I shook my head and let myself rest, slowly waiting for morning to arrive.
By the time I woke up, the sun was just edging over the horizon. I rarely slept full nights these days, but I had learned to nap. I drank my water, I ate my fruits and vegetables. Everything on the checklist to take care of myself.
I worked out, showered, and got myself some coffee and a bagel. I was craving carbs and cream cheese, so I dove into it. I was just about to head to my studio in the back to work when the doorbell rang. I frowned. It must be a Montgomery. It was always a Montgomery or someone close to them.
I looked through the peephole and smiled even as I scowled. I wasn’t sure how it happened, but it did. I opened the door, and my eldest brother, Eli, and my closest-in-age brother, the baby brother of the Wilders, Elliot, stood there.
There were seven of us, and everyone had a name that started with an E. My parents loved to make things confusing.
I blinked at them. “What are you two doing here?”
“We’re here because we love you,” Eli said as he shouldered his way in. Elliot gave me a small smile, and I sighed.
“Please, come in. It’s not like it’s a workday and I have anything to do.”
Elliot cleared his throat. “We’re not going to stay for long, we just wanted to stop by.”
“I didn’t even know you two were in the state.”
“We have a TDY at the academy,” Elliot said as he kissed my cheek. “We figured it would be good for us to come up and see you.”
“I’m in Fort Collins. That’s not like a twenty-minute drive.”
“No, but it’s not like driving through Texas, either,” Elliot said with a wink.
We had all been born outside of San Antonio, our father being military, as well. We had lived all over the world, though our dad had been Army. My six brothers had joined the Air Force. All six of them. And I had married a military man, too. Apparently, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, no matter that the tree seemed to be wilting a bit.
That was an odd metaphor to think of.
“So, really. What are you doing here?” I asked. “Not that I don’t love you guys being here. I love seeing you since I rarely get to, but what’s going on?”
Eli shrugged. “As I said, we love you. If all six of us could have gotten here, we would have, but it’s hard to get us all pinned down.”
“Considering that I don’t remember the last time we were all in the same place, you’re right,” I said softly. I missed my brothers something fierce. With all of them being active military, on different rotations, and on different bases, it meant that I rarely got to see them in one place unless it was over a video call.
“We really just wanted to tell you that we love you,” Elliot echoed.
Eli cleared his throat. “And, well, we’re all getting out,” he added, and Elliot winced.
I blinked, my heart racing. I couldn’t have heard that correctly. “What?”
“We’re all getting out. We’re not re-upping,” Eli said.
“We’re done. We did our time—some more than others,” Elliot said as he looked at Eli.
My eldest brother shrugged. “We did the time we wanted. I don’t know. It feels different now.”
I looked between them. “Because Marshall’s gone?” I asked, tears in my throat.
“That’s part of it,” Eli said and sighed. “Not all of it.”
Elliot leaned forward. “We’re done, Eliza. And we are thinking about going home.”
I looked between them and frowned. “Home? Where’s home for a military brat?” I asked, the refrain common and a joke on my tongue.
“Home, down to Texas,” Eli said. “We’re all going to work down there.”
“Together?” I asked.
“We’re working on it,” Elliot said softly.
“We want you to come with us,” Eli added. “Come, be with family. You don’t need to stay here. Marshall’s gone, let us take care of you.”
I looked between them and sighed. And then went to make more coffee. This would be a long discussion, and one I didn’t want to have.
Because I barely knew who I was anymore, and I didn’t want anyone taking care of me. It seemed my brothers didn’t understand that. Then again, I really didn’t either.
Chapter 3
Beckett
* * *
The doorbell rang, and I frowned as I walked towards it. I opened the door, and Lee stood there, scowling at me.
“It’s late.”
My best friend looked down at my gray sweatpants and the fact that I wore nothing else and rolled his eyes. “You were either going to bed, or you have a woman in there. And considering I don’t think you actually have a woman in there, you’re going to let me in, and we’re going to talk.”
I set my jaw. I knew exactly what Lee wanted to talk about. And exactly why I didn’t want to talk about it. “Let’s not,” I said.
“Oh, let’s…” Lee said as he shouldered his way in. I let him—he was one of my best friends. I didn’t want to talk about certain things with him and didn’t need to. “We need to talk,” Lee said.
I shook my head before I rubbed the small of my back. Only small twinges, and they weren’t that bad. PT had helped, and I’d recover fully any day now, but it was still a reminder that I’d rather not have. “No, we really don’t.”
Lee’s brows shot up, and he sighed, pushing his dark hair out of his face. “You know we do. We need to talk about it.”
“You weren’t even there, Lee. We don’t need to talk about it.”
“I miss him, too,” Lee whispered.
My chest ached, and I shook my head. “I’m fine.”
“If you were fine, your family would know about it. Fuck, Brenna would know about it. You may call me your best friend, but we both know that you and Brenna are even closer than we are, and yet you’re not telling her about this. You’re not telling your fucking twin about it. You need to. They need to know what happened.”
I swallowed hard. “No, I can’t. I can’t.” I rubbed my back again as if doing so would make the memories go away.
Lee’s gaze went straight to the movement. “You at least doing PT?”
“Yes. I’m fine.”
“A whole shit-ton of shelving fell on top of you, Beckett. And your family doesn’t know about it. They don’t know about anything.”
“They would only worry about me, and we have enough to worry about. Fuck, Annabelle’s pregnant. I don’t want to hurt the baby by stressing her out.”
Lee pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine, I’ll keep your secret. Like I always do. Jesus Christ, you need to talk to your family about it.”
“And I just need you to go. I need to get some sleep.”
Not that I would actually get much sleep because of the nightmares, but I let that go.
He scowled at me and then leaned forward, giving me a hard hug. I tapped his shoulder, hugging him back, and he leaned away.
“See? Not awkward with you all half-naked and sweaty.”
I barked out a laugh. “Well, thanks for that image. Not that you aren’t sweet, but I don’t see you that way.”
“I am a catch,” Lee said. I knew he was trying to lower the tension. “All are welcome and in need of exactly what I can give them.”
I rolled my eyes. “Get out of here. Maybe go find yourself a woman.”
“That would require actually talking to someone, and all I want to do is go to sleep.”
“Same here. So, why don’t you let me do that?”
“Fine, but don’t fuck things up, okay? Your family loves you. Brenna loves you. I love you, but not that way. Okay, I’m out. Honestly, you can talk to anyone. No one’s going to judge you.”
That was the problem; they wouldn’t. I would judge myself. I walked Lee out and then locked the door, double and triple-checked the lock like every night these days, and went to bed.
* * *
The nightmares came as hard as th
ey usually did, shocking me awake. I heard the screams, the shouts, that final piercing pop that had nothing to do with someone’s voice. I shook my head and glared down at my sweat-covered body.
“Well, fuck,” I whispered. I had the day off, it was Sunday, after all, but I still needed to work on a few things. I wanted to work out, do some stuff around the house and get some paperwork done.
I was a construction project manager, the lead of Montgomery Builders. All of my siblings and I worked together, Annabelle was the architect, Benjamin our landscape architect, Paige our office manager, and Archer our lead plumber. We had a rotating set of electricians and others to help us since our company was getting larger by the day, but we did well for ourselves. I was in charge most days, so I had a lot of fucking paperwork to do. And I didn’t want to bother Clay, my assistant project manager, on the weekend. He was raising three kids on his own, which meant he had more than enough on his plate. I’d work out, get some paperwork done, and maybe work on my yard—anything to keep my hands busy.
I quickly showered, rinsing off the sweat and doing my best not to think about anything too serious. I thought briefly about jerking off, just to do something, but I wasn’t in the mood. It was probably a good thing I hadn’t brought Sally home last night, considering the only person I thought about doing anything with was the one person I shouldn’t.
Except there was no probably about it. The sexy, dark-haired woman who haunted my dreams didn’t need to haunt my waking hours. I snorted, turned off the shower, and dried off. I wrapped a towel around my waist and then went to find something to wear.
I would exercise, but it wouldn’t be anything big. Maybe I’d eat breakfast first. Hell. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I slid on another pair of gray sweatpants, not bothering with underwear since I would just change in a minute anyway and headed towards the kitchen for coffee. The doorbell rang, and I cursed. It’d better not be fucking Lee again. I left the coffee brewing and headed to the entryway. I looked through the peephole and smiled.
I opened the door and grinned. “Hey, there,” I said as Brenna walked in. She had a box in her hand from our favorite donut place and a smile on her face.
Her eyes caught mine, and they widened. “Oh. So… Are you trying to seduce the poor delivery people who show up at your house?”
“What?” I asked, then looked down at my naked torso. “Shit, I can go put on a shirt.”
She blushed and then waved her hand. “Don’t on my account. I brought breakfast.”
“Did we plan on meeting this morning?” I asked, rubbing my face. I should have shaved, but it was the weekend, and I didn’t care.
“No, but I’m your best friend, and I felt like coming over. Is that okay?” she asked, a little hesitant.
I was a bastard. “Of course, you’re welcome over. I don’t have many plans today, though, just housework, maybe a little paperwork.”
“I have to decorate a few things later today, projects are piling up, but I just wanted to see you. We haven’t really hung out that much lately.”
Because I was keeping a secret from her, and I wasn’t good at lying to Brenna. Unfortunately, I couldn’t say that to her.
“No problem,” I said. “Come on in, I’ll make you a cup of coffee.”
“Do you have the good creamer?” she asked.
“Of course, I do. It’s your favorite. Why wouldn’t I have it?”
She gave me a weird look that I didn’t understand, and I shrugged. I took the donuts from her and set them on the counter. Brenna hopped onto the kitchen island, dangling her feet, her favorite position in my kitchen, and I shook my head. I poured her a cup of coffee and then doctored my own as we sat and ate donuts.
She grinned at me, and I leaned over and wiped jelly off her chin. “Messy eater,” I said.
She blushed and shook her head. “You’re a jerk, you know that?”
“Maybe, only I’m your jerk. What cakes are you working on tonight?” I asked, munching on my second donut. I would be working out hard later.
“It’s a four-tiered monstrosity, but it’s a large wedding, and I’m enjoying it. I’m calling it the crystal palace.”
“Lots of sugar work, then?” I asked.
“You don’t even want to know. It’s going to work out. The bride and the bride’s mother couldn’t agree on anything, so I’m sort of melding their two ideas. It should work, and they loved the design that I sent. They picked out a light and airy vanilla cake with a chocolate ganache filling.”
“You know me and chocolate,” I said as I bit into the last of my eclair.
She rolled her eyes and grinned. “Yes. You and chocolate. It’s a sickness. Anyway, I also have a groom’s cake to make, and an order of cupcakes for a birthday.”
My eyes widened. “You are busy.”
“I am, but I did schedule some time off this morning so I could just breathe. And I wanted to see you.”
“Sounds good to me.”
The door opened again, and my gaze shot to it, my pulse racing. I had forgotten to lock it. Fuck. I was way too distracted and exhausted. Annabelle walked through, a smile on her face. Her brows shot up as she saw Brenna sitting on my kitchen counter, eating breakfast, and me standing next to her wearing only sweatpants.
“Well, then, what’s going on?” my sister said, teasing.
I snorted. “Nothing, it’s just Brenna,” I said.
Annabelle winced, and then I heard the words that had just come out of my mouth.
“Fuck, sorry,” I said.
“Oh, no, it’s fine,” Brenna said, beaming. “You’re an asshole, but it is just me. Nothing going on here,” she said with a laugh. “Seriously.”
I caught the look that Annabelle gave me, but I couldn’t read it. What the fuck was I missing? It was Brenna. My best friend. We sat like this often. She’d seen me drunker than hell and wiped my brow after I vomited everything I’d eaten the night before. I had seen her drunker than hell and had held her hair back. We had seen each other at our worst and best, but there were no romantic feelings there. They would have come up before now. I would know if she liked me like that, right?
Hell, what was wrong with me?
“I brought donuts,” Brenna said.
Annabelle clapped her hands and came over. “Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie.”
“Are you supposed to have sugar?” I asked as I handed over the box.
“If you dare to take donuts away from a pregnant woman, I will curse you to the fiery hell of a carb-less life,” she growled.
“Well, then, that sounds dangerous. Where is that husband of yours?” I asked.
“He’s at work. Tough case,” she said, cringing. “Let’s just say I’m really glad we’re all a decent family who talks to one another. You know?”
I nodded. “You know we’ve got our problems, though.”
“Not those problems. As much as it might be a little overwhelming that we all hang out, live near one another, and work together, we’re not like that.”
What was unsaid was the fact that we had almost been like that thanks to our parents. Things were better now. It had been a year since the blowup. And it had gotten better.
Brenna dangled her feet and reached for my coffee. “Let me get you some more.”
I shook my head. “No, I need to switch to water. I need to work out soon.”
“That reminds me…” Annabelle began.
“What?” I asked as I helped Brenna down. I ended up pouring the coffee since I was closer, but I had a feeling that Brenna felt a little uncomfortable sitting there while Annabelle and I were standing. Getting a pregnant Annabelle to sit down these days was harder than hell.
“If you have time, can you stop by Eliza’s house later this week? She needs a few things done in her studio, and you’re the construction guy. I figured you’d be the best at it.”
“It’s bookshelves, isn’t it?” I asked, sighing.
“No. Maybe? I don’t really know.” She cringed. “It’s
either bookshelves or framing. I’m not sure, but she asked for someone handy to drop by later this week if we had someone available, and the two of you work well together.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that statement since I didn’t want to think about Eliza more than I already was. When the hell had that happened? The smart thing to do would be to say I couldn’t help, but that wasn’t me. I wasn’t that much of an asshole. “I can help.”
“Thank you, big brother of mine,” Annabelle said with a smile.
Brenna looked between us. “I need to head to work soon. If I didn’t have to go, I’d help, too. Not that I’d be much help when it comes to doing anything handy.”
“That is true. You can’t put together bookshelves,” I said.
Brenna flipped me off. “I’m okay at it.”
“No, you aren’t, honey,” Annabelle said, laughing.
“Am I allowed to flip you off? Should we flip off pregnant women?” Brenna asked.
I snorted. “Well, Annabelle could take us both, so we probably shouldn’t.”
“Thank you,” Annabelle said, lifting her chin. “Can you help?”
“Sure, I don’t mind.”
“Thank you. I wouldn’t normally ask you on your day off, but I’m out of options. And, well, it’s just weird. I don’t want her to feel like she has to hire a handyman for things that Marshall used to do.”
I cringed. “We can handle it. We’re in this together. Whatever this is.”
She smiled at me and kissed my cheek. “You’re a good man, Beckett.”
I didn’t feel like one. That was on me, not them. I leaned against the fridge and sipped my water as Brenna and Annabelle talked. Maybe I wouldn’t work today. My dad wouldn’t be happy, but he wasn’t my boss anymore. I would get some things done at the house, then I’d help Eliza with whatever she wanted. Because I liked her. She was my friend. And I was always so fucking awkward around her. I didn’t know what to say. What did you say to someone who had lost the person they loved the most?
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