Sarah looked like she wanted to cry. “I’m sorry,” she said sincerely. “I’m sorry for all you went through together.”
Gideon looked down at the floor. “When it was over I dragged him off and ravished him.” Sarah did look surprised at that. “What?” Gideon asked with a frown.
Sarah blushed. “I rather thought Charles would have been the one to…” She seemed at a loss for words. Charles finally laughed.
“I was. I’d been throwing myself at him for months. He was only responding to my overtures. And the stress of battle.” He shook his head. “It didn’t mean anything, not really. It happened more often than people think. You do awful things in the heat of battle, and afterwards…you just want to reaffirm that you’re human, I think.”
Gideon was shaking his head. “No. That was the only time it happened for me, and you were the only person it happened with. It was you. I wanted you.”
“Gideon—”
“I’m supposed to be talking. You are listening.” At Gideon’s interruption Charles waved his hand, granting Gideon permission to speak.
“I wanted you desperately. But you were my charge, under my command. It was wrong. I couldn’t let myself touch you. But that day all I could think…well, I told you before. I couldn’t die, or let you die, without having that with you. And my feelings have never changed, never faltered. I still feel the same way about you as I did then. More, as a matter of fact.”
Charles slid down the wall to sit on the floor. His legs wouldn’t hold him anymore. “You what?”
Gideon continued as if Charles hadn’t spoken. “But I didn’t think you were mine for the taking anymore. When we were together, and the times we shared women after that, you were so physical, so commanding. You need a lover who can do that for you. I wasn’t that lover. Not anymore.”
“Not anymore, not anymore,” Charles said angrily. “That’s what I keep hearing from you. What about now? Tell me about now.”
“Now, because of Sarah, I know I can.”
Gideon seemed to expect something of Charles then. But all Charles had was anger. “And that’s it? I’m supposed to be happy that now you think you can fuck me the way I need to be fucked so we can be together? Because obviously that’s all I care about.” He looked at Sarah. “Is that what you think as well?”
Sarah shook her head. “No. But Gideon is an idiot.”
“I beg your pardon?” Gideon responded icily.
“You are an idiot,” Charles agreed. He came to his feet. “Yes, I’ve stayed here all these years because I was waiting and hoping for the day when you could fuck me like a man again. You have it exactly right.” He rubbed his hands together and looked around. “All right, then. How do you want me? Shall I strip? Or would you just like me to bend over the bed with my breeches down?”
“Watch yourself,” Gideon growled.
“Or what?” Charles asked challengingly. “You’ll turn away from me again? You’ll deny my feelings for you, and yours for me? Too late.” He turned to face the wall. “You’ll make me love you, then you’ll make me love your wife and you’ll make me feel like the lowliest bastard for it? Fit for nothing but fucking?”
Soft arms slid around his waist and he felt Sarah against his back. “Don’t,” she whispered. “Don’t run away because you’re afraid. We’re all afraid. I’m afraid. Do you want to know of what?” He tried to turn to her but she held him tightly and he stayed where he was. “I’m afraid that with your feelings out in the open, I will fade into the background. I am the one who will not be needed anymore.”
“Never,” Gideon told her. Charles held her hands where they rested on his stomach. She was trembling. He heard Gideon rise and the thump of his crutches across the floor. “Know this, Sarah, until you arrived I had cut Charles out of my life.” This time Sarah let Charles turn as she dropped her arms and also turned to face Gideon. “I had resolved that he should leave here. That he should make a real life for himself, a normal life. I considered myself less than a man.
“I wouldn’t marry any of the others because I couldn’t stand the pity in their eyes. I couldn’t stand the expectations in Charles’. But you, Sarah, you had hope and defiance in your eyes. You actually thought you were the unworthy one. And right then I became more than I had been.”
“I showed you every day that you were still a man to me,” Charles protested.
Gideon shook his head. “No. What you showed me every day was that you were the strong one. You were the one I had to rely on. You pushed me to be more, it’s true. But Charles, that only made me feel less.”
Charles felt as if he’d been shot. He actually rubbed his chest at the pain. “I never meant…” he whispered. “That isn’t what I felt. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I just wanted you to be…” He stopped and closed his eyes in shame. He’d wanted Gideon to be the way he was before.
“Exactly.” Gideon spoke softly with no recrimination in his voice. “You’ve treated me differently since Sarah has been here. I think you’ve realized I’m not the man I was, and I can never be again.”
Charles opened his eyes then and took a step toward Gideon. He had never seen Gideon look so vulnerable. “You’re right.” Gideon looked surprised at Charles’ agreement. “Sarah has made me see you differently. Before she came I treated you as if you might break. I thought I was the key to your happiness, your future. But I’m not and I never was. You had more to give than I would let you. I wanted to be the one to give, because I thought you could only take.” He shook his head. “I’m not making sense. What I’m trying to say is that you have always been the same man to me, but what that man was capable of changed, or at least I thought it had. And I’m trying to say I’m sorry. I’ve been blinded by my own selfishness. I stifled you with my feelings and my desires. When Sarah came I couldn’t do that anymore. She needed you to be more, and you wanted that for her as well.”
“I wanted it for you too.” Gideon took a hesitant step toward him. “But I didn’t know what you needed me to be. You wanted the old Gideon, but you also seemed to need to take care of this Gideon.” He waved a hand down in front of himself.
Charles smiled. “I still want to take care of you. The same way I’ve always wanted to.” He took that last step that brought them together, cupped Gideon’s face and kissed him. It was awkward—Gideon was too shocked to respond and Charles wasn’t sure how to proceed. But as chaste as it was, it was still one of the most satisfying kisses of his life. He broke the kiss and let a small fraction of the frustration he’d felt over the last few years show. “Can I touch now? Is it allowed?”
Gideon looked at Sarah. She nodded. “I may not completely understand what is happening, but I do know that it’s got to involve touching.” She smiled wryly. “I’m a fast learner, you see.”
Gideon chuckled, a barely there burst of breath and noise that brought Charles’ attention back to him. Charles traced Gideon’s lower lip with his thumb, following the downward curve, loving the permanent scowl. He couldn’t imagine Gideon without it now. But he wouldn’t let him hide behind it anymore. Sarah had taught him that. Gideon might be stuck with it, but it wasn’t whom he was inside.
“Yes,” Gideon whispered. “Touch me.”
In a very deliberate move Charles slid his arms around Gideon’s chest, under his arms. Gideon was forced to lift his crutches from the ground, and after a moment’s hesitation he let them fall to the floor. He wrapped his arms around Charles’ neck tightly. “I’m not sure—”Charles didn’t let him finish. He leaned in and kissed Gideon again, harder this time. When Gideon didn’t respond he traced the seam of his lips with his tongue. Gideon inhaled sharply and then to Charles’ utter gratification he opened his mouth and let him inside.
Charles didn’t know whether to shout for joy or cry as Gideon filled his senses. To finally be able to touch, to taste, to hold him as he’d been wanting to for so long. He smelled like Gideon, of course, that French scent by Pinaud and horse. With a sense of
wonder Charles realized something was missing. Sarah’s scent of lavender, which normally clung to Gideon. He missed it.
Charles was tempted to devour Gideon, to shove him down and take all he could before Gideon pushed him away. But he forced himself to go slow, to savor this moment. He pressed his tongue into Gideon’s willing mouth and swept it through the warm, wet cavern. He tasted so good, so unique. Charles knew that he would never be able to describe it in words but he would never forget it and always crave the flavor of Gideon. He turned his head slightly and the rough scratch of Gideon’s cheek against his caused a shiver of awareness to skitter down his spine. All those years ago they had not kissed. He had never kissed a man, never felt that rough caress.
Gideon moaned and slid a hand into the hair on the back of Charles’ head, gripping him and holding him tightly against his seeking, hungry mouth as Gideon’s tongue tangled with his. Charles lost his restraint. The kiss turned hard and desperate, as if they both sought to make up for lost time. It became a delicious battle for control that Charles wasn’t sure he wanted to win. But the contest itself was glorious. He had never been kissed in such an almost violent, thorough fashion. Holding Gideon so tightly he wasn’t sure where he stopped and the other man started, Charles tried to take a step toward the bed. Gideon stumbled and suddenly they were falling. Charles caught them both with a hand on the edge of the bed, Gideon clinging to him.
They were both breathing hard, and the look in Gideon’s eyes was hot and challenging. It sent a thrill straight to Charles’ cock.
“What now?” Gideon rasped. The challenge was there in his voice too.
“More touching,” Charles told him as he dropped Gideon on the mattress. Gideon caught himself this time and pulled himself up until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. “And tasting.” At that Gideon’s head snapped up and he grinned in response to the look Charles was giving him.
Charles shoved Gideon onto his back and proceeded to take his boot off. At the same time Gideon eagerly began to undo the fall of his trousers. He had barely finished before Charles was yanking them down and off. He threw them aside as he gave an admiring look to Gideon’s cock. It was heavy and full, the tip wet. He wanted to taste that.
Charles dropped to his knees between Gideon’s legs and Gideon sat up. Charles gazed at his mangled leg. And it was mangled. Gideon had hardly let him see it in the last few years. He’d forgotten how bad it was. Burn scars much worse than those on his face covered half his thigh, and the end was rough and uneven. Charles felt a stab of regret at his hasty amputation. He hadn’t been thinking about how it would look when he’d done it. He hadn’t really been thinking at all. His breathing hitched and his eyes blurred as he ruthlessly tamped down the memories. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. He ran his hand along Gideon’s thigh and kissed the rough skin there.
“No.” Gideon put his fist beneath Charles’ chin and raised his face to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to do that. I’m sorry I put you in that position. I wish it had not been you. I would not have you remember that.”
“I think we have all said I’m sorry enough.” Sarah’s voice was crisp, a definite contrast to the whispered conversation of the two men. “No more talking. Get on with the touching and tasting.”
Charles chuckled and Gideon laughed outright. “My wife is, as usual, correct. And I heartily approve of her suggestion.”
As he moved in to take Gideon in his mouth, Charles hesitated. He’d never done this. He’d let Gideon fuck him, had truly enjoyed it. But that had been fast and furious, a rough pleasure lost in the haze of shock and desperation. This experience was so far removed from that the two were not even comparable. Then Gideon’s hand was in his hair again, pulling him forward, and it seemed the most natural thing in the world to open his mouth and take him in. The heat of his shaft surprised a moan from Charles. It felt good in his mouth. The skin of Gideon’s cock was so soft it was like silk on his tongue. It was the sweetest thing he’d ever tasted next to Sarah. He wrapped his lips around it, sucked it in and swirled his tongue up and down.
“Dammit,” Gideon ground out. His hand tightened in Charles’ hair. Charles glanced up to see Gideon watching him. He sucked a little harder and Gideon’s eyes closed and his head fell back as he moaned.
Charles loved Gideon’s cock with his mouth the same way he’d eaten Sarah. With slow deliberation, letting Gideon’s reactions guide him. He quickly learned that Gideon liked it a little rough. Didn’t they all? The thought made Charles smile around the thick rod filling his mouth.
“What?” Sarah asked quietly.
Her voice startled Charles. He’d known she was there, of course, but suddenly he felt awkward, as if he were leaving her out. He pulled away, fighting Gideon’s hold.
“What made you smile?” Sarah asked him with a seductive grin.
“I was thinking that we all like it a little rough,” Charles answered honestly. The gravel in his voice was a shock. Was it from having Gideon in there? He shivered a little at the thought. He tipped his head and rubbed his cheek against the soft skin on the side of Gideon’s cock.
“Christ,” Gideon gasped. He doubled over as if in pain, but Charles knew it was pleasure. He liked the sensation of Charles’ beard rubbing on his cock. Charles felt his own prick jerk in sympathy. He wanted to feel it too. But one thing at a time.
“He does,” Sarah answered. “He likes you to suck hard, to take him deep.”
Discussing this with Sarah drove Charles arousal higher. He hadn’t considered this. He hadn’t thought about the pleasure of sharing these things with Sarah.
“Do you like watching?” Gideon asked her breathlessly. “As much as I do?” When he added the last, Charles wrapped a fist around his cock and squeezed. He nearly came at the feel of his own saliva there, slick under his hand. Gideon groaned and thrust into his grip.
“Yes,” Sarah answered. She sounded as aroused as they were. “I like when you both watch as the other one pleasures me. But I find I like to watch you please each other just as much. To see you kiss and do this.”
“Do you like this? You’ve always seemed to enjoy our cocks in your mouth.” Charles kept talking with Sarah partly because he could feel how hard Gideon was becoming at their conversation. He liked it. He liked to hear them talk about pleasuring him. His hips jerked and a drop of liquid spilled from the slit in the dark pink head of his cock.
“I do.” Sarah’s answer was spoken quietly. He could hear the truth of it not just in her words but also in her voice.
“Join me.” Charles wasn’t sure what made him say it. He’d thought this would be his moment with Gideon. But he wanted more. He wanted Sarah here. He wanted to taste her, kiss her, with Gideon’s cock between them.
Gideon fell back completely on the bed, his hands rammed in his hair. “God, yes.” His voice was desperate. “To have you both… That would be… God…” He seemed incapable of speech then.
Charles laughed. This was perfect. Suddenly the possibilities were endless. He waited but Sarah didn’t move. Finally he looked at her, a question in his expression.
She sighed and smoothed her skirts. “That’s sweet, really it is, that you want to include me. But I know that this is your time. You’ve both waited so long, and I don’t want to intrude upon it. Perhaps I should leave altogether?” The last was a hesitant question and Charles knew she was hoping the answer would be no, as he had hoped in the past.
“No.” Gideon’s response was immediate and harsh. “I told you I wanted you. I want you both. Here. Like this. On your knees in front of me.”
“Gideon,” Sarah began in shocked protest, but Charles didn’t let her finish.
“We both want you. We always want you. Do you want one more than the other? If I had walked in the other day before you and Gideon were done, would you have wanted me to join you?”
Sarah blinked rapidly as she thought about his question. “Yes.” Her answer was simple and straightforward, just as he�
�d expected it would be. “I wanted you to join us when we were done too.” She smiled wryly. “I am very selfish, aren’t I? I want you both loving me all the time.”
“That’s how we feel too, Sarah.” He stripped all pretenses away, hoping she would see the truth in his face. He had never felt so vulnerable. He had never wanted to. But today was the day for it, wasn’t it?
Chapter Seventeen
When Sarah took a step toward Gideon and Charles, she saw Gideon grab a fistful of blanket. It was the only sign of his agitation. He wore a fiercer scowl than usual. Perhaps he always looked like that when he was terribly aroused. Sarah couldn’t be sure. They usually did this in the dark.
His eyes were locked on her and she suddenly saw his jaw flex and a muscle in his good cheek twitched. She looked down and Charles had leaned over to lick a shiny drop of Gideon’s fluid from the soft head of his cock. Sarah loved to lick them both there. It was soft and salty on her tongue and drove them mad. To see Charles doing it to Gideon made Sarah’s heart race, and her sex swelled and throbbed until she thought just the act of walking over to them would cause her to climax.
She dropped to her knees in front of Gideon. “Is this what you want?” she asked. She thought perhaps he liked that, the talking. She was still learning about him. She knew from their last time together that Gideon had held back with her. She didn’t want him to hold back. She wanted him to be free with her, to do what he wanted, what pleased him. Watching him as he enjoyed their physical intimacies gave her as much pleasure as the acts. She wanted to see him out of control. She had a feeling today would push him to that extreme.
“Yes,” he growled. How she loved his voice. It gave her shivers of desire.
“Over here,” Charles murmured. He gently moved Sarah to Gideon’s right. He placed the back of Gideon’s left thigh against his shoulder and she watched in amazement as Gideon shuddered on the bed and his cock jerked and leaked some more. He truly loved this. She wondered how long he would last. Charles reached around her and maneuvered Gideon’s right leg so that his foot rested on the ledge of the bed beneath the mattress, his leg turned out. He was fully exposed. She’d never seen him like this. His crotch was a nest of tight, dark curls, his sac heavy and full hanging down beneath the rigid length of his cock. His right thigh was thick with muscles, his left was thinner, weaker. She had almost cried when Charles kissed that leg.
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