by Joya Ryan
Our meetings were later in the evening, and after a full day of classes, I’d walked into her office and she insisted we go to the campus coffee shop.
“Thank you again for inviting me out,” I said. Though the café was only on the other side of the parking lot from the college, it was a nice change in scenery.
“You looked like you could use some caffeine,” she said.
That was the truth. Between this newest bout of insomnia and school, I felt permanently exhausted.
“One hazelnut latte?” the waiter said with a steaming cup of heavenly smelling java.
“That’s me,” I answered, and he put the large cup in front of me, the foam gently swaying side to side, making the heart-shaped design dance.
“And a chai tea,” he put that in front of Erica before walking off.
“He’s cute,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows at me.
“I um…what?”
She hid her grin by taking a quick drink of her tea. “The waiter is cute, and he was looking at you. Are you single? If so, you should go for him.”
A flare of awkwardness skated up my back. Not because of Erica. Though she was my thesis advisor, she was young and treated me like an equal and a friend. Which I really liked. It was the “are you single?” question that tied up my tongue. Mostly because my tongue had been tied a couple days ago with a firefighter’s.
“I’m not really in the market to date,” I answered. Though, technically, I was single. “Are you in cahoots with Harper?” I asked jokingly.
“Who’s Harper?”
“She’s my friend. She’s been saying similar things. Trying to get me out, to date, things like that.”
“Well, you should listen to her,” Erica said, and tilted her head toward the counter. “Because waiter boy is still staring at you.”
I glanced over and, oh boy, he smiled and gave one of those chin lift things. My cheeks heated instantly.
Erica was obviously loving this.
“Not my type,” I said quickly, and cupped my mug in both palms.
“Well, you should still find something to do besides school. Go out and have fun once in a while.”
“I do.”
Erica gave me a disbelieving look. “Lana, I’m your advisor, I’ve seen your class schedule. Are you trying to take every class Golden has to offer in one term, or is taking forty-thousand credits and working on your thesis fun for you?”
“Hey now,” I defended. “It’s only thirty thousand credits and yes, it’s quite fun.”
“Uh-huh, well it’s healthy to have a social life. You know that thing that takes place outside of school.”
“Oh, I see now, this coffee date was all a set up.”
“Yep,” Erica said with no shame. “I have officially gotten you to be social with at least me for a short time. Your psyche can thank me later.”
I laughed and took a drink of hazelnut yumminess. In all honesty, this was nice. Getting out of school and chatting. The smell of roasted coffee beans combined with the soft glow of the shop made my shoulders relax. It was far from the florescent lights of my last lecture hall and maybe Erica was right, maybe getting out of the college from time to time was a good thing.
“Well, I suppose we should get a little accomplished,” she said, pulling her trendy glasses from her head to her face, her attention going back to my proposal in front of her. She took one sip and went back to reading through the draft spread out on the table. Her sensible heels clicked under the table in a slow, tap, tap, tap, as she flipped another page, then another.
I started sweating a little.
“I’m still working through some ideas…” I started, then trailed off. I needed to let her read it before I started freaking out. Which was difficult, because sitting across from someone while they silently looked over your work was agony.
“Working ideas or not, this is the most thorough rough draft I’ve ever seen.” She smiled at me. “It’s clear you worked hard on this, and it’s going to be great.”
Tucking a lock of short brown hair behind her ear, she swung her glasses back to the top of her head and intertwined her fingers before resting them on my paper. She was simple and lovely and didn’t have to try.
“What do you think about going a step further? I know statistics is your area of focus, but you’re interested in finance, right?”
“Yes. I eventually want to be a financial analysis.”
“Okay, so you want to work with businesses and advise them on how to invest their money and how to keep their business strong, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then I think bringing in a real world experience would be great. We need to present a really strong case to the thesis board, and I think perhaps some insight into an actual business would be beneficial.”
I tossed her words around in my mind for a moment. It was Erica’s job to help me make the strongest project possible, and she would then stamp her approval on it and take it to the thesis board. Her support was basically gold.
“What do you mean take it a step further?” I asked.
She glanced at my paper. “Since you haven’t had experience in an actual financial firm, I think the board would love to see how you could apply the methods you’ve outlined to an actual business.”
I folded my lips because, while I had left out the part about my father owning a financial firm, I also didn’t mention that I had worked there for a heartbeat this past summer. That was, until I started doing payroll for Jack’s resort. Yeah, all that I left out. Because I wanted this to be my thing. Start to finish, my project, with no mention or even hint of anyone else. Problem was, the only two people I knew who owned businesses were Jack and my father. Both of whom I couldn’t go to, even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t.
“I think getting an inside look at how a company is run will help flesh out your thesis. This is a great start,” she tapped my paper, “But if you could shadow a business owner, see how they keep themselves in the black, it would benefit you and your project greatly.”
Shadowing the owner of a company. Trying to get an interview was one thing, but shadowing? If I Googled “business owner in Denver,” how long it would take to find a corporation, get an appointment with the head of it, much less an interview, then get to Denver, since there were no real “big business execs” in Golden.
“With the holidays coming up, it may be hard to shadow a big business owner anytime soon,” I admitted.
“Oh, it doesn’t have to be a big business,” she said. “Just someone who owns their own and has some success. I’m sure there are a bunch here in Golden. You don’t have to think skyscraper VP’s.”
Funny how my mind had gone there on its own. But it was a relief to not need that kind of company. Also a relief I didn’t have to go into Denver. Erica did have a good idea, though. Only problem was—who was I supposed to shadow? Instead of worrying too much about that now, I smiled and nodded. “I can do that.”
Erica smiled back and handed me my paper. “Great!”
She took another pull of her tea and motioned toward the counter again. “Now, let’s get back to this other business at hand. You going to leave your number for the cute waiter?”
I tried not to choke on the last long gulp of my latte. “I don’t think so.”
Erica shrugged. “Well, maybe next time. I know of a lot of coffee shops in the area.”
“Can’t wait,” I said, and thanked her for her advice. Getting up, I put on my coat and turned to walk out.
“Your work ethic is impressive, and I’m anxious to see what you bring me next,” she said with so much support in her voice it made my shoulders feel a little lighter.
“Thank you. I’ll see you next week.”
I headed across the street toward the side parking lot by my lecture building. It was already dark, since the class was in the early evening and the winter months were right around the corner. There were only a few scattered lamps and my car sitting alone in the far corner
of the lot.
I took a deep breath of chilly air and smiled. That had gone perfectly, better than perfect, and it was all me. School was the one thing that was solely mine. And I had just nailed it. My success wasn’t reliant on my family name or Jack’s controlling reach…
I tried not to think of Jack.
Or Cal.
Or kissing Cal the other night.
Everything outside my little academia bubble was chaotic. Feelings, expectations, a shattered soul…it was all tough to deal with, so I tried not to. Tried not to replay how Cal’s lips felt against mine. Or how he stated plainly what he was and, more importantly, what he wasn’t.
And he wasn’t Jack. But I also wasn’t the same Lana that Cal had met a few months ago. The “what ifs” and “timing” didn’t matter because life moved how it did.
Wondering how different my life may be if he’d gotten to me before Jack didn’t help anything.
“Gotten to me?” I scoffed at my own word choice as I continued the long walk to my car. Then again, I guess that’s what it felt like. Jack had swooped me up before I knew what was happening. But I’d liked it, and I fell hard.
And Cal? He’d been there. From the beginning. And I wanted to know so much what the alternative may have been. What it felt like to be wrapped in Cal’s arms…
A shadow moved by my car, snagging my attention and stopping me in my tracks. Someone was standing next to it.
The figure was too small to be Cal. Not that I expected him to show up.
But it was definitely a man. Bigger than me, and in a dark trench coat. The shadows hid his face. He took a step in my direction. Fear enveloped me, but I beat it back. When the man stepped into the light, I swallowed down the familiar taste of horror I’d grown accustomed to.
Brock. The step-brother from hell who hurt me when I was young and, to this day, took enjoyment from my fear.
“Is there a reason you’re lurking around my car?” I asked.
He stepped toward me. I was determined not to be afraid. He still creeped me out, but the more I let him have that power over me, the more he won. And the more he’d continue to impact my life. I was done letting him have any impact on me whatsoever. I’d found some strength over the past few months. I could control my world to a point. And I wouldn’t let Brock chase me from anything.
“I thought this was yours. Just thought I’d stop by and say hi.”
“All the way from Denver, huh?”
He lifted a shoulder. “I have reasons for being in Golden.”
I shook my head. “I’m done playing this game with you. You don’t scare me.”
He laughed. “Aw, sis, what makes you think I want to scare you?”
Because you’re a sociopath who takes joy in my fear and have since day one.
“Just stay away from me,” I said with all the confidence I felt, and pushed past him to unlock my car.
He had hurt me once, I wouldn’t let him hurt me again. Showing up here to spook me may have worked in the past, but not now. I wouldn’t be the mouse he toyed with anymore. I may not be able to prove it, and some people might not believe me, but I knew the truth, and that was enough. It had to be.
I got in my car, shut the door, immediately locked it, and then started the engine.
“You drive safe now,” he said loudly, so I could hear through the rolled up windows. With a sinister smile, he watched as I pulled away. My only wish was that I could have run over his foot in the process, because he looked like he’d already won some victory over me.
~
I sat in my car, angry that my hands were still shaking. I was home, safe, but I wasn’t ready to go in. I wasn’t ready to tell Harper about my day. I needed to get it together first and smother this sick feeling rising in my stomach.
I hit my palms against the steering wheel.
They still didn’t stop shaking, so I tried again. And again.
Go away! My mind yelled. Screaming for peace.
Go away!
All of it. The pain of Jack leaving. The knowledge that Brock may never leave me alone. The shred of fear, unease, that still lingered in my veins. I just wanted all of it to go away.
I hit my hands against the steering wheel one more time, my breath coming fast, and I screamed, “Go. Away!”
A light tap came on my window, and I jumped.
“Whoa, Kitten, take it easy on the Honda,” Cal said. “I can go away, but your poor car looks like it’s being attacked.”
A humorous scoff escaped. I rolled down my window. “And you couldn’t possibly walk away knowing an innocent Honda was being attacked?”
Placing a hand on the top of my car, he leaned down, his Golden Fire Department issued blue T-shirt pulled tight over his chest. He smiled. “No, ma’am.”
With the fire department right across the street and Cal obviously being on shift instead of chasing wildfires, it was hard to avoid him for too long.
He looked at my face, then my hands, which were gripping the life from my steering wheel.
“Want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. “I just had a bad night.”
“Fair enough.” He opened my door, and I frowned.
“I wasn’t ready to go in yet.”
“That’s why I’m taking you to the station. You can hang out, tell me what’s going on, then I can walk you back across the street when you’re ready.”
When I went to argue, he grabbed my hand, helping me out of my car, and began walking me toward the firehouse. It was then I realized that he hadn’t asked. He’d simply told me what he expected, and I did it. Like a trained doll. Shit! It was the casualness in his voice that’d thrown me off.
He punched in a code at the side door and led me in, down a narrow hallway, and into a large room filled with recliners and a big screen TV. What shocked me more was that there was a smattering of firefighters sitting in the recliners.
One man was in the middle of telling a dirty joke when all heads turned toward me in unison, like they simultaneously sensed a shift in the testosterone level. As I stood there, my mouth snapped shut, and I was stared at like some animal at the zoo. Silence.
“Well, hello there,” one man said, getting up from the recliner and snapping the footrest back into place. He strutted toward me, his gaze never leaving mine. “Cal bring you for a tour? Because I’d be happy to show you around.”
“Ease off, Mark,” Cal said. “She didn’t come for a tour. Just wanted to introduce you before we headed to my room.”
All the guys looked at me, then Cal, and their expression was clear. It was practically inked onto their foreheads: “Oh, we know why she came, wink, wink.”
“Yes, I did,” I said quickly. “I came for the tour.”
Cal frowned at me. He had brought me here to “talk,” but I wasn’t about to let his crew think I was one of those girls that just came in and headed straight for his bedroom. Based on the looks Cal was getting, no one was buying his “talking” plan anyway.
“Excellent!” Mark said. “Do you want to start here in the living quarters or with the trucks?”
“If she wants the tour, I’ll give it to her,” Cal said with annoyance in his voice. “But, unlike some of you jackasses, I have manners.” He cleared his throat and faced me. “Lana, this is Mark, we let him hang out here sometimes.”
“Hey! I’m a legit firefighter.”
“Whatever, probie,” one of the guys in a recliner said.
“Probie?” I asked.
“He’s still on his probation period,” Cal clarified.
“Only for another three months,” Mark said with a flirty smile aimed my way.
“And that’s Able, Rhett, and Dave.” Cal pointed at the three men quickly. They all stood to greet me.
“Nice to meet you,” I said. They all just nodded. This was awkward. Like they didn’t know how to talk to a female or something. Funny, since I’d caught glimpses of them before. Once at the park barbeque a while back and then at the Ha
lloween party. But I’d never interacted with any of them. Though Rhett was the most familiar.
God, I wished I had some of that Harper power right now. The guys were obviously casual and enjoying themselves before I showed up. The tension needed to break, and for some reason, I wanted them to like me. This was a big part of Cal’s world, and he’d invited me in. Well, he’d grabbed my hand and pulled me in, but I didn’t want to disappoint. I wanted to hold my own.
“I heard you guys telling jokes?” I asked.
They looked between each other like they’d been caught doing something wrong.
What was that joke Harper always told? Oh!
“I have a joke, if you’d like to hear it?”
The men took a step closer. Dave said, “Hell, yeah, I want to hear it!”
Mark smiled and crossed his arms. “Yep, let’s hear it.”
I glanced at Cal, and he looked just as anxious to hear what I was about to say.
I licked my lips, found my courage, and told the only joke I knew. The same joke Harper told me when I first met her to break the ice.
“How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?” I asked.
The guys exchanged looks, then shook their heads, not knowing.
I simply shrugged and said, “It’s not hard.”
The room erupted with laughter and heat hit my cheeks. Cal rested his hand on the small of my back, his thick chuckle made a different kind of warmth rise in me.
“That was awesome,” Mark said. With that, everyone seemed to loosen up.
“She’s a keeper, Cal,” Dave called, falling back into a recliner, still laughing.
Cal’s hand on my back just rubbed a little, and an encompassing feeling of belonging hit me. Cal had this all the time. This brotherhood. I could tell from the interactions and conversations between all the guys, it was clear they were family. Even when they were flicking each other crap. The whole room felt full and happy. Not a sterile, uncomfortable thing passed between any of them.