by Martha Carr
Yumfuck trilled and tipped his hat at her.
“I take it, you knew all along.”
The troll blew a raspberry at her. “Motherfucker!”
Correk shook his head. “It actually sounds like he’s saying yes.”
“I liked it better when you said Yumfuck all the time,” Leira said. The troll cackled and wiggled his butt, twirling around in a circle.
“This invitation is for tonight and it includes dinner, sort of. Well, what you two will think of as food porn. There’s a carnival attached to the rodeo and rides and fried food out the wazoo.”
“What’s a wazoo?”
“Need to know. Just trust me, we may actually fill up Yumfuck. I guess we’re going to a rodeo.” Leira’s phone buzzed and she pulled it out. “Not work. It’s Mom and she wants to know if we’ve left yet. Apparently, everyone is overly excited. Are you ready?”
Correk tilted his hat back on his head. “As much as I know how to be considering I have no idea what we’re heading into.”
“Typical operating procedure lately. You’re about to watch a bunch of humans play with much larger animals in ways that could get them hurt for a really cool buckle and money. Throw in some fried Twinkies, fried doughnuts, fried Milky Ways and a corn dog. Then throw it all up on a ride that spins you around.”
“Woooooohooooooo!” squealed the troll, showing all his sharp little teeth as he circled his hand in the air like he was holding onto a lasso.
“Sounds like fun, let’s go.” Correk scooped up Yumfuck and helped him settle in the pocket of his jacket. “You’re going to have to take the hat off till we get there. It won’t fit. You’ll crush it.”
The troll hissed at him but finally took it off and handed it over.
“I’ll keep it in my other pocket and give it back the moment we get in the car. You have a Light Elf’s word.”
They got out to the patio and noticed all the regulars sitting at three tables all bunched up together. There was silverware at every place and a glass of water sitting next to the usual beer.
“That’s different,” said Leira. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen them eat food here before. Nachos, yes.”
“Leira!” The chorus went up. “Correk!” yelled Mike and Mitzi.
Leira looked at the gate but curiosity got the better of her. “What’s with the formal eating?”
“We never got around to celebrating winning the bowling tournament. You should join us! You two were a big help.” Kimberly looked around to see what table they could add on the end.
“They’re heading out to the rodeo, aren’t you? Lots of firsts going on tonight. Never seen you in actual cowboy gear before, Leira.” Scott gave her a thumbs up. “Didn’t know you had it in you.”
Estelle came tromping out of the restaurant carrying a large tray loaded down with hot food balanced on one shoulder with a folded stand in the other hand, the cigarette dangling on the edge of her lip. She crossed the patio without effort and unfolded the stand, resting the tray in one fluid movement.
“Why I don’t talk back to her,” said Craig. “She could take one of us down while slapping another.”
Estelle harrumphed and stood back, one hand on her hip while she took a long drag on her cigarette. “Food won’t serve itself!” she finally said as Mike and Janice hopped up to help sort out who got what.
“This is where we go,” said Leira. “You guys have a good time.”
“We’ll have to do this again,” said Paul. “Maybe after we win the softball tournament. What? I’m feeling optimistic.”
Leira looked up and noticed a man lift his glass to her and wink. She turned away, doing her best to ignore him but she saw him getting up out of the corner of her eye. Just as he got close to the table, a cluster of women dressed for a night out sidled up to Correk.
“My friends bet me I couldn’t get a kiss out of you,” said a tall brunette, tilting her head to the side. “Help me take their money and I’ll give you half.”
“Go back to your minivans,” snarled Estelle, idly blowing smoke in their direction. “Take it on down the street. We don’t do to-go orders here.” Estelle glared at them through the haze of smoke.
“Excuse me, I couldn’t help noticing you and was wondering if I could buy you a drink.” The man from the bar was smiling at Leira, waiting for a response.
Everyone at the table rose to their feet and started shooing the table crashers away. Leira shook her head, smiling at Mitzi waving her napkin at the man. He retreated back to the bar with a smile and a shrug. The women took a little longer, taking a few steps back still giggling and waving at Correk till Mitzi turned her napkin on them and they wandered inside to look for a table.
“You know I can handle myself. Federal agent and everything.” Leira hooked her fingers in the belt loops of her pants.
“Sugar, it’s not about whether you can do it alone. You don’t have to and besides it makes us feel useful. Frankly, I’m surprised it doesn’t happen more often to either one of you.” Mitzi smiled at Correk as she sat down.
“Okay, down girl,” said Kimberly. “There is something fetching about you, Correk. Damn, now I’ve got it!” Kimberly took a long drink from her water.
“Now, we really have to go. Thank you again for the block.”
“Bring us back something!”
“Have a good time!”
“Take a ride on the Tilt-o-Whirl for me!”
Correk started to say goodbye but Leira squeezed his arm, cutting him off. She was careful not to say anything till she got to the gate and held it open. “Bye everyone!”
A muffled “Motherfucker!” sang out from Correk’s pocket making him flinch as he waved. “Goodnight!” he said in a booming voice, turning heads, muffling the second small, “motherfucker”.
Once they were safely in the car, Correk handed back the cowboy hat to the troll. “That signature goodbye you have going is not as funny as you think.”
The troll cackled loudly and sat down on Correk’s leg. “Aloha!”
Leira startled and looked at him, laughing.
Correk looked puzzled. “What was that? Some new way to swear?”
“I think that was a compromise.”
Chapter Twelve
They met up with Eireka, Mara and Donald by the fairgrounds. Yumfuck sat on Correk’s shoulder and was an instant hit with everyone, especially the children.
“Look at the gerbil in the cowboy outfit!” A boy pointed and jumped up and down. “Can I get a picture with him?”
Yumfuck smiled and stood up, leaning a hand against Correk’s neck, one cowboy boot crossed over the other. The boy came and stood next to Correk, not even waiting for an answer as his father took out his cell phone, snapping the pictures.
“Got it!” The boy ran over to his father to look at the pictures, laughing. He turned and yelled, “Bye gerbil!”
“Mother…” The rest of the word was lost as he found himself suddenly jerked up into the air.
Leira grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, plucking him off Correk’s shoulder and holding him up in front of her face, inches from her nose. “Don’t even think about it, little pardner.” She lowered her voice and whispered, “One little motherfucker out of you and I take you back to the car and you never find out what a roasted turkey leg tastes like.”
The troll gasped, holding his hands over his mouth in horror. “Do we have an understanding?” Leira leaned closer till the troll was brushing against her nose. He nodded his head hard, dangling in front of her face.
She put him back on Correk’s shoulder and brushed her hands together, still giving him a stern look. He turned his back to her and watched the lights on the rides. A man walked by and nodded at Leira, giving her a smile. She ignored him and kept an eye on the troll.
“You’re going to make a great parent someday,” said Eireka, smiling.
“Not even a little funny, Mom.”
Eireka let out a snort as Donald took her hand and whispere
d something.
“We’re going to go take in a few rides by ourselves.”
“Make sure you don’t have to be a great parent again someday,” said Mara.
“Boom, karma kicks you back,” said Leira laughing.
Eireka smiled and rested her head on Donald’s shoulder for a moment as they turned and strolled away, chattering away to each other.
Leira took a step back, jostling a man in jeans and a t-shirt. “Sorry,” she said, righting the cowboy hat.
“I’m not,” he retorted, smiling, the creases deepening around his eyes. He kept walking but turned back to look, smiling again at Leira.
“That could be you, if you wanted it to be.” Correk nodded his head in the direction of Eireka and Donald. “You’re part Light Elf. We have a natural charisma and now that you’re learning how to work with your feelings it’s attracting the local male human population.”
“It’s not real. They’re attracted to magic, not me.”
“Not gonna go with you on this one, Cousin. I believe in your world they say, you’re starting to blossom.”
“Oh my God, you’ve turned into an after school special. Please shut the fuck up as fast as possible.”
“There you go. The swearing should act as a decent birth control for a while.”
“Let’s get a turkey leg to stuff in your pie hole.”
“Turkey leg!” The troll jumped up and down on Correk’s shoulder, finally willing to look at Leira.
“Much better.”
“Hey, that’s the talking mouse! Hi Yumfuck!” A little girl waved at the troll as her mother pulled her away. The troll waved and squeaked, “ET phone home,” pointing his finger at her. She pointed back, smiling as they disappeared into the crowd.
“You’re a regular ambassador of fun,” said Correk as they walked up to an empty table.
“I’ll get the food. Maybe it’s better if you guys wait here. Turkey legs all around. You too, Nana?” Leira put an arm around her grandmother.
“I’ve been looking forward to this all day!”
Correk opened his mouth to say something but Leira cut him off. “Yes, I’ll get my own. You don’t share food. I get it.”
It took a while to move up in the line but Leira finally brought back four turkey legs and found Yumfuck posing for pictures in the center of the table. Cell phones were waving in the air all around him as Correk stood off to the side out of camera range. Leira put the tray down on the table and pulled Correk over by her side. “Aren’t we a little worried about the world asking about our dressed up rodent?”
“Humans are remarkably willing to absorb most anything into their world and make it quickly normal. They think he’s a clever rodent, that’s it. No one is wondering anything other than what sort of tricks he can do.”
“Shoo them away. Now.”
“As you wish.” Correk rolled his hand down in front of him, bowing slightly.
“Princess Bride, isn’t it? That’s not an Elven thing.”
“I beg to differ. Just a retelling of tales from Oriceran. It’s obvious. Okay, okay, I’ll get them all to go. Even take care of the videos.” Correk shielded his eyes with his hat as they started to glow, whispering, “Troll invisibilia.”
Instantly people spun around, filming the rides as if there was something exciting happening off in the distance. “Do you see it?” someone shouted, convinced there had to be something there. The crowd moved off in that direction to get a closer look.
The troll harrumphed and pouted for a moment but changed his mind when he saw the turkey legs. He grabbed a leg and bit down, burying his face in it.
“I’m always amazed he can still breathe when he does that.” Leira drew her brows together. “Why is no one paying attention to that? He’s swearing like a sailor tearing apart a turkey leg.”
“They can’t see or hear him at least for the next few hours.”
“Another one of those temporary spells.”
“Making anything invisible takes a lot of energy. It’s not worth making it permanent, even on Oriceran,” said Mara.
“Wait, repeat what you just said.”
“It takes a lot of energy to make something invisible.”
Leira sat down next to Correk and pulled a turkey leg closer to her, leaning close enough to whisper to Correk. “I saw something on Oriceran.” Leira shook her head, annoyed with herself for not seeing it sooner. “The first day I was learning from Turner. The energy pulled me over to Oriceran. I know, Turner had the same look of amazement on his face that you do. Not the important part, believe it or not. I got close to this large amount of dark magic. Turner pulled me back from it. He actually looked worried, which I cannot imagine is something he does often. It was surrounding a cabin deep in the woods. But I missed something when I saw it. My magic could see it but I couldn’t on my own. I was able to raise enough magic to make it visible. To everyone and everything else around it…”
“It was invisible.” Correk’s smile dropped from his face.
Mara looked up at him and he smiled again, taking a bite from a turkey leg.
“That must have been a tremendous amount of energy.” Leira put a napkin in her lap.
“Do you know where in the woods it was located?”
“No, I don’t know enough about Oriceran to recognize anything and it just looked like dense woods. This is tied to your secret, I can tell. I can ask Turner to help me do it again.”
“No, not yet. There’s too much risk involved. You may trigger some sort of alarm or let whoever created the spell know you’re on to them.”
“That’s basically what Turner said. Oh, wait and he mentioned that name. Rhazdon. He said the power was just as impressive as something Rhazdon could have pulled off.”
Correk felt the truth settle into his bones. Oriceran was living inside of a dark fairytale that was eight hundred years old. Rhazdon was still alive and biding his time. But what is his end game? I need to warn the king and queen.
“Does this help you at all?”
“It does. I have a friend, Perrom and I can ask him for help. Thank you.” Correk kept his voice as even and friendly as he could manage.
“You never talk much about your friends or family back on Oriceran. You’ve helped me to literally put my family back together again. I want to know more about…”
Leira turned in time to see the troll reaching across the table for her plate, his claws outstretched. “Not so fast, dancing rodent!”
Correk smiled and whispered to her, “There’s time to tell you all about my life back on Oriceran. We should enjoy this night.”
“You mean before the shit hits the fan,” whispered Leira.
“Whatever you two have your heads together about, either tell me or drop it. We’re here to have a good time tonight.”
“And to see grownups wrestle large animals,” said Correk, taking another bite. It can’t be him. Eight hundred years.
“That’s one way to put it.”
Two men walked past in cowboy boots and chaps, their spurs jangling on their boots. They tipped their hats at Leira and smiled.
“I do not know what to do with all of this,” she said, exasperated.
“We know, dear but you’ve faced tougher challenges.” Mara turned and winked back at the men, laughing. They smiled and said, “Ma’am,” as they walked in the direction of the rodeo ring.
“Finish up boys and girls. I want to watch some hunky men throw down!” Mara wiped the grease off her hands and fixed her lipstick.
“Berens’ women run hot,” said Correk.
“Only way to go.” Leira took her grandmother’s arm as the troll sat down on Correk’s shoulder and they walked across the fairgrounds looking at the sights.
They found a few seats near the top of the metal bleachers that encircled two sides of the large open ring filled with a powdery dirt that made for softer landings. The Mutton Bustin’ contest was well underway with a ten-year-old boy riding a sheep, holding on for a
ll he was worth for six seconds. Mara crowed and cheered as if she knew the kid, shaking her fist in the air. Leira gave her a crooked smile and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. This is life, I suppose. You stick to the moment you’re in whether it’s good or bad.
Next up were the bullfighters and rodeo clowns. The clowns were in full makeup and wearing their version of Western wear. One had a tutu over his jeans and was throwing t-shirts into the crowd.
“Kind of reminds me of your idea of what a cowboy looks like.” Leira smiled at Correk who let out a laugh.
“It wasn’t that bad…”
The clowns dragged out tall blue plastic containers, half filled with sand and ran near the bleachers, waving at the kids. The announcer came over the loudspeaker, “First out of the chute… Kyle Elliott riding Steamroller!” The metal gate lifted and a grey and white five-year-old bull weighing sixteen hundred pounds charged out of the chute, whipsawing a man back and forth as the seconds ticked by. His hat flew backward, landing in the dirt as a clown saw his chance and retrieved it, ducking behind one of the blue containers.
“Eight seconds to glory!” Leira yelled.
The announcer boomed out of the loudspeakers, “Six seconds! Too bad, almost had it. Ol’ Steamroller got another one,” just as Kyle rolled off the side, narrowly avoiding the sharp hooves. Two clowns ran in front of Steamroller just far enough away to give themselves time to roll over the top of the wooden wall as Steamroller bore down on them, horns lowered. The cowboy got up and ran for the fence, easily climbing over it, leaving Steamroller to slow to a walk as he trotted around the ring.
“That was amazing!” Correk was on his feet, eyes wide watching two riders come out on horseback to corral Steamroller back toward the pen. Another rider was getting ready but the announcer was sputtering, confused. “Seems we have a change up, folks!”
Leira looked back at Correk. “Where’s Yumfuck?” She whipped her head around, looking at Mara and under the seats.
“He was just here…” Correk checked his pockets and looked down toward the front of the bleachers.
“Famous last words with the tiny troll.”