by Tina Martin
Shayla froze. Why did she have to see that sign? Now she had to tell her she was leaving. And Jacqueline would, in turn, tell Carter. “There is a help wanted sign in the window, but it’s not because Rebecca’s hiring an additional person. She can’t afford one right now.” She watched Jacqueline’s confused reaction. “She’s actually looking for someone to replace me, so if you know of anyone—”
“Replace you?” she blurted out. She couldn’t hide the slight frown in her forehead if she wanted to.
“Yes. I found another job…one in my field. I start at the end of the month.”
“What’s your field?”
“Accounting.”
“What company will you be working for?”
Shayla was hesitant to tell Jacqueline about her new job being in a new city, and a new state for that matter. Would she go and tell Carter about everything they talked about? She definitely didn’t want him to know she moving out of state. But the again, it wasn’t about him anymore. It was about her starting over, reinventing herself and seeking her own happiness and success without relying on someone else for those things. So she sucked in a heavy breath and said, “It’s at a tech firm in Norfolk, Virginia.”
Jacqueline was crestfallen. “You’re moving away?”
Shayla nodded, seeing the disappointment in Jacqueline’s eyes. Was she sad to see her go, or was she anticipating what Carter would feel when he found out?
“Why do you have to move so far away, Shayla?”
Far away? Shayla thought. It was maybe a five-hour drive from Charlotte to Norfolk and that wasn’t far enough. She would move farther, anything to get away from Carter for good. “It’s not that bad, Jackie.”
Jacqueline didn’t respond. She sat quiet for the time being, processing the thought of Shayla leaving while, all along, wondering how Carter would receive the news. Finally, she broke her silence by saying, “I spoke with Carter a few days ago.
Shayla took a sip of water to loosen her tightness in her throat. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Jacqueline pushed her half-eaten salad away from her and wiped her mouth with a white napkin. “You know, I’m not one for being all in folks business, but it’s obvious to me you two ended on bad terms.”
“Why you say that?”
“Well, for one, you’re moving away and he hasn’t been the same since you left. And he rarely ever calls me now. He’s distant and despondent.”
“Don’t know why.”
“I do. It’s because you left him.”
“Is that what he told you?” Shayla asked frowning, feeling her blood boil at the thought he’d tell his aunt a blatant lie. “I left because he told me to. If you were living with someone and they told you to leave, wouldn’t you?” Shayla took a sip of water. There was another reason she left too. She was in love with him and he didn’t reciprocate that love. How could she live with a man and watch him date other women? Instead of telling Jacqueline that, though, she said, “Plus I got tired of fighting with him, tired of feeling like I was beneath him.”
“And by that, you mean what?”
The fight she had with Carter at the theater two months ago was still fresh on her mind like it just happened yesterday. He was furious, mad at her because she’d insinuated he was ashamed of her and didn’t want to be seen with her in public. She knew it was a lie, but she was so jealous and hurt at the time, she didn’t care. He was the one making advances towards her – hugging and kissing on her like she was the only woman for him, like she stood a chance to be with a man of his caliber when the reality was, he was seeing some stuck-up chick named Genevieve.
Shayla looked up at Jacqueline and said, “Carter has everything and not afraid to show it…not afraid to flaunt his success and meanwhile, I have nothing to show for myself…not saying that’s his fault, but I have feelings and I don’t want to be around someone who constantly looks down upon me.”
Jacqueline drew in a deep breath. “Carter doesn’t look down on you, Shayla.”
Now you’re coming to his defense, Shayla thought, but Jacqueline was right. If Carter looked down on her, he wouldn’t have saved her life while she lay homeless on the street back in February. “He’s from a different world than I am.”
“Okay, that’s true. You two are from different worlds but that doesn’t mean he looks down on you.”
“Well, I don’t fit into his lifestyle,” Shayla rattled off. “We don’t run in the same circles, and a man like him can’t very well be with a woman who’s not like him.”
“Sounds to me like those are your feelings, not his.”
Shayla used a straw to play with the ice in her glass of water. Those were her feelings, because the truth of the matter was, she didn’t really know how Carter felt about her. She was confused. The man had taken her in, gave her anything she wanted, spent time with her, held her some nights when she couldn’t sleep…he did everything to cater to her. And Shayla could only conclude that he didn’t want to be with her because she wasn’t good enough for him. What else could it have been? Why would he take care of her, only to turn around and kick her out of his house after a few months?
“If anything, I think he’s afraid of you, Shayla.” Jacqueline commented.
Shayla frowned and grunted. Carter wasn’t afraid of anything. He was very smart and equally strong – strong-willed and strong-minded. Shaking her head, she said, “Carter’s not afraid of me.”
“Let me be more specific. He’s afraid of falling in love with you,” Jacqueline said with confidence because she knew that was true, having spoken with Carter directly after Shayla had moved out.
Shayla giggled uncomfortably and glanced out the window, though she really felt sad enough to cry. “Nah…that’s not it, Jackie. Carter can have any woman he wants. Why would he even entertain the thought of falling in love with me? Trust me, it ain’t that.”
Jacqueline sighed. Of course it was that. But his love soon turned to anger, especially after she moved out and didn’t bother to contact him. Now, she was leaving the state? “Honey, all I know is when I first met you in the flower shop, I thought you and Carter were a couple. You were so happy and vibrant. He was happy, too and now you’re both miserable.”
I’m miserable. He’s not. “Jackie, I’m fine and Carter is a lot of things, but I can guarantee you, miserable isn’t one of them. I’m sure he has enough women to keep himself entertained.”
“Oh no, honey. Not my Carter.”
Shayla laughed. She could picture Genevieve in her mind, wearing that red lipstick and tight skirt. “You’ve been out of his life for the last, I-don’t-know-how-many years, so you wouldn’t know. He actually told me he wasn’t the one-woman type which is really odd considering he’s such a gentleman.”
“I’m sorry, but Carter doesn’t come across as womanizer to me,” Jacqueline said in his defense, but she hadn’t known Carter in his adult years. She only remembered him as a teenager and had lost contact with him after that because of the feud with his Mother. It was just a few months ago that she was reunited with Carter, thanks to Shayla.
“You’re right. He doesn’t. Like I said, he’s a gentleman.” Shayla took a sip of water, feeling like she was in the hot seat, sweating bullets. “But I can say with confidence that he doesn’t miss me. He’s not like that.”
Jacqueline sighed. “I think you’re wrong on this one, Shayla.”
“Then why hasn’t he tried to call me or visit the shop, Jackie.”
“Maybe he’s giving you space.”
Shayla shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. “Or maybe he doesn’t want me, just like everybody else in my life. My parents didn’t want me. Even my own fiancé didn’t want me.” She took a napkin and dabbed her eyes.
Jacqueline teared up a little too, because she was fond of Shayla. She reached across the table and held her hand. “Sweetheart, you and Carter need to sit down and talk.”
“Jackie, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but Carter and I do not be
long together. I’m glad we parted ways. Now I can be independent and start a new life and that’s what I’m going to do in Norfolk.”
The waitress walked over and left the check on the table.
“Anyway, I’m gonna head on out,” Shayla said. “Gotta work in the morning.” She left enough money on the table to cover the check and tip.
“Okay, hun. I’ll talk to you later, and I want to see you before you head off to Virginia, okay?”
“Okay.” Shayla gave Jacqueline a hug, then walked away sad-faced, fighting back tears.
Jacqueline was equally as sad as she sat at the table alone now, sipping on her water and digesting everything Shayla had told her. And why did she have to leave the state? She could start over right here in Charlotte. The city was so big, she could be on one side of town and Carter on the other. But obviously, she wanted to get further away from him. But it was a shame that two people who loved each other were trying so hard to sabotage what could be a great relationship.
Chapter 3
At work, Carter sat at his desk fumbling through papers looking for a specific folder he needed for a 1:00 p.m. meeting. Monday mornings were hectic enough, but he was even more irritated with the fact that he couldn’t find what he was looking for. Frustrated, he began tossing papers to the floor. Had his desk ever been so disorganized and cluttered?
Carter sighed and mumbled, “Where is it?” He stood, still looking and pushing papers around and just when he thought he found the folder, his forearm pushed over a cup of lukewarm Starbucks coffee. Carter, beyond irritated at this point, paged Julie to come in his office.
“Yes, Carter,” she said upon opening the door. “Can I…” she began before she saw the coffee all over his desk. “Oh, my. Let me help you with that.” She removed soaked papers, holding them between her thumb and index finger like a dirty diaper, retreating to her desk to get a roll of paper towels. She blotted the damp papers then dried his desk. “I’m going to have to order you a new desk calendar,” she told him. “And I’m sure I can print all these documents off for you again. Tell me what they were and I’ll get it for you.”
Carter sat in his chair, not saying a word to Julie. Things had been tense at work for the past few months. His head wasn’t there and he knew why which angered him even more that he’d let Shayla get so close to him, being without her affected his mood. His co-workers were even beginning to complain of his demeanor.
“Carter?” she said to get his attention. She wasn’t sure if he’d heard a word she said.
“Okay, Julie,” he said irritated. “I’ll get them to you.” He swiveled towards the window, with his back to her, and stared out into the heart of Charlotte. This is where he found Shayla near death and homeless. Where he revived her. Where he saved her life. Why would he deny himself of this woman when he cared about her so much?
“Carter, is everything all right?” Julie asked him.
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure? Forgive my straightforwardness, but I’ve noticed you’ve been very irritable for the past few weeks.”
“Everything’s fine…just have a lot on my plate right now.”
“Anything I can help with?”
“No,” he said and didn’t bother turning around to face her.
Julie sighed. She’d never seen him like this. Usually, he was on top of everything. Now, he was losing it. “Okay. Well, I got your desk all cleaned off. Send me an email with those file names and I’ll reprint them. And I’m going to order a desk calendar right now.”
He didn’t offer a ‘thank you’ to his assistant or anything. He just waited until she was gone so he could make a phone call. He spun his chair around, facing his computer again. Removing his cell from, his breast pocket and dialed Jacqueline.
“Hello,” she answered. She wanted to call him a couple days ago, but she’d been hesitant to talk to him. If he asked about Shayla, then she’d probably ended up telling him that she was leaving. For another state.
“Hey Jackie. It’s Carter.”
“Hey Carter,” she said cheerfully, trying to disguise her disappointment since finding out Shayla was leaving. “How’s it going?”
“It’s…going,” he snarled, picking up a black retractable pen, clicking it open and closed.
“Listen, um, I don’t want to take up much of your time—”
“I’m not doing anything. What’s on your mind, son?”
Carter swallowed hard. “You know my Mother never called me that. She never referred to me as her son. For as long as I can remember, Jackie, she treated me like I was her financial advisor instead of her firstborn.”
“You know she loved you, though.”
Carter left Jacqueline’s comment up in the air and said, “After Jacob’s father left, she was with a different man almost every time I saw her. She was always introducing me to some new, random guy. So I asked her one day, why she wouldn’t take her time and find someone who she could actually love and maybe even get married. Do you know what she told me?”
“What?”
“She said, and I will never forget these words. She said, ‘I like my life simple and easy. Men tend to complicate things and honestly, Carter, what exactly is love but mere weakness? Stuff you read about in romance novels and watch on TV. Love is an illusion and you know what an illusion is, don’t you?’ That’s what my Mother taught me about love.”
“Wow.”
“The sad part is, I believed her…believed that love was weakness, so all my life I’ve been avoiding it. Every woman I’ve been with that actually wanted a relationship with me, I turned them down…or didn’t call them back…every last one of ‘em. And I’ve met some beautiful, successful women, but I had nothing in me that wanted to love them. Quite frankly, once I slept with them, I lost interest.”
So Shayla was right, Jacqueline thought. He wasn’t the one-woman type.
Carter sighed. “I didn’t know what love was or what it felt like and I had no intentions on knowing what it was, but now, I know what it feels like, Jackie. But what I struggle with is, how can I love a woman who was so eager to pick up her stuff and leave me like I ain’t nothing?”
Jacqueline knew there were two sides to every story and when she saw Shayla for lunch on Saturday, she got her side. Now it was time to get his. Some things she knew already – that Carter loved Shayla and that he didn’t want to pursue a relationship with her since she was once engaged to his brother. He told Jacqueline that he would feel guilty if he went down that road with Shayla. Now he was trying to rationalize it, making it seem as if he couldn’t love her because she left him.
“You there?” Carter asked.
“Oh, yes, I’m here,” Jacqueline said. “But I really don’t know how to answer that, Carter. Honestly, you have me confused.”
“How’s that?” he asked, and swiveled his black, ergonomically charged chair facing the windows behind his desk again.
“Well, you remember when you came over to my house for dinner the same night she left? The night you let me read Jacob’s suicide note? You said you couldn’t be with Shayla because she was Jacob’s fiancé, remember? Said it was best that you cut ties with her.”
“I never said I wanted to cut ties with her. I think you suggested that it was probably the best thing for me to do.”
“Yes, I said it because I didn’t think that Shayla would accept the fact that you kept your kinship to Jacob hidden from her. And you agreed with me, right?”
There was no reply. Carter stared out the window, replaying their two-month-old conversation in his head.
“Right?” Jacqueline asked again.
“Yeah,” he forced out.
“So why are you so upset that she left when that’s what you wanted?”
He had no answer. After all, it is what he wanted. But he also wanted her. He wanted her to fight for him, to love him like she loved his brother. She wouldn’t have walked out on Jacob, would she? He doubted it. So why was it so easy to leave him, especi
ally after everything he’d done to make her life better?
“Seems to me like you want her, then again, you don’t want her,” Jacqueline added.
Carter continued clicking the pen open and shut. Jacqueline was right and he couldn’t deny anything she said.
“If you think she’s worth it, Carter, then you really need to make a decision as to whether or not you’re going to correct this rift between you two. And you need to do it fast. She’s leaving in a couple of weeks.”
Sitting straight up in his chair, he asked, “What do you mean she’s leaving?”
“She got a job in Norfolk, Virginia. The flower shop lady is already looking for her replacement.”
Carter couldn’t seem to get the frown out of his forehead. Shayla was leaving and there was nothing he could do about it. He had no claim over her. And once again, he told himself that maybe it was for the best. If she was out of his sight, then she’d be out of his mind. But that strategy hadn’t work for the past two months had it?
“Carter, you there?
“Yeah…when did you speak with her?”
“We had lunch Saturday.”
Saturday. Why are you just telling me this now? Carter brushed his hands over his curly hair. He’d been frustrated for the longest time over Shayla and any mention of her name had him feeling mixed emotions. On one end, he remembered saving her life that cold, February day and being her hero. On the other, he could recall her being distant days before she moved out, their fight in the parking lot and finally the note she left for him – a note that simply was her way of letting him know she moved out and nothing more.
And then there was the fact that he hadn’t told her that Jacob was his brother…
“Either way it goes, Jackie, I can’t disrespect my brother like that so—”
“So you’re going to let her leave?” Jacqueline asked, irritated.
“What else am I supposed to do?”
“You could talk to her…fight for her.”
“I’ma fight for a woman who left me…”
“You wanted her to leave,” Jacqueline pointed out, raising her voice an octave. Then she snapped. “Stop pretending like that’s the reason you’re allowing this distance between you two. It all has to do with the fact that you’re afraid to come clean and tell her about Jacob. You need to do that, Carter. You owe it to her and to yourself. It’s not like you’re disrespecting Jacob or anything. You said it yourself that he asked you to take care of Shayla, right?”