by Tina Martin
“Yeah, but I’m in no hurry. Besides, self-discovery is the best medicine. Once I figure out who I am and why my life is where it is right now, then I can move on and think about relationships again. Until then, I’m going to ride solo.”
“I feel you on that.” Donovan bit into his last piece of fish.
“I think I’ll order that the next time,” Shayla said staring at his plate.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Where are my manners? Would you like to try some?”
She smiled. “No. I’m stuffed. You go ahead.”
“When a man offers you some of his food, you’re supposed to take it, right? Isn’t that what people say?”
Her smile faded away because she remembered Carter said something similar to her when she was in the hospital.
“Something wrong?” Donovan inquired when he noticed her sudden shift in mood.
“No. I’m just tired.”
“Okay, well let’s go.”
“No, Donovan. You don’t have to rush off with me. Stay and finish your food.”
“I’m done.” He tossed the last chunk of fish in his mouth.
“What about the cheesecake?”
“I’ll get a to-go box for it.”
He took his check and hers from the table to see how much they were, pulled two twenty dollar bills from his wallet to cover it. Once the waitress boxed up the cheesecake, he stood, took her hand and helped her out of the booth.
Side-by-side they walked on the wet, puddle-filled pavement until Shayla was standing at the driver side door of her car. It was dark outside and the tall lights in the parking lot were bright enough so that they could see each other.
“Thanks for dinner,” she told him.
“You’re welcome. Have a good night, Shayla.”
“You too.”
She pressed the unlock button on her keychain remote.
“If you would like, I can follow you to your hotel…make sure you get there safely,” Donovan offered.
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, but then I’d be left wondering if you made it okay.” Unbeknownst to her, Donovan would be following her anyway in order to report back to Carter, but she wouldn’t know that.
“How about I call you when I get there?”
“What if you forget?”
Shayla laughed. “I won’t forget.”
Donovan grunted. “Okay, but as soon as you make it to your room, call me.”
“I will.” Shayla thanked him for dinner again, opened the door and sat in the driver’s seat. “I’ll see you back at the office next week.”
“Okay.” Donovan pushed the door shut for her, watching her start her engine. When she drove off, he jogged to his car so that he could be minutes behind her on the road because he would sit in the parking lot of her hotel and watch her again tonight.
* * *
Shayla sat alone in her car at the hotel. She’d shut off the engine, took her purse from the driver seat and placed it on her lap. Before she could get out of the car, tears sprang from her eyes, the same as every night this week. It was happening so often, it seemed to be an involuntary action. She moved away from Carter and started her life over. Why was she still upset to the point of tears?
She buried her face in her hands and cried her eyes out. She knew why Carter didn’t want to be with her—knew she wasn’t good enough for him. That was a hard thing for a woman or anyone to come to terms with. For her, it was especially difficult because Carter was the only man, besides Jacob, that she’d loved and felt comfortable with. And he didn’t want her…
The melodic tapping on the window startled her. Shayla jumped and felt her heart rate increase. With flooded eyes, she turned to see who it was and there was Donovan, standing there. She thought she’d left him at the restaurant.
“Shayla, unlock the door,” he told her.
She did as he asked, then stepped out.
“Come here,” he said, reaching for her and holding her in his embrace, her tears dampening his suit jacket.
Shayla didn’t ask him what he was doing there. She just fell into his arm and cried harder.
“It’s going to be okay,” Donovan told her, consoling her and rubbing her back. His concern and care only made her cry harder.
“Come on. Let me walk you to your room.” He threw an arm around her shoulder then as they walked, she tearfully told him her room number, taking a room keycard from her purse.
Unlocking the door and letting her pass, Donovan watched her sit on the bed. Tears were dropping from her eyes and she had the saddest face he’d ever seen on a woman.
He walked over and kneeled in front of her. “Whatever’s bothering you, force it out of your mind, sweetheart, because it’s not worth it.”
Shayla dabbed her eyes and hung her head low. Her hair hid her face.
Donovan unbuckled her sandal straps and slid her shoes off one-by-one. He stood, turned her covers back and summoned her to get in the bed.
Once she was comfortably positioned, he pulled the covers over her, tucking her in and caring for her. “Just so you know, I’m not leaving until you’ve stopped crying.”
More tears rolled from her eyes, then she closed them and slowly began to relax.
Carter sure did a number on you, Donovan thought as he watched her fall asleep. He had to assume she was somehow involved with Carter and when things went sour, she left Charlotte. And it must’ve been pretty bad if leaving the city was her only recourse. He looked at her again, watching her breathe gentle and sweet. He eased up from the bed, slowly, so as not to wake her. Then he took one of her room keycards, turned off the lights and exited her room.
Chapter 9
“Good morning,” Donovan said sitting on Shayla’s bed, watching her wake up. He’d been admiring her for the last fifteen minutes or so, wondering how someone could be so beautiful while they slept. Even after sobbing last night, she didn’t have puffy eyes or any redness…just big, bright darling eyes that she opened wide to see him sitting on her bed.
“What are you doing here?” she asked evenly. “Did you spend the night with me?”
Her soft, seductive-like morning voice gave him a chill. “No. I took your key and came back this morning…only been here for like five minutes,” he said, but he’d been there longer.
Shayla yawned.
“I got breakfast.” He pointed to the Bojangles’ bag in the kitchenette. “Got coffee too.”
Shayla stretched her arms in the air, remembering what happened last night. She was outside in the parking lot, crying and Donovan had come to see what was wrong. But where did he come from? Did he actually follow her to the hotel from the restaurant, and why?
“Come on. Let’s eat.”
“Okay.” She pushed the covers back with her feet, then walked over to the table, joining him.
He took the food from the bag – some chicken biscuits and hash browns. Unwrapping his biscuit, he said, “I trust you slept well.”
“As well as I could. Actually I didn’t get up not once last night.”
“Good. I was worried about that.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t want you crying again.”
Shayla smiled, took the lid from her coffee, found some sugar and cream in the bag and stirred some of both in her cup. “Thanks for breakfast.”
“You’re welcome.”
Donovan felt his phone vibrate. He took it out, saw Carter’s number on the display. He couldn’t answer it now if he wanted to, not that he did. In a way, he was upset that Carter would hurt a woman like Shayla. But then again, breaking hearts was Carter’s specialty.
Donovan was no saint. He’d broken a few in his day, but falling in love all those years ago had completely changed his perspective on women. And when his wife died, it broke his heart.
“What are you thinking about?” Shayla asked him. She’d caught him daydreaming.
Donovan came out of his trance and looked at her. “Nothing.”
&n
bsp; “Probably regretting that you hired a basket case, huh?”
“We all have our struggles.”
“Yeah…some more so than others.”
Donovan wiped his mouth. “What’s your struggle, Shayla?”
She inhaled deeply. “The feeling of not being wanted. I struggle with that a lot.”
“And who wouldn’t want you?” he asked in a way that suggested he certainly wouldn’t mind having her.
“Um…”
“Sorry…don’t mean to pry.”
Shayla took a sip of coffee, glancing up at Donovan, not comfortable enough with him to share details of her personal life just yet. She unwrapped a chicken biscuit and took a bite of it.
“I want you to spend the day with me,” Donovan told her.
“Hunh?”
“Spend the day with me, and I won’t take no for an answer.”
A nervous smile kept her from responding right away, but after her long pause, she replied, “I can’t.”
“Why not? What do you have planned on a Sunday that you can’t spend the day with me?”
Absolutely nothing. “I’m exhausted,” she mumbled through chewing.
“Me, too. I work longer hours than you. Now spend the day with me.” He took a sip of coffee and waited for her response.
“Okay. I’ll spend the day with you.”
A satisfied glow covered his face.
“What are our plans?” she quipped.
“I have several things I need to pick up from Greenbrier Mall. Have you been there yet?”
“No…never even heard of it.”
“Well, I figured we’d head there first, then later, I would like to take you to dinner at this nice place in Virginia Beach called Ocean Eddie’s. I think you’ll love it.”
* * *
Shayla didn’t know she could have so much fun at a mall. Donovan really put his firm business demeanor off to the side so that he could focus on cheering her up. Never in a million years would she think he’d be up in Victoria’s Secret helping her choose body sprays. And he wouldn’t let her pay for a thing – not the eighty dollar’s worth of lotion and perfume from Victoria’s Secret, the pair of Nike’s she picked out from Footlocker or the silver charm bracelet from Zales Jewelers – everything was on him.
They left the mall a little after four which left plenty of time for the drive to Virginia Beach for dinner. And while they rode there, Donovan talked about his family. Said his parents were still married and had been for over thirty years. He told her more about his son, how he was a good student and was a soccer player for a junior league.
Turning on Atlantic Avenue, he said, “Now we need to find somewhere to park near Fifteenth Street.” He drove a few blocks, then after passing Fourteenth Street, he made a right on Fifteenth, finding the perfect parallel parking space between two SUVs. His black Audi fit perfectly.
They emerged from his car at the same time, though he would have liked to open the door for her. Walking side-by-side, he held her by the hand as they took the pedestrian crosswalk across Atlantic Avenue, then walked through a parking lot near a Carnival area to get to the boardwalk.
“That’s the restaurant?” Shayla asked, looking straight ahead.
“Yep. That’s it. Used to come here quite a bit,” he said shy of saying he and his wife frequented the place. This was his first time back since she had passed.
Donovan requested a deck table so they could enjoy the panoramic views of the Atlantic. Plus, it was still warm outside, although it was early September. The breeze was enticing.
After sitting, Shayla studied the menu.
Donovan studied her. Since he’d known her – since her first interview with him – her hair had been long and straight. Now she had a head full of big, bouncy curls that blew around her face and danced over her shoulders. Made him want to touch it, to feel its texture.
“So what’s good here?” Shayla asked, taking a break from the menu and looking up at him.
Donovan was in a daze then blinked out of his trance when she asked the question. “Um…just about everything. However, I recommend you try the fried seafood combo. That’s what I’m having.”
“Well, it’s settled then.” Shayla placed the menu on the table, took in the view, listening to the waves crashing, pushing ashore then receding, the pattern repeating over and over again.
“How about the hot crab dip for an appetizer?” Donovan suggested.
“Wow,” Shayla chuckled. “The sound of that made my mouth water.”
His mouth was watering too, but it had nothing to do with the crab dip. “Yeah. It’s delicious.” Donovan set the menu on the table. He wanted to ask Shayla about last night but he wouldn’t bring it up unless she did. So they sat there, quietly, enjoying the sound of the waves and while they waited, a waitress took their orders. Then she left with a spring in her step.
“I wanted to apologize for last night,” Shayla said to him, fiddling with her new bracelet. “I was a complete mess.”
“No worries…just glad I was there.”
Shayla nodded. Why was he there? She had specifically told him that she didn’t need to be seen to her hotel but he had followed her anyway. She would’ve found it odd, if she hadn’t known him to be so generous. That was his personality. During her first week at work, he’d been supportive and accommodating, seeing to it that she had everything she needed to succeed; even offering her a room in his place and he tried to get her a company car when he found out hers was a rental, but she declined it. Still, he made sure she was reimbursed for her car rental fees.
“Here you folks are,” the waitress said, placing the crap dip in the center of the table. “Your meals will be out shortly.”
Donovan thanked her.
“It’s really nice and relaxing out here,” Shayla said looking around.
“Yeah. It’s nice.” Donovan tasted the dip and offered Shayla some.
“Oh…my. This is so freakin’ good,” Shayla exclaimed.
Donovan smiled at her.
The sound of seagulls squawking added to the ambiance of the restaurant. Shayla looked around, noticing the couples sitting on the deck and walking along the shoreline. This was a romantic place, somewhere people would come to celebrate anniversaries or to have fun date nights. Why did he bring her here?
Donovan didn’t like the amount of silence between them so he asked her, “Are you happy that you moved here, or are you having second thoughts?”
Shayla’s eyes met his. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, you seem so sad all the time, like you don’t want to be here. Either that, or something or someone has taken all of your happiness away.”
He was right, but that had happened long before Carter came in the picture. She couldn’t blame Carter for everything wrong in her life.
The waitress set their food on the table, refilled their water glasses and walked off. They both had fried fish, oysters and shrimp.
Shayla took a bite of fish, tasting a blend of seasonings and freshness.
Donovan dug in too, eating the oysters first. “So tell me,” he said looking at her.
“Tell you what?”
“What’s taken your happiness away?”
“It’s a combination of a lot of things,” Shayla said generally, because she didn’t really want to offload her personal woes on him.
“I got all night…don’t have anywhere to be except right here with you.”
Shayla took a sip of water. “Donovan, I really don’t want to talk about it if you don’t mind.”
He didn’t like it, but he respected it. “Okay,” he told her and resumed eating.
A couple of minutes passed. Then five. Ten. Things were awkwardly silent between the two of them and they just sat eating, hearing bits and pieces of other people’s conversations but having none of their own.
Donovan intentionally wanted this silence between them, hoping it would rattle her nerves to the point where she’d want to talk.
; “A lot of things started from childhood,” she admitted, breaking the silence.
Donovan smiled. His plan worked.
“I never knew my Mother,” she continued. “My Grandmother raised me. Um…my life pretty much was blah until I met my fiancé. Then he died last year and I lost everything. I was actually homeless for a while.”
“Wow.” Donovan wanted to know more. “You were homeless?”
“Yeah…don’t know why I’m telling you this but yes, I was homeless.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better, Donovan.”
“No, seriously. Like I told you before, we all have struggles, but we work through and endure. Look at you now. You have a great job…in good health.”
Shayla shrugged. “Yeah…I suppose.”
“So when you told me that you struggled with not being wanted…”
“I was talking about my Mother. Then my fiancé. Nobody wanted me.”
Donovan frowned. “I thought you said your fiancé died?”
“He did.”
“Then how do you conclude that to mean he didn’t want you? My wife died and we were very much in love.”
“Well, um…he didn’t just die. He…um,” she stammered, watching the puzzled look on Donovan’s face as he waited for her to say whatever it was that she was hesitant to speak. “He committed suicide.”
A look of understanding flashed across his face. Now he understood why she felt her fiancé didn’t want her.
“Sometimes, I just watch people,” Shayla said. “For example, look at the couples and families out here. They’re happy. They have the perfect marriages, careers, kids and probably have very nice homes…just generally happy. I often wonder why that has never happened for me…why happiness never finds me.”
Donovan wiped his mouth. “It does find you. The thing is, if you’re always comparing your happiness with someone else’s then you’ll never see it. You won’t even recognize it’s there.”
Shayla nodded.
“What will it take to make you happy?” Donovan inquired with a gesture.
Shayla noticed he wasn’t wearing his wedding band tonight. “Love. I want love. I want to be loved. I think that’s a normal desire, especially for women.”