“I wanted to meet you at the library, but everyone said you were gone by the time I got there,” my buddy chatters.
“You said you’d be there at three,” I remind her. “I waited.”
“I know, but Jason’s dad let him drive his Ferrari this afternoon, so of course he wanted to brag.” Lydia collapses into giggles. “It was so much fun!”
“Oh,” is all I say. Honestly, Lydia being late isn’t new, so there’s no real sense of disappointment. But the feeling in my heart is heavy, and conversation about luxury cars isn’t my thing at the moment. Not with Kathy in the house.
“Boys and their toys,” Lyd jokes, trying to lighten the mood. But she plows on, as usual.
“Don’t be mad at me, Mona. I have some good news for us,” she chirps.
“What is that?” are my dry words, heart not in it at all.
“Jason and Tyler want us to come over tonight,” she bubbles through the phone. There’s excitement in her voice, although I couldn’t care less.
“I don’t like Tyler,” is my flat reply.
“I know, I know. But he’s obsessed with you, Mona. At least give him a chance,” Lydia pleads with me for the hundredth time.
“What does that even mean?” is my exasperated sigh. We’ve all gone to school together since sixth grade. At this point, you know who you like and who you don’t and I’m certain I don’t like Tyler.
“He’s different out of school,” Lydia pleads. “We could all go to the movies. That way you don’t even have to talk to him. We just watch a movie, eat some popcorn, and we’re out of there.”
Every day it feels like I’m doing a favor for Lydia, but rarely do I ever ask anything of her. All of my relationships feel one sided and suddenly, anger seizes my soul.
“When have you ever done anything like that for me?” comes the harsh demand. I regret the words as soon as they’re out of my mouth, but it’s too late. Oh god, oh god. Why did I say that?
There’s a pause.
“Are you being serious right now?” her voice sounds tinny and distracted.
“Um, yes!” is my retort. Lydia’s dismissive response made me feel shitty, and between that and my confusion over Kathy’s return, my head’s about to explode.
“Okay, how about the time you lost your key to the castle you live in, but you were too afraid to tell your stepdad, so we made up a lie. I said I had them and left them at the gym, taking the heat for you,” she retorts.
“Are you serious? That’s not even remotely the same! I got locked out of my house, and now you want me to go on a double date?”
Lydia laughs merrily. Nothing ever gets her down for long.
“I know,” she acknowledges. “But it’s kind of the same? Come on, Mone. Please, for me.”
And my reluctance collapses a little.
“I’ll think about it, Lyd,” are my tired words.
“Thank you! Now, go get a sandwich, you’re hangry.” Lydia chirps before ending the call. “Bye now!”
She has a point. I am hungry, and it makes me nauseated and angry at once, therefore the term “hangry.” But right now, my body is dirty and half-undressed already, I head into my bathroom after pulling my shirt over my head and unclasping my bra to release my heavy breasts.
Stepping into the warm water, my thoughts wander, facing the fears that have been swarming my mind non-stop.
Are my mom and Gray still married? While I’ve tried to use their marriage to shame my lustful thoughts about Gray, I always assumed they were divorced. Kathy popping back up leads me to believe otherwise, because why would she act like she owns the place if they were divorced?
Knowing she could still have him wrapped around her finger makes me uneasy. When they first started dating, Gray was enamored by my mother, doing any and everything she wanted. There was no gift good enough for her – no car too fast, no diamond too big, and no piece of couture too expensive.
When she left, the billionaire was devastated. Even I could see that. Despite that silence, it was obvious. The man was in pain, unable to speak, unable even to make an appearance.
And it was a month before Gray came down to dinner. When the man finally showed, he was a shell of himself – pale skin with dark circles surrounding his eyes as he stared off into space. The billionaire didn’t even look at me, much less speak.
Maybe I’ve just been a place setting. Maybe I was only exciting because I reminded him of my mother. Now, with Kathy back, Gray won’t have a use for me.
But no, that’s unfathomable. For starters, no one would ever think that my mom and I are competition. We’re so different that it’s comparing apples to oranges. How can a chubby teen brunette sub in for a skinny, forty-year old blonde?
It’s impossible, that’s what. Confusion makes my shoulders sag, all energy draining from my body.
Scrubbing my skin with my loofah, I try to cleanse my mind, white-washing it bare. Because what happens now? I should feel ashamed and dirty, but the truth is that I love being with Gray and Mason. Society says no, but my heart says yes. So how do we move forwards? Is there a path? Or was this doomed from the very start?
My stomach growls loudly, and Lydia’s words fill my mind again. Right. Hangry. Quickly, I rinse the suds away before wrapping my body in a large bath towel.
Slipping on my nightgown and robe, my feet head tentatively down the long, curved marble staircase. Hopefully, my mom and Gray will go out to discuss their problems. The last thing I want is to see is them together, heads bowed as they hold hands while talking in low, soft voices.
Because oh god. What if he wants her back? What if he’s elated to have the prodigal wife returned?
And heart heavy, my feet pad into the kitchen.
“Hey,” greets Christina, our chef.
I can barely hear her over the alluring smell of lemon baked chicken with roasted potatoes. My eyes roam over to the salad sitting in the large brown serving bowl. Oh, my favorite. Small-batch artisanal lettuce with spring onions, feta cheese, walnuts, and cranberries.
“Did you make the raspberry vinaigrette?” I perk up, glancing back at Christina.
“You know it!” the woman answers excitedly, but there’s something hiding behind her smile, heavy and solemn. A frisson runs down my spine.
“I’ll be in the dining room.” I like Christina a lot, but her behavior is weirding me out and maybe solitude is better.
After all, what could be wrong? It has to be my mom. Has to be. That’s the only thing that’s changed recently. And after two years, Christina and I are especially close because often, she was the only person I saw around dinnertime.
Unfortunately, my spidey sense is right. The moment I reach the dining room, my eyes pop. Because there’s usually one glass and a set of silverware for me, but tonight it’s different.
Not only is my place setting formal, with every utensil imaginable, but there are two just like it, one right beside me and another at the head of the table.
Gray and Kathy are joining me for dinner?
Oh god, this is too much.
“We were going to go out, but figured it would be best for all of us to be here together as a family.” Kathy’s voice purrs, snapping me out of my thoughts. I whirl around to see her standing in the doorway.
To my surprise Gray is standing behind that svelte form. My eyes race to his, but he’s looking down at Kathy as if I don’t exist. And then I see it. Their hands are entwined, like she’s never been away. Oh god. It hurts more than I can put into words.
How can this be happening?
“So, we’re having dinner together?” are my nervous words. Duh! Of course. But the words are just filler, face frozen as thoughts whiz through my brain. I want Gray to look at me and to acknowledge my presence – anything to show that there’s something there.
But the alpha only has eyes for my mom.
“Yes. That seems right, don’t you think, honey?” Kathy purrs sweetly. “It’s been so long!”
I watch
in shock as Gray nods his approval before leading the blonde to a seat. She smiles up at him as he pulls her chair out, and he doesn’t take his eyes off of her until he’s settled into his seat at the head of the table.
Out of ideas for witty comments, I sit down in silence – just another prop in my mother’s theatrics. The blonde’s in control of the entire situation as she manipulates everyone in her path. I have always known my mother had the power to make fools of people, but Gray seemed above it all. Plus, it’s been two years. Hasn’t he figured out her game by now?
Apparently not.
“Chrissy!” My mother begins yelling as she claps her hands together.
“What are you doing?” are my horrified words, shock on my face.
Kathy is nonplussed.
“What’s her name again? The cook? It’s been two years, I can’t keep up with these things.”
Oh god, oh god.
“Her name is Christina,” I say softly, expression immobile. How can Kathy be so rude? Because the chef may just be a part of the staff to Kathy, but to me, Christina was my only friend for a while. Looking over at Gray, I will him to say something, but instead, he just continues to look on at Kathy with googly eyes.
“Yes?” Christina murmurs, stepping into the dining area.
“There you are. We’re ready for dinner,” Kathy announces, tilting her nose with superiority. I guess she’s confused by the lack of presentation, expecting to be served like a queen.
I interject for a moment.
“Um, Mom, we’re not usually so formal. Christina calls us when the food is ready and we go in the kitchen to pick up our plates.”
Kathy scoffs.
“Oh, that won’t do. You should serve us, Chrissy. Can I call you that? I like that better than Christina.” She smiles, looking between me and Christina as I mouth how sorry I am.
“It’s all good,” the chef nods professionally, a half-smile on her face. “Of course, Mrs. Thorn, whatever you like.”
Hearing my mom addressed as Mrs. Thorn stabs me in the heart, but there’s no time to reflect.
“Great! We’re ready now,” Kathy announces before waving her hand as if shooing away the chef.
With raised eyebrows, Christina looks to Gray, who might as well be a statue. He doesn’t say a word or make eye contact with either of us. For a second, I wonder if he’s under a spell, like a zombie unable to see or hear.
And evidently, Christina comes to the same conclusion because once she realizes his compliance, the woman heads back to the kitchen, leaving me at the large dinner table with Gray and my mother.
“I know what you’re thinking, Mone-Bone,” Kathy begins, turning towards me as she uses the pet name I hate so much. “You want to know where I’ve been, but that’s not as important as what I’ve learned. You see, as a woman, sometimes you need to take time out to understand who you are. And I mean at your core,” Kathy turns to see Gray’s reaction. He’s nodding along to her bullshit story, soaking up every word.
“I was lost, so lost,” she continues. “I had to find my way back to me before I could be anything else to either of you,” the woman pronounces, touching my arm with one hand while fondling Gray’s designer suit sleeve with the other.
“Does that make sense, Mona? I know you’re so young, it might be over your head.” She looks on, tilting her head sympathetically while still watching me.
And I have to say something.
“It makes perfect sense. You see, while you were away, I’ve grown up. I’m not at all the little girl you left behind without so much as a goodbye. I’m a grown woman,” are my slow words. Inside, I’m yearning for Gray to at least glance in my direction. With every cell in my body, I beg him to give me some type of sign, but again the billionaire ignores me.
That makes Kathy happy.
“I understand, Mona. We’ll be able to talk more about it later.” My mom rubs the back of my hand before adding in a low whisper: “For now, let me have a little time with your stepfather.”
Words choke in my throat. Alone time? What the hell? Nausea overcomes my frame in a wave, making it impossible to breathe.
But at that moment, Christina enters the dining room carrying two plates. She sets one down in front of Kathy and the other in front of me.
“Oh, Chrissy. Gray should always be the first to be served. He’s the man of this house and none of this would be possible without him. You owe him that much respect,” my mother scolds.
Moving briskly, Christina removes Kathy’s plate, moving it over to Gray’s place setting. While she doesn’t say a word, I can sense her discomfort. Neither me nor Gray would ever care about something like this, so it must be a shock to be treated like a servant.
“We’ll let it go for today, but I should always be the second person served. You know, as the woman of the house,” my mom says, narrowing her eyes.
If I was drinking, I would have choked. How can Kathy even refer to herself as the woman of this house when she hasn’t been here for years? The blonde couldn’t even care enough to call us and here she is giving orders? This is absurd.
And once Christina’s done, she leaves and we sit in awkward silence.
Of course, Kathy is in high spirits.
“This salad is quite good. I could go without the walnuts though,” the woman proclaims breezily while dropping one of the walnuts on the carpet. “Gray, honey, what do you think?”
The billionaire says something in a low growl – too low for me to hear. My heart lurches to the side and I swallow painfully. When is he going to tell her off? Why won’t he look at me, still?
And quickly, I scarf down the food. For all of Kathy’s bullshit talk about family, they should’ve just gone out to dinner by themselves. Neither of them has acknowledged me, eating with their hands entwined right there on the table. Another stab of pain shoots through my heart and I look down at the tablecloth, seeing nothing.
“I’m going up to my room,” are my slow words.
My announcement is met with a lift of Kathy’s hand, but not much else. I doubt they’ll even notice my absence frankly. The lovebirds are staring into one another’s eyes, mooning like cows.
Taking two stairs at a time, I race to my room, desperate for a little privacy after such an epic disaster. And lunging towards my bed, the rage escapes. I grip a pillow with both hands, holding it tightly to my mouth before screaming at the top of my lungs.
My fists ball with aggression as tonight’s memories flood through my body. I want nothing more than go downstairs and give Kathy a piece of my mind. The only thing stopping me is the haunting image of Gray’s besotted face. Before I can even realize it, my frustration shifts to anger as I pummel my pillow with closed fists, imagining my mother’s face instead of the silky cover.
And then another shift happens, this one more expected – sadness.
Doubling over on the bed, I hug the pillow shamelessly, wishing it could reciprocate the affection. Never in my life have I felt more alone, not even when my mother first left. I’ve never felt the urge to get away so badly before.
Because no one’s life is a walk in the park, but the hand I’ve been dealt often feels like too much to handle. I never knew my real father, and my mother has been hell on wheels since forever.
When she married Gray, I thought this was our shot at normalcy but of course, the woman ruined that too. And the second I find love in my own life, Kathy pops up from Nowhereville to ruin everything for me.
How can so many things go wrong for one person? It doesn’t make sense, and it’s not fair. This life of mine seems to get worse with every turn.
Whenever I think there’s a silver lining, it’s snatched from me without any explanation. Constant disappointment has aged my soul, and right now, this feels like too much to handle. Sometimes it seems like I’ll never find happiness, or if I do, it’s only fleeting.
A sob tears through my lungs so harshly I feel I can’t breathe. It’s the first realization that I’m crying b
ecause the emotions have been so strong, making my fists lock as tears course down my face.
Because my mother made things bad, but Gray? That’s the worst part of it all.
He didn’t even see me tonight.
The man didn’t acknowledge my form, giving me the barest of nods as he sat at the table, hands locked with my mother.
Our past, the one we built with Mason, seems like a vague memory now. I should be happy because it was never going to last. Me, my stepfather, and our therapist? Please. It’s like some kind of sick, dirty fantasy.
But it was real to me … and my heart’s breaking with pain as the dream melts away.
Chapter 12
Mona
Brring! The alarm sounds loud and noisy, startling me from a deep, dreamless state. My head is fuzzy as I open crusted eyes, looking around. What happened?
Suddenly, it comes back in a hideously painful moment.
“Gray,” I mumble under my breath. “Oh god, Gray.”
It takes me twice as long as usual to dress and style my hair before heading downstairs. Thankfully, I’m alone at breakfast. And as if she too is too worn from yesterday’s episode, Christina doesn’t mention my mother’s behavior, and the two of us carry on like nothing ever happened. It’s weird, a stilted silence permeating the atmosphere.
Is this how we’re going to live going forwards? Pretending all the time? Pretending my mother never left, and that everything’s okay? Pretending Gray and I don’t have feelings for one another? Pretending that Mason isn’t the third member of our relationship?
Should all of that just be forgotten? But some things can’t be put back in the box, and I think a relationship with your stepfather is one of those things. It needs to be addressed, even if it’s hurts desperately.
But enough. I have to move on.
After wishing Christina a good day, I head out to the waiting town car as Elmer holds the door open for me.
It’s funny that everything can go on like normal. Plastering a smile on my face, I climb into the backseat before buckling my seatbelt.
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