“I am sorry, my friend,” Aduun said softly; it was difficult to control his voice, but he refused to let it tremble. “I have shamed all of us with my thoughts and actions.”
Balir remained in place, pinning Aduun to the ground, with his head turned slightly aside. After what felt like a long while, he finally rose and held out a long-fingered hand.
Aduun accepted the help and stood up. He could feel dried leaves impaled on his quills and dangling from the fur on his back but made no move to brush them away. Instead, he shifted his attention to the side, looking past Balir.
Vortok stood in front of the shelter, blocking most of it from view. Nina was peering around his arm from behind, a hint of fear in her eyes. That hurt Aduun almost as much as his guilt and the rift that had opened between himself and Balir.
“I am sorry I woke you,” Aduun said.
“It’s okay,” she said softly.
Though Kelsharn had set these events into motion ages ago, had initiated the first changes in Aduun, the Creator could not be held fully responsible. Aduun was no longer the person he’d been. His body had been altered against his will, but he’d allowed his mind to be twisted. This was more than having a beast-mind merged with his own; he’d allowed himself to grow bitter and distrustful toward everyone, including the two men he’d called his brothers throughout his life.
He’d told himself time and again that he was simply wiser, warier, better equipped to recognize and counteract deceit and betrayal. That his distrust and rage were simply his resistance to Kelsharn’s influence. But that was wrong, wasn’t it? Not the feelings on their own, but the way they’d grown, the way they’d come to dominate him. Kelsharn had given a little shove, but it was Aduun who’d thrown himself over the edge.
“Go back to sleep, Nina,” Vortok said gently.
“But Aduun—” she began, voice filled with concern.
“Everything is fine, Nina,” Aduun replied. “I am going to scout.”
“It is late, Aduun,” Balir said.
“My beast is active at night…and this is the first night I have seen in a long while. I will not wander far.”
“Return soon,” Vortok said. “We don’t know what lurks in the darkness.”
Aduun turned away from them and stalked toward the shadows beyond the fire’s light, glancing at Nina over his shoulder again. Another pang of guilt and regret hit him; he still couldn’t trust her fully, but his behavior had been unacceptable. He’d also given her reason not to trust him.
“Tonight, I do.”
Chapter Six
Nina swept her eyes over the landscape stretching before her; rolling, grassy foothills, sprinkled with dark outcroppings of rock, ran down to a river at the base of the valley. The breeze held a hint of winter’s approaching chill, but the sunshine was still warm enough to make for a pleasant day. She twisted to look over her shoulder. A cluster of hide, bone, and wood tents was situated a little farther up the slope, with smoke curling up through their vent holes to be carried away by the mountain wind.
People moved amongst the tents, working and talking, smiling and laughing. They were tall, sturdily built, with skin in varying shades of gray. She didn’t know them, but she felt a bond to them she couldn’t fully understand. A kinship.
A pair of voices called her attention back to her immediate surroundings.
Two men sat beside her on the wide, flat rock, their gray skin adorned with white paint. One was much larger than the other, and even without the thick mane and jutting horns, his kind brown eyes were unmistakable.
“Vortok,” she whispered. Her voice sounded oddly muffled.
The other man had bright, keen eyes, the blue-gray of the sky after a storm. It was his smile that gave him away; though he lacked the pointed teeth, his lips upturned in the same fashion they did in the real world, in the now-world.
“Balir.”
Both men turned to look at her, mild confusion on their faces. Balir had a long spear laid on the rock beside him, and Vortok’s large, strong hands were busy weaving thin strips of hide into an intricate pattern.
“We will keep watch, Nina,” Balir said.
Nina furrowed her brow. “What?”
“It is our watch,” Vortok said, “and Balir has the sharpest eyes on Sonhadra. You may rest.”
She frowned. It was daylight, and she wasn’t tired.
No… It’s night. This is a…
A dream? A memory? Both?
Her mind was hazy; though she couldn’t determine the nature of this vision, she knew she was somehow touching Balir’s and Vortok’s minds at the same time, bridging them together in a shared memory.
But she’d never been part of anyone’s memory like this, had never been able to interact with them…
Nina rose from the rock and turned to face Vortok. He smiled at her, and the warmth of his expression enhanced its appeal. His features were sharper than after his melding with the beast. She reached out, cupping his cheeks in her hands, and ran her thumbs over his lower lip. There were no horns, no protruding tusks.
She held his gaze. “This is you.”
His smile faded, and sorrow glinted in his eyes. “No. This cannot be me.”
“These bodies are dead and gone,” Balir said. She glanced at him to see the same sadness and despair on his face. “We can never be again.”
Nina moved a hand to touch her fingers to Balir’s cheek. “It is and always will be you,” she said firmly. “No matter what Kelsharn has done, you are still you.”
“Kelsharn,” both men whispered in unison.
Suddenly, Nina stood alone. She was surrounded by blackness, unbroken and infinite, but when she looked down, she could see her body as though it were bathed by some unseen light source that touched only her.
“Vortok? Balir?” Her voice echoed, the reverberating sounds drawing out until they were unidentifiable. Then the echoes morphed, changed, and swung back to her.
“Help,” the echoes said in voices that were no longer hers.
Nina started and turned in place, but there was nothing around her save utter darkness. “Who are you?”
She longed for Vortok and Balir. There was something about these voices…
“Trapped. Help…follow…”
By the last word, the voices were barely audible, and their volume diminished further to leave Nina in total silence.
“Are you there?” she called.
Her voice echoed and faded away.
The hairs on her arms and the back of her neck rose. Unease slithered through her. Something was here with her. She felt it. It was watching her, drifting through the darkness like a shadowy serpent.
“Help!” the voices shouted from directly behind her.
Nina woke with a jolt. Body tense, heart racing, she lay in silence that was broken only by her harsh breathing. She opened her eyes. The leaf and branch ceiling of the shelter overhead was lit by the faint, grayish light of dawn.
As the haze of the dream lifted from her mind, Nina became aware of two things; Vortok sleeping directly in front of her, laying on his back with one hand settled over his stomach, and Balir’s arms wrapped around her, cradling her against his warm, solid body.
She held still, afraid to move, uncertain of what to make of the situation or how to handle it. What would they do when they woke? The way Balir was holding her kept most of her weight leaned atop him, relieving the pressure and discomfort of sleeping on the ground but making it impossible to get up without disturbing him. She was aware of every point of contact between their bodies, from the top of her head touching his shoulder all the way down to her legs, which were entangled with his.
I dreamed of them.
I dreamed with them.
It had been an entirely new sort of intimacy for her; she’d shared in a part of Vortok and Balir, a part of their pasts. She could recall every detail of their old appearances, and knew she’d see those faces beneath the changes Kelsharn had wrought when she looked at them.
But what of Aduun?
Nina frowned and looked toward the shelter’s opening.
Where had he been? Why hadn’t he dreamed with them?
He wanted to kill me.
No. No, he didn’t want to. Not now, at least. His thoughts had been projected powerfully in his turmoil. His struggle had been clear to her. He was scared. Scared of making another mistake that would hurt the people he cared for. The next one risked pushing him beyond his limits, risked breaking him.
That understanding didn’t assuage her fear.
Nina shifted, attempting to rise, but the arms around her abdomen tightened and pulled her closer. Balir nuzzled his cheek against hers and released a rattling purr that resonated against her back.
Her breath hitched. The vibrations coursed through her body and along her limbs; she felt it everywhere, but it centered between her legs, where her backside was cradled against his pelvis, and in her nipples, which hardened beneath her clothing.
That same spark of desire she’d felt at the stream reignited. Balir’s purring grew stronger, louder, deeper. Her breath quickened, and liquid heat flooded her core. She squeezed her thighs together, but it did nothing to relieve the sudden throbbing ache of her sex.
Balir’s nose skimmed the side of her neck, and her skin tingled with awareness. He inhaled deeply. Something hard probed her lower back, something hot and slick, and his body tensed.
—scent, her scent, need her, want her, claim her, she is ready—
Balir’s thoughts flooded her mind, melding with hers, heightening her already overwhelming lust. His imaginings flashed through her mind’s eye; where he wanted to touch her, where he wanted to taste her, how he wanted to mate her.
Vortok released a low, drawn-out groan and rolled onto his side to face Nina. His half-lidded eyes drifted shut, and his nostrils flared as he took in a slow breath.
“Nina,” he growled. When his eyes opened, their rich brown was heated with molten desire. He shifted onto his hands and knees.
Nina’s eyes widened. Vortok’s huge erection swayed between his thighs, thick and tan, extruding from its sheath amidst the dark fur of his groin. His size was intimidating and thrilling all at once. She snapped her gaze up to his.
He reached for her. “You’ve had enough of her, Balir.”
With a guttural snarl, Balir yanked Nina over the top of his body to land on her back on the bed of moss and on his other side. He crouched over her on all fours, tail lashing, teeth bared, the red spots on his neck like glowing embers. She stared up at him with her arms bent, elbows planted firmly on the ground. Her raised hands were the only barrier between her and Balir.
Vortok roared, displaying his tusks, and pushed himself up to his full height — tearing the shelter apart in the process. Sticks and leaves tumbled around him, rustling and snapping. Nina cried out and threw her arms over her face to protect it against the falling debris. Vortok took a step forward, his foot coming down so heavily that Nina felt its impact vibrate through the ground beneath her. His thoughts flitted through her awareness.
—mine, she is mine, he cannot have her, she is my mate my claim—
“Away from her!” Vortok shouted.
“She’s mine!” Balir growled, flexing his claws.
Their fury crashed into Nina, strong enough to be nauseating. Clenching her teeth, she forced up her mental shields and scurried out from beneath Balir. She scrambled to her feet, stumbling over the fallen branches until she reached firm footing and spun to face the valos.
“Enough!” she yelled.
Aduun strode up to the scene a moment later, his amber eyes cold as they swept over the destroyed shelter, the bristling valos, and Nina — who undoubtedly looked tousled and flustered. “What—”
Before another word escaped Aduun’s mouth, Balir and Vortok advanced. They slammed into each other, chest-to-abdomen, and immediately burst into a torrent of swinging limbs, scratching claws, and snarls. Despite their size difference, they seemed evenly matched in ferocity.
Nina clenched her jaw, shifting her gaze to the surrounding ground. She grabbed the largest branch on hand and, heedless of the danger, marched up to the quarreling valos. After seeing the blows they were inflicting upon one another without flinching, she doubted she’d be able to cause them any pain, but she had nothing if not good aim.
“Nina, get back!” Aduun shouted, charging toward her.
Before he reached her, Nina thrust the branch between Vortok and Balir and jerked it once to each side, smacking each valo in his face. “I said that’s enough!”
Vortok blindly swung his arm to the side as though to bat away what he must’ve perceived as an annoyance. Nina braced herself for the impact, but strong arms snaked around her middle and swept her back from the blow. The air displaced by Vortok’s swing swept harmlessly over her skin.
“Vortok! Balir!” Aduun barked. Though the muscles of his arms were tense and trembling with rage, he didn’t cause her any pain.
The other two valos broke apart as though emerging from a waking dream, their expressions filled with wariness and confusion. They stared at one another for several moments, shoulders and chests heaving, as their hostility slowly diminished. Though their anger bled away, hers continued to boil beneath her skin.
She shoved away from Aduun and glared at Balir and Vortok. “This needs to stop! This is not who you are, and I am not a piece of meat to fight over. You are not beasts.”
The two of them stood with their heads bowed. Balir’s tail swished restlessly just above the ground, and Vortok’s heavy muscles twitched.
She moved close to them and reached up, placing a hand on each of their cheeks to direct their faces toward hers. “No matter what Kelsharn has done, you are still you,” she said, repeating her words from their dream. “Here.” She moved her hands to rest over their heartstones. Their hearts beat strong, in perfect time with each other — and with hers. “Your bodies have been changed, but the men you were remain.”
Her awareness of Aduun’s presence behind her made her back tingle, but he was silent and unmoving.
She curled her fingers, brushing them over fur, scales, and rippling muscles. “The choice is mine to make, not for you to take. That is our way. Fighting over me will not win my affection. You’re only succeeding in opening a rift between the three of you.”
Balir tentatively settled a hand over hers, running the pad of a finger along her thumb. “I am sorry, Nina,” he said, voice raw. “The beast has been at the forefront for so long, it…”
Vortok’s covered her other hand with his own, engulfing it completely. “It is not an excuse, but he speaks true. I am sorry, also.”
“All three of us will have to do better,” Aduun said from behind her. “If we are a tribe, we must.”
Nina glanced over her shoulder at Aduun before shifting her gaze between Balir and Vortok. They were intently focused on her. Though she didn’t push into their minds, she knew well what they were thinking — what was her choice?
What do I want? Who do I want?
Why should I make a choice on their terms?
Why do I even have to choose?
That final thought gave her pause.
There were valo tribes all over Sonhadra in which females took multiple males as their mates. Several of her mother’s friends were amongst them; it was not unusual. But for Nina to choose all three of them…
Would she?
Could she?
She’d never intended to blood their heartstones. Aduun’s anger was understandable; Nina had thrust herself into their lives, had bound them to her without their say, had taken yet another freedom from them.
Would they have chosen her if not for the blooding? Would she have been an ideal mate for any of them? Aduun remained conflicted. What if that grew into resentment? What if all three came to resent her, in time? She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to bear that.
Aduun’s inner turmoil had already caused him to entertain the not
ion of killing her.
That reminder chilled her. This was all moving too quickly. Whether or not she’d blooded their heartstones, it was too soon to make a choice.
She stepped away from Balir and Vortok, breaking physical contact with them, and positioned herself so all three valos were within her view.
Despite their beastly appearances, she was attracted to each of them, but that attraction was not enough upon which to base so weighty a decision.
But what choice do they have? I’ve already blooded their stones. I’ve sealed their fate.
They had time. For now, there were more pressing matters requiring their focus.
“There will be peace between you if you want to find your people,” Nina said. “No more fighting over me. Whatever claims you’ve tried to make don’t matter, because the four of us are already bound. For now, all that means is that we’re working toward a common goal.”
Vortok stood with his eyes downcast, looking like an admonished child despite his immense size. Balir’s posture was rigid and straight, his expression grave and shameful. Only Aduun met her gaze directly. He stood with his arms folded across his powerful chest, regarding her with a strange light in his eyes — was it a hint of appreciation and respect?
“There is fresh meat for our morning meal,” Aduun said. “We should eat and set out as quickly as possible. I fear we have far yet to travel.”
After Nina left camp briefly to relieve herself, she joined the others beside the fire, over which spitted meat was already sizzling. Everyone was quiet as they ate, but the mood wasn’t nearly as strained as Nina might’ve guessed it would be. Both Balir and Vortok seemed contemplative rather than agitated during the meal.
“What you said to us before, Nina,” Balir finally said, licking grease from his fingers, “about being ourselves despite what Kelsharn has done… Those words were familiar to me.”
Nina stilled, her gaze locked on Balir.
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