by Martha Carr
“You can say that again.” Patsy swirled her wand, stirring the air again. “Hey, did you hear about the joke Harvey played on those visiting generals last week? Made all their voices sound like they were sucking helium!” Patsy laughed, almost choking on her gum. “I thought I would pee my pants!”
“Better be careful or they’ll gas this place with us in it and we’ll end up in some cheap science lab.”
“Didn’t you hear? A group of us put up sensors last month to detect anything hinky. Never trust a human who’s still breathing, I say.”
“You mean like your husband?”
“Especially him!” Patsy snorted. The air around them stilled once more, and the recording devices that whirred constantly in the background taking down every conversation picked up where they left off.
“Back to work,” said Lois. “Break’s over.”
“I’ll get that report about Detective Berens right over to HQ. Someone will have to tag her. Make it easier to track her whereabouts.” Patsy rolled her eyes when she said it. She was making sure she used what she liked to call her ‘official voice’.
Any witch or wizard worth their wand knew how to get a GPS tag to track whatever they wanted it to track.
“I’m getting hungry, you? Want something from the machine?” Lois lifted the wand hanging by her side. “Yummina,” she said.
There was a loud rattle from down the hall as the old vending machine shook and then leaned forward on two legs, followed by a thwack as a package of Oreos slid out and came zipping through the doorway, landing neatly in Lois’ hands. “They should give in and leave them in a box for us.”
“Where’s the sport in that? Get me the vanilla cookies. I love those.”
Lois rolled her eyes. “Almost not worth the effort. Vanilla. Okay, Leira Berens, we’ve got your number.” Lois swirled the air with her wand before setting a pen to magically fill out the paperwork. “What they don’t know, we won’t have to hear about.”
“Agreed.”
Leira took a quick look around, checking to see who else was around the precinct. Almost everyone was out checking leads, eating lunch or just generally elsewhere. Leira was riding her desk, filling out paperwork on her laptop. It was taking forever.
Nothing like solving a case a little too easily to make the higher-ups cough up more paperwork, more interviews. It wasn’t that everyone wasn’t happy with them, and there was talk of a commendation for her and Hagan. It’s just that by nature, law enforcement is skeptical of anything that ties up too neatly. On the other hand, as long as Leira didn’t write something that waved a red flag at everyone, she was pretty sure they would all happily move on to the next case. The bad guys were arrested, the child was returned safely, and the news reports were making them out to be heroes.
No one likes to shoot down the hero, if they can avoid it.
“Gaw, I hate paperwork,” Leira muttered, resting her head on her arms for a moment. She popped back up and looked around again. “Am I gonna do it? I think I am.”
Leira stretched her hands out on the desk, pressing down as she took a deep breath and let it out. She felt the warmth behind her eyes grow and everything around her take on a sharp focus. The edges of her hands began to glow and the faint outline of ancient symbols appeared just under her skin.
“Just this once. It will only take a minute and then it’ll be done. Come on, focus and breathe deeply. You can do it.”
“Fuck, Berens! It was easier to absorb the fact that you might be half alien than it is to find out you’ve taken up meditation and are getting in touch with your inner self!” Hagan dropped a casebook on his desk loudly, startling Leira.
She stood up quickly, knocking her knees against the desk.
“What the hell!” The clarity left her instantly, and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. “Hagan wear a fucking bell, goddammit!”
The reversal from conjuring up the magic from deep inside of her, to suddenly shutting it off abruptly left her lightheaded and she had to stand still for a moment, waiting for the room to stop spinning.
“You okay there, Berens? Not like you to be caught off guard.”
“Yeah, well, a lot has changed.” She rested her hands squarely on the desk and sat down slowly as a wave of nausea came over her and just as quickly left. This magic thing is going to take some getting used to.
Hagan flipped open his notebook, dropping heavily into his chair with a sigh and a grunt. He flipped through a couple of pages and looked back at Leira. “What the hell were you up to?” He looked surprised. “Tell me you’re not so stupid that you were trying to do magic in the middle of a police precinct.”
“Not so fucking loud, if you don’t mind.”
“Oh, so me talking too loud is what you’re worried about.” He lowered his voice. “I get you using magic to find the girl. There was a time factor there, and the men who took her didn’t give a rat’s ass about her well-being. But what exactly are you working on right now that would make you take a risk like that? Last time I checked we have a probable suicide, and a pretty open and shut, husband killed the wife case.”
Leira drummed her fingers on her desk, trying to put off admitting what she was up to, but there was no getting around it. She decided to go for it and sat up straighter, looking him in the eye and said, “Paperwork.” She gave him one of her better dead fish looks, pressing her lips together, daring him to say anything.
Hagan stared back at her and for a moment it seemed as if his anger was going to erupt. Leira braced herself for the argument and took a quick look around to make sure there was still nobody around to hear the conversation that would entail magic, paperwork and other planets.
Hagan wrinkled his nose. Then his mouth opened and he was laughing so hard his belly shook.
Leira wasn’t sure if she was insulted by this reaction and crossed her arms over her chest. “You want to tell me what’s so funny?”
Hagan tried to tell her, gulping air, but was taking a few false starts before he could get out a complete sentence. Leira waited, her frustration growing, and she wondered if there was a spell to shut her partner up. Bad thought, Leira. No practicing magic on friends allowed. We’re just going to make that a general rule. Otherwise everyone back at the bar will eventually end up as a cockroach or rat. Well, maybe a dog and or rabbit. I really do like those people.
Hagan wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and took a good look at Leira. “You’re thinking about what you can turn me into, aren’t you? Don’t bother lying to me. I’ve been a detective way too long not to know when somebody is thinking about what they’d like to do to me. The only difference is you might pull it off.” He looked her up and down, checking for anything peculiar, arching an eyebrow. “Changing someone’s basic structure has to be against the law, somewhere.”
Leira smirked. “Don’t worry. I’m too much of a rule follower to change your ass into…” She stopped, trying to consider exactly what she would’ve turned him into.
“And not that you exactly know how yet.”
“And not that I exactly know how yet,” she admitted. “But I wouldn’t.”
“But you’re still going to take the shortcut with the paperwork. I know you. Once you’ve made up your mind, and set the course, there’s very little that will make you turn back. Even common sense and apparently the chance of getting caught performing higgledy-piggledy.” Hagan wiggled his fingers in the air and rolled his eyes.
“Please tell me that’s not what I look like when I perform magic.”
Hagan ignored her and pushed away from his desk to get a better view of the captain’s office, which was still empty. “If you’re going to do it, you better do it now. This is your window and I’m not sure how long it’s going to last. I’ll be your lookout.”
“It says something really good about our relationship that you didn’t make doing your paperwork part of the deal. Or you just knew I was going to do yours, too.”
“Sister, after
the past few days there is nothing in this world that I’m entirely sure of anymore. If I saw you levitate and spin around I don’t think I’d be surprised.”
“I’m not sure flying is part of the deal.”
“What about invisibility? Or x-ray vision? Oh, oh, oh, what about bending steel or shooting out spider webs from your wrists?” Hagan held up his arms and aimed his wrists at different parts of the room. “Zing! Ping! Wazing!”
Leira couldn’t help herself, and smiled at him.
Hagan stopped what he was doing. “Well, that’s new. You actually gave a genuine smile. I haven’t seen you do that much, if it didn’t involve dragging some felon off the hard pavement.”
“Leira 2.0,” she said. She shook her head and gave her more usual crooked smile. “I know, I know. I’m evolving. I suppose it was bound to happen.”
“I’m not sure you’re what Darwin ever had in mind in terms of evolution, but I’ll take it. Now, are we going to get this show on the road, or not? Let’s get this paperwork done.” Hagan rolled his chair around till he was sitting next to Leira. “This won’t throw off your spell or anything, will it? I don’t want to get any runoff. It’d be hard to explain to the wife, much less the Captain.”
“Something tells me that won’t be a problem,” she replied. “But I can’t exactly guarantee it. Correk’s waiting for me back at the guesthouse and without him we’re just doing magic for jollies without a roadmap.”
Hagan rolled his chair to the edge of the desk. “I’m still in. Let ‘er rip.”
Leira stretched out her arms and shook her hands. “I’m sure those few inches will make all the difference.” She ignored Hagan and looked back at the screen again. She felt the warmth slide up from deep inside of her more easily this time. It was getting easier to call on the magic and conjure up what was becoming a familiar feeling.
The energy rushed through her, feeling like it was filling her veins with something warm and tingly. Everything in the room became more distinct and she could focus on the task at hand. Thoughts about what happened yesterday or worries about what might come next dropped away. Hagan stared at her, his jaw dropping open as her eyes began to glow. The symbols appeared under her skin but this time they even vibrated.
“Holy mother of God.” Hagan’s head turned side to side, looking at the monitor then Leira and back, wondering if this was after all, a good idea. “What if we’re unleashing something? You know, like those ancient mummy curses. I have got to stop watching those movies.” His hand instinctively drifted toward his gun, just in case.
Leira was no longer paying attention to anything in the room except the computer screen. Every question in the report came to her without reading it. The answer came to her just as easily and at the same moment she thought it, it materialized on the screen.
Hagan watched what was happening and saw page after page of the report getting filled out in just seconds. He was torn between two feelings. One of relief that he wouldn’t be spending his evening eating bad food, trying to stay awake and finding new ways to explain how they found the girl without having to use the words magic or hocus-pocus. The other was a feeling in the back of his mind that there was no way this could end well.
“Maybe this will be more like X-Files than Independence Day. Right? No, the aliens all die in both of those,” he said. “I’m not going to let that happen to you.” He knew she wasn’t registering what he was saying, but he meant every word.
“Done.”
Hagan’s eyes widened. “Even mine?”
“Yours, too.”
“How’d you get past my password? Was it magic?”
“It doesn’t take magic to figure out that your password is maple bacon and you never change it.” Leira stood up and stretched.” We should get out of here so we don’t have to look busy when someone walks through. I won’t hit the send button for a few more hours to at least buy us some credibility. We can’t do this all the time because they’d wonder how we suddenly learned to type so fast.”
Hagan stood up and pulled his jacket off the back of his chair, folding it over his arm. “Agreed. You know, Leira,” he said as they made their way out. “This is more than my old brain can take in. At this point I’m just rolling with what happens and trusting that you won’t blow us up. Or if you do blow us up, I don’t see it coming.”
“Always the optimist, Felix. I’ll do my best.”
“Patsy, come take a look. There’s another blip on the screen. Our girl is getting a little loose with the abracadabra.” Lois pushed her glasses up her nose and frowned at screen.
“Oh geez,” said Lois. “Any word back yet from that first report we sent in?”
“Not that I know of. I even tried a couple spells to see if I could listen in but those government types aren’t as dumb as they used to be. It was all kind of muffled and hard to hear.”
“So, what were you able to make out?”
“That’s the oddest part. They didn’t seem all that upset. From what I could tell they see Leira Berens as a potential asset. Go figure.”
“Go figure,” Lois echoed, amazed. “Just when you think you’ve heard everything.”
“Next thing you know they’ll be offering her a job.”
“Remember the old days when they used to burn us at the stake? Then they went through that whole stage of trying to cut us up and study us?” Lois shuddered.
“Thank the heavens for Hogwarts and chocolate frogs.”
“Yeah, but Rowling took a big chance spilling all of those inside secrets. Someone might have started to wonder how she knew so much.”
“Humans are slow. Bet the gates are open for years before someone starts to ask those kinds of questions.”
“In the meantime,” said Lois, lifting up her willow wand, “How about a little TV?” She waved her wand and the data pouring across the screen was replaced with The Price is Right.
“Much better. Oooh, they’re still on the showcase.”
“You think we should alert the big guys that the detective is using magic on a more regular basis?”
“How do you think she’s able to pull so much energy?”
“Now, that’s a very good question. Eight thousand! Say, eight thousand,” she yelled at the image of Drew Carey floating across the room. “Drat, I was over.”
“Why didn’t you use your wand?”
“Not as much fun. You’re right, let’s keep this to ourselves for a little longer. You still have that artifact your grandfather used to hear better? Let’s see if we can find out more before we rat out one of our own, just in case.”
“Just in case.”
Chapter Four
Leira pulled into the parking lot at Costco and turned off the engine. She was trying to choose her words carefully.
“What?” Correk looked at her. “I can see a lecture of some kind approaches. You didn’t have to come with me. Look, Scott gave me a map and a bus schedule.”
“You can’t get in Costco without a membership card, and they all know it. It’s why they brought it up in the first place. They have a habit of testing new people to see how many favors they can get out of them before you say no. I’m the only one at Estelle’s who’s a member. It was their Christmas present to me last year.”
“Interesting. An exclusive meeting hall for shopping. Oriceran has something similar but it has far darker intentions.”
“This is more like shopping at Target but in bulk sizes. You show up to get a cake and push out a cart full of jeans, a few books, yoga pants, a case of beer and a twelve-pack of steaks. I usually end up with a shopping hangover.”
“We can use your plastic card. It will be alright.”
“You’re dying to see if they have an as seen on TV aisle, aren’t you? We can’t do that again. Look me in the eye. No!” She gave him a stern look and waved her finger sharply back and forth.
“You could stand to relax a little more. It could only help you with learning magic. Okay, yes, I want to see more ga
dgets. They’re like cheap magic tricks for humans.”
Leira rolled her eyes. “Tell me again, who exactly told you this would be a good idea? I want names. Fuck, it’s like giving a box of matches to a pyro and then being surprised at what happens next.”
“Normally, I don’t find it useful to do what I think you Earthlings call tattle.”
“Well, you’re going to have to do something about those ears or wear the hat again.” Leira pulled the knit hat out from under the seat, brushing off crumbs the troll left. She held it out to Correk, raising her eyebrows, giving it a shake.
“You have another idea?”
Correk didn’t answer. His eye glowed and symbols appeared around his hairline. His ears slowly rounded.
“Whoa, did you just change the structure of your ear? You didn’t even say anything!”
“No, it’s just an illusion. Not everything has to be spoken. Some things can just be felt, imagined. We call it a glamour spell. The gnomes lent me a book. If you touch them…hey! Don’t put out your hand.” He batted her hand away. “You’re not feeling up my ears. I assure you, the points are still there. Now, if that’s your last objection, let’s get in there!”
“Way too excited about Costco.”
The troll climbed out of Leira’s pocket, neatly rolling over the top of the front seat and into the back disappearing to the floorboards below.
“You realize, that wasn’t a good sign. He looked like he had a plan before he went over the back of the seat.”
Leira waited, but when it became clear Correk wasn’t going to answer she said, “Spill it. It was Mitzi, wasn’t it? She has a crush on you, you know. What she doesn’t realize is that if you keep buying in bulk like that, those six pack abs are going to become more like a tootsie pop.”
“What?”
“It’s a candy. Like a lollipop with a surprise inside. Hard on the outside.” Leira stopped herself at the last moment from pointing at the outline of Correk’s abs clearly showing through the long sleeve shirt. Instead, she knocked on her head. “But chewy on the inside. It doesn’t take long. One of our better weapons of warfare.”