“I missed you, Brady,” I murmured, closing my eyes in exhaustion.
His hand traced my spine, making me shiver. “I missed you too, beautiful,” he said, his voice like a caress on my skin.
Before I knew it, I dozed off.
CHAPTER 15
Autumn
“Autumn, dear? Are you awake?”
I groggily opened my eyes, for a moment, thinking I was hearing Brady’s voice. Yet, when my eyes focused, I felt his body pressed against mine, and heard his gentle snores.
I sat bolt-upright in bed, realizing that Wallace was back to resume his shift.
Which meant Brady was clearly due to be back with my father.
Wallace’s voice drifted through the house again, and I heard him stopping in the kitchen.
“Oh my god…Brady! Brady! Get up! Wake up!” I hissed, nudging him.
His eyes flickered open and he smiled. “Morning, beautiful,” he said, his voice still heavy with sleep.
“No. Get up! Get out! Wallace is here!”
Brady swore and then covered his mouth with his hand. In a flash, he jumped out of the bed, stark naked. He grabbed his bag and bolted down the hall to the guest bedroom. I too, jumped out of bed and searched desperately for some clothing to put on. I found an old oversized t-shirt and sweat pants to jump into.
My heart racing, I left my bedroom and headed to the kitchen.
Wallace stood at the stove. “Good morning, sunshine,” he said. “Did you have a good night?”
“Good morning, Mr. Wallace. Yes, I had a good night. I practically fell asleep as soon as you left. I hadn’t even realized Brady was here,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t notice the way my cheeks flushed.
“Yeah. I didn’t know he would be here either, to be honest. He showed up letting me know that we were to switch positions for the night. I wanted to let you know, but the last time I peeked out at you sitting by the pool, you’d been taking a little snooze. I told him to make sure you got back in the house safely before you caught a cold out there.”
I nodded. “Yeah. He came to get me and I turned in early for the night.”
“That’s good. Are you hungry? I bought some bacon and eggs to help get your morning started. Or would you prefer pancakes?”
“Just eggs will be fine.”
“Is Brady awake yet? He’s due to be back with your father.”
“I’m not sure,” I said, looking around the house as if I didn’t know where Brady was. “I haven’t seen him this morning yet.”
As if right on cue, he appeared. “Oh—good morning, everyone,” he said, fully dressed. He exchanged a secretive glance with me, and I hurriedly averted my gaze.
“Morning, Brady. You better hurry and get to the Speaker’s house. I’ll take things from here. You want some quick breakfast before you go? I’ve got eggs and bacon.”
“No, thanks. I’m good,” Brady said. He nodded to us both. “See you later.”
“Good bye, son,” Wallace said.
“Good-bye,” I said.
Brady winked at me when Wallace’s back was turned, and then headed for the door.
How I hated seeing him leave; I already wondered how much longer it would be before I saw him again.
I sighed.
“Something wrong, sweety?” Wallace said, stirring the eggs.
“No. Just uhm…Another long day of studying ahead for me. It’s getting tiresome.”
“Don’t worry about it. All your hard work will pay off in time. You’re going to ace that test, I just know it. I feel nothing but good things in store for both you and your dad.”
I smiled. “I hope so.”
* * *
The days after of Brady’s appearance drug by with such excruciating slowness, I felt like the universe had to be playing a prank on me. I tried my best to feel thankful that I at least had good memories to keep me satiated. Whenever I found myself missing him, I tried to think about the last time we’d been together, frolicking at the pool and having the time of our lives. Nevertheless, every moment away from him was starting to feel more and more like torture, and I longed for a time when we could be together permanently, without having to worry about safety precautions and my father’s campaign schedule. Sometimes I felt panicked thinking that such a time would never occur, but I tried to dutifully push such depressing thoughts aside. I wanted to hold on to the hope that one day, Brady and I would officially be able to be together the way we wanted.
I’d been heading to my bedroom, prepared to go to bed hugging my pillow with visions of Brady dancing through my mind.
“Goodnight, Mr. Wallace,” I said.
Yet, before he could respond, the doorbell rang. “Hmm,” he said, struggling up from the couch and heading to the door. My heart skipped several beats. Wondering…hoping…
“Looks like another shift switch.”
“Oh,” I said, trying not to reveal how pleased I was. Moments later, Brady came through the door.
“Good evening, Wallace,” he said, nodding his head at the older man.
“Good evening, Brady. Am I to report to the Speaker’s place again?”
“Yes, sir. He has a meeting tonight, but it shouldn’t last long.”
“All right. See you in the morning, Autumn.”
“All right, Mr. Wallace. See you soon. And tell my father I said hello.”
“Will do.”
He disappeared out of the house and it took everything within me to not rush into Brady’s arms. He stood in the window, his hands casually in his pockets as he watched the older man drive away.
Slowly he turned around.
Immediately, I knew something was wrong. I didn’t like the look on his face. My heart dropped. “What is it? Is everything all right?” I asked, my thoughts instantly racing toward my father.
“Yeah,” Brady said, his voice lackluster.
“Is Dad all right?”
“Yeah,” he said again, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Oh, all right.”
Things suddenly felt awkward between us, and I didn’t know why. I stared into Brady’s face, noting his somber expression. I approached him, going in for a hug when he grabbed my arms, and pulled them back down to my sides.
“Brady?”
“Sorry. Just tired. It’s been a long day.”
“Oh. Well, do you want to talk about it? What’s been going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? How can you have had a long day if it’s nothing’s been going on?”
“I just don’t want to talk about it, Autumn, all right.”
Taken aback by the coldness and frustration in his voice, I crossed my arms over my chest. When he didn’t say anything else, I cleared my throat. “Well. I’m going to take a shower.”
“Okay,” he said, flopping down on the couch.
I pursed my lips together. I’d been hoping he would want to come with me, but that clearly wasn’t the case. “I’ll be back in a second then,” I said.
“Take your time,” he mumbled, although I pretended not to hear him.
I did take my time in the shower though, hoping it would give Brady some time to get over his foul mood. When I got out of the shower, I combed and blow-dried my hair, and applied my favorite sweet-smelling body lotion. Tossing on a gown that hit me just before the knees, I returned to the living room, where Brady sat on the couch, staring idly at the TV.
“Are you still tired?” I asked, sitting beside him.
He nodded without looking at me.
Just as I was about to rest my head on his shoulder, he moved to reach for the remote. I paused, and sat back upright, getting the impression he had done so on purpose to avoid my touch.
“Okay. Brady—seriously, what’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing, Autumn. Just go to bed.”
“Excuse me?”
“Isn’t that what you were about to do?” Seeing the look on my face, he sighed. “Look—I’m sorry. Today, there was another attemp
ted attack on your father.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“Nothing happened though,” Brady continued. “We were able to intervene before it got anywhere near as close as last time.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me that to begin with? I knew something was up. I deserve to know this stuff.”
Brady stood from the couch and began pacing the room. “You’re right. And that’s the real reason I’m here, Autumn.” He paused for a second and sighed. “I need to tell you that all of this—it has to stop.”
I stared at him, blinking. “All of what has to stop?”
“Us. We have to stop. We can’t go on like this.”
“What are you telling me, Brady?”
“That we can’t be together.”
I sat still and quiet for a long time, letting his words sink in. I shook my head and gave a mirthless laugh. “So we’re back to this?”
“Yes.”
I stood too, my anger rising. “Well correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t it you who decided to go forward with this? Wasn’t it you who said you couldn’t stay away from me? Wasn’t it you who said that whatever obstacles came our way, we would just figure it out?”
“Yes, but that was before—”
“Before what?!”
He sighed again, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “Before I realized that it just wasn’t possible. My job is too important to keep risking it like this. If I’m distracted, I can’t protect you like I need too. If anything ever happened to either one of you, I would feel personally responsible, all right? I can’t have that on my conscious. I won’t.”
Somewhere in my brain, I knew there was a ring of truth to his words. My heart didn’t want to pay attention to reason though; my heart only knew that Brady was telling me that we couldn’t be together. And that—I just couldn’t accept.
“Brady, we can work things out. You’re doing your job just fine. We’ll work it out. You can’t do this to me…I…I love you.” The words were out before I had any hope of stopping them.
Brady lowered his eyes to the floor and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, Autumn. Can’t you see that? It just doesn’t matter. We can’t be together under these circumstances. It’s too risky. From now on, we have to go back to keeping things between us strictly professional. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it has to be.”
I pressed my lips together and tried my best to ignore the stinging I felt in my eyes. Those weren’t the words I wanted to hear. I had just told this man that I loved him, and his response had been to tell me that it didn’t matter.
He couldn’t—wouldn’t—tell me that he loved me too.
He was willing to pretend that I meant nothing more to him than a paycheck.
My blood boiling and my body trembling with fury, I stormed over to him. He tried to turn his head to avoid my gaze, but I wouldn’t let him.
My hand flew back, and I slapped him across the face, wanting him to feel just as much pain as I did.
He stumbled backward. He was such a large man, I doubted I really hurt him. His reaction was more from shock than anything. He rubbed the side of his face and his mouth opened and closed as if he wanted to say something. But I was no longer interested in anything he had to say.
“Stay away from me,” I said. “Don’t come back. I want a new security detail, and I never want to see you again. I’ll be alerting my father that you are not to come back again during another shift change. Stay out of my life forever, Brady.”
Not wanting him to see the tears about to fall from my eyes, I turned around and rushed to my bedroom and slammed the door behind me.
CHAPTER 16
Brady
Back inside of the Savage Soldiers security headquarters, I moved from the seat in front of the vents, the air-conditioning coming out entirely too cold. Then again, the coldness I felt could have very well been coming from within.
I was more exhausted than I’d ever felt in my life, and to top it all off, my spirit had never felt so broken either.
As I sat in the waiting room, having been called in by Jordan again, I felt like a complete idiot.
What had I been thinking? How could I have honestly expected Autumn to respond to the way I had behaved last night?
I knew that I had just made one of the biggest mistakes in my life.
I had finally found the woman of my dreams, and there was a chance that I had just caused irreparable damage to our relationship before it had even gotten a chance to fully begin.
I was a fucking idiot.
How would I be able to carry on if I could no longer see her gorgeous face, hear her laugh, smell her skin, or feel her touch? If I couldn’t run my fingers through her long dark hair, or stare into her deep brown eyes? To wrap my hands around her tiny waist or hold her in my arms after a night of mind blowing passion?
I sighed and sat down. Even though the chairs in the office were cushioned, they still felt uncomfortable this morning. More than likely though, it was merely because there wasn’t a single thing that could comfort me at the moment. I was too worried that I had ruined my chances of happiness.
The thought made me feel sick. I sat down, agitatedly bouncing my knee.
Last night, after Autumn had slapped me and stormed off to her room, it had taken every ounce of strength I possessed to not go after her and apologize. I had hoped she saw through my charade of indifference to understand that the decision to limit our relationship to professional terms had just about killed me. But she’d been too blinded by emotion and disappointment to notice.
And I knew there was nothing I could do about it until I got my career affairs in order. I couldn’t keep leading her on until I was sure we could have a real future together. In that moment, I just hadn’t been sure and felt that the uncertainty would only do us more harm in the long run. The last thing I wanted to do was cause anyone harm.
Speaker Harper had literally placed his and Autumn’s lives in my hands. Their safety deserved my undivided attention, not me entertaining my own selfish wants and desires.
It made me cringe to wonder what Speaker Harper must have undoubtedly been thinking about me at the moment.
After a restless night on the couch, I’d known that I hadn’t wanted to be around for the aftermath when Autumn woke up. I hadn’t had the heart to face her again, so I’d made sure to contact Wallace at the crack of dawn, asking that he come back before she woke up. I had been on my way back to Speaker Harper’s place when my phone rang.
“Hello?” I had said, seeing the Speaker’s number pop up on caller ID.
“Hi Brady,” his voice had come over the other line. Immediately, I knew there was something off about his tone.
“Speaker Harper, is everything all right, sir? I’m in the car now, on my way over to your place. Did you need me to do anything for you before I get there?”
“No, Brady. Actually, I was hoping to catch you before you got here. I’ve just spoken with Autumn. I’m not sure what’s going on, but she requested to speak with the head of the security team.”
“Oh…” I’d said, my mouth having grown dry right on the spot.
“Do you know what this is about?”
I swallowed, not having the faintest idea what to say. So I lied. “I’m not sure.”
“Well, she sounded pretty upset. Now I’ve actually been contacted by the head of security myself. Someone else has been sent on my detail for the day, and I’ve been told that if I spoke to you before your captain did, to let you know that you are to report to his office.”
I swore in my head. “I see. Thanks for the heads up, sir.”
“Keep me updated, Brady. I hope everything is all right.”
But of course, everything was far from all right. And my time to figure out what needed to be done to make it all right was quickly vanishing.
It had been a hassle to so abruptly change direction in order to head over to the security headquarters, but it’s not like I ha
dn’t know this was coming on some level. After all, that’s why I had left Autumn’s safehouse so early in the first place. I knew she would be ready to unleash pure hell on me for what I’d done to her. I had completely shattered not only her peace of mind, but her heart as well.
As I continued to sit outside of the office waiting for Jordan to see me, I began to hear him shuffling about behind the closed door. After a while, I heard him on a phone call. My heart started racing, intuitively knowing I was the topic of the conversation.
I had a feeling a dishonorable discharge was on the horizon for me; the Savage Soldiers didn’t play around when it came to preserving their reputation.
Basically, I was about to get what I deserved.
Fuck.
The office door swung open. “All right, Brady. Come on in,” Jordan said.
I took a deep breath, rose from my seat, and entered the office. It too, felt cold and unwelcoming, just like the waiting area.
Jordan’s face lacked its usual friendliness. Although his act of optimism had annoyed me the last time I’d been in his presence, I now wished he would at least keep up the charade; it would have made the situation feel a little more tolerable.
But then again, I didn’t deserve such comforts.
“Take a seat,” Jordan instructed.
We sat down opposite of one another at the table and proceeded to stare at each other for what felt like an eternity.
Finally, Jordan broke the silence. “Look Brady—you’ve always been one of the best, so I really don’t know what to make of this. Can you tell me what happened?”
Another long silence occurred as I sat there, trying to put into words what I needed to say. Unfortunately, my mind was drawing a blank. Just moments ago, I had been prepared to tell the truth and face the consequences, hoping Jordan would have mercy on me. I had planned to confess that I had indeed gotten a little too close to Autumn Harper, and that my professional judgment had momentarily been hindered as a result. I wanted to tell him that nevertheless, I still took my job seriously and didn’t want to be discharged—that I was invested in Speaker Harper’s safety, and that from now on, it was all I would focus on.
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