I stared at the door blindly, fists opening and closing with rage. What the fuck? This woman wasn’t even a woman, she was so fucking rude. But whatever. I shook my head and turned away. She wasn't even worth considering right now. I had Sara to track down.
Racing down the stairs and back in the car, I hauled ass across town, ignoring the speed limit. My foot pressed on the accelerator so that the car hit eighty, then ninety miles per hour, going straight for the triple digits.
My subconscious piped up then. Are you sure you don't care about her? it mocked. Seems mighty speedy for a guy who supposedly doesn’t give a shit.
But what the fuck. Images of my best girl danced before my eyes and I was close, so close. I needed to see her … and I didn’t give a shit who knew.
CHAPTER TEN
Sara
Sometimes, I don't know how I got here.
My baby cooed in my arms, soft and adorable, his scent clean and fresh. Well, fresh for now because anyone who’s ever had a baby knows that they don’t hesitate when doing their business. One second you have a clean diaper, and then the next, plop! It’s time for a change.
But it doesn’t matter because my life’s taken a one eighty. I live at my mom’s house now with my son. Imagine that. Me, career girl Sara who was going to save the world working with people in poverty, is now impoverished myself. Because I’m a teen mom with a baby hanging off my breast at age nineteen, and a college drop out to boot.
But I don’t regret it because baby Skylar is the cutest thing, with those deep blue eyes and a thatch of black hair. He looks just like his dad, the SEAL who left me, and despite my rage at Mason, I don’t regret having his son. I’ll find a way. Once Skylar’s old enough, I’ll get a job and go to school at night. Somehow, I’m gonna get that degree, one way or another.
So I nuzzled Skylar again, loving the feel of that soft baby skin.
“Shhh,” I whispered, kissing his moon cheek, trying to get him back to sleep. “Mommy’s sorry. I didn't mean to squeeze you so tight.”
And like a cooing dove, he settled down again, snuggling against my breasts, little mouth opening and closing, seeking my nipple.
I sighed. Breastfeeding is hard work, even for a big girl like me. My boobs are huge and full, but no one tells you about the ache that settles deep inside, how they leak all the time.
And oh god, but my weight. Before I’d been curvy, but now I’m practically a house, with huge, luscious G-cup breasts and an ass that’s even rounder and fuller than before. Pregnancy was good for me, it made my skin glow and my hair come in thick and full. But it also made me go up about four sizes, and I’m squarely in the big-girl clothes section now.
But still, Mason always liked me round. He always worshipped my generous tits, loving the enormous size of my rump. And I’d made him come so many times, welcoming that dick in my sweet holes, sucking down whatever semen he gave. It’d be no different now if Mason were with me. I’d still let him touch me, let him stroke wherever, my generous assets for one man only.
But that’s all pie in the sky. Because the SEAL shipped off after our horrible night together, and I have no idea where he is now. Afghanistan? Iraq? Even China? Who knows, SEALs go on top secret missions, and I was a no one, not a wife, a girlfriend, or even a woman he dated. I was just a hook-up. Granted, a hook-up who’d had his baby, but that still didn’t give me any legal rights. So I sighed, deflated and heart heavy. This was my life now and I had to roll with it. I had to find my own way out, difficult as it was.
Suddenly the sound of screeching tires outside the house jerked my head up. What was going on?
With Skylar in the bassinet, I peered outside curiously. A beat-up old Malibu had just pulled up to the curb, and realization dawned in my brain. Oh shit, oh shit! Jumping back from the window, I ran to the crib, panting with panic. Oh god, Mason didn’t know about Skylar. Oh god, how had he found me? I had to keep my baby a secret.
But the SEAL couldn’t be denied. With long strides, the alpha was on the doorstep in an instant, insistently ringing the bell.
“Sara!” he bellowed, not caring if the neighbors heard. “Sara!”
My heart skipped a beat as I glanced in the mirror. Down girl, the voice in my head went. This is the guy who got you pregnant and then left. He doesn’t give a shit about you.
But still, I wanted to look nice even if it made no sense. Doing a quick finger-comb through my curls, I pinched my cheeks so that they turned slightly pink. And then with as much dignity as possible, I walked into the living room, shutting the baby’s door firmly behind me. There was no need for Mason to know.
Opening the door politely, I nodded.
“Hello Mason,” I said in as steady of a voice as possible. “What are you doing here?”
“Sara?”
The man stood on the other side of the threshold staring at me like he couldn't believe it. Did I look so different?
I just barely stopped myself from fiddling with my hair and smoothing down my dress. Oh god, it was totally a maternity outfit, a floral thing that draped over the extra baby weight but pushed my boobs up and out. And from all the milk, my breasts were bigger than ever, firm and succulent. My nipples hardened, standing up impertinently. But I refused to stammer and act like an idiot in front of him.
“Hello Mason,” I said evenly again. “How are you?”
There those words were normal enough. And he blinked like he was waking from a dream, those blue eyes lifting from my breasts and up to my face. The asshole. Was that all I ever was to him? Someone to fuck and abandon? And now that he was back, all he wanted to do was suck my tits and leave me pregnant again? I don’t think so.
But his words caught me off-guard because instead of some nasty shit, his voice was open, honest and raw.
“I missed you, Sara.”
I could only stare at him in amazement. I missed you, Sara. Even repeating them in my head didn’t make any sense.
“You missed me?!” I had to say them out loud. Nope, still didn’t make any sense. I shook my head and gripped the doorframe as if it would steady me somehow.
“I missed you,” he rasped again, those blue eyes boring into mine. “That’s why I came by, because I had to see you.”
The SEAL edged a little closer to the door, just shy of pushing in. But there was no way he could come in. My mind flashed to Skylar in his crib.
“How’ve you been?” that deep voice rumbled.
How had I been? What kind of lame-ass question was that? I had your baby! The voice inside screamed. After you trashed my pussy and ass, not to mention my heart, you left me pregnant. You left a nineteen year-old girl pregnant, how do you think I am?
But my expression stayed smooth and I didn’t let on at all.
“I’m good thanks,” came my voice, curiously normal and even. “How are you?”
A dark expression crossed his brow.
“Been better,” he rumbled. “But how about a drink and I’ll tell you all about it? Whaddya think?”
And that pushed me over the edge. Because I was nursing his son for crying out loud, and alcohol was off-limits. Mason was so out of it, so off base, that I broke down then, ready to open my mouth to scream.
But then a sound came from the room in back, and we both froze. Oh shit, oh shit. It was Skylar. Usually he sleeps deeply during his afternoon nap, but today, for some reason, it was different. I had to get Mason out of the house so he wouldn’t find out.
But it was too late. Those blue eyes swung to me, blazing.
“What the fuck is that?”
Mason looked past me into the house, all senses alert.
I turned into a scrabbling mess, grabbing at any excuse.
“It’s a baby obviously,” I babbled. “Our neighbors had twins and they cry all the time, the walls are so thin.” Oh god, let him believe me, please god, please god.
But Skylar fussed noisily again and the sound was obviously too close and too loud to belong to any neighbor’s baby. O
h shit.
Mason growled, blue eyes positively on fire now before pushing me aside and shoving his way into the house.
“This better not be what I think he is,” he rasped, stalking into the living room. “Because help me god …” that deep voice trailed off, his hand on the knob.
“Wait!” I stumbled after him, pleading already. “Wait, wait!”
But it was too late because Mason threw open the door to the baby’s room and looked inside. And with that deep black hair and sky blue eyes, the truth was out. I’d had his son, I’d gotten pregnant and delivered a little boy who looked just like his father, down to the dimples in each cheek.
And Skylar’s a fighter. The little boy squirmed and wailed, tiny fists beating at the air in fury. His screams rang through the small room, and I ran to him soothing and cooing. Immediately, he opened his mouth, looking for my breast, the sweet milk that was already leaking from my nipples heavily. I flushed with humiliation but I wouldn't deny my son just because Mason was standing there like an asshole.
Lifting my shirt, I revealed a huge creamy breast before slipping the leaking nipple into the baby's mouth. His cries stopped immediately and his eyes closed, blissful and sucking. Only then, did I look up to meet Mason’s gaze.
Thunderstruck is the best way to describe it. I’ve seen the big man angry, nasty, happy, ecstatic, and even expressionless. But this was none of that. One small baby had caused this big, hard SEAL to go completely motionless, rooted in place, eyes wide with shock.
“Shhh,” I whispered harshly. “Shh, just let him eat.”
And Mason nodded wordlessly, eyes glued to the small boy at my breast. Once the baby finished, falling asleep, I pulled him off and carefully put him back in his crib. Only then did we leave the room, closing the door.
Mason literally gasped once we were outside, bent over, that big chest heaving. It was like he was a dying man starved of air, that massive frame shaking. But I wasn’t sympathetic. Instead, I turned to him, expression impassive, arms crossed over my chest.
“What’s on your mind?” I said in a cool voice.
The explosion was immediate.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he raged.
I looked at him coolly.
“Kidding about what?”
His eyes ripped me apart, but I couldn’t show my distress, keeping my expression even.
“You had my baby,” he growled, the words torn from his throat. “You had my fucking baby and didn't tell me.”
“So?” I asked in a challenging voice. “It’s my body and I had a baby. So what?”
He froze, staring hard at me.
“So what?” he bellowed. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I was about to scream right back when suddenly a wobbly voice interrupted.
“Sara? Is everything alright here?”
I looked outside and saw my mother's neighbor, Mrs. Williams, a sweet lady but a terrible busy body, standing outside the screen door. Her eyes were bright, blinking like a chipmunk. “Are you all right, dear?”
Oh shit. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath to calm myself down. “Yes, Mrs. Williams. Everything is okay.”
“Are you sure, dear?” she trilled, one hand already on the doorknob. “I’m happy to help if you like.”
But I was desperate to keep this busy body out of it. So taking the initiative, I opened the door and grabbed her elbow, walking the elderly woman the twenty feet back to her own house.
“Thank you,” I said, voice sugary sweet. “But I’m good, I’m totally fine. We’ll stop by later okay? Mom wants your strudel recipe, the one you made for church last week was so tasty.”
Mrs. Williams was just about to say something again, but I was already gone, crossing the yard back to my own house.
“Thanks again!” I called, shutting the door firmly. “Thank you!”
I turned back to Mason, taking a deep breath, hoping he’d calmed down. But no such luck. The SEAL was still there, massive and dark, looming in the living room, steam practically coming out of his ears.
“Fuck this shit!” he muttered. “Grab your shit and get the baby. We're going someplace where we won't be interrupted.”
I opened my mouth to tell him no but he seized my arm, almost shaking my curvy frame.
“Do it now,” the alpha ground out. “I'm not fucking around this time, Sara.”
I could have told him no. There were so many things I could have done. But the past few months of not knowing where exactly Mason was, of feeling humiliated and helpless, all the while missing my man desperately, broke down my defenses. I needed to talk to him as well, and now was as good of a time as any. We’d had a baby together, and there was no sense in putting it off.
“Fine,” I said shortly, throwing together the baby’s bag and swinging it over my shoulder. “Fine,” I said again, reaching for Skylar’s stroller.
But Mason is incredibly fast with the reflexes of a god. He took the bag from me, and then lightly bumped me out of the way.
“I’ll get the baby,” he said in a low growl. And before I could stop him, Mason was in Skylar’s room, lifting my tiny boy from his crib, gently cradling him in those strong arms. And oh god, but my heart broke then. Because I love this man desperately, I’d even had his child in secret. But Mason didn’t love me back … and there was nothing I could do about it.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Mason
The long road between Sara's mother's house and my apartment felt like the enemy. It stretched out endlessly in front of me when I just wanted to get her and the baby into my apartment to find out what the hell happened.
“Get the fuck out of the way!” I cursed out the driver of a slow-moving Prius. Swerving to the left, tires screeched behind me but I didn’t turn around to see what happened.
Sara gasped and I heard her mutter something. Yes, she was scared, I knew that, but I wasn’t frightening her on purpose, I just had to get out of there. With Sara and the baby in the car, I was desperate to leave that neighborhood and all that it stood for. Secrecy. Sara’s obvious shame. The idea of an unclaimed baby. My unclaimed baby, for crying out loud.
Shame coursed through my massive frame. Holy shit, no child of mine was going to go fatherless. Skylar had a dad, and I was gonna be there for him, come hell or high water. He was mine, and those baby blue eyes looking back at me innocently wrecked my heart. I’d already missed his first months of life and it absolutely killed me, made me feel like an ant.
But Sara didn’t know that, and right now, she was frightened from the crazy card ride. Brown eyes wide and frozen, she stared at the road, clutching the baby in her arms.
“Slow down, Mason!” she said in a strained voice, barely able to get the words out. “There’s no rush.”
“I know what I'm doing,” I bit out in reply.
But that obviously wasn't true. Because my life had been out of control before, but now it was ten times more crazy. If I’d been a mofo in my past life, fucking girls right and left, at least it’d been controlled damage. Now, things were completely out of whack. My best girl was here. She’d been pregnant. She’d had my son. Holy fucking shit. Beat me with a bat and leave me for dead.
And shame coursed through me again because from the looks of it, life hasn’t been easy for Sara. The brunette was still luminously beautiful, ripe and lovely, but there were circles under her eyes, and a new drooping of her soft shoulders. I swore to erase that stuff as soon as humanly possible, that was my next mission.
But still, I was the man who’d done this to her. My sweet girl. The brunette was my beautiful woman, and I’d put her through hell.
Slamming on the brakes, the car screeched into a parking space and I rushed my new family inside. Sara dropped onto the couch with the baby, and as she sat, obviously trying to get comfortable with little Skylar in her arms, I looked around at the room with new eyes, seeing it for the first time.
Everything was white and cold and sterile. Ikea fake-woo
d furniture I’d never bothered to paint, bare white walls, and regulation blinds over the windows. Only the big screen TV and rust-colored recliner had any real personality and both shouted, “Bachelor who couldn’t give a shit.” My place was a fucking sty, and it was never more obvious now with Sara on the couch, trying her hardest to make herself and our baby comfortable.
This was no place for a wife and child.
What the fuck? A wife? What the fuck was I thinking?
But shit, that sounded right. Deep in my gut it felt right and I stared at them like a madman. The brunette was a Madonna with my baby at her breast, her dark head looking at the peaceful child, the sleeping boy completely unaware of the turmoil around him. And something moved in my heart, something stirred so deep and powerful, that I couldn’t breathe for a moment. My big frame was still and a lightheaded feeling rushed over me, making me wobble visibly. Because shit, life had just become more complicated but also a thousand times more clear.
Skylar and Sara were mine. That was obvious. They belonged to me, one hundred percent, and there was no way I was leaving them behind. Career in the Navy be damned, next tour be damned, because right now, I had a girl and a baby on my hands, and they were my everything.
But the brunette had no idea. The mother of my child gripped the child tighter to her chest, looking at the bare white walls uncomfortably before glancing my way.
“We’re here now,” she said in a low voice. “We’re here, Mason.”
That’s right, they were here. And it was right despite the bare white walls and the mass of misunderstanding. So I took a controlled breath and started slow.
“What the fuck happened, Sara?”
Okay, that wasn’t slow, that was fucking harsh and in your face. But I couldn’t help it. I had to know.
The female just looked at me like I'd asked the stupidest question. Her voice low and trembly, she replied.
“What do you think happened, Mason? You fucked me and I got pregnant. That’s what happened.”
Oh shit, that was a harsh reply and I stood there stunned. Sara took a deep breath then, getting her bearings.
Their Secret Page 28