she could follow her dream of becoming an RN. We’d make it work, if she’d still have me.
All the thoughts jumbled together as I looked from Mom to Dad and back. “Does she hate me?”
They both looked at me strangely. “Why would she hate you? It’s not your fault she got drunk and got herself pregnant,” Dad said, his voice hard.
“What? Got drunk and got herself pregnant? When? What are you talking about?”
Dad looked around. We were in a sea of fresh graduates and their families. “Come on. We’ll talk more at the motel.”
I followed them to Mom’s Taurus almost as if I were sleep walking. I was trying to wrap my head around what Dad had said, but as soon as he started the car, I twisted to look at Mom sitting in the back seat.
“Just tell me what’s going on. I don’t understand.”
“Not a lot to tell, Levi,” Dad said. I glanced at him before I looked back at Mom. She looked like she was trying not to cry. “She went with Catherine Meyer to the old Caswell barn. She had too much to drink and had unprotected sex with Steve Calhoun. She—”
“Steve Calhoun!” I interrupted. “She can’t stand him. Why would she fuck him?” I cringed. “Sorry, M
om.”
Dad shook his head as we crept along in a queue of cars, waiting our turn to exit the parking lot. “I don’t know. She said it was rape, but everyone who was there said he was hanging all over her just before they left, and she didn’t seem to mind. He claims it was consensual. The police questioned everyone, but I don’t think the rape charge is going anywhere. She claims she was drugged and passed out, but again, everyone saw her walk to his truck.”
I leaned against the head rest, my eyes closed as I tried to absorb the information. I had a hard time believing she would do something like that, but the old fears that she would realize she didn’t want some Air Force grunt roared back to the surface. She hadn’t even waited until she got to college.
Mom reached between the seats to touch me on the shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Levi. I know what she meant to you, but maybe this is a blessing.”
“A blessing! How?”
“Better to find out now, before you married her, that she can’t be trusted.”
I said nothing for a long moment. “I don’t believe it. Something else is going on, there has to be!”
Dad shook his head again. “The police investigated her claims. She’s spinning this wild story about her friend, Catherine, drugging her beer. Cat, of course, denies it, and they found no trace of the drug in Ella’s system. She’s blaming everyone but herself. She made a mistake, and now she has to pay the price. This is why your mother and I cautioned you about having sex before you were old enough.”
I wanted to tell them I’d already slept with her, but I was afraid that would make the situation even worse. How could she do this to me? We’d agreed to wait for each other. And with Steve Calhoun? I wanted to hate her, but I couldn’t.
“Why didn’t she come and tell me this herself?” I asked, but I knew the reason. If I’d done to her what she’d done to me, I wouldn’t be able to face her either.