by Martha Carr
“Wait till he tastes that burger. It really is the best one I’ve ever had and they burned the fries just the way I like them.”
The bartender was wearing a porkpie hat, his sleeves rolled up to the elbows. “What’ll you have?”
“What he’s having, medium rare.” Hagan felt his breath catch in his throat. “A new hidey hole,” he said in awe.
Estelle stepped up to the bar, her chest barely clearing it. The bartender looked up and a smile creased his face. “Estelle! Now I know it’s gonna be a good night. Look everybody, it’s Estelle!” A general cheer went up as everyone raised their glass in her direction and yelled out, “Estelle!”
Estelle gave a gracious nod and said, “I’ll take the usual. Put it on my tab.”
“You have no tab here, Estelle. You know you’re like family.”
“Of course they know her.” Leira threw up her hands. “This is way too cool a place to not have met Estelle. Only thing left is to convince Hagan to never bring the troll here.”
“I don’t think anyone here would notice. All these gargoyles, he’d fit right in. I have a feeling the patrons would roll with it.”
“Oh man, look ACDC’s first US release. How does one person know to pull all this together? Best mashup ever.”
“This has got to be the only place on 6th Street that isn’t crowded with drunk college students.”
“The Jackalope never gets crowded. Of course, Jack put that magic aura around the place. You don’t think…”
Leira pulled in a flash of magic and saw the room light up with different colored lights pointing out the different Elves and Wizards and even a Gnome sitting in the back. “I just found Hagan a magical hidey hole.”
“It’s like you were drawn to it. Come on, let’s go find a table. Leave Hagan where he is. He’s making new friends.”
“With a Wizard.”
“So much the better. We’ll take two of those burgers with fries on the side.” Correk called out to the bartender as they sat at a nearby table. The bartender held up two fingers as Correk saw the small tattoo of two trolls swinging from a vine. “You know, Leira, I think you were right. The troll would fit right in here. This is the perfect hidey hole for Hagan. Good job.”
“Speaking of Yumfuck, where has he gotten to?”
“Are you worried?”
“Not so much about him… I’m sure it’s nothing, wherever he is.”
Chapter Nineteen
The small park on the South Side of Richmond, Virginia was dark and deserted with one lone street light shining down on an aging swing set. The decorative street lights on the other side of the park were either out or blinking rapidly, giving off almost no light. They had shorted out as Louie walked underneath and the sword strapped on his back sucked in the electrical energy in a sizzle and shower of sparks.
Louie was standing in the deeper shadows near the edge that abutted tall wooden fences around homes away from the pool of light. The Wizard was holding out his wand to create a glamour, hiding them from anyone walking their dog so late at night.
“I won’t screw it up. Look, this is what I do. It’s why the PDF was so hot to get their hands on my services.” Louie gave an easygoing smile despite what he was being asked to do. “Big bad Axiom Corporation is looking for an Oriceran guide to survey the mines near the mountain Gnomes. Not a problem. I’ve been crawling through them avoiding the shorties for years. You guys have an idea who’s selling out our natural resources from Oriceran to some corporation?”
“That intel is not part of your briefing. Focus.” A tall lean Wizard bundled in a puffy green coat and running shoes impatiently tapped at a patch of ice along the grass.
Louie’s hand rested lightly on the hilt of the magical sword relic he had rescued from near Dead Man’s Crawl. He had been spending all of his time practicing with the sword whenever he wasn’t out looking for relics for the PDF. He felt the hum of the energy from the sword passing down his back and making him anxious for a fight and a chance to pull out the sword. He had yet to use it in a battle but was anxious to see what it would be like.
“What are we doing in small town America anyway?” Louie wrapped his cloak tighter around his shoulders, shifting his weight as the small stones from his table at the Dark Market shifted and clacked together. The Wizard looked at the pocket where the stones were and back at Louie.
“Good luck charms. I took a liking to them,” said Louie.
A cold wind blew through the small park, rattling the chains on the nearby swings.
The Wizard grew concerned and tilted his head, scrutinizing Louie, taking in the large, ancient sword on his back. “You going to take this seriously? I mean, you could get some people killed, including yourself. A good weapon isn’t enough. These people may be without magic but they’re playing a very mean game. Whatever they’re about to do next with so much Oriceran ore…”
“I get it, very bad mojo about to go down.”
“Has been going down.” The Wizard shifted his wand and lit the end momentarily to show a red stain along his neck. “Got this tangling with them over an attempted robbery at a zoo.”
“Hope the other guy looks worse?”
The Wizard gave him a cold stare and let out an exasperated breath. “If this wasn’t coming from the top brass I’d be tempted to tell you to go fuck yourself about now. But people with more juice than I have keep swearing you’re the best for this job.” Without saying another word the Wizard tapped his wand against Louie’s head as a thin beam of blue light circled his ear, pouring a magical earworm into his head.
Louie gave a shiver as images appeared before him and he heard the details of the mission run rapidly through his mind. He focused on the meeting time and place letting it seep into his memory. “Next time, dude you’re gonna have to buy me dinner first.”
“Hell, if you live through this I’ll rent a nice hotel room, too.”
“So, you do have a sense of humor or was that for real?” An image flashed by inside Louie’s mind, catching his attention. “Wait, what the hell was that? Did I just see some kind of cow with moving parts holding together the front and back ends? What the fuck have you guys been doing on this planet? You guys are taking fast food a little too seriously. That is some very troubling shit…”
“The humans have been busy. Now you’re getting an idea of why everyone’s a little on edge. If they’re after Oriceran ore it means someone on Oriceran pointed out to them how valuable it is and could incite a lot of scavengers to work for them.”
“Not me, of course. I’m spoken for till further notice. Even have this convenient tracking device following me around everywhere.” Louie lifted up his pant leg to show the marble-sized balls of light encircling his ankle. “Clever little bastard. Haven’t been able to figure out how to disable it… yet.”
“Not all fun and games anymore. Sides are starting to play in ways that will leave a more permanent mark on history for both sides. Make sure you lead them astray and nowhere near any real ore.”
“And bring some of the ore home to the PDF…”
“Only if the opportunity presents itself. Not mission critical.”
“When did you guys get so formal with the lingo? Aren’t you a bunch of moms and dads wielding wands for the greater good or some heroic bullshit like that?”
“Speaking of which, spill with the questions or I’m going. I have kids and a home to get to and a warm bed.”
“No wife, huh? That explains the nervous leg there.” Louie smiled at him, but his eyes were cold as he looked at the Wizard. “I thought you guys only stopped Oricerans from letting the magical cat out of the bag. That is some really dark magic going down there, even if non-magical humans are behind it.”
The Wizard grimaced at the memory of the pictures he had seen. “We’re all depending on you, you know. Screw this up and the balance could definitely tip in the wrong direction. Don’t want to see what this planet looks like with dark magic getting the upper hand.”<
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“I’ve got this. I’ve been in tighter places, believe it or not. I mean, even the undercover part isn’t that big a deal. I’m a scavenger by trade and we tend to lie a little.” He held up his fingers just inches apart, still giving an icy smile to the Wizard. “Hope that’s not a surprise. I gotta go if I’m gonna meet these guys. They don’t sound like they would appreciate tardiness. Besides, there’s a lot of posers out there these days promising to find you a little treasure. They would definitely get themselves killed just trying to find some ore. Even the Gnomes are a little tricky when it comes to traveling through their land. Turns out, they think all that ore belongs to them. Something about land rights, sacred plots. Testy bunch.”
“Don’t let me keep you. Use a portal. You have government approval for it and the Silver Griffins have been alerted to look the other way.” The Wizard looped his wand in the air in a small series of circles, creating the glamour around himself, leaving Louie out in the open.
“I take it we’re done, then.” Louie smirked, pulling his collar up around his ears, pink from the cold.
“Report back when you have an update and no later than two days from now, either way. Use the spell I gave you to ping me. Better than a cell phone. Can even leave a message.” The Wizard took off at an easy lope across the park, headed for his car parked along the street, the wand still held out in front of him, his other hand in his jacket and his shoulders hunched against the cold. Louie watched him go, giving him a chance to be out of the area.
Once the Wizard drove off, Louie wasted no time, quickly building a ball of light between his hands, blowing into it the coordinates now firmly planted in his mind. He teased out the light with his hands till there was an opening large enough to step through, wasting no time. On the other side he found himself in a dimly lit boardroom on the other side of Richmond facing a row of aging men fully outfitted in LL Bean gear that was clearly bought online earlier that week. They stood on the other side of a long boardroom table.
He landed on top of the smooth wooden table, stamping with his dusty boots, taking joy in watching their eyes widen and a smattering of them backing up from him. The gust of warm air from an overhead vent felt good on his cold face. Not a bad entrance. Give it an eight.
“Gentlemen…” Louie clapped his hands together, a smile spreading across his face. It wasn’t his first time meeting a group of dangerous investors. A Kilomea with a toothache and a pick axe is more dangerous than this bunch. He easily leapt down from the table, landing lightly on the floor. The sword made a sharp, metallic thud against the floor as he landed, kneeling against the tile floor. The men backed up even further against the far wall to give him more room. “Hear you’re in need of a scavenger. Who’s in charge and can get this party started?”
He stood up, his hands on his hips, the hilt of the sword just over his shoulder.
No one moved as Louie shook his head, looking around the room. “Take a deep breath folks. Come on, who…”
The door opened abruptly, and Charlie Monaghan breezed in wearing a well-fitting suit and hard soled shoes. “I’m in charge… everyone getting to know each other?” Charlie looked like he was losing weight and his skin was grey and mottled. He had lost more time and woken up in an airport in Texas, wondering how he got there. He smiled harder, doing his best to maintain control. Never let them see you sweat. His head was pounding. That was happening most of the time now.
Okay, another one of these that doesn’t apologize for much, like showing up late. Louie kept his eye on him as Charlie pushed his way through the group to vigorously shake Louie’s hand in a tight grip. Ah, a manly man, got it. Louie gave a sly smile, waiting for Charlie to go first. Jackson, you are saving my butt once again. Always let the predator go first and show his hand.
Charlie hesitated, waiting to see if Louie would say something. He looks like an over-muscled man. “A Wizard, right? What does that mean? You memorize spells?”
“We’re magical beings who can channel it through words and objects. Simple.” A magic snob, great. Come on, tell me your spiel.
Charlie let out a disappointed breath, pushing forward. “I hear good things about you. You can act as a guide for all of these men?”
Louie tried to hide his surprise. These jokers want to go with me to Oriceran. That is a fucking bad idea that will end badly. “Sure.”
“We pay you half now and half upon delivery. Gold coins I hear is the preferred currency.” Charlie went to the credenza, pulling a key out of his pocket to unlock it. He opened a sliding wooden door and pulled out a leather pouch, heavy with gold coins. “There’s more where this came from and an increase for your next job if you get them all back safely.” He let out a chortle slapping the nearest man on the back even as the color drained from the man’s face and he started to protest, sputtering, his finger raised in the air.
Charlie cut him off, speaking for the group. “They’re ready to go. I gave them a list of must haves and told them all to be here prepared to have their minds blown. Don’t worry, they won’t slow you down. All of them are pretty active, play tennis, walk the golf course. Jeff here is a runner.”
So a shit show then. “Sounds good but not necessary. I can retrieve the ore and bring it right back here. No muss, no fuss.”
“I like my way better. Besides, you’ll need help carrying the ore back and the more we retrieve on the trip, the faster we can get our endeavor closer to reality.”
“What exactly would that particular reality look like?” Need a little more intel I can deliver to my handlers. The small balls of light whizzing around Louie’s ankle hummed against his skin as a reminder.
“Where dreams come true…” Charlie smiled, his even white teeth all showing as he waved his hand in the air. It was his usual signal that he was done talking. The men around him knew it and bunched up together as if they were expected to transport somewhere. “Beam them up.” He tossed Louie the bag of coins as Louie easily caught it, feeling the heft of the gold in his hands. Not a bad payday.
Louie resisted rolling his eyes as he pocketed the pouch full of coins. “We’ll be moving through some rough terrain. The ore is along the base of the mountains near a deep ravine and then up to a place called Dead Man’s Crawl tucked into the mountain.”
“Great story,” said Charlie, his smile straining. “I’m sure you keep them hanging on every word around the campfire making s’mores. Times to get going so you can get back.”
Louie shrugged his shoulders and without another word created a ball of light letting the energy build between his hands as he quietly sang into it. He wanted to get them as close to the edge of the Concha as possible without falling over a cliff. Two days to get this done… Fuck me. Drag a bunch of men who look like a long walk would wear them out through Dead Man’s Crawl. Louie jangled the bag of gold coins on his hip to make himself feel better. The portal opened wide over the center of the Concha as the wind blew back Louie’s hair. He looked over the side at the vast drop below, tossing an Oriceran penny from his pocket and counted till he heard a faint splash below. “That’s pretty fucking far. It’d be awhile before you’d splat. Have to hope you pass out.” He pulled his head back inside just as one of the men threw up into a nearby trash can.
Charlie Monaghan looked at him, his lips pressed into a thin pale line, his eyebrows knitted together.
“Nobody got hurt. I was only about a yard off. Hang on.” Louie closed the portal as sparks noisily spilled over the shiny table, sizzling in spots. Louie started another ball of light, singing into it again, adjusting the coordinates just enough. He opened the portal and smelled the nearby poisonous vines, smiling. “I love the smell of dung vines in the evening! Look the two moons are rising over the mountains. Good time to get going. Come on men. Portal won’t stay open forever, but the world in between will… and I mean forever.”
Louie stepped through the portal, holding the opening as the men scurried through, tripping over themselves and standing up, wide-eyed
in an inadvertent imitation of baby birds. Louie looked at them, laden down with supplies in their backpacks. Better I scare ‘em straight now. “You might want to look more confident or a flying harpy might mistake you for dinner and swoop down and grab one of you.” Louie chuckled as he turned and walked down the path toward Dead Man’s Crawl and what lay beyond that. “Come on men, better keep up. You wouldn’t want to get lost on Oriceran with no way to go home.”
He glanced back and saw them bunched up in the middle. “Single file would be best. Too many things jump out and this way we even the odds of getting most of you home in one piece.” Too funny. Louie took a deep breath, settling himself down. My fine-tuned sense of humor is going to be the death of them. Stay focused, Louie. That little general will not appreciate it if you lose some of his kind. They’re very touchy that way. “Hope you packed some food in those packs. We’re about to pull an all-nighter and I tend to get a bit peckish.” Louie let out another laugh and a howl at the moon as the hair on the back of his neck tingled. He held out his arm for everyone to stop, holding up a fist in the air and evening out his breathing. Ugh, that’s one ugly familiar odor. Just what I needed. He waved his arm in a motion to get everyone to crouch down and hug the side of the mountain.
“Has to be a few Kilomeas passing less than a mile away. They get an odor on them that acts like an early warning system,” he whispered. “Tense kind of warriors, always acting out. Best to let them pass.”
“Should never have come. My sciatica is acting up already. Told my wife I was going camping.” The man was fumbling with his pack to keep it straight on his back. He went to stand up straight to get a better hold on the backpack, despite Louie waving at him, just as a high-pitched whistle sounded loudly in the distance. The others pulled the man down just as an arrow whizzed where his head had just been.
“Kilomea greeting card. Must be scavengers. They think this is their corner. Stay down and keep moving. This is gonna be a bit of a pickle for about a mile.”