I bite my bottom lip. He’s never sent a car before. He’s not even supposed to know my name, let alone where I live. The only thing that I can think of is that he must have some connection to the famiglia to know who I am, my father, my brother, and where my home is located.
Stupidly, I throw all caution to the wind. As quietly as I can, I make my way downstairs. I can hear the rustling around of the cleaning crew as they wipe down my father’s office walls. They’ll clean them so well that you’d never know four men were shot point blank in the head a few hours ago.
Hugging the walls, I hold my breath as I head toward the kitchen. The room is black, thankfully, and it’s easy for me to slip out of the back door.
The grounds seem so expansive at night. My heels begin to sink into the grass as soon as I step one foot into the damp vegetation.
I ignore my racing heart, the twisting feeling in my gut that screams at me to go back to the house. I ignore it all because I need this. I’ve finally found something that makes me feel and I’m going to hold on to that with both hands.
My legs move quickly, sweat dripping against my lower back as I move as fast as I can without falling into the grass. When the black car comes into view from the back gate, I let out a breath of relief.
I probably shouldn’t be relieved, but I know that on the other side of that gate, in that car, after a short drive to the club, I’ll finally be able to relax. For a while at least, until the next time Benicio speaks or until he begins to demand that I service him.
Punching in the gate code, I push it open just as the driver opens the back door of the sedan for me.
“Signorina,” he says, dipping his chin.
Glancing back behind me, I check to see if I’ve been followed. It doesn’t appear as I have, so I slip in the back seat. This is probably a huge mistake, but my sanity cannot afford to stay behind, not right now, not with everything that’s happened tonight.
A throat clears as soon as the driver closes the door behind me. Jumping, I lift my gaze and look across from me.
He’s there.
Q.
He’s wearing his normal black suit, along with a black mask that covers the upper half of his face, leaving only two small openings so that he can see. He has a strong jaw, covered in his typical four-day beard stubble.
I stare at him, studying him and trying to figure out exactly who he is. He knows what I’m doing, he always knows what I do before I even realize it. He smirks. Reaching forward, he touches my knee with his index finger.
“We’re going back to my place tonight, Nicola.”
“No,” I breathe. “That’s not right.”
He shakes his head once. “We’ve been doing this for over a year. You should trust me by now, little one.”
I blink. I don’t trust him. I don’t trust anyone. He must sense that because he closes his eyes.
“Nothing sexual will happen, just like it never has. This isn’t about me getting off inside of you, Nicola. This is about me helping the broken bird that you are.”
“Why?” I ask.
He tilts his head to the side. “Because the woman I loved, she was beyond help. She broke, and I won’t let that happen to you.”
Gulping, I try to go through the memories in my head. Try to figure out exactly who this man is and the woman that he loved and tragically lost.
I am completely blank.
Drawing a blank.
I hate that.
Hate that I can’t figure him out, and yet, it seems as though he knows every aspect of my life.
Chapter Four
BENICIO
Lifting my phone to my ear, I call Gavino. He’s got his own pile of shit that he’s trying to weed through, but I need to know exactly what I’m getting into with this entire famiglia. I hear him clear his throat before he answers my call.
“What are their holdings? I can hack the computer, but I think this guy was too old school to keep that shit digitally. I have a feeling it’s somewhere in a safe, and I don’t have access to any of those yet.”
“Good evening to you as well, Benicio.” He chuckles.
I pause, wanting nothing more than to end this call and find Nicola, then bury myself inside of her and fuck out all of my anxiety and stress. I never wanted to be a Boss, never had the desire to be in charge of an operation like this one. But, I’m here, and I’m going to make the goddamn best of it.
“They have their monthlies from the businesses in their area. Plus, there’s the meat market, the trash service, and the laundromat.”
“How fucking old school and cliché,” I grumble.
Gavino chuckles. “No fuckin’ shit, right?”
“Underboss? Need someone I can trust.”
There’s a moment of silence. I expect him to give me a name of someone, but he doesn’t, not immediately anyway.
“Luciana is worried. How’s Nicola?”
I clench my jaw, not wishing to talk to him, or anyone else about the woman. Inhaling deeply through my nose, I let it out slowly.
“She’s fine,” I snap. “Underboss.”
Gavino snorts. “Do some research on your men, pick one that’s the cleanest. Don’t know what else to tell you,” he murmurs.
“That’s a shit answer. You send me up here without any kind of fucking plan. I got one goddamn Capo left. I need an Underboss that I can trust to have my back.”
He lets out a heavy sigh. I hear some movement and then he grunts. “I’m running a skeleton crew myself here. Got no Family Messenger and I’m down my head of security. What do you want me to tell you? If you got a guy there that you trust, you can have him for the time being.”
“Want Massimo,” I state.
Gavino barks out a harsh laugh. “He’s busy. Someone else.”
I lift my hand and run my fingers through my hair. “Ermanno. He’s a good Capo. He’s loyal as fuck and I’ve vetted him personally.”
“Fine, he’s yours. I’ll send him your way tonight.”
“Grazie,” I sneer.
Gavino only laughs. But he doesn’t end the call right away. I hear him clear his throat. “Heard rumors about Nicola over the years. I kept it from my wife, but are they true? The old man use her?” he asks.
My eyes close slowly and I try to hide the hate and pain that slices through me from those words. From the abuse that she’s suffered her entire life.
“It’s true.”
“Fuck,” he hisses. “I’m trying to make a good match for her, but I don’t think it’s possible. Not with that in her past. Do you think she’d work for me? Work for Mia?”
My eyes fly open. “Never,” I practically shout.
“You can’t, Benny. You can’t,” he says.
I know that I can’t. I would lose all respect if I took her for more than an easy bedmate. “I don’t want her, not for that. I despise her,” I lie.
There’s a moment of silence, then he speaks. “You don’t. Be careful.”
The line goes dead and I take my phone from my ear and just stare at the blank device. I’m a fucking fool. I can’t hate her.
No matter how many times I tell myself, the second I see her it all just disintegrates. I’m pissed at her, I don’t think I’ll ever not be angry, but after learning more about her life, my hate just kind of fades away.
I don’t know that she ever felt as if she had much of a choice. She’s not wrong. I couldn’t have protected her back then, not from her father or his wrath. I would have ended up dead and she probably would have too.
Fuck.
“Boss?” Costa calls out.
Spinning around, I shove my phone in my pocket.
“Cleanup is done. Furniture has been moved out, except for the filing cabinets and books in the bookshelves. Chairs, sofa, desk are all gone, carpet’s been removed. Bodies are too,” he says, keeping his voice low and trying to hide the slight tremble.
“Thanks. Go ahead and go home to your family. Come back here at ten in the morning. My new Un
derboss will be here, and we can have our first meeting.”
I watch his Adam’s apple as he swallows and dips his head. He turns around and hurries away from me. The rest of the house is quiet. The cleaners gone, the cook not a live-in, thank fuck, and the rest of the staff disposed of.
Locking all the doors, I send a message to the locksmith that we use to arrive at eight and change out the locks in the entire house. I’m going to have him bust into those fucking safes for me, well, as many as I can find anyway.
Turning all the lights off, I make my way upstairs toward Nicola’s floor. Everything is eerily quiet in this gigantic house. I stand in front of her door. I want her. Miss the feel of her body against mine. Miss the way her lips tasted and the way they felt against my skin. I’ve just plain missed her.
Lifting my hand, I place my palm against the warm wood of her door. Closing my eyes, I decide to give her tonight off. She needs to rest, to cope with the changes in her life and to deal with what her new place will be at my side.
My side.
Maybe not so much my side as beneath me, next to me, on top of me, in front of me. Whichever way I want her spread and waiting.
NICOLA
I bite my bottom lip as I feel the ropes wrap and intertwine around my body. Closing my eyes, I let out a long sigh as I hang suspended in the air. He doesn’t use them often, but tonight he said that I need it. I needed to feel free and float, completely release my control to him.
Wearing only my bodysuit, I’ve slipped out of my skirt and high heels. There is a circle hook hanging from the ceiling and that’s what he’s suspended me from.
My arms ache. Both are behind me, the Shibari ropes intricately twisted and tied and lifted almost above my head.
My chest and back are wrapped almost completely as are my legs, which are pulled up and tied to the ring as well.
“Allow yourself to just be, Nicola. The pain of the past, the hurt and anguish that your father delivered, let all of that seep out of your body through the aches that are being exposed.”
I don’t know how Q knows any of this, but I don’t question it. My mind goes blank, the hurts, the past, the emotional pain just disappears as the physical aches of hanging from this ring consume me.
“You’re a beautiful woman and you deserve love, Nicola. You deserve everything that has been stripped from your body, from your mind, from your soul. You are deserving, my broken little bird,” he murmurs softly.
Tears fall. I don’t even try to hold them back. I let them flow and gather at the tip of my nose before they drip onto the floor.
I let it all go. Just like Q tells me to. The doubt and thoughts will return, but for now they are nothing but a distant memory of a sadistic piece of shit.
Q hums. He walks away, but I know it’s not too far. He’s never very far from me. Especially not when we’re in a scene like this.
He is always there to catch me if I fall.
Q is the only human on this earth that I have ever been able to truly count on and I don’t even know his name, nor have I ever seen his entire face.
“Do you need to come down?” he softly asks.
“No, the pain feels good,” I moan.
My entire body is tingling. I feel like one giant ball of nerves. I feel hot, too. A side-effect from our sessions together—desire.
Though, he’s never once acted on it, and I’m not sexually attracted to him. He must know that it’s there, that this lifestyle and the scenes that we do are just so intense that sexual desire is just part of the whole thing.
Usually, I just take care of myself when I get home. This thing between me and him, it started in a BDSM club, but now I wonder if he purposely chose me.
I met him the first night that I walked through the door. He took me back into a private room and we had a completely non-sexual scene. I felt euphoric afterward. I wanted it again, and the next night I showed up and he was there.
Not long afterward, I allowed the club to give him my cell phone number so that we could set up scenes instead of just hoping we’d meet.
I’m beginning to wonder if he had all of this planned out, as though he knew that I would be there. Though, I’m not sure how.
“I’m taking you down now, Nicola. You can’t stay up there all evening,” he murmurs.
I don’t argue with him, I’m too exhausted, too excited to even make an attempt. Biting my bottom lip, I breathe evenly as he takes almost as long to take me down as he did to put me up. I have no doubt that he does it purposely, as well, he knows that I would stay all night like this if I could.
Once I’m free of my binds, he gathers me in his arms, like a child, and carries me over to a leather sofa in the corner of the room.
Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I bury my face in his neck and just let those tears that had begun earlier flow.
His fingers gently slide up and down my back soothingly. “Thank you,” I breathe once I’m no longer a sobbing mess.
“Thank you, Nicola. Without you, I would not get what I need from this either.”
Lifting my head, I look into his black eyes, his face is still shielded by the mask and I still have no clue of his identity.
“How?”
His lips twitch into a smile. “You’re so much stronger than you were when I met you a year ago. You can stand up for yourself now, and I expect you to.”
“No, I can’t,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “You can, absolutely, and you know when it’s appropriate as well. You are a strong woman and you’re coming into yourself. You’re no longer the girl that you once were. I am proud of you. So very proud of you.”
Lifting my hand, I touch his jaw with my fingertips. “Thank you for saving me from myself, Q. Without you, I don’t know what would have become of me,” I whisper.
He smiles sadly. “Go home. If you love him, show him.”
I don’t know how he knows so much about me. I don’t ask. It doesn’t matter anymore. Whatever he knows, it’s nothing that he’s planning on hurting me with. I can just feel that inside of him. I just know that he isn’t here to hurt me, only help me.
“What happens when he only responds in anger and hate?” I ask.
He tilts his head to the side, his lips turning up into a small smile. “I know that you will show him your true heart, Nicola. You will turn him to love, just by being yourself and being strong. Never back down, always, but always, show him your heart, little one.”
Licking my lips, I nod as he gently shifts me off of his lap and onto the sofa. I watch as he walks over to a small fridge in the corner of his room and pulls out a small bottle of water. He delivers it to me and dips his chin in a silent demand to drink.
Sipping on the cool liquid, I finally take a moment to look around the room. It’s dark, black and red, every bit a sex dungeon. Licking my lips, I chance looking over to him and ask him the question that I’ve been dying to ask for the past year.
“Why don’t you ever try anything sexual with me?”
He blinks, his mouth parting slightly before he chuckles. “You’re not my type, Nicola.” He grins.
Frowning with confusion, I watch him. “You’re gay?” I whisper.
He laughs even harder and shakes his head a couple of times like I’m funny and cute all at the same time. “I’m not. Aside from you being far too young, it just wouldn’t be right. Plus, I don’t have that type of attraction to you, but the man at your house does, does he not?”
I gulp the water down, shrugging a shoulder. “Why did you pick me then? Last year, that first time?”
“I saw in you a lost soul that needed discovery, not sexually, but emotionally.”
His answer is good. I find that it’s satisfied my curiosity, for now. Though, I do want to know why I’m not his type. I’m interested to know what his type is, and why it wouldn’t be right. He can probably guess exactly what my questions are, but he doesn’t acknowledge them.
Instead, he gathers my skirt and sh
oes before bringing them over to me. “Get dressed and I’ll take you home.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “I’m not sexually attracted to you either, I was just curious,” I blurt.
He barks out a small laugh. “Yeah, I’m glad for that, and trust me, you are too.”
I bite the corner of my lip and shake my head a couple times, deciding that I need to let sleeping dogs lie. I quickly get dressed and a few moments later he opens the car door for me.
This time he doesn’t join me, and I find that I’m glad for that, too. I close my eyes as the silence of the moving car envelops me. The driver takes me home, straight toward the back gate, once again.
“Q has requested that you text him as soon as you have made it to your quarters safely,” the driver announces.
“I will, thank you very much.” He dips his chin, but otherwise doesn’t respond.
Hurrying across the grounds, I find the hidden key when I try the door and discover it’s locked. I slip my shoes off and then quickly make my way toward my bedroom.
Once I’m inside, I make sure not to lock the door, but I do take a shower before I slip into bed.
My eyes close immediately and for the first time since I saw him the last time, I fall into a dreamless sleep.
Chapter Five
BENICIO
Ermanno knocks on the front door, far too fucking early in the morning. It doesn’t really matter though, I’m already awake, having woken for some strange reason around midnight and I was unable to fall back asleep.
Since I don’t have any office furniture, I’ve been sitting in the formal living area, just working on my own personal laptop.
I spent a good two hours looking for any hidden safes that Mauro had around the house. I’ve only found two. One in his office and one in his bedroom. I’m not fool enough to believe that those are the only ones he had.
Mauro may have been a dumbfuck, but he knew enough about this life, was raised in it and he knew to never keep documents easily accessible.
A safe, as protected as that can be, could still be raided by the Feds at any time, therefore you never put all your eggs in one fucking basket.
Becoming his Possession: A Zanetti Famiglia Novel Page 4