Beautiful Illusion

by Jacquie Underdown

  “Definitely not as old as you.”

  “How old?” I said more forcefully.

  “I’m only twenty-nine. A young calf compared to you.”

  I slapped him on the arm. “You’re a tease. Do you realise that?”

  “And you’re gullible. Has anyone told you that?”

  I lowered my eyes to the bed and nodded.

  He pulled up his other leg onto the bed, crossed them both under his body. “Now, need I clarify the rules?”

  “I didn’t break any rules.”

  He smiled. “The main rule is to answer each question honestly.”

  “What are you accusing me of, Brennan? Cheating?”

  He laughed. “Cheating is such a harsh word. More like bending the rules.”

  “How did I allegedly bend the rules?”

  “You said that you’re not one of those women who are afraid to tell others their age.”

  I lowered my head, stared at the bed sheets. “Okay. You got me. I was absolutely petrified of turning thirty.”

  His eyes widened. “Why?”

  “I don’t know, really. No, actually, I lie. I do know. But it’s kind of bizarre.”

  Brennan drew his lips into a straight line. “Tell me.”

  “Ever since I was a young girl, I’ve always had this niggling thought that I wouldn’t live past thirty.”

  “What, why is that?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve just always believed that. With thirty closing in on me and stupidly believing my life would end by this age, it made thirty seem very old.”

  “You’re right. That is bizarre.”

  I laughed. “Especially because I’m sitting here now, alive, two days after my birthday.”

  Brennan nodded. “Exactly.”

  “Generally though, I think I expected to have gotten more out of life by this age. I guess while you’re still in your twenties, you have age as an excuse for not having done the things you really want to do. But also, it scared me that, still being single, I was going to be out of the age bracket where I’m still considered desirable.”

  Brennan laughed loud and strong. “Leah, either you have a very low opinion of men, or a delusional perception of how desirable you really are.”

  My cheeks burned..

  He waited for me to lift my head and look at him again before he said, “I’m guessing by that reaction it’s the latter of the two.”

  “Is that a question, Brennan?” “Nope. Merely an observation.”

  “You’re very observant, aren’t you?”

  “When I want to be.”

  I took another few bites of my chocolate bar while Brennan thought of his next question. My stomach was rolling over on itself in anticipation of where he was going to delve next.

  “Okay, I got it. Question two,” he said, smiling. “What’s the one thing you really wanted to have achieved by this age?”

  I rubbed my eyes with my hands and groaned. “This is going to sound so cliché and girly.”

  Brannan shrugged.

  “I wanted to have met the absolute love of my life by now. The man that I knew I would spend the rest of my life with. I wanted to be married, with enough money to spend our year-long honeymoon travelling the world, eating all the different cuisines, drinking wine, making love in every country. Enjoying each other while we’re still young, being whimsical and irresponsible, but totally in love. Then I wanted to come home to Australia and get on with life in any way I chose, whether that is children or a career change, but contented that we have already had our alone-time together.”

  He smiled. “That’s a great goal. I wouldn’t let go of that just yet.”

  I let out a short laugh. “It does sound good, doesn’t it?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “What about you, Brennan? You’re nearly thirty. Is there anything you wanted to have achieved by now?”

  He looked at me with that now familiar, crooked smile. “This might sound a little cliché and girly…” He stopped, waiting for my response, grinning.

  I shook my head. “Just tell me.”

  “If we’re being truthful, and I think we are, I can honestly say that I wanted to have started a family by now too.”

  My eyes widened. “Is that right?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Are you married?”

  He gave a short laugh. “No. Not married.”

  “Girlfriend?”

  “Nope.”

  “So you’re in my boat?”

  “Not exactly. You’re an entire year worse off than me,” he said, before breaking into laugher. Despite my reluctance, I smiled too.

  Brennan set his honest blue eyes on me and grinned. “What question am I up to? Two, isn’t it?”

  “No, it most certainly isn’t. Number three, buddy.”

  He chuckled. “Right. Right. Number three. Of course.”

  “Fire away.”

  “You’ve told me your age, and I know that you’re open to love, and have aspirations to travel and have loads of sex all over the world…”

  “Okay, okay,” I said, shaking my head.

  He held my gaze firmly and asked with genuine curiosity. “I’d like to know about what’s happened in your life. What led you here?”

  “That’s more like two hundred questions rolled into one.”

  “I know. I’m good at this, aren’t I?”

  I broke my Snickers in half and offered him the untouched piece to buy me some time to think. I took another bite of my own and finished chewing my mouthful before I finally answered. “I was born on 20 September, 1982 in Dublin, Ireland.”

  “You’re Irish?”

  “Technically, but I couldn’t even tell you what Ireland looks like. We moved to Australia when I was two and we’ve never been back.”

  “Your father didn’t seem to have an accent.”

  “No, he doesn’t. He’s as Aussie as they come. My mother was Irish.”

  “Was?”

  I lowered my eyes to the bed. It wasn’t usually difficult to talk about my mother, but my voice unintentionally took on a softer tone.

  “My mother died in a car accident when I was four.” I peered at Brennan, trying to gauge his reaction. His eyes suggested empathy, but he didn’t say anything. “My dad was working in Dublin as a carpenter when he met Mum. He said it was love at first sight. They married three months after they met.”

  “How old was your mum when she died?”

  “Thirty-five.”

  “Too young,” he said. “It must have been hard on you all.”

  “Dad didn’t take it too well. Still doesn’t. He’s never remarried. Not that he hasn’t tried. He’s had three fiancées, and about ten girlfriends, over the years, but his relationships always fail. He says it’s because Mum was the love of his life and no-one will ever be able to take her place.”

  “That’s too sad.”

  “My sister, Sinead, and I were too young when she died to really remember her. All I know of her is of what Dad and my older sister, Caitlin, tell me, and the photo albums. I look uncannily like her though. Same blonde hair, same pale skin, identical green eyes.”

  “She must have been beautiful.”

  “She was,” I said before realising he was attempting to compliment me. I had to tear my eyes away, but didn’t miss his smile. When the heat finally receded from my cheeks, I looked back up at his waiting eyes. “Growing up without a mum wasn’t as difficult as a lot of people would like to imagine. I don’t really know any different, so I can’t complain. Although, in retrospect, I can see that my sister, Caitlin, jumped into the mother role.”

  “You and Caitlin are close?”

  I flinched. As innocent as the question seemed, Brennan couldn’t know how loaded it actually was. “We used to be close. I once thought we were, anyway. But we’re too different. She leads a very controlled, planned, and rigid existence; I, on the other hand… don’t.”

  “What does Caitlin do for a living?
”

  “She’s a manager for one of the big recruitment companies in the city. She’s extremely successful, drives a BMW, has a penthouse apartment in the city, and is engaged to a millionaire broker.”

  “Doesn’t appeal to you, hey?”

  “That’s not what I want from life. It used to be, but I don’t want to be so successful that I’m stressed out of my brain all the time, no longer even able to be nice.”

  Brennan smiled, leant closer to me across the bed. “What do you want, Leah?”

  “I want to be happy.”

  “You know, it is possible to be successful and happy at the same time.”

  “I’m sure you’re right and I know I’m sounding bitter, but, believe me, I have my reasons.” Reasons I’m not discussing with a man I have known for all of twelve hours.

  I pulled the sheets up over my legs and patted them down, fixed a smile onto my face. “What about you? Do you have siblings?”

  “Yeah, an older brother. Alex.”

  “Do you get on?”

  He smiled. “Yeah. My big bro is great. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we have our moments, but for the most part it’s a pretty amicable relationship. He’s much older than me though, ten years, so perhaps that has a lot to do with it.”

  My gaze was drawn to the door as footsteps sounded against the linoleum floors. A man came strolling through. Speak of the devil. I immediately knew the man was Brennan’s brother Alex. Like Brennan, he was tall and broad, with the same black hair and blue eyes. He was older, though, and didn’t possess the facial symmetry that made Brennan so handsome. He was clean-shaven, well groomed, smelt remarkable, and dressed in what appeared to be an incredibly expensive, black tailored suit. I understood then why Brennan had made that remark about being able to be happy and successful at the same time. By the looks of Alex, he was exceedingly successful.

  “Brennan, you’re in here one day and you’re already chatting up the other patients,” he said with a wide grin, as his eyes found Brennan sitting on the end of my bed.

  I cupped the back of neck with my hand, shifting nervously.

  “I was only joking,” he said, catching my eye.

  I strained a smile, lifted one shoulder with a shrug. “Yeah, I know.”

  He extended his hand towards me. “I’m Alex Lee.”

  “Leah Shaw,” I said, shaking his firm grip.

  “Leah was actually in the car the ambulance hit,” said Brennan.

  “Ah,” said Alex. “From what I hear, you’re very lucky to have come out of that unscathed.”

  I gasped. “Really? I haven’t spoken to anyone who saw what happened.”

  “I was chatting to the police officers; they said your car was pretty much demolished.”

  I threw my hands to my mouth. “That’s quite a scary image.”

  “I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said.

  I shook my head, waved away his apology. “I’m obviously a lucky woman.”

  “You certainly are. You both are.”

  I looked at Brennan. “By the way, I never did ask why you were in the ambulance that morning.”

  “You didn’t tell her?” asked Alex.

  Brennan shook his head.

  “See, too modest, this one. That’s his problem,” said Alex.

  “Why, what happened?” I asked.

  “Bren copped a crack over the skull with a crowbar.”

  “Oh, no.”

  “It was for a good reason, though—he stopped a young girl from being pulled into some perverted lowlife’s car,” said Alex. He stood beside Brennan and placed his hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, he’s suffered some pain, but he saved the girl. And the police caught up with the paedophile a while later. So you see, Bren’s a little bit of a hero.”

  Brennan rolled his eyes. “Come on, Alex. I wouldn’t go that far. Anyone else would have done the same.”

  “Not so,” said Alex. “Not in this day and age. If you hadn’t done what you did, that girl would’ve been done for by now.”

  “Perhaps,” Brennan said, shrugging his shoulders.

  “That girl will be eternally thankful. God knows what terrible things you saved her from,” I said.

  “It was definitely worth a crack over the head for anyway.” Brennan stood up off the bed. “We’ll have to continue this conversation later, Leah. Two questions left right?”

  I nodded. “Right.”

  Alex looked at his brother and started to laugh.

  “Brennan, there’s a woman present. You could’ve gotten changed,” said Alex.

  Brennan laughed, his blue eyes shining. “What, you don’t like the hospital gown?”

  “Perhaps if your arse wasn’t hanging out the back.”

  Brennan turned so his back was towards me, revealing what they were both finding amusing: his backside peeking out of his open-backed hospital gown. He intentionally swayed his hips from side to side as he walked to his bed, wriggling his firm arse, just a fraction whiter than the rest of his body, in the air as he went.

  I laughed loudly. “You know you could get arrested for that? Indecent exposure.”

  He turned to me with that adorable crooked grin. “What’s a man to do? This is what they give me; this is what I wear.”

  “Always the charmer isn’t he?” said Alex.

  “Definitely.” And even though it was said in good humour, I think I truly meant it.

  Chapter 3

  My head rocked slowly from side to side as I tried hard to drag my eyelids open. It was as though they had been stuck together with bubble-gum. I had to use all my might and concentration to tear them apart.

  I could hear I was not alone. On my shoulder was the soft pressure of a hand and, in my ears, the impatient call of a familiar voice.

  “Leah.”

  Finally, I broke through the wall, bursting out of the blackness and into the sunlight. I opened my eyes. Dad was watching me from the end of the bed with his kind, uncomplaining eyes, while Caitlin was beside me, hand pushing on my shoulder, trying to rouse me.

  “Hi, guys,” I croaked.

  “Hi, honey. How are you feeling this afternoon?” asked Dad.

  “Tired. What’s the time?”

  Dad glanced down at his watch. “Six o’clock.”

  “Six?” I gasped, eyes widening. That meant I had been asleep for at least five hours. I couldn’t comprehend how, in what felt like mere moments, hours had actually passed.

  “Was it this morning I spoke to you, Dad?”

  “Yeah, honey. Don’t you remember?” His voice was tinged with worry.

  “No. I remember. I was just making sure I didn’t have some kind of prolonged unconsciousness, and today was really tomorrow.”

  He reached over and squeezed my foot affectionately.

  “Cait, you must have left work early this afternoon.” I said.

  “I had to come and see you. Dad said you were awake.”

  “You didn’t have to come and see me if you were busy. I would’ve understood.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right, and I’d still be hearing about it at Christmas next year,” she said.

  I’ve always found it funny how some people assume reactions from other people that are completely false. I am convinced it is simply a projection of how they would react to the same situation if the positions were reversed.

  Dad rolled his eyes discreetly at me as if to say, ‘sorry, love.’ As I spoke to Dad, I could see Cait casting sideways glances at Brennan, who sat in his bed reading a book.

  What’s she up to?

  A nurse walked in at that moment, a happy young woman with honey-blonde hair and big brown eyes.

  “Good afternoon, sleepy head,” she said, as she joined me at my bedside. “Sorry to interrupt, guys,” she said, looking to Caitlin and then to Dad, “but I need to check Leah’s temperature and blood pressure.”

  The nurse reached for the blood pressure band and secured it firmly around my arm.

  “Why has Leah
been placed in a room with a man? It’s inappropriate,” said Caitlin.

  My face flushed raspberry with anger.

  The nurse didn’t look at Caitlin, focusing on the flashing dial of the blood pressure machine. “We’re unusually busy at the moment and have had to open up this wing to accommodate everyone. Even after much juggling, unfortunately, we’ve had to room Leah with this other patient.”

  Caitlin planted her hands on her hips. “It’s not good enough,” she said.

  “Caitlin, it doesn’t bother me, so drop it. Please,” I said.

  “If you like, you can talk to administration about your concerns. They should be able to assist you.”

  Caitlin glared at the nurse. “I shouldn’t have to talk to anyone. This situation shouldn’t exist. You don’t put female patients in with male patients.”

  With Cait’s incremental rise in decibels, my anger simmered into embarrassment. I knew Brennan was listening to every word. I realised that I cared about how he would be reacting to Cait’s complaints. I caught his eye as he peeked up from his book, and offered an apologetic smile. He replied with a slight shake of the head, which I translated as, ‘don’t worry. It’s fine’.

  “Leah, are you experiencing any pain?” asked the nurse.

  “No. None at all.”

  “Good. Any drowsiness, dizziness, numbness?’

  “I’ve been asleep for the last five hours and still feel quite sleepy.”

  “Right,” she said taking notes in my chart. “What about nausea, confusion, blurred vision, memory loss?”

  “No. Not really. A little bit of confusion, but I think that’s because I’m losing track of time with all this sleep.”

  The nurse smiled. “The doctor has asked that I take that IV out for you.” With a series of swift, well-rehearsed actions, the honey-blonde relieved me of my IV and stuck a Band-Aid in its place.

  “There you go, Leah. I’ll be in and out during the evening to see how you’re doing.”

  “Thanks.”

  The nurse strode towards Brennan’s bed.

  “Excuse me, Miss,” Caitlin said forcefully from my bedside.

  The nurse pivoted and glared at Caitlin. “I suggest you go talk to administration. They’ll be able to help you with your complaint.” She turned her back on Caitlin and continued to Brennan’s bed.