“Natalia, I love you. I’m in love with you. I can’t lose you.”
There, he’d finally said it. For a split second, he thought she was going to cave. And then she yanked her hand out of his grasp and glared at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “You utter bastard, Cash. Anyway, it doesn’t matter what you say. You’ve already lost me.”
Cash reached out his hand once more, but when Natalia recoiled, he let it fall to his side. “This isn’t over. It can’t be over.”
A single tear spilled down Natalia’s face. “Then how come it is?”
“I won’t accept that.”
Natalia sighed softly. “It’s not your decision. It’s mine.” She turned her back on him, wrapping her arms around herself. “I need you to leave.”
Cash swept a hand over the back of his head. “Okay, I’m leaving.” He turned around, pausing in the doorway. “But I’m not giving up. I’ll find a way to make you believe me, because I can’t let you go.”
* * *
As the front door clicked shut, Tally dropped onto the sofa and curled into a ball. She put her head in her hands and sobbed, only remembering she wasn’t alone when Emmalee’s hand rested on her shoulder. She pulled Tally into her arms and rocked her like a baby.
“I’ve got you,” she said. “Shall I call Pete?”
“No. Please don’t.” Huge sobs wracked Tally’s body. The pain at Cash’s betrayal was beyond anything she’d ever had to suffer. Her insides felt shredded, and she wanted to claw at her face, to smash everything in sight, to hit out at those she loved.
She wanted to die.
Em held her until she stopped crying, her silent condemnation of Cash filling the room like a thick blanket of fog. “I could fucking kill him,” she muttered under her breath.
She wiped Tally’s face with a crumpled tissue before disappearing into the kitchen. She was back a minute or so later. “Here,” she said, thrusting a glass of brandy under Tally’s nose. “Drink.”
“Urgh,” Tally said, wondering why brandy was always the go-to choice for shock. She hated the stuff but took a sip anyway. An overwhelming need to have a moment alone washed over her, and she started to get up until Em put a hand on her arm.
“Where are you going?”
“Don’t worry,” Tally said, patting Em’s hand. “I’m not going to slash my wrists or anything.”
“Not funny, Tal.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m going to wash my face, that’s all.” She trudged into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and her skin red and blotchy. As she thought about those photographs and Cash’s insistence he’d done nothing wrong, the hole in her chest grew wider, and she wrapped her arms around her body as though trying to hold herself together. She’d known a breakup would cause emotional pain, but the physical agony was a terrible side effect she hadn’t bargained for.
She rinsed a flannel in warm water and scrubbed her face. She expected to look different somehow, but apart from the temporary alterations caused by crying so much, she looked exactly the same on the outside. The inside was a different story, however. She’d changed, her broken heart not quite fitting right when she tried to glue it together, as though pieces of the jigsaw were missing.
She pulled the bathroom door shut behind her and headed into the kitchen. The smell of grilling bacon made her stomach roll.
“Not for me,” she said, pulling up a chair at the kitchen table.
“You need to eat,” Em insisted, but Tally shook her head
“I can’t. I’ll be sick.” She went to the fridge and poured herself a large glass of wine.
“That’s not the answer.”
“Then tell me what is!”
Em kept her eyes locked with Tally’s and silently watched her knock back at least half the glass of wine in one go. Tally carefully placed the glass on the kitchen table when what she really wanted to do was throw it at the wall.
“Tell me what to do, Em,” she said softly, her voice beginning to crack.
Emmalee eased the glass out of Tally’s reach. “I can’t, babes.”
“He said he loved me,” she said in a whisper.
Em sighed. “As much as it pains me to say it, I think he does, Tal. In his own way. But a man like Cash… I don’t think monogamy is a word he understands. Sooner or later, he’d have fucked up. If it wasn’t with this Gracie, it would have been with someone else.”
Tally winced as Em said the name of her nemesis out loud. “You’re right,” she said, shaking her head sadly as the realisation of what she would have to do slotted home.
“I can’t stay here, Em. I have to get away. At least for a few weeks. Cash said he would be back, and he will. He won’t leave me alone because I’m the one who ended it. He truly believes he’s done nothing wrong, and if I don’t go, I’ll never be free of him.”
Em dashed her tears away away before they had a chance to fall. “Where will you go?”
“Probably Pete’s place in Brighton. I’m sure he won’t mind loaning it to me for a while.”
“But what will I do without you?” Em whispered.
“I was going anyway.” Then Tally’s face crumpled. “It’s not so far, and it won’t be forever. Just until Cash gives up.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“He will. In the end.” Tally wearily got to her feet and kissed Em’s cheek. “Hope you don’t mind, but I need to be alone.”
Tally closed the bedroom door and climbed under the covers. She retrieved her phone from the bedside table and flicked through pictures of her and Cash together during the last few weeks. Paris, Rotterdam, Northern Ireland. She didn’t need Google anymore. She had her own images. Personal, wonderful images that were too painful to look at for very long.
She tossed her phone to the side and curled her body into a ball. The pain was like experiencing a death, and in a way, she supposed that was exactly what it was: the death of a perfect future that had been cruelly snatched away.
Tally stared into the well of despair—a familiar sight but one she’d hoped never to see again. As she plummeted into the darkness, she closed her eyes and allowed her tears to fall.
Turn the page for preorder links for Losing Game, Book Two in the Winning Ace Series where Cash and Tally’s story continues, and a little sneak peak at Chapter 1
Preorder Losing Game by clicking on this link or read for free in Kindle Unlimited
Losing Game releases on July 31 2017
LOSING GAME - A Winning Ace Novel - Book 2
ONE
Rainwater trickled down Tally’s neck as she ran home from the supermarket. Pete’s flat was normally a ten minute walk but in this weather, it took her twice as long. As she moved away from the coast, the wind dropped, although the rain still soaked through her jeans. She dug the front door key out of her pocket and inserted it into the lock. Kicking the door shut behind her, she shrugged off her wet coat and threw it over the bannister.
She swapped her damp clothes for pyjamas, even though it was still early. As she ate dinner at the small table squashed in the corner of a kitchen too cramped to house one, loneliness engulfed her. Since breaking off her relationship with Cash, she had found it difficult to dredge up any emotion apart from an intense sadness that grew like a cancer, until it was as much a part of her as blood and bones and sinew.
God, she missed him.
Cash Gallagher, tennis ace. Love of her life.
Cheating bastard.
Every time she closed her eyes, her mind was ransacked with images of Cash in the living room of her flat in London with those incriminating photographs fluttering from his hands. His earnest expression as he’d lied to her face about the woman he’d been kissing. His cruelty at choosing that moment to tell her, for the first time, he was in love with her.
She made herself a hot chocolate and wandered into the living room. She took a sip and picked up her phone, desperate to hear Em’s voice.
“Hey,
babes,” Em said, answering so quickly, Tally hadn’t even heard the ringing tone. “How are you doing?”
Tally forced a smile, hoping it would filter into her voice. “Yeah, good, although the weather here is awful today.”
“Tell me about it,” Em said. “It’s like a monsoon. Where the fuck is spring?”
“Hiding. I got drenched coming back from the supermarket today. I can hardly believe it’s April next week.”
“You’re eating then?”
Tally fidgeted in her seat. “A bit. I must admit, the breakup diet does wonders for weight loss.”
Em heaved a sigh. “That’s not funny, Tal. You’d better be taking proper care of yourself because, I swear to God, if you look scrawny when I get there this weekend, I’m going to cram sausage rolls down your throat.”
Tally laughed. “I’m eating. Just not as much as I was. Let’s face it, Em. I could afford to lose a few kilos—and now I have. I like the thinner me, although I still can’t shift my fat arse.”
“Hmm,” Em replied, sounding not in the least bit convinced. “I’ll make up my own mind on Friday. I should be down about seven.”
“I can’t wait,” Tally said, and despite all the “no more crying” promises she’d made to herself, her voice broke on the last word.
“Come on, babes,” Em said, her own voice quivering. “You’re going to get through this.”
“I miss him,” she whispered as fat tears clung momentarily to her eyelashes before spilling down her cheeks. “It’s not getting any easier.”
“I know you do. But you have to stay strong, Tal, otherwise you’ll end up crawling back to him and regretting it. You’re better than that, and you deserve better than him.”
“Doesn’t help numb the pain though.”
Em caught her breath. “You’re breaking my heart, Tal.”
Tally dashed away her tears, making the back of her hand wet. She wiped it on her pyjama bottoms. “I’ll be fine, especially when you get here. I’ll spend this weekend planning next weekend.”
“If this weather continues, we can stay in and watch trashy movies and eat takeaway pizza.”
“Sounds perfect.”
“Are you sleeping any better?” Em said.
“A little,” Tally replied, yawning on cue.
“Get an early night. Love you, babes.”
“Love you too.”
Tally hung up the phone as despair swamped her. Thoughts of Cash slowly crept into her mind, but she shoved them away. She couldn’t allow herself to think about him too much. Every time she dwelled on what could have been, even for a fraction of a second, the tears would come and she’d cried too much already.
She grabbed her mug of hot chocolate and went to bed. She rubbed eyes stinging through lack of sleep. Her body may be exhausted, but her mind had other ideas.
Reluctantly, she took a sleeping pill. All she needed was a decent night’s kip, then she’d be able to think more clearly. As the tablet took effect and her eyelids began to droop, her mind drifted to whether Cash was suffering too. The thought comforted her, but she couldn’t carry on like this. Three weeks of wallowing in self-pity was enough. As the sleeping tablet dragged her under, she vowed that tonight was the last night she’d allow Cash Gallagher to have a hold over her.
Tomorrow, she would take control.
* * *
Tally awoke the next morning, groggy with sleep. The pill had done its job because she could barely crank open her eyes. She lay there for a few minutes allowing her body to come around in its own time. Slowly, she swung her legs out of bed and padded over to the window.
The weather had improved from yesterday. The sun hovered low in the sky, and wispy clouds bobbed along on a light breeze. She threw on her dressing gown and headed into the kitchen, full of yesterday’s determination to take control of her life. The first decision had been made. She was going to stick with her plans to freelance because it would give her freedom to travel—travel meant moving around, and moving around meant Cash would find it harder to track her down.
Not that he’d made any attempt to…
Ignoring the crushing weight on her chest, she made a cup of tea and stepped into the tiny courtyard. Outside space was a premium this close to the coast in Brighton. Pete’s back yard had barely enough space for a bistro-sized table, two chairs, and a few terracotta pots which were home to several neglected evergreen shrubs.
With a distinct chill in the air, she warmed her hands around the mug as she sat on one of the iron chairs. In the last few weeks, she’d struggled to even motivate herself to get dressed, and yet today felt like a new start. She’d never get over what Cash had done, but she had to find a way to come to terms with the fact they’d broken up. She had her whole life in front of her. She couldn’t let a brief affair with her childhood idol define her entire future. She wouldn’t allow that.
Unable to face breakfast, she threw on workout gear, tucked her iPod into the back pocket of her running pants, and headed down to the seafront. She’d always hated exercise, but these past few weeks she’d found solace in running. When she ran, she became so focused on controlling her breathing and the heavy ache in her legs, she momentarily forgot about Cash which gave her a temporary reprieve from her constant companion—heartache.
Brighton seafront always had plenty of joggers running up and down, but because it was Saturday, Tally found herself having to dodge more people than usual. It wasn’t long before sweat dampened her T-shirt, despite the early morning chill. She stopped to remove her jacket and tied it around her waist.
She ran towards Hove for about two miles before turning around. She was slowly building up endurance, although hadn’t quite cracked the five mile mark yet. When she arrived back in Brighton, she headed for the pier and bought a bottle of water from one of the stand sellers, and mingled in with the tourists while she caught her breath.
She finished drinking, tossed the bottle into a nearby recycling bin, and set off for home. At walking pace the cool air chilled her skin. She couldn’t wait to get into the warmth, take a hot shower, and drink an even hotter cup of tea.
She turned into her road and removed the front door key from the back pocket of her running pants. The gate creaked as she opened it, and as it closed behind her, she promised to pop a bit of oil on it later. She inserted the key in the lock as the gate creaked again. She glanced over her shoulder. Her breath hitched and all the blood drained from her head. She let go of the key and gripped the handle as she sagged against the front door.
“Hello, Natalia.”
The sharp pain in her chest couldn’t have been any worse than if someone had cracked open her ribcage, reached inside, and torn out her heart.
“Leave me alone, Cash,” she croaked to the man she’d adored since she was fifteen.
“I can’t do that.”
She tightened her grip on the door handle, certain if she let go, she’d crumple to the floor. “Don’t you think I’ve been hurt enough,” she whispered.
Cash bowed his head and his shoulders drooped. “I don’t want to cause you any more pain.”
“Then go away.” She turned her back on him and opened the door.
“Please, Natalia, can we go inside and talk?”
She rested her forehead against the doorframe. “No,” she said in a wavering voice. Tears pricked behind her eyes. She dug her fingernails into her palm as she swallowed past an uncomfortable lump in her throat.
“I can explain,” he said, his hand lightly touching her arm.
She spun out of his reach but kept her back to him. “I said no.” Her chin trembled and she clenched her jaw to stop the involuntary movement. “I’m not interested in anything you have to say.”
“I know I’ve fucked up. Please, let me inside. I’ll tell you everything. About Gracie, about my mother and father. Everything. It’s what I should have done already.”
“Cash, please.” She faced him then, her voice cracking as the tears she’d desperately t
ried to hold back spilled down her cheeks. “Why are you doing this?”
“Oh, baby,” he said, reaching for her again.
She staggered backwards, half stumbling over the step. Her ankle twisted as she tried to save herself. Cash shot out an arm and pulled her against his chest. This time, she didn’t have the energy to resist. She slumped against him as he dug around in his pocket. He produced a crumpled tissue and wiped away her tears.
“You’re freezing. Let’s go inside and get you warmed up.”
Before she could protest, he ushered her through the door and into the tiny hallway. He walked straight ahead into the kitchen like he owned the damned place, and flicked the kettle on.
“Go and get a shower. I’ll have the tea made by the time you get out.”
She wanted to tell him no, that she could make her own bloody tea, but the words wouldn’t come. She trudged into the bathroom and locked the door. She wouldn’t put it past Cash to follow her, and she craved control even as she sensed it slipping out of reach.
She’d thought Brighton would be a refuge, a place to heal, but he’d found her so easily. Once she’d showered and dressed in clean clothes, she would be able to deal with Cash. She would listen to what he had to say and then politely ask him to leave.
And then she was going home to London.
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Acknowledgements
Wow – where to start.
Firstly, to my wonderful friend Annette Brown for championing me, believing in me and lifting my spirits when my confidence flagged.
Winning Ace: A Winning Ace Novel (Book 1) Page 26