He let out a roar of laughter. “What made you take up training?” He looked down at my blade.
I thought about how helpless I felt in that tunnel with Tramere. How he had crept up behind me as silent as a shadow and knocked me against the wall. Before I knew it, a blade was against my throat. I was able to knock it from his hands, but after that, I hadn’t known what to do.
If I had known how to fight, Kamryn wouldn’t have been hurt the way he had been.
“I don’t want to be defenseless.” I slid my sword into the sheath on my thigh. “Etan thought it was a good idea.”
His smile slid off his face. The light in his eyes snuffed out like a finished candle. “You told him about our plan.”
I had kept the details of our trip to a minimum. Etan wanted to know why we had gone, but it didn’t seem like he cared about the mirror. He wanted to know what Kamryn and I had spent our time doing and what kind of conversations we shared.
“Not all of it, but I don’t want secrets between me and him.”
“Ah, it would be a terrible way to enter a marriage.” He smirked.
“I wouldn’t lie to you either. I don’t lie to my friends.”
“So we are friends?” He raised an eyebrow.
My face grew warm. I felt like a young maiden with her first crush. “If you wish to be.”
“Friends.” He nodded. “Let’s go get something to eat, friend.”
We walked back to the castle in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, it was the complete opposite. I could get lost in my thoughts when I was around him. He didn’t push for conversation, and I liked that.
“What happened to you?” I looked up at him. I never realized how tall he was or the way the tips of his ears curved into a slight point.
“My magic got the best of me.” His tone suggested he didn’t want to talk about it, so I offered him the same respect he had given me and dropped the subject.
“I have been looking into the mirror.” I looked up at an oddly curved tree with yellowing leaves. “I saw what happened between my parents.”
His step faltered. “I’m sorry.”
“It is nothing to be sorry about.” I kicked a stone out of the way. The only one who should be ashamed was Father. “I just don’t know how to feel about it all.”
What Father did was unforgivable. On the other hand, I had seen firsthand the effects of the siren’s song. I’d never met anyone who had been able to break through my enchantments, and hundreds had tried.
Could I really blame him for his actions when he couldn’t control himself? It was a question I had asked myself a thousand times, and each time my answer was different. Maybe I would have felt different if he hadn’t stolen Mother’s memories from her. Maybe.
“Do you want my honest opinion?” Kamryn stopped and turned to face me.
“Yes.” I looked up at him and braced myself for the brutal honesty I was sure would come.
“What is done is done. We can think about it all day and toss and turn all night, but it won’t change the past. Our parents weren’t perfect, and neither are we. All we can do is grow from the mistakes that have been made.”
We didn’t say anything else until we got to the palace. He led me down to the kitchens where a wooden table was tucked into a dark corner. A short servant with three little horns on her head appeared. She had sharp black teeth and shiny black eyes.
“Kam Kam.” She clapped her scaly hands. “I missed you, dear. I am so happy to see you.” He bent his neck and allowed her to place a hand on his head. She gave her blessing. “May the gods watch over you.”
“I missed you too.” Kamryn smiled at the woman. “Nueva Vida wouldn’t be a home without you and your hearth. Have you met my friend, Princess Sarai?”
“Princess.” She spoke to me with less warmth as she dipped into an elegant curtsy. “I am pleased to finally meet you.”
“The pleasure is mine,” I mouthed and dipped my head.
“Jahni, bring us some food. Something to warm this old soul of mine.” He placed his hand over his chest. “I feel a hole in my heart that only your fine dining can fill.”
“Poor thing.” She patted his hand and scurried away.
“Bless her heart.” He shook his head and smiled. “She treats me like I was her own son. She may seem a little stiff, but her heart is in the right place.”
I looked at the hanging iron pots and skillets and the dark red clay oven. The walls were covered with shelves that were weighed down with spices while herbs hung from the ceiling to dry. The mix of scents along with the warmth of the oven gave the kitchen a cozy feel. “I like it here.”
“You will like the food even more. Won’t she, Jahni?” He helped the newly returned servant unload the heavy tray. My mouth watered at the sight of the steaming food.
“Greens, cornbread, and ox tail.” She proudly presented her food. “I have to get back before the new girl burns the biscuits. Enjoy.” She pinched his cheek and scurried off.
The food was amazing. By the time we were done, my training clothes felt tight around the waist, and I had grown sleepy.
“That is what I call soul food.” Kamryn sighed. “Food like this is hard to find.”
“It was delicious. Our food back home is nothing like yours.” Fish, no matter how it was prepared, grew tiresome, and everything else tasted like seaweed. “Akello would love it here, if only for the food.”
“Tell me about her.” He sat back and kicked his legs out. “She is your sister, correct?”
“One of them.” My chest felt tight. “She was born after me, but she acts like she is older. She is shy and doesn’t say much, but she is very observant. She’s intelligent and equally beautiful. Her favorite color is green, like her tail, and she loves to eat.”
Talking about her didn’t hurt as much as it used to. I missed my family and the sea, but I had to remind myself that I was doing this for them. I had to get my voice back before I could save anyone.
“She sounds like a lovely mermaid,” he said politely and looked at the oven. “I wish I had a sister. Brothers can be so…stubborn.”
I burst his bubble. “Sisters can be too. Scarily so. My sisters and I have gotten into many fights.”
Five young women in one castle was difficult to manage. Many arguments erupted in the dressing room over who got first pick of the jewelry.
“I want to meet all your sisters.” He stretched and patted his belly. “You all seem close.”
“I will take you one day and show you the reef.”
I tried to imagine Kamryn with a tail. What color would it be? Purple like his eyes, or an array of colors like his personality?
He leaned forward and laid his hand on the table. His eyes were low and glazed. “If I tell you something, can you promise it won’t leave this table?”
Butterflies filled my stomach. My eyes didn’t break contact with his. “Yes.”
“When I woke up and didn’t see you, I panicked. Even when the healer assured me you were okay, I had to see for myself.”
I put my hand over his, and it was one of those times I was glad I couldn’t be heard. “I came to see you every day. It was hard seeing you like that.”
He chuckled. “I know I’m not the most attractive male, but you don’t have to be so hard on me.”
“Stop it.” I playfully swatted at his hand. “You know you are handsome—for a walker.”
“What if I were a merman?” All playfulness fled from his voice.
I struggled to breathe. “You would still be you, but with a tail.”
“Would I make a handsome merman, Sarai?” His voice was husky.
Yes. Yes, he would. He would make a glorious merman. I could picture him with a tail and scales that matched his jewel-toned eyes. His beautiful brown skin would look amazing against the light shades of purple.
“I-I have to change and meet with Etan. Thank you for lunch.” I shook the image of a shirtless Kamryn from my mind.
�
�Of course.” His eyes darkened, and his face closed down. He stood and kissed the top of my hand. “Thank you for accepting my invitation. I hope you have a nice rest of your day.” He bowed and left the kitchen.
I sat at the table, frustrated with myself for how I reacted and for how I currently felt. I enjoyed his flirting more than I should have. I liked how the calluses on his palms felt against my hand and the way his eyelashes brushed his cheeks when he smiled.
Being around Kamryn made me forget about the world and my problems. He made me feel like it was just me and him and no one else existed.
Guilt accompanied me to my rooms and sat with me while I bathed. I tried to wash away my conflicting emotions. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t scrub away the way his lips felt against my skin.
I tried to erase the memory of our time in Irkalla, the way he sat by me when I felt alone, the patience he showed me when he taught me how to use the dowsing rod, and the undeniable pride in his eyes when I made the choice to live how I wished to live.
I stepped out of the tub, skin raw and steaming, and slipped into a soft pink satin gown that felt like cool water over my skin.
I conditioned and combed out the knots in my hair, tied it back, and made sure to slick down my edges with a pomade Xio had made before sliding a dolphin-shaped clip into the base of my puff. I put some oil on my lips and sprayed some perfume on my wrists and the sides of my neck.
Etan arrived as I was putting down my kohl pencil.
“Hello.” I forced a smile onto my face. “You’re early.”
“I couldn’t wait.” He pulled on his sleeve. “I have something exciting to show you. If you’re ready, that is.”
His light gray eyes slowly traveled down my body. They continued their leisurely journey, spending extra time on the curve of my hips and the dip of my thighs.
I was used to wearing less in the sea, but the thin silk didn’t leave much to the imagination. It highlighted every dip and groove of my body, and it was obvious Etan liked what he saw.
I snapped my fingers and wrapped a shawl around my shoulders. “I’m ready when you are.”
∞∞∞
The surface of the lake was as smooth as black glass.
It mirrored the dark sky and the thousands of silver stars above our heads. I couldn’t tell where the water ended and the heavens began.
“Legend says that Water and Air once shared the same space.” Etan stared up at the immense silver moon. “The two sisters constantly fought, so their brother, Earth, separated them. They say the hurricanes and tornadoes that ravage the earth are the two sisters trying to tear down the barrier between each other.”
He tilted his head in my direction. “I’ve drunk ambrosia with the fae, explored the ocean floor with the merfolk, hunted on the back of dragons with the Drogons, and I have laid eyes on the mythical Bimini. Sometimes I believe I have seen and done it all. I feel old, Sarai.” His voice grew weary. “And no matter what I do, I can’t slow time.”
I knew what he meant. It felt like ages ago since I left the sea. Every day on land felt like ten years.
“You are still young. You have many moons to look forward to.” I crouched down and dipped my fingers into the cold water. “I can’t say the same about the lake. The water here feels dead.”
“I also noticed that. The ocean felt…different.” He frowned. “I could feel the energy of the different lives in the sea.”
I nodded in agreement. That energy was felt by all the merfolk. It was our connection to the sea and all that inhabit it.
“Our oceans and seas are mere scales on the Sclena’s grand tail.” I wiped my hand on my robe. “I’m sure the ponds, rivers, and lakes are too.”
“Maybe.” Etan shook his head and smiled. “I didn’t bring you here to talk about the lake or the gods. I wanted you to meet someone.”
I eyed him suspiciously. “Who?” I looked to the left, then the right.
He slid his hand down and entwined his fingers in between mine. He slid his other hand onto my hip. I jerked back. Even though I had felt the slow progression of his hand, the touch startled me.
“Sorry.” He released my hand and took a generous step back.
The moonlight illuminated the curve of his lips and the sharp arc of his cheekbones. He looked ethereal, as if he had stepped out of the sky.
A soft splash broke the awkward silence that had grown between us. We both turned to look at the lake at the same time. Standing on the water was a woman with waist-length green hair that framed a plain heart-shaped face.
“Etan.” Her voice was deep and broken, like the steady rush of a waterfall. “Princess Sarai.”
Her large green eyes peered from behind what I realized were braided pieces of reeds. She stepped onto the grass and bowed.
“Dymphtna, I humbly come to you with a request.” Etan stood tall with a cold expression on his face.
“You or the princess?” She stared at me for a long while, as if deciding if I was worth her time or effort.
“Both of us.”
Her steady gaze didn’t waver. “Why have you called on me?”
“She—" Etan began to explain, but Dymphtna held up a finger.
“Let her speak.” She watched me like the cats at the palace watched the birds in the garden.
I looked at Etan, who nodded. “I can’t speak.” The truth was still as painful as the day I found out on the boat. “My voice was stolen.”
She stuck out a serpentine tongue and tasted the air. “I can’t do anything out here. We need to go below the willow’s leaves.”
Dymphtna gave Etan one long look before taking off in the direction of an immense tree that hadn’t been there when we first arrived.
Etan looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Ready?”
I stared at the sweeping vines. They twisted and curled in a come-here motion, as if they too wanted to hear my secrets.
I was skeptical of the woman, but I was willing to trust Etan.
“Ready.” I took a step toward the willow and was pulled into a different world.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Sarai
Night turned into day. The air was warm and heavy with the scent from the hundreds of flowers that surrounded the crystal-clear lake. Butterflies drifted on the soft breeze, and bees buzzed over the sea of color.
“An illusion.” Etan continued his walk to the willow. “She always makes it look like late summer.”
It would be easy to get lost in a place like this. The grass looked soft enough to sleep on, and there were plenty of fruit trees around.
“Come on.” Etan grabbed my hand and dragged me to the tree.
We stepped through the curtain of leaves and into a small room that housed a wooden table and a cot. A black chicken clucked in a metal cage in a corner. On the table was a bundle of dried herbs, a bowl, and three brown eggs.
Dymphtna, now wearing a flowing white dress and matching head covering, hovered over the table. She mumbled under her breath, her eyes closed, with the tips of her thumbs and index fingers touching.
“Princess Sarai,” she said without opening her eyes, “do you give me permission to access the energy within your body?”
I looked at Etan, not sure where this was going. He clenched his jaw. “She will check your body for blockages and curses.”
If that was all, then it couldn’t be so bad. I wasn’t sure how dried flowers and eggs would help, but I was willing to give it a try. “Yes,” I mouthed.
“Remove your clothing and lie on the table.” She slowly dropped her arms.
“I’m going to stand outside.” Etan quickly departed.
“Time waits on no one.” Dymphtna held an egg in one hand and a bundle of fragrant buds in the other. She gestured toward the cot. “You can change into the shift I left out for you.”
Thin fabric lay in a neat pile on the straw. The soft material felt like water on my hands. I slid the dress over my head. The material was cool against my s
kin
“Lay down,” she ordered when I finished changing. I did as I was told and comfortably laid my head on my arms. “I will need you to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.”
I heard a sharp snap, and the heavy scent of smoke and incense filled the space. My body tensed up, and I dug my nails into the cot. I fought the urge to get up and run to Etan. I didn’t know this woman or what she was about to do. The last time someone performed a spell on me, I’d woken up on a ship with legs.
“I will cleanse your body of any negative energy that may be blocking your magic.” Her voice was low and steady. “Close your eyes and think of the things that worry you most.”
My family. My voice. My future.
“Now. Dig into those fears. Why are they a cause of stress in your life?”
How wasn’t my family a source of stress? The goddess only knew what they were going through. The suitors my sisters married could be tyrants like Sitario. Grandmother had made a deal with the Sea Witch, and she had Rotan under her control.
My voice went further than just my magic. I missed being able to express myself. My happiness, anger, surprise—it meant nothing.
A painful knot formed in my throat, and I began to choke.
“Breathe. Relax your body. Allow your emotions to flow through you. Don’t contain them.” Her voice was a steady hum. The intoxicating aroma of the burning incense filled my head. “Think about what you can do about your current situation.”
Nothing. I could do nothing more than what I was already doing. Training beneath the unforgiving sun until my hands and feet blistered.
I was tired of ducking and dodging Etan’s advisors, especially the loathsome winged woman with the piercing golden eyes that reminded me of the hawks that hunted the small mice in the fields.
I couldn’t explain her unconcealed animosity toward me, but I knew, from the way the servants tiptoed around her, that she wasn’t someone I should cross. She was like the elegant men of war: beautiful from a distance, but get too close…
I had to remind myself that Phadrah was only a woman. She was no different than me. Just because I came from the sea and she was of the sky didn’t mean she was superior.
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