by Martha Carr
“It’s a place to fill out paperwork, Mom. It’s fine.”
Don put the pizzas down on the table as the troll stood up and bent his knees, ready to leap. Correk caught him mid-air and held him in front of his face. “Not a chance. No pizza till everyone’s here and you bite only the piece that’s on your plate. Understood?”
“Seems fair.” The troll smiled and let out a trill. Correk put him back on his shoulder and handed him another grape.
Hagan came rushing in the door, putting away his key card, carrying a case of Shiner Bock. On top was a pink box from Voodoo Doughnuts. “Thought this might help the festivities. Where do you want ‘em? On my desk?” Hagan passed the troll and gave him a wink as Correk narrowed his eyes looking at Hagan. “Doughnuts are for the troll. I owed him. He might share. Ate a cruller on the way over, little buddy. Too long a drive. Makes us nowhere even.” Hagan smiled and clapped his hands together. “We all ready? Can’t stay long. Left Rose home alone. Still haven’t broken it to her that I work in magic these days. I’d prefer she not leave me at this late date. I am starving.” Hagan took a slice out of one of the boxes and took a big bite, closing his eyes and smiling.
“Hey!” The troll frowned and looked at Correk who shook his head. “You wait for everybody else.”
“We’re still waiting for Nana and her plus one. There they are now.” Leira looked up at the screen and saw a nice-looking man standing next to her grandmother. She turned to go and open the door the old-fashioned way and saw the color drain from her mother’s face as she stared at the screen.
“You okay?” Don took her arm, concerned.
Leira looked back up at the screen and saw Mara smiling and chatting with the man, holding a large Tupperware full of salad. Leira looked over at Correk who was walking closer to the screen to get a better look. Leira made her way to the door and opened it, ready for anything. Nothing inside of her sensed any danger. The energy was more curious, than anything.
She opened the door and took the Tupperware, hugging her grandmother with one arm. “Sorry I didn’t get the chance to call you back.”
“That’s okay. This is probably better, anyway. Tell everyone at once.” Mara smiled nervously.
That’s not like her. Nothing fazes Nana. Not even the fucking world in between. “You’re not getting married, are you? How long have you two known each other?” Leira tried to make a joke but noticed no one was laughing.
“About twenty-six years,” Eireka said, softly. There were tears in her eyes. Don took her hand and held it tightly.
Leira turned around confused and looked at her mother and back at Mara. Correk’s eyes widened and he walked to the door taking the Tupperware from Leira. The troll bounded down to the floor and scrambled to Leira’s shoulder, eyeing the stranger.
“Mind if we come in?” Mara nervously walked in and turned, pointing her hands. “Leira, this is Jackson, your father from Oriceran. Jackson, this is your daughter.”
Hagan stopped chewing and wiped off his mouth with a small paper napkin. “Fuck me, you’ve got to be kidding.”
“I’m sure you have a few questions. He’s not here to start anything. I asked for his help. There’s something we need to explain.”
Leira looked back and forth between Mara and her mother, assessing what was going on, not sure what to say and choosing silence as the better option.
Correk put out his hand to Jackson. “Correk of the Light Elves. Have heard absolutely nothing about you.” He fixed Jackson with a hard stare.
Eireka finally found her voice. “We should all sit down. Mother, what are you up to? Is this what you’ve been sneaking off to do? Your own Ancestry.com? You should have asked.”
“We need his help. Let me explain.”
“I came to help my daughter,” said Jackson. “Before it’s too late.”
Leira opened her mouth to say something as the alarms went off on the screens. “Hold that thought,” she said, turning to read the symbols as a viral post from the web played on the screen.
Yumfuck looked up and saw the video of himself brawling in a bar and shrugged his shoulders, hopping onto Hagan’s desk and opening the pink box. “Last meal, may as well enjoy it.” He opened his mouth wide and bit into a glazed doughnut, climbing further into the box as he chewed, tunneling toward the creme-filled.
Hagan held the slice of half eaten pizza in his hand as he watched the video of the troll grow to the size of a hairy giant, baring his teeth. He was clearly visible behind him, punching one of the bullies. “I may have failed to mention… Look thinner than I expected.”
In the corner of the screen there was a feed that said, over two million views.
Leira gave him her best dead fish look and raised her hand to silence the alarms. “Everybody take your seat. You too Hagan. Call Rose and tell her you’re going to be a little late. This is going to be one helluva family dinner. Nana, you can sit across from me. Start talking.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Blake Johnson sat at his desk at the Austin Statesman, staring at the video for the second time. He saved it in another file on his desktop and opened his notes, making a notation of time, date, and location. It was the fifth video he’d found of the tiny troll, compiling one from the Continental, another from Comi-Con and even a couple from the State Fair of the troll riding a bull. “I’m closing in on you, whatever you are. We’ll talk soon.” The reporter stared at the frozen image of Yumfuck dancing on a stage. “Pulitzer here I come.”
FINIS
Author Notes - Martha Carr
Written November 20, 2017
It’s three days before Thanksgiving and I’m about to run to the grocery store, hoping in vain that it’s not going to be crowded. But, also knowing it’s okay if it is. College kids are home, families are gathering and everyone wants to shop as a family. It’s nice to see. I’m headed on Thursday to the offspring’s house where he’ll be cooking with the wonderful Katie.
This is the one holiday that is meant for gratitude, family (including those we create ourselves), and being of service to others. In that tradition, I’m going to use this space to remind myself of all that I have to be grateful for this year. Feel free to write me at my Facebook page, Martha Carr, Author, and let me know what you’re grateful for too.
I’m going to start with having the good sense on July 31st of last year to go listen to some guy named Michael Anderle talk about actually making money and building an audience from writing fiction. Then, having the good sense to get up and go ask him questions. (One of three people out of 90 in the room.) Then, following up with one million and one questions afterwards. (Only one of the three who did.) Then, when he called and offered a universe, not only saying yes, but having the good sense to just follow his lead.
It takes a lot to have that much trust in anyone, especially when it’s a dream I’ve carried for so long. But, when I’ve been able to let go and just keep moving forward, not worrying about the details, it’s worked out in ways I can’t describe. A few examples that also remind me to be grateful – I had no health insurance during the Great Recession and when I was diagnosed with cancer no doctors would see me. Didn’t matter what the diagnosis was. They wanted the moolah up front. I kept making phone calls, looking for a way and found this grant at Northwestern in Chicago. Normally, it took 6 weeks to get a reply. That would have been a death sentence for me. Without saying anything to the clerk on the phone, the woman took it upon herself to walk my application from desk to desk, from building to building, and WAIT THERE till the person gave her a reply. If they needed more documentation, she called me and I got on it. I got a ‘yes’ in A DAY! That clerk was my angel on earth because more than anyone, she saved my life.
Here's another less dramatic one but still, kind of weird and really fun. I lived in an old, tiny apartment in Chicago. Not much to speak of with cracks in the floor and a tiny fridge and stove. During the worst of the recession and the cancer when money was hard to come by I sometimes had
to call the landlord and work out payment plan and I always kept my word. And, if I saw something broken around the property, I let him know. So, when things were going a lot better financially, I told him I was going to move. I badly wanted a dishwasher. He said, “We’ll get you one.” I said, “Well, that’ll eat up some of the very little cabinet space.” He said, “We’ll put in new cabinets.” I said, “The window’s too big.” He said, “We’ll change the window.” This went on for a while till he said, list everything in the apartment you want to change and we’ll do it and he did. And he raised my rent by $5. I even got to pick the paint colors.
Whatever anyone is in to is cool with me. No one’s wrong – we’re just all different. Makes life more interesting. For me, I walk a spiritual path, and remind myself of that all the time. That means, I don’t rely only on what I’ve known or what I can see. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and do my best to be kind to others and definitely have some fun and see how all of that adds up. And clearly, I add in a healthy dose of swearing. And it’s all added up to this wonderful life that I’m so grateful for – especially because of all the people in it. Even when I was down to my last dollars I never felt poor because of the people around me. That’s still true – and now that circle is a lot larger because it includes all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Happy Thanksgiving and more adventures to follow.
Author Notes - Michael Anderle
November 23, 2017
First, THANK YOU for not only reading this book, but making it through Martha “I’m going to Author Block you” Carr to read my notes, as well.
Martha has worked the Be Thankful message, so I’m going to steer clear of that space for a while and talk technology.
Why? Well, you see I have recently made a purchase that is going to change my 2018 and frankly, I couldn’t be more surprised about this company making something that I’M excited to use.
What company you ask? I’m glad you asked - it’s Microsoft.
I know, right? I said all the same things you are saying right now in your own minds. Well, some of you. Some are saying “what took you so long” and “why would you pay all of that money to Apple.” For those of you who said the second comment, trust me when I say that I would have been walking out of the Apple store for LESS money than I did the Microsoft store.
My Microsoft Surface Book 2 (13”) was expensive (perhaps it might have been less expensive, but it was on Black Friday sale (early) and they had all of the wonderful toys…)
I have been an Apple fan for longer than I have owned anything Apple. My first apple device was a hand me down white hard-drive clicky-wheel iPod and I’ve loved all things Apple ever since.
Except now.
Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not getting rid of my Apple iPhone (looking to purchase the iPhone X soon) and that new iMac Pro? Eighteen Xeon Cores of Techy goodness all sheathed in black metal?
Oh, your mine baby, I’ll be rubbing my hands down your aluminum 5k monitor sides and whispering sweet things like ‘I love how fast you boot up’ and ‘your screen looks aMAZing in the dark.’
Wait, why are you looking at me like that? Doesn’t everyone talk to their computers like this…? No?
Oh. I guess it is just me, then – fine. I can handle the cold of the night…so long as the phosphorescent glow keeps me up.
Anyways… Last year Apple came out with their new Macbook Pro’s and I was on the front line, watching the streaming announcement video as the maestro of marketing Phil Schiller took to the stage to let me know what I was about to drop all of my hard earned cash (or credit card with enough of a balance) to own.
Up it came. It was dark grey, it included a touch area where the Function keys used to be. It had advanced ports and Gott Verdammt was it pretty.
It was whispering to me, I swear on my Mother’s chili, it was whispering to me. It was saying “Buy me, bitch!”
And so I did.
I didn’t buy just ‘any’ Macbook Pro, oh no. I bought the maxed out 15” Macbook Pro with the highest everything because this machine was going to be with me forever…
But it wasn’t - and I’m still pissed off to this day. It is like a friend has decided to go another direction, and you understand they need to go that direction for their own life, but their decision didn’t fit yours and so you logically have to part ways.
But, it still hurts.
The problem? The keyboard.
The new super awesome totally engineered and redesigned keys on the keyboard don’t have enough travel in them for someone like me. I’m fifty now and I learned to touch type on an old Selectric typewriter. I’ve had some form of an IBM 101 keyboard for decades. Some were clicky, some weren’t.
But they all had plenty of travel in the keys. I’ve had to adjust down already for minimal travel with laptops.
I’ve had over a dozen laptops in my life. I’ve owned about five or six Apple’s alone. I’ve owned two Air’s, a 2008 macbook, two 15” macbook pro’s (older style), a 13” Macbook Pro (new style) and the new keyboard went in a direction I just couldn’t follow.
There is minimal travel in a keyboard, and then there is too little travel. For the new Apple laptop keyboards, and I am only talking for me personally, the new keyboards on the Apple laptops are officially too little travel.
So, I’ve been looking at what’s next. I tried a Microsoft Surface Pro (it’s the iPad looking computer that you have a soft keyboard you connect to it) and it didn’t work. I like to type at times with my laptop ON my lap. Neither the Surface Pro or iPad Pro (you knew I had one of these, right?) work for this style of typing.
So, I’ve been using the most up to date last generation Macbook Pro for over a year now and my shoulder is getting tired lugging the laptop and my iPad Pro plus various dongles and shit all over Vegas.
Note: I don’t like working from home. I’ve been here for too many years and need a new place to work rather than what is (for me) a lonely office.
So, back to this new laptop and giving thanks.
What I was really trying to find was a laptop that would give me a keyboard I felt I could use for another ten or fifteen books while minimizing my lugging weight.
What I actually received kind of surprised me.
Microsoft kept claiming that they were building computers for the creatives (taking a spin at Apple’s efforts for so many years) and frankly I ignored them. Microsoft has been ‘following Apple’ for so long that I felt they were just hoping to capitalize on Apple’s occasional stumble. Then, they (Microsoft) started building hardware where they had that atrocious Windows version using non-Intel chips which was a bust.
Seemed like same-ol-same-ol Microsoft to me. Since I was a certified MSDE (Microsoft Solutions Developer) from way back as well as a techy, I’m a little jaded when it comes to Microsoft.
Enter my Surface Book2.
This laptop has a button to pull off the screen making it a large tablet computer. Further, my laptop has two graphics cards. One is a lightweight graphics card which is part of the tablet. The discrete (more powerful) laptop graphics card is in the base where the keyboard and larger battery is located. Since this was near Thanksgiving, they had an unexpected Black Friday Virtual Reality glasses on sale and for another $49 the laptop plus virtual reality hardware was MINE MINE MINE!
I didn’t have anything going on Sunday afternoon, so I said ‘sure, I’ll let you help me set it up’ and over an hour of updates later, the laptop had all of the software needed to connect to the VR Helmet, two hand controllers, Xbox controller, pen and mouse that I had purchased. I really didn’t want to upgrade a laptop anytime soon and at fifty, I might want to play a game.
Or maybe two.
(Ok, I admit I purchased Gears of War 4 to appease my need to shoot virtual alien monsters and SuperhotVR and perhaps I’m looking for another game or three to purchase in the future.)
However, it’s the most mun
dane thing in the world that has me excited at the moment. I’m not going to ask you to guess, because I’ve provided no clues whatsoever and frankly, I wouldn’t guess it.
It’s notes. Or, to be more precise, it is to-do lists.
The only to-do lists which work for me are paper. I’ve tried all sorts of digital to do lists, but I can’t seem to stay on top of the little PITA’s. However, for-freaking-ever I have wanted a little warehouse type building with cement floors where I could place multiple whiteboards on wheels and video screens and write all over the sumbitches.
Except, I can’t afford anything like that. Now, in virtual reality, I can.
And the Microsoft software and stuff on this laptop, I can play again and maybe have my own virtual reality CSI kinda office shit where I can write to-do lists on 3d whiteboards I can move around my little warehouse office.
Except, it is Thanksgiving Eve and my two youngest are home playing with the virtual reality headset upstairs.
Games are a calling, and it’s family time for a few minutes before I get back to work again.
I think I’ll go be thankful for a while.
Have a fantastic set of holidays this year, and a wonderful 2018!
Ad Aeternitatem,
Michael Anderle
Theft of Magic
Leira Chronicles Book Six
Chapter One
Leira stood in the center of the cavernous PDF warehouse looking around at the small circle of people, carefully measuring her words. Her hands were dug into the pockets of her favorite worn brown leather jacket where no one could see her clenching her fists. “You all heard me. Take a seat and someone start talking. Nana, I elect you. You brought the plus one.” She glanced at Jackson, falling back on her instincts as a federal agent and assessed the situation, sticking to the protocol. It’s what she did whenever a situation was quickly becoming a shit show. I see the resemblance. It could be true.