“Can I see the others?” I wanted to see what the other cities looked like. I bet they were even prettier than the first circle.
He threw his head back and roared with laughter. “That is the first time I have ever heard anyone ask to visit the inner circles.” He shook his head. “I envy your innocence at times.”
“It’s ignorance, not innocence. Don’t sugarcoat what it is. I was sheltered from the world, and now I’m struggling to keep up.”
I felt like a child who was just learning about the world, unaware of the dangers that lurked around every corner. No one thought about the amount of work it took for me to memorize the name of places and things. I had to ask what basic foods were, and every animal or insect that crossed my path was a threat. What some had learned over the course of a lifetime, I had to learn in weeks.
He let out a deep sigh. “Two sides to one coin.”
He never answered my question, and I wasn’t going to let it slide. “When will you take me to the other circles?”
“I’m not.” He rolled his shoulders and popped his back.
No? For the second time today, I was taken aback by his response. “Why?”
“The inner circles are too far from the realm of the living. Only the dead may cross the river into the sixth,” he said softly.
“How do you…” I froze and stared at the tree with the forbidden fruit. The sinister black apples hung innocently on their dark green stems. “You’re dead?”
He cocked his head and pursed his lips. Was he ashamed of the fact? Was he afraid I would look at him differently if he was a ghost? I didn’t want him to think I was scared of him.
“It won’t change things between us.” I got on my knees and grabbed his hands. “I still love Cyntheria as if she were my own sister—”
His eyes lightened, and laughter spilled from his lips. “I am not dead. Not yet at least.” He wiped tears from his eyes. “You are amazing.”
“It’s not funny.” I looked away. “I’m confused.”
He made expressing myself difficult at times. I always felt like I was going to say the wrong things. I didn’t want him to think I was simpleminded.
“I apologize.” He stopped laughing and pulled me to his side. “The six circles hold the spirits of those who chose to move on after death. The seventh is where the newly dead and the ones who aren’t ready to depart this world reside.”
“How do they know where to go?” I put my head on his shoulder and looked down at our tangled hands.
“They don’t. They ride the boat down the river and wherever it stops is where they belong. Like attracts to like, and most of the time, they end up with others like them.”
That didn’t seem so bad, depending on the character of the person. I couldn’t imagine passing on and having to live in a city full of souls like Grandmother or Sitario.
“What if they do end up at the wrong circle?” I shuddered at the thought.
“It rarely happens, but if it does,” he pulled me closer, “I give them the option to petition their request.”
“That’s kind of you.” I settled into his side.
“I try.” He cleared his throat. “Even if others don’t see it.”
“You can’t change the way others see you.” I placed my hand on his. “And what they think shouldn’t matter.”
He looked up at the bright sky. “And I hope you always remember that. Don’t drive yourself to an early grave stressing about what you cannot change. We are only puppets on the gods’ stage. When you believe you know the plot of the story, they throw in twists that can change everything in the blink of an eye.”
“So you are saying to never get comfortable because we will always live on the edge of uncertainty?”
“Pretty much.” He shrugged. “We change like the seasons. What I like today might change tomorrow. The friend you grew up with can become an enemy. What you once saw as a curse could become your biggest blessing. You just never know.”
“I don’t like living like this.” I let out a shaky breath. “I feel like I’m walking on brittle seashells. I don’t have many options, and the ones I do have can hurt the ones I grew to care for. I know I’m supposed to worry about this drought, but I can’t make myself care. All I can think about is my voice, and I feel like a monster for it.”
I felt like a hypocrite. I had judged Caressa for being self-absorbed, but here I was, doing the same thing. There were people throughout the land who were suffering without water, but I was struggling too. None of them were jumping to help me. None of them cared.
“You feel like that for worrying about yourself?” He let out a low whistle. “Then there are more monsters out here than I thought possible.”
“It’s not funny,” I mouthed. “I’m a princess. I’m supposed to put duty before self.”
“You have to make sure you’re good before helping others. A broken broom is no good for cleaning.”
“I know. I know.” I jumped to my feet. “That is why I am going to the witch. I have to prove to myself that I can get my voice back. After that, I will save my sisters and find a way to bring them back with me.”
I would take them from their gilded cages and away from the Sea Witch and her wicked schemes. We would make a new life on the surface, far from harm’s way.
“What if they don’t want to come?” He stood up and stretched. “You can’t make them leave.”
I knew the answer to that, too. I had thought it all the way through. If my sisters refused to come—as I expected—I would use my magic. I could live with the weight of the guilt afterward, but I couldn’t live without them.
“I will do whatever it takes to make sure they’re safe.”
Chapter Forty
Sarai
I crept down the hall and placed my ear against the door that led to Kamryn’s receiving room. Etan and Rylo had arrived a little after the sun set, and they had brought Phadrah along. Kamryn was livid.
“She is not welcome within these walls!” I heard Kamryn rage from the other side. “You are welcome to sleep out there with her if you wish.”
“Phadrah feels terrible for the way she has been acting. She wants to formally apolo—" Etan tried to explain.
“She can take her apology and shove it up—"
“Mhmm.” A throat was cleared, and then Rylo’s steady voice rumbled through the walls. “I can keep lady Phadrah company.”
“No. It’s fine, Rylo,” Etan replied. “I’ll stay with her. You and Xiomara stay and get some rest.”
Dinner was supposed to begin soon, but it didn’t seem like anyone in the room was worried about food. They had been arguing since Etan crossed the threshold. I knew tongues were held when I was around, and I wanted to hear everything that was being said so I’d politely excused myself from the room.
“One night. Just one,” Etan seethed. “She is going with us to the marsh. She has every right to help us plan.”
“We didn’t agree on Phadrah going in the first damn place!” Kamryn roared.
“We might need her if things go wrong.”
“Wrong?” Kamryn’s voice took a dangerous tone. “What’s supposed to go wrong? I thought you found a way around your little arrangement.”
“I tried, but Isabis refused my offer.” Etan lowered his voice. I cracked the door and peeked inside.
Rylo was standing in a corner with his arms crossed, Etan was cowering in a chair, and Kamryn was standing at his desk. His chest heavily rose and fell, and his eyes were wide and wild.
“Refused? How could she refuse twenty years of youth?” He hovered over Etan.
“She doesn’t want my life. She wants her. She doesn’t care that she is mute.”
The hair on my arms rose, and my stomach twisted with apprehension. I backed away from the door and put my back against the wall. I knew Etan was talking about me, but who could possibly want me? For what? And what did my life have to do with his?
A loud bang shook the walls and made my teeth
rattle. “Stop!” I heard Rylo shout.
I pushed the door open and stopped in my tracks. Etan was sprawled on the floor. Food was spattered all over the walls. Kamryn was on top of him with his fist raised in the air.
“Fight back!” he roared.
I put my hands over my mouth. I didn’t know what to do. They shouldn’t be fighting like this. They were brothers. I flinched when Kamryn brought his fist down and cracked Etan against the jaw. It was broken, it had to be.
I rushed forward, ready to step in between the two brothers, when Rylo jumped in my way with his hands raised.
“Sarai—" He was so calm. As if Kamryn wasn’t about to kill Etan in front of us. “You should go.”
“Stop.” I pushed his hands away and stared him down. “Don’t tell me what to do.”
“As you wish. This is not my battle.” Rylo shrugged and smoothly strolled out the door.
“Kamryn, stop right now.” I slammed my foot down.
Kamryn froze with his fist in midair and turned around to look at me. His hand was covered in blood, and bright red spots dotted his face and clothes. He slowly got up and looked down at Etan, whose nose was bleeding freely onto the floor.
I pulled Kamryn back and stared into his violet eyes. “What is going on? And don’t you dare lie to me.”
“I cannot speak on it. Ask him,” he spat over his shoulder and dragged his sleeve across his face. Etan’s blood left a trail across his cheeks, but he was too mad to even notice. He walked off and began to pace back and forth.
Etan groaned and rose onto his hands and knees. “You cannot speak on it because it is none of your concern.”
Kamryn punched the wall. Sparks flew from in between his fingers. “I would hate to hurt you, Etan, but don’t push me.”
“Sarai,” Etan called my name. “This wasn’t the way I wanted to tell you.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Tell me what?”
My mind couldn’t conjure an explanation for Kamryn’s actions. I had fought with my sisters countless times, but we had never drawn blood. Seeing them this way made me physically ill.
“I’m a cursed man, in both body and mind.” Etan rose to his feet and brushed food off his robes. He cut his eyes in Kamryn’s direction. “Could we get some privacy?”
“This is my palace.” Kamryn pulled out a chair and sat down. “There is no privacy.”
Etan clenched his fist and sighed.” As you wish, Your Majesty.” He limped to one of the chairs that was still intact. “Why don’t you sit down, Sarai?”
I didn’t want his hospitality. I wanted to know what in the nine seas was going on. What did he think he was going to do with me?
I shook my head. “Tell me about this agreement.”
Etan took a deep breath and slowly released it through his mouth. “I never meant to marry you. I am already betrothed to Phadrah. I have been since I was six years old.”
I thought about the sour woman with the dazzling wings. She was tall, elegant, and cold. They’d probably groomed her to be the queen they wanted her to be.
This couldn’t be the news he was holding back from me. I didn’t care if he didn’t want to marry me. I’d never wanted him to begin with. I never gave him a reason to think otherwise, and I was sure Kamryn wouldn’t have lost his temper over that. Not when he knew how I felt.
I put my hands against my hips. “Then why am I here? Why did you court me?”
“I didn’t have a choice. I had to bring you back.” Etan’s eyes became two pools of cold moonlight. “One night, while drinking in an old tavern with my crew, a woman approached my table. With a smile and a few whispered words, she lured me from my friends and down to the docks where a ship waited.” He looked at the space behind my shoulder as if the woman were in the room with us. “She had seen through my disguise and knew who I was, but I didn’t know who she was—not until she opened her mouth and began to sing. She twisted my mind, placed thoughts inside that weren’t mine, and stripped me of my free will. She cursed me.”
None of that had anything to do with me. If he was foolish enough to follow a woman he didn’t know after drinking with his friends, that was his problem. I wasn’t the one who enchanted him.
“That isn’t my fault.” I tapped my foot. “Be happy she let you go with your life.”
“No, Sarai. Listen to me.” He slowly shook his head. “Three years ago, you saved a young man from drowning. He was onboard a ship with a figurehead of an Icarian woman.”
“I know what I did, and I don’t want to talk about it.”
Now that I looked back on what I did, I felt so foolish. I had rushed to an unknown ship and helped a man who could have hurt me. My curiosity could have gotten me killed.
“You helped me to a cove,” he continued. “I didn’t remember what happened or how I made it to that beach, but I did remember your voice. When your father asked you to sing, I knew who you were without question.”
“Stop.” I covered my ears with my hands like a child. Why was he bringing this up now? After all that time, he finally felt like admitting that we had met prior to his arrival in Rotan.
“The Sirensia sent me to find you. They threatened to break my mind if I didn’t bring one of Myrena’s daughters back.”
I froze. My focus zeroed in on Etan and his gray eyes, and the world dissolved around me.
He’d never meant to keep me around. I was only a means to end his curse. I couldn’t believe he was willing to take someone from their family and throw them into an unknown world just so he could save himself from his own mistake. What if he had gotten ahold of me that day? Where would I be?
“I need to leave.”
He walked toward me with open arms. “Sarai—"
I slapped his hand away. The hurt in his eyes did nothing to stifle the anger in my heart. “I spent my days thinking about you. I fell out with my family over you.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“It wasn’t easy on me either,” he growled. “I spent years searching for you and lost my ship and crew in the process. You don’t understand the frustration I felt.”
“I thought the goddess cursed me for saving you. All I could think about was your voice. It was like…like—"
Stupid, stupid girl, the hag’s voice rang loud and clear in my head.
“I was enchanted,” I mouthed.
Father had said it himself. He knew because he had gone through the same thing. It explained his rush to marry me off. He didn’t want me gone. He wanted me hidden, even if it meant me losing my free will.
“You enchanted me.” I felt the empty words slide from my lips, thick and heavy, like the weight of the truth that settled on my shoulders in a thick shroud.
“I had to find you. I called, and you answered.”
“It could have been any of us.” Horror blossomed in my chest at the thought of one of my sisters being ensnared in his trap. “I have to get out.” I scrambled to the door.
“No. No, please,” he begged, sliding in front of me. “Don’t run away. When I set out to find you, I didn’t know I would find a beautiful mermaid with a kind heart and the voice of the Wind Goddess herself. I’m sorry if I led you on.”
A heavy silence settled over us. My stomach tightened and began to ache. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop the contents of my stomach from rising. I clamped my hand over my mouth.
“Sarai?” Etan placed a hot hand on my shoulder.
I shook him off and gagged. Cold sweat collected on my forehead and trickled down my nose.
Stupid. Stupid girl.
Lead flowed through my mind instead of thoughts. The affection I once felt toward him was twisted and dark. The innocent infatuation morphed into something grotesque.
I kept my gaze off him, afraid I would look up and see a monster instead of the silver-eyed prince.
“I want to go back home.” I wrapped my arms around my body and rocked from side to side. “I have to go back.”
“You can’t.” His voice sounded
distant, as if he were shouting from across a field instead of standing a foot away. “I have gone through too much to get you here. I won’t let you go back.”
The last thread anchoring me to sanity snapped, sending me over the edge and into a pool of concentrated rage. I threw myself at Etan and wrapped my hands around his throat.
“Sarai!” I heard Kamryn call.
My nails dug into the soft skin below Etan’s chin. Blood ran down his neck and soaked into the collar of his robes. I wanted him to hurt. I wanted to see the pain I felt reflected in his eyes.
What did he think the first time our eyes met? That I would just go with him? That I wouldn’t fight back? I dug my nails deeper into his skin and smiled when he whimpered.
He’d used my innocence against me. He made me believe this world would somehow be better than the one I was born into.
I spent so much time locked in my room, wishing for the day I would be able to break free and see where the man with the memorable voice had come from. He was the reason I dared to dream. To find out he was just a self-serving walker like Father claimed him to be was a slap in the face.
I grabbed his throat with my other hand and squeezed until he began to gasp. His lips opened and closed like a fish out of water, and his eyes began to bulge from his head. Bastard. He was a narcissistic bastard, and he deserved everything that was coming to him.
The door slammed open just as a vessel in his eye popped, and I flew across the room. My body hit the opposite wall with a loud crack. My ribs contracted with such force I was afraid they had collapsed into my lungs.
I coughed and managed to open my eyes. Standing at the door, with her wings outstretched and hate burning in her eyes, was Phadrah.
“You.” On trembling legs, I stood and walked toward her. “You have been giving me the evil eye for the past few weeks over a man,” I mouthed slow enough for her to read my lips. “You know nothing about me, nothing at all, but you chose to direct your pain at me. You’re both pitiful. You deserve each other.” I spat at her feet.
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