by Crymsyn Hart
“I don’t mind if you try, but please understand I don’t know how anything is going to go. If you do court me, please don’t tell my mother or anyone what you saw.”
“If that’s what you want, I won’t tell anyone what I saw. It’d only drive you away from me. Just know how much I care for you.”
Illiana nodded. “I can see that you feel for me, but you have to understand that my heart is set on someone else. If I seem to be distant, it doesn’t mean that I’m not interested. I just never assumed that anyone would want to be with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Take all the time that you need, but know that I’ll be here for you. Allow me to court you and show you how much I care. I promise you won’t regret it.”
Illiana smiled. It was nice to know that someone cared about her. However, she was not going to give up her dream of becoming a wolf. Belik would have to understand that he might need to share her if her destiny traveled the path she wished it would. Of course, there was the obstacle of proving to Christopher that she loved him and seeing if he truly loved her. “Come by tomorrow, and we can discuss with my mother about you seeing me. I’m sure it will please her to know that someone is interested in me from the flock. Until then, it’d be best if you returned to your nest.”
Belik took her hand and kissed the back of it. This simple gesture warmed her heart and made her knees a little weak. He released her and stepped back into the shadows. After a few moments, she heard the flutter of raven wings. The fire inside of her kept her warm while she walked, and the darkness grew darker the farther she went into the forest. Thoughts swarmed in her head at what Belik had said. She never thought she would have a suitor from her own flock. What would her mother say? What was anyone going to say? What would Christopher think?
She shook her head and stopped when she came to the boundaries of the wolf village. What good would it do her to walk into the wolf village and go to Christopher? He was probably with Jalisa. Thinking of the two of them together burned her. Illiana closed her hands into fists, pressing her nails into the meat of her palms. She ground her teeth together, and the wolf inside bared its teeth. The more she thought of the two of them, the more aggravated she became. The combined rage of the wolf and the fire rode her skin until it felt like her very muscles were melting. All she could see was red thinking of their entwined bodies. The only sound she wanted to hear from Christopher’s lips was her own name. All she could hear was him saying Jalisa’s name. Illiana rolled her shoulders and felt her spine pop. Her body was on fire, and she needed to feel the air on her bare skin. Illiana undid her robe and let it fall to the ground. Her nails lengthened and embedded into the skin of her palm, which drew blood. The pain did not bother her. Instead she welcomed it. A growl reverberated in her throat. The raven side of her wanted to hold on to her humanity, but the wolf side was ready to break out. Coret had used anger to entice the wolf into shifting. Now that fury was going to be unleashed.
The wind wove through the branches and rustled the leaves. The air was trying to speak to her. However, the fire was feeding her ire. If she did this, her life would be forever changed. That was the point, wasn’t it? So many thoughts swarmed inside of her mind, but they were overruled by the changes raging inside of her. Illiana ran her tongue over her teeth, feeling they had sharpened and grown. She touched her face only to feel her features had shifted. Her nose was longer and so was her jaw to make room for all of her extra teeth. A moment of alarm jolted her, nearly stopping her heart. This is who I am. There is no going back now. Her humanity slipped away as the animal took over. No sooner had she done that, than her spine popped again and arched, sending her down on all fours. The heat of the fire consumed her extremities. She could feel the wolf meshing with her limbs and how her body bulked in weight to take on her new form. The muscle mass in her body made her heavy and lower to the ground than what she was accustomed to. The one off-putting thing was the protrusion, the tail that had grown from the end of her spine.
Illiana tried to move and found that the tail put her off balance and brushed her legs. She snapped and tried to catch it between her teeth, but she found that she could not grab it with her teeth. It was almost a game. She could find pleasure in the simple act, but knew that she could not spend the rest of the night playing with it. Instead, Illiana walked around and tried to get used to her new shape. Her sense of smell and her hearing were more acute than when she was a raven, but her sight was better as a bird. There were tradeoffs to each form, and she figured that she would discover them.
Glancing around the village, Illiana sensed the other wolves in a way she had never felt them before. There was a connection she had never sensed with the ravens. They were more of an individual species. The wolves pressed upon her consciousness. Putting her nose to the ground, she inhaled the scents of the village. The musk of the other wolves permeated her nostrils, along with the freshness of the grass and the clean, crisp air. She remembered Christopher’s scent and discerned it from the many others that crisscrossed the clearing. While she concentrated, she could see the scents weaving together like faint heat trails that glowed off the ground. Christopher’s was silver among the rest. Illiana followed it, sticking to the shadows, because she sensed other wolves around her. She doubted they would take kindly to her sneaking into the village when she would be considered a lone wolf.
Quietly, she made her way to Christopher’s hut. A candle flickered in his window. She glanced at the moon and saw it sitting low on the horizon. Dawn would come in a few hours, and she wondered why he was up. Illiana moved under his window and listened. She did not hear another heartbeat or smell anyone else in his room. Taking a chance she hopped up and peered into the window, resting her paws on the sill. Christopher was writing in a journal. She watched him for several minutes. He wrote a few lines and looked up, meeting her gaze. His nose twitched, and he inhaled. She wondered if he would recognize her scent, but it seemed like he did not.
“What the hell?” he asked. A surprised look ran across his face. Then it turned to anger. “Who are you? Why are you spying on me?”
Illiana wanted to answer him, but all that came out was a whine and a small bark. His eyes narrowed. Christopher lunged for her over his desk and launched out of the window. She backed away when he landed on the ground. He faced her on all fours, still human. His eyes narrowed and turned golden from the wolf. She wanted to tell him it was her, but she did not know how to communicate with him in wolf form. As a raven she could communicate with others telepathically. She was not sure if the wolves were the same way.
“You should know better than to come into this village without announcing yourself and squaring off with the alpha’s son. Show me your true face!”
She laughed, but it came out as a bark. Illiana knew he was trying to be threatening, but she could never see him that way. “Not until you catch me first.” She darted away from him and then leaped back. When she looked at Christopher, it seemed that he heard her. He lowered himself down and pulled back his lips, showing her his teeth.
She sensed his trepidation and the fury for not being able to sense her. But when he came at her, he changed in midleap. Illiana narrowly avoided him, but she felt the swipe of his claws near her hindquarters. She raced off into the woods. She ran and felt exhilarated. After hiding behind a tree, she then peered around it and did not see Christopher anywhere in the darkness. Even when she sniffed the air and looked for his scent trail, she saw nothing. Illiana looked around the other side of the tree and did not see anyone. Instead she heard a twig break in front of her. When she turned back around, Christopher had somehow snuck up around her and was now facing off with her. His eyes burned gold in the darkness, and his long canines dripped with saliva. Was he waiting for her to back down? Because she was not going to lie down and show submission. If she did, it would mean he had won. No one would ever rule over her. No matter what species they were. She stood her ground and waited for him to come to his senses.
“Show me your true face so I can put your scent with the person,” he growled. His ears flattened against his skull, and he gnashed his teeth at her.
Illiana stepped forward and realized that she was larger than Christopher and taller, but maybe not in bulk. “I’m not intimidated by you. You should’ve realized that when I stuck my head in your window. Did you ever think maybe I was trying to find you because you’re the most powerful male in the territory?”
Hearing that, his ears popped back up and he stepped back, but he was not letting her get out of his sights. Christopher did not pull back his lips from his teeth. “Why would you seek me out when you are a lone wolf? Why haven’t I caught your scent before now?”
“I want to be part of the pack. And I wasn’t around until now. Is that such a bad thing? Yours is the most powerful around. I was drawn here.” She took another step toward him. Christopher sat down. Illiana took a chance, walked around him, and brushed her tail across his back. He shook his fur. She nudged his hindquarters with her nose. He growled at that.
“You go too far. Only those in the pack approach me with such openness. Besides, I’m to be mated. If my intended figures out you’re around, rubbing your scent over me, she’ll hunt you down and rip out your throat.”
The fire element flickered inside of her. The air raked over her back, trying to comfort her. She held in her temper after hearing Christopher say he was going to be mated. It cut something inside of her, and it took everything in her not to break cover. Illiana stepped close to him and ran her nose along his muzzle and licked him quickly. A rumble came from his throat, but he did not nip at her.
“I don’t think you’re going to tell her about me. Why would you tell her about another female coming to visit you? If you were even serious about mating this bitch, then why are you entertaining me licking you? I’m not doing it to show submission. Doesn’t that make you question everything you’ve been thinking,” Illiana whispered. She had Christopher intrigued. Everything in her wanted to scream who she was, but revealing herself at this time would have been bad. She knew him well enough to know he would think she was using some sort of trickery or magic to change her appearance. He had to see her for who she truly was and that had to be as part of the pack.
Christopher growled. His eyes narrowed, and he backed away from her. After a moment, he shook his head. “You had better watch your step the next time you come around because I do intend to tell her about this little encounter.”
She chuckled. “I hope you do, because I’ll rip the bitch’s head off. Don’t you think I won’t. Illiana swished past Christopher, making sure her tail hit him in the nose. She did not look back but sashayed into the darkness, knowing that he was watching her every move. When she was clear, Illiana sprinted from the sheer exhilaration pumping through her veins. The moon was setting, and the faster she ran, the more she needed to feel the air beneath her to celebrate. Her four paws hit the ground. While she ran, the wolf retreated into the back of her mind, melting away until she leaped into the air and morphed from the wolf into the raven. For a split second she felt the weight of her own body, but she did not feel her two feet hit the ground. It was just her wings carrying her higher and higher until she was circling the trees.
She landed on the platform outside of her aerie and wrapped a robe around her. The morning was coming, and dew was already settling on the leaves. Illiana entered the house slowly and prayed the door would not make any noise. Inside, the hearth was cold, and the trees were silent, too. A sigh of relief went through her as she climbed the stairs. Sleep weighed on her from the occurrences of the day and what she had done with her body, becoming both the wolf and the raven at the same time. More importantly, she had shown herself to Christopher. Now he knew there was someone else out there who was interested in him. Maybe that would give him enough doubt not to mate with Jalisa. She would have to see.
“You’re back late. I was wondering if you’d actually return. I hardly see you these days. Your training with Coret has kept you busy.”
Illiana turned and saw her mother waiting in the doorway of her bedroom. The lines in her forehead and around her eyes were more pronounced than she had seen them. The lamplight cast her in a silhouette and caught a few of the strands of gray in her mother’s hair. Illiana wrapped the robe around her tighter, trying to hide something that she was not sure her mother would see or maybe even detect. She stood up and straightened out, realizing she was not that afraid to face Lelana.
“She keeps me busy. I wasn’t expecting you to be up.”
Her mother shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep. Had a feeling trouble was stirring. Something in the wind. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
“I thought you couldn’t read the currents.”
“It’s something I picked up over the years. You learn to listen to the wind.”
Illiana crossed her arms over her chest. “You sure it wasn’t something you picked up from my father?” She tried to stop the words before they slipped from her mouth, but it seemed with the emergence of the wolf there was a lot that did not want to stay hidden any longer.
Lelana shook her head. “You really pick a good time to bring that up, don’t you?”
“Now’s as good of a time as any. Every time I do, you shirk the subject. I’m tired of being left in the dark about where I come from.”
“Is that what your aunt has been filling your head with? Stories about your father and what a wonderful man he was? Well, I have news for you. Your father wasn’t a savior. He—”
“Coret hasn’t been filing my head with imaginary stories of who my father was. Just the truth. He came in here a wounded wolf and left an eagle. Can you explain how that’s possible? Or maybe why you never decided to tell me that he was two-natured or that I was?”
Her mother’s face paled at the mention of her being two-natured. “How did you find that out?”
Illiana stepped forward until she was only inches from her. She had not wanted it to go this way. The floodgates had been opened, and nothing could hold back the deluge. All the rage from not knowing the truth spewed forth, and nothing would stop it. “I found out because the other side of myself decided to show itself. It reared its head three months ago.”
Tears formed in her mother’s eyes when she told her what Christopher had said. It still burned her heart even though tonight she had stood before him and played the part of innocent wolf. Illiana left out the part where she had transformed into the wolf. It was not time to tell her mother that little tidbit of information. All she had to know was Illiana knew about the wolf and it was there waiting inside of her to come out.
“You were never supposed to find out. You were always supposed to be a raven. If the others ever discovered you, they would consider you a . . . ”
“Freak? Yeah, I’ve been there my whole life. Did you ever notice how I’ve been an outcast all these years?”
“I’m sorry about that. I thought I was protecting you. Your grandparents wanted me to leave you out for the spirits to claim you, but how could I do that? I told them you’d never be different. You would be just like the flock. I only did it so that you were protected.”
“Protected? I don’t care what you were thinking, you should’ve told me. That’s what you and Coret always fought about. You had no right.”
Her mother jabbed her finger at her. “I had every right. I’m your mother, and protecting you is my job. If the flock ever knew about your dual nature, they’d never consider you for leadership.”
“Leader? I’ve never wanted to be leader. All I’ve wanted is to be normal. Have someone to love me. I never wanted to lead a bunch of self-righteous bastards who never gave me the time of day. Even now, when I walk among them, a branded member, they still stare at me and barely acknowledge that I’m there.”
“I can’t change their minds. And I should’ve told you. I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”
Illiana laughed. “No. That’s not what I want
to hear. All I’ve ever wanted is to know that my mother loved me. That you wouldn’t look at me with this disdain or stare right through me. Or listen to me when I’d tell you that I was hurting. But you’ve always ignored my cries and heard whatever you wished to hear. By the way, thanks for telling me that Christopher’s going to be mated.”
“I did try to tell you. I went to Coret.”
“I know. She told me. Mom, I understand everything you’re telling me, but look at it from my perspective for once. You know . . . forget it.” She put up her hands. “I’m going to bed. I’m tired, and I really need to get some sleep. Tomorrow be nice because I have someone coming.”
Lelana raised an eyebrow. “Really? And who is it?”
Illiana slipped into her room. “Belik.”
Her mother did not respond, but Illiana could nearly see the proud smile on her mother’s face. It irked her, but she was too tired to care. In a few hours, she had to deal with Belik and figure out exactly what she was going to do to get Christopher’s attention.
* * * *
Christopher sniffed the air again, taking in the musky scent of the wolf that had come upon him in the night. It was a familiar aroma, and yet it was completely new to him. The more he tried to place it, the more its origins escaped him, but it stirred something inside of him. His wolf wanted to keep on searching for her, but dawn was coming and he needed to get back to his hut. His father would expect him to be there. Ever since he had fully announced his intentions to mate with Jalisa, his father had been teaching him the ins and the outs of pack politics. Christopher had always grown up with his father teaching him about wolf politics, but now his father was making sure he knew all the traditions. Every free moment, he was shoving the information into Christopher’s brain, so he needed the break. The sudden appearance of the other wolf had shaken his world. No one ever come upon him without showing him the proper respect. This wolf had walked right through the village without anyone noticing her. That was a bold move. One he admired, but he wished that he could find her. Something about the mysterious woman made him wonder exactly who she was. He sniffed around a little bit more, but came up with nothing.