Caitlin smiled against the ridiculous relief she felt at his clarification even though she had no skin in his game. Clearing her throat, she asked, “Do you ever get lonely?”
He straightened his legs beneath the table, shrugging. “I mean, yeah, I guess sometimes. I keep busy enough, though. I don’t have time to worry about finding someone to grow old with. Chances are I won’t grow old anyway, so why waste the energy thinking about it?”
“That sounds like you have a death wish. Are you hoping you’ll die out there?”
Zak hadn’t expected that blunt question. “Not presently,” he answered with a subtle quirk of his lips. “But there are some who might think that I have a death wish based upon the dangerous nature of my job.”
“Okay, I think I understand. You crave the adrenaline rush,” she said. “But you don’t necessarily have a death wish. In fact, I think it might mean the opposite. You do these dangerous things because it makes you feel alive.”
He liked the way she broke it down, much better than a few shrinks, actually. “There’s nothing that feels better than that rush of heading into the unknown to face down a threat,” he admitted. “Better than any drug out there.”
Caitlin peered at him with curiosity. “Have you done many drugs?”
He sobered quickly. “No. My parents did enough. I saw how it ruined lives. I didn’t need a refresher course.”
“You said your parents weren’t exactly the best.”
“I called them shit parents,” he reminded her flatly. “You can say it.”
She blushed. “Okay, shit parents. Are they still around?”
“They did me a solid and died of overdoses when I was in my early twenties. They were both holed up in crack dens somewhere in Detroit. The only reason I found out was because they’d listed me as an emergency contact on my mother’s driver’s license and I’d been too caught up with my own life to switch numbers.”
“Did you go to their funeral?”
“Hell, no. I got drunk and celebrated.”
He sounded harsh but he felt absolute nothing for those shitbags. They hadn’t cared when their daughter offed herself, so he couldn’t bring himself to care when they’d effectively offed themselves. Seemed kinda poetic, to be honest. He rose from the table to stretch his legs. Too much real sharing made him antsy. “Stay put. I’m going to walk the perimeter, check the surroundings and make sure we’re secure.”
He didn’t wait for her to agree; he just needed space.
Unlike Zoey, he’d written off Barbara Jane and Robert Ramsey a long time ago, right about the time he’d realized Robert was eyeing little Zoey as a potential way to pay for his fix.
Yeah, his dad had been a real treat.
Thankfully, Zoey didn’t remember much about the time before they’d been taken by the state out of their parents’ care.
Or, if she did remember, she sure as hell had never been willing to talk about it.
And he’d never been brave enough to ask.
Some things were better left unsaid, right?
Hell, what did he know? He was just a broken guy trying to avoid getting cut on the jagged edges.
Chapter 11
Later that afternoon a drone dropped a package of supplies down to them. Even though science and technology were her jam, she was a little geeked out by the futuristic delivery method.
“Does Red Wolf have an army of delivery drones at their disposal?” she asked, half teasing as they unpacked the food and other items, such as toiletries and practical items. “Or did Red Wolf ring up Jeff Bezos for the use of the Amazon drones?”
Zak smiled but answered with a cheeky “Classified” before exclaiming with happiness at his find. “God, I love these. CJ must’ve packed this for me.”
“CJ?” she asked, interested.
“A colleague, my buddy. We’re all pretty tight at Red Wolf but CJ knows that I love SpaghettiOs, so I know he threw these in.”
“You? Like SpaghettiOs?” The revelation tickled her funny bone. “I thought you were a heath nut?”
“Oh, it’s all about balance, sweetheart,” he said with a grin but admitted, “Okay, this is not good for you but it tastes so great that I make an exception.”
“Do you make deals with yourself when you eat a can, like, if I eat this, I’ll eat extra kale tomorrow?”
“I make deals with myself all the time but they rarely involve kale,” he said.
“You don’t like kale?”
“No one likes kale.”
She smiled, inordinately pleased with that information. “There’s hope for you yet,” she said, reaching for the can. “Now, the true test is this—do you eat the SpaghettiOs cold or hot?”
“Right from the can, baby.”
She might have met her soul mate. Grinning, she said, “I guess I know what we’re having for lunch.”
Caitlin went to the kitchen, found a can opener and two spoons, and returned, handing Zak a spoon. His expression of bliss at that first bite was a bit arousing. She ducked her gaze and focused on her own bite. “Earlier you’d mentioned that I was always surprising you. Well, it goes both ways,” she admitted.
“Yeah? How so?”
Her cheeks heated. She probably should’ve kept that to herself but it was out there and now she had to follow through. “Um, well, the more I learn about you, the more I realize you’re not easily put into one category. Up until I met you, I always had a pretty easy time putting people into their boxes. You make it difficult to find a good box.”
“I’m difficult to put in a box? I consider that a good thing.”
She laughed. “I didn’t say it was bad. I’m just not used to being around people who are openly complex.”
“Openly?”
She explained between bites, “Well, everyone is complex at some level because humans are inordinately weird in their own way. But usually people hide the parts of themselves that are different. You don’t seem to do that, which I find intriguing.”
He chuckled. “Why do I suddenly feel like a lab rat under a microscope? Are you studying me?”
It was meant as a joke but he might’ve been onto something. Maybe she had been inadvertently studying him. He fascinated her. And she was attracted to him. Completely inappropriate, of course, but it didn’t change the facts. Now, what to do about it was the question she struggled with. Drawing herself up, she licked her spoon after a final bite, saying, “I’ve never met anyone like you. I’m sure it’s the novelty of being around someone like yourself that has me preoccupied, or it could be that my brain is focusing on you as a coping mechanism to deal with the fact that I’m in real danger. But either way, it will fade eventually so I’m not overly worried.”
His face crinkled in a smile that lit up his eyes. “You are an odd duck but I like it,” he declared.
Not the first time someone had called her odd but somehow he’d made it sound, dare she say, adorable, and she found herself smiling a little bigger. Was this flirting? Good lord, she was terrible at this stuff. A woman accustomed to heterosexual banter would probably say something cute or witty, but her brain—her genius brain—just short-circuited, causing her stupid mouth to blurt out, “Have you had that mole checked out?” before she could stop it.
“What mole?” he asked, his expression faltering into confusion. She gestured at the tiny mole on his cheek and he found it with his finger, shaking his head. “Why, does it look like something I should be worried about?”
No. It was completely harmless but if she admitted that, she’d have to admit that she was way more awkward than he realized and completely challenged when it came to speaking to the opposite sex when attraction was present. “I’m sure it’s fine but best to be sure. They have physicians at Red Wolf, right?”
“Yeah, some of the best.”
“Well, then you’re in good
hands. Anyway, it’s not my expertise, but you know, always good to check. I had a mole removed from my back that was questionable. Turned out to be benign but those things can turn bad quickly.”
Why was she rambling about her mole? Real sexy. Super. Fantastic. He’s probably fantasizing about your medical procedure right now. “All right, then, I think I’ll just go find something to read or take a nap, if you don’t mind.”
She didn’t wait for an answer and popped off her chair to disappear behind the closed door of the bedroom.
Heart thundering as if she’d just run the Boston marathon, she wondered if she’d ever be some semblance of normal.
And if so, when would it start?
Now would be good. A large, healthy dose of normal would be friggin’ fantastic right about now.
Squeezing her eyes shut for a brief moment in exquisite embarrassment, she bit back a moan.
She was utterly hopeless. If the fate of the world hadn’t rested on her shoulders, she’d wish for a nice lightning bolt right to her head.
* * *
Zak sensed the change in Caitlin—something behind her eyes that pricked at his senses—but she’d clearly wanted to be left alone, so he wasn’t going to press.
He was beginning to see why she was single.
Most people would be put off by the awkwardness of her social interactions but he found her weirdness endearing. There was something so guileless about the way she blurted things out and the immediate color in her cheeks that gave away her embarrassment. No doubt she’d spent her life dealing with the aftermath of people who simply couldn’t connect with her intellect or her quirky nature.
He remembered his sister struggling in the same way.
One day after school, he’d come home to find Zoey crying in her closet. She had always hidden in her closet; it was the only place she’d felt safe when faced with a world she couldn’t understand.
“Zo?” He’d knocked on the closet door softly. “Zo? You in there?”
The sniffling behind the door answered his question. Zak had slowly opened the door to find Zoey curled in a tight ball amidst discarded shoes and boxes of whatever their foster parents had thrown in there for storage. He climbed in beside her, though it was a tight fit for his gangly sixteen-year-old legs. “What happened?” he’d asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” Zoey had replied in a small, tear-choked voice. “Same thing that always happens. I don’t understand people.”
“Someone teasing you?” he’d asked, ready to pound a kid into the dirt. “What’s their name?”
Zoey shook her head. “It’ll just make it worse.”
He’d known she was right but he hated feeling helpless. “Okay, so tell me what happened. Maybe just talking about it can help. I mean, you can’t sit in the closet for the rest of your life.” That cracked a small smile. He relaxed a little. “Was it that dickhead Karen again?”
“No, it was the whole class. They all laughed at me because I didn’t understand the joke. Then, the joke was on me.”
“Jokes are stupid,” he’d said, wishing his sister could understand the subtleties of humor. She was always so literal. She’d frustrated more than one pair of foster parents and the foster siblings were worse, which was why he’d always pitched a fit whenever there was talk of separating them into different homes. Without him, Zoey wouldn’t survive. “Look, you’re way smarter than all those kids, so what do you care if you don’t understand their dumb jokes? Someday you’re going to be their boss and then the joke will be on them, you know?”
Zak closed his eyes at the memory. When would the pain of her death end? Zoey had been gone a long time but sometimes his grief rose up to slice his heart all over again, leaving the wound fresh and raw.
Caitlin was so much like Zoey. Wicked smart, socially awkward and completely unaware of how beautiful she was.
Zoey hadn’t lived past sixteen. Caitlin had pushed through life to grab her opportunities but she’d retained that quirkiness that made her special. If life had turned out differently and their paths had crossed, Zak liked to believe that they would have hit it off. Two peas in a pod.
When he couldn’t sleep and his mind wouldn’t rest, the questions often hounded him without mercy. If he’d been around more, would he have caught the signs that Zoey was hurting? That she was in a dark place? Could he have stopped her from hurting herself?
Too many people had cautioned him against going down that road but how could he not? He was the big brother, he was supposed to keep her safe—and he’d failed.
He had to keep Caitlin safe.
Stop being so damn maudlin. Can’t do shit about the past. Focus on the now.
* * *
Irritated with himself for his chaotic thoughts, he put his feet in motion, doing another perimeter check. At least if his mind was engaged, it couldn’t wander into places it didn’t belong.
His cell rang and he answered when he saw it was CJ.
“Hey, man, you cool up in the wilds of Vermont?” CJ joked.
Relieved to focus on something other than his own bullshit, he said, “Yeah, it’s a damn picnic. Thanks for the treats. You ruined my diet, though, bro.”
“Diets are for pussies. Eat the crap, live forever. Don’t you know that it’s the preservatives that keep us alive?”
He laughed. “God, you’re an idiot. Okay, so aside from the food drop, what you got for me? Scarlett told me there’s been zero chatter on the web about the sample. No one bidding?”
“Naw, man, quiet as a church after hours. Whoever took the sample isn’t looking to get paid. That’s kinda worrisome.”
“You think?” Zak said with a dose of sarcasm. “Jesus, I was really hoping for greed over crazy on this one.”
“Where’s the fun in an easy job?”
“None of our jobs are easy.”
“Right, which is why we get paid the big bucks. Stop your bitching. You sound like a pussy.”
Zak barked another laugh. God love CJ for being a dick at the right moments. “Okay, so what’s next? I can’t keep Caitlin holed up here for days. She’s already going stir-crazy.”
“You or her?”
“Both. I can’t shake the feeling that we’re being watched. Something just doesn’t feel right, you know?”
CJ sobered quickly. They knew enough to never discredit a gut feeling. “Yeah? I’ll light a fire under Scarlett and see if we can’t get you out of there sooner rather than later.”
“Thanks, man. Anything else going on back at HQ?”
“Man, you must be bored to tears if you’re asking about office gossip.”
Zak chuckled. “Let’s just say I could use some distractions.”
Reading between the lines, CJ was immediately interested. “Yeah? Is the doctor hot?”
“Uh, well, she’s not hard on the eyes,” he hedged, not sure he was ready to explain the feelings Caitlin aroused. “But that’s not the issue. I’m keeping it professional.”
“Of course. You never break the rules,” CJ said in a bored tone. “You’re always whitey tighty. Keep those briefs pristine. God, you’re such a human yawn.”
“Just because I don’t believe in crashing through every gate, breaking everything in the process, it doesn’t mean I don’t sidestep a few rules.” Why was he justifying being a good guy? Jesus, CJ had a way of getting under his skin sometimes. “Look, Caitlin is a great chick. Supersmart, cute as hell, but I’m on the job and you know there’s good reasons for keeping that shit straight and apart from each other.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But chemistry, man. Sometimes you just can’t fight that shit.”
“You can, you just don’t.”
“What can I say? I’m a lover.”
“You’re a walking STD.”
“That’s why they have meds. Gotta love science.” CJ laughed at his o
wn joke but then sobered, saying, “Okay, in all seriousness, I’ll see if we can’t get you moved to a more secure location than that safe house. Stay tight, man.”
“Always.”
They clicked off and he knew he had to return to the house. He had to face another night with Caitlin. Another night of sleeping in a chair beside her, listening to her breathe, fighting the urge to climb in beside her so he could smell her hair and wrap his arms around her petite form.
Please hurry, CJ.
He could only hope his fervent prayer was heard and they were moved soon.
He didn’t want to make a liar out of himself.
Chapter 12
Caitlin was going crazy, stuck in this tiny house with Zak. It was probably a bad idea, but she needed to talk to someone familiar, someone who could at least give her insight as to what was happening in her lab without her. Good God, not being able to go to the lab was like having an itch she couldn’t scratch. Zak couldn’t possibly understand how excruciating it was to be on the outside of her own research.
Frankly, she was surprised Zak had allowed her to keep her phone, but since he hadn’t expressly told her to refrain from contacting anyone on her team, she quickly dialed Rebecca’s number.
Rebecca picked up on the first ring. “Caitlin, oh, my God, are you all right? Nobody will tell us anything about your whereabouts and we have been worried sick. Where are you?”
Her first instinct was to share that she was in a safe house with Zak but she held her tongue. Something told her that it was probably a bad idea to go broadcasting her location. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Rebecca but she didn’t know if her phone was compromised and she wasn’t going to take the chance. Instead, she focused on the true intent for her call. “Is everything okay at the lab? Have you made any more progress on the cure?” Her heart actually contracted with misery at being so far away from the action. “Please tell me you guys have made some progress.”
“Girl, slow down. What is going on? Stan won’t say where you are and I know you’re not at your house. Are you okay?”
Soldier Protector (Military Precision Heroes Book 2) Page 10