Danni looked at Leah as they pulled up at a red light. “Love can be made and felt and experienced in many different ways. The mind is only one medium. I know that I’ve had dreams that have been so vivid and lifelike, I cried for hours afterwards because it affected me so much. So I can imagine this man that you fell in love with and then died may not have been real to me or to anyone else, but he was real to you. I’ve no idea what it’s like to be in a coma and dream, but from what I can tell, by your reactions now, those dreams are a hell of a lot more real, more powerful, and longer lasting.”
Leah remained silent as she absorbed Danni’s compassionate words. “You don’t think I’m crazy?”
Danni scoffed. “Remember what you told me about assuming people’s reactions, Leah. That you only assume how you would react to a situation yourself.”
Leah nodded.
“You may think that you’re crazy, but it doesn’t mean that I do.”
Tears started to well in Leah’s eyes again. “Thank you.”
“Hey, that’s what friends are for,” Danni said, shrugging, then took a sharp left. “Come on, we’re going to get some ice cream and cake.”
“You always did know how to cheer me up best.”
“Well if you can’t be with the one you love, ice cream might very well be the next best substitute.”
“Definitely,” agreed Leah.
“And speaking of not being with the one you love, or loved, in your case,” said Danni, her tone suddenly much more serious, “I’ve got something to tell about my brother that might be hard for you to hear.”
Leah’s head snapped around. “What is it?”
“We’ll definitely need ice cream in front of us first before I tell you about that.”
***
Danni helped Leah rescue her face from smudged black mascara before they went into the dessert restaurant. They each ordered a triple chocolate ice cream sundae and a strong coffee.
“Tell me about Antony.” said Leah, bracing for the worst. He got married. He had a child.
Danni’s expression was indecipherable. “It’s not good news, Leah,” she said.
“Oh,” was all Leah could manage. He died.
Danni took a deep breath in. “Antony was charged a couple of weeks ago with sexual assault.”
Leah gasped. That was not what she expected. “I beg your pardon?”
“Sexual assault of some young girl in his company.”
Leah opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
“Since this young girl laid charges, a couple more women have come forward with the same claims.”
“What claims? What does sexual assault involve? Like he pinched them on the arse, or… or…”
“He—he raped them.”
Leah felt her stomach slowly make its way up to her throat. She swallowed heavily. “He raped them?” she whispered.
Danni nodded, a rivulet of tears rolling down her cheek. “Yes.”
“That can’t be, can it? I mean, he wouldn’t have done that. Surely…”
“From what his lawyer has said, there’s an incredible amount of evidence to convict him. It’s almost inevitable that he will be sentenced for this.”
“Jail?”
“Yeah. But you know what? If he raped these women, then he deserves everything he gets.”
Leah nodded, breaths shallow. “Definitely.”
A silence fell over them as they were both lost to their internal thoughts.
“Leah, I have wanted to ask you since I was told about Antony. Why did you and he break up? Did he assault you?” she asked.
Leah shook her head quickly. “No. No, never. He was always absolutely wonderful to me. Until…”
Danni raised her eyebrows.
“I caught him having sex with Cait in her office,” she said. Still, after all these years, embarrassed to admit her fiancé and sister had been so traitorous.
Danni gasped. “He was having sex with Cait? Your sister, Cait?”
Leah slowly nodded. “Yes, he had her bent over her desk and I walked in on them in the act.”
Danni didn’t talk again for a long while, eating her sundae. Eventually she looked back up at Leah, her eyes wet with tears. “Leah, the three girls that have come forward claiming they were sexually assaulted have each said similar things. That Antony had raped them in their offices after spiking their coffees with a small amount of Rohypnol. Not enough to make them completely unconscious, but enough to make them malleable. They were all wearing skirts, and they were all raped over their desks from behind.”
Leah’s heart began to race in her chest, thumping so hard she was sure everyone in the restaurant would be able to hear it. “You think that what I walked in on wasn’t consensual?”
Danni shrugged, face white. “I don’t know. I could believe anything right now.”
Leah stood quickly, hands shaking, throat tight. “I need to go home, Danni. I need to have a long overdue discussion with Cait.”
***
The entire drive home Leah was deep in thought. Her heart rate never once slowed as adrenalin pumped through her body. In hindsight, it made some sense. She had been too absorbed in her own hurt and betrayal and anger to see the truth.
Sifting through her experiences, she now saw things about Cait she had been too blind to recognise. How Cait so willingly sold their company without ever asking why. Maybe she was too distraught, too fragile to continue running such a demanding company, and happily jumped at the opportunity to do away with it. Then, how Cait had jumped directly into another job, working so hard, never taking time off, probably unwilling to fall victim to an idle mind and the memories that invariably seeped in when she wasn’t occupied with something distracting.
Leah remembered something peculiar in her coma memory. The way Cait had reacted to there being a man in the same hospital room with Leah. How Cait had lost her temper with the nurse, even suggested that Brennan could be a rapist. Was there a message in that somewhere? Did Leah, on some subconscious level, know that Cait would behave that way, under those circumstances? That Cait would be scared for her sister, being alone in a room with a strange man? The threat seeming even more real to Cait because she had been assaulted herself?
These memories were starting to hold more truth than she could have ever realised. Were they coincidence or something more? Leah kept thinking, reflecting, trying to find more answers. She thought of what Danni had reminded her before about reactions: that what you assume the reaction of others to be is actually how you would react. Leah remembered how Cait had assumed that Leah would be angry with her if she hadn’t come and seen her in hospital. Could this be an indication that Cait was angry with Leah? It opened up an entirely new flood of thoughts.
Leah began to see that not only had her own attitude towards her sister changed for the worse after that day she found Cait and Antony together, but also that the reverse was true. She realised now that Cait was restrained, bitter, and angry with her. She never called, never came to see her. And when they did have to be in the same place together, their conversation had been incredibly forced. From both ends. But why would Cait be angry with her for something she had no control over?
Because he was my fiancé.
Leah arrived back at her apartment, said goodbye to Danni, and made her way up the lifts. The entire ride up, her stomach was in her throat and her pulse was racing. She made her way through the foyer and could see the dull illumination and hear the faint hum of the television. Walking into the television room, she found Cait, still awake, sitting on the recliner watching a movie.
Cait sat up straight when she saw Leah. “Hey, how was your shopping trip?” she asked.
It almost made Leah start to think that her previous thoughts were just as ridiculous as the rest of her life at the moment. Cait wasn’t at all like the bitter, resentful person she had remembered.
“It was fine,” Leah said.
Cait’s eyes narrowed. “Is everything okay?”<
br />
Leah shook her head slowly and turned a few lights on, before she took a seat on the couch beside Cait’s recliner. “Um, Cait, I really need to talk to you about something.”
Cait’s eyes widened a fraction, but she nodded. “Sure. What’s up?”
Leah couldn’t quite get the words out. She had spent so many years trying to avoid this exact topic and, now that she wanted to talk about it, she was finding it hard to do so.
Leah drew two deep breaths, in and out. “I heard something about Antony tonight.” Cait flinched at his name, and Leah felt a deep pang of sympathy for her sister. “Can you tell me what happened with you and him that day in your office?”
Cait closed her eyes for a long moment. When she opened them again, they were hard. “What do you know?” she whispered.
“I know that I walked into your office and found you and Antony having sex.”
Cait’s eyes widened. “You saw that?”
Leah nodded, still trying to remain calm and brave.
“You saw that and you didn’t stop him?” she hissed.
Her tone was enough to answer any questions Leah had about consent.
“So he did assault you?” she asked.
Cait stood up quickly, started pacing back and forth across the floor.
“What did you think?” she said, finally. “Did you think I was having sex with your fiancé for fun?”
Leah felt and immense guilt creep up her throat and choke her words. “I’m sorry, Cait, but yes. What I saw in that brief moment… I didn’t realise that you were being assaulted.”
Cait sat down again, resting her elbows on her knees, deathly silent.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I didn’t realise what was really happening and I’m so sorry for that. For nearly three years, I thought you had betrayed me, when what really happened was so much worse than that. But most of all, I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you when I should’ve been. Please believe me when I say that I had absolutely no idea about what really took place.”
Cait shook her head. “I can’t believe you knew. I mean, if you thought that I was cheating with your fiancé, why didn’t you confront me? Punch me in the face, scream at me? Why didn’t you do anything?”
Leah hung her head, staring at the ground. “When I saw him doing that,” she spat, “I had, no more than an hour ago, come back from the hospital after losing our baby. I was already so emotional, and seeing him with you emptied me completely. I couldn’t confront you. I had nothing left.”
Cait’s head snapped up and she gaped at Leah. “You were pregnant to him?”
Leah nodded.
“And you lost the baby and then saw me and him?”
Again she nodded.
Cait considered this new information. “Oh, God. You must have really hated me.”
“You weren’t top ten on my speed dial, that’s for sure.”
Cait shook her head. “I should’ve just bloody talked to you about it. It could’ve saved so many years of blame and hate.”
“I should’ve talked to you too. I realise that now. But I was so hurt, thinking that you had…”
“So what did you hear about Antony?” Cait asked, stumbling over his name.
“Danni told me tonight that he has been charged with sexually assaulting at least three women and that there is a lot of evidence to see him convicted.”
Tears started to well in Cait’s eyes. “He did this to other women?”
Leah nodded.
Cait’s shoulders slumped. “I should’ve gone to the police. I could’ve saved those other women from going through what I did,” she said. “But he drugged me, just enough to take away my self-control. There would’ve been no evidence that the sex was forced. He didn’t hurt me. He used a condom. It would’ve been my word against his and I would’ve lost.”
“Oh, Cait. I can’t believe it. I never would have picked him to be a rapist. He was so charming and kind and smart. I don’t know how I could’ve been fooled so severely. I loved him. I loved a man that raped my very own sister. What does that say about me?”
“Leah, don’t dare make him question yourself. He has already caused enough harm. Antony had us all fooled, me included. He was obviously skilled at letting people see what they wanted to see.”
“What about Greg? Did you tell him what happened?”
“No. I couldn’t. He would’ve made me go to the police. I knew they wouldn’t find evidence of foul play, and that alone could have ruined our relationship.”
“This is so fucked up.” Leah said, balling her hands into tight fists.
“Tell me about it. I’m so glad they’re going to convict him though. I hope he becomes some well-hung inmate’s bitch. I hope he has to endure what he made me and those other girls live through.”
“That’s a nice thought.” Leah crossed her legs underneath her. “Cait, why were you so angry with me about this?”
Cait sighed. “Being raped causes an incredible range of emotions. A lot of them irrational. A way for me to cope with what happened to me was to blame others, you included.”
“You blamed me?” Leah whispered.
Cait nodded. “I’m sorry. It’s so irrational, I realise that now. But for years I blamed you. I couldn’t even be in the same room as you because I thought that if you hadn’t been in a relationship with him to start with, Antony would never have gotten close enough to me to do what he did.”
“Wow,” said Leah, bewildered.
“I know. It’s ridiculous. You know the moment I saw you in that hospital bed after the accident, so helpless, not even able to breathe on your own; I knew you were just as much a victim of Antony as I was. Definitely not worthy of any blame. Every day since then, I’ve tried to make it up to you for treating you so horribly.”
“You can stop trying to make it up to me, because I treated you just as badly.”
Cait gave a tense smile “You had your reasons. You were suffering too. I can see that now. It must have been terribly difficult to lose your fiancé and your baby under the circumstances.”
“It’s just a shame I lost you as well, when I should’ve opened my mouth and communicated with you. It would’ve saved so many years of unnecessary anguish.”
“The same is true for me. We’re definitely from the same stock, always hiding our emotions and trying to deal with everything alone.”
“I take it you never told Dad?” asked Leah.
“Oh God no,” said Cait emphatically. “There’s no way I could’ve told him about that. It would have broken his heart.”
“Yeah. I thought exactly the same way. Better to grin and bear it.”
“If Mum were alive, it would’ve been so much easier. She would’ve known exactly what to do.”
Leah nodded and felt a tear roll down her cheek. “I know. My entire life would have been so much easier if Mum were around.”
“But she isn’t and there is nothing we can do about that,” said Cait.
“No there isn’t.”
Leah thought about Kerri and the advice she had given her. “You know, I once spoke to this very wise woman, who actually turned out to be a figment of my imagination so perhaps I’m actually the very wise woman. Anyway, this woman said that it’s important not to bottle things up because one day all those repressed feelings will blow up in your face,” Leah said.
“Well, by the sounds of it, we’ve both been exploding for the last two and a half years.”
“Exactly, when all we had to do was simply talk to each other. So from now on, perhaps we should try and be more open with each other.”
“I think I can do that.” Cait gave a long sigh. “And I think I’m going to tell Greg what happened when he gets back from New York.”
“I think that’s a good idea.”
Leah rubbed her temples with her hands and sighed. “I can’t believe how self-absorbed I am, always so worried about how I’m feeling and what’s happening with me that I never even allowed myself to
see the pain you were going through,” she said, nearly on the verge of tears again. “Not everything revolves around me.”
“Please don’t. What is, is. Leave it in the past where it belongs.”
Leah nodded slowly. “Yeah. You’re right. Leave it in the past and move on.”
“Exactly.”
Leah thought of Matty when she spoke of this. It was exactly what she wasn’t doing with her own life. Instead, she was dwelling on the past every single day and allowing the past to create her future. She owed it to herself to be happy again, even if that meant exploring a new relationship with a new man.
“Thank you for your honesty tonight, Cait.”
“And thank you for yours. It feels as though a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders.”
“I know I can never take back what happened to you, but I’m glad our talking has helped ease the pain.”
“Me too.”
Leah stood and gave Cait a cuddle. “I love you. If you need me for anything, to talk, to cry, if you’re having a bad day, I’m always here.”
“I know. I love you too.”
Taking a deep breath in, Leah said, “I need to make a quick phone call.”
“Who to?” asked Cait.
“Matty. I’m going to accept his offer to take me on a date.”
Cait smiled. “Good for you.”
Leah made her way into her bedroom and glanced at her alarm clock. It was ten o’clock. She wondered, as she picked up her mobile, if it was too late to call Matty, but then decided to call regardless.
She dialled his mobile and it rang three times before Matty answered in a strong, clear voice. “Leah. Hi.”
Leah smiled. “Hi, Matty. I didn’t get you out of bed did I?”
“No, you didn’t. But even if you had, I still would’ve been happy to hear from you.”
Leah relaxed back onto her bed and smiled. “I was ringing to see if that offer you gave me the other day was still open?” she asked, voice shaky.
“Of course.”
“I would like to accept it, if that’s alright.”
She could hear only silence until Matty said, “Yes that’s definitely alright. I don’t have to work tomorrow. Would you like to spend the day together?”
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