by Kim Pritekel
"Emily."
* * *
"Got everything?" Joni asked, looking around the small space Denny had been calling home for two and a half months.
"Yep. Everything I'm taking, anyway. Hope you don't mind, but uh , well, your trash bin is preeeeety full." Denny cracked a grin at the eye roll that earned.
"Where will you go?" All amusement aside, Joni was truly concerned for her friend.
"I'm not sure. I know of one stop I'll make here before I go, but," the brunette shrugged. "Just- go. I'll just keep going until I find a place that feels like home."
"Please be careful," Joni whispered into Denny's ear as she took her into a tight hug. Denny nodded, eyes squeezed shut. She'd miss the older woman, who had been such a wonderful friend to her.
"I will. I promise." Released, Denny gave her old friend a brave smile. Joni walked her out to her packed van, a cooler filled with food and drink in the passenger seat, a box of CDs on the floor. Joni opened the door for her, Denny setting in. She could feel the older woman's eyes on her, making sure she buckled up.
"Take care, sweet girl," Joni said, leaning in through the open window to kiss the brunette on the cheek. She felt like her little girl was leaving her again, just when she'd gotten her back into her life.
Denny adjusted her rearview mirror, checking her side mirror as well. She'd never done something so crazy before, but felt good about it. Keeping an eye on the road, Denny reached over to the glove compartment, digging around for her sunglasses when she hissed, slicing her finger on something. Stopping at a red traffic light, she bent over to see what it was, surprised to see a sealed, slightly plump envelope. Plucking it from its cubby, she held it up, seeing her name printed in neat, block letter on the front. Tearing it open, she saw a note written in the same, neat writing, and a ten one hundred dollar bills. Tears came to her eyes as she began to read:
DENNY-
YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH, AND YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
STEVE AND I WISH YOU THE VERY BEST AND MAY YOU FIND WHAT HAS BEEN MISSING SINCE YOU CAME BACK TO US.
KNOW YOU ALWAYS HAVE A BEACON IN THE LONG, DARK NIGHT.
LOVE,
JONI & STEVE
PART 18
MIA CHEWED ON her bottom lip, flipping the page to make sure she was working on the right practice problem. She felt a hand run through her hair, and immediately leaned her head against her mother’s side. Gloria wrapped a casual arm around the girl’s shoulders.
“How’s it going?”
“Okay.”
Gloria slid her hand along her daughter’s shoulder as she sat down at the small table, leaning on her palm. She watched the yellow #2 race across the provided work space, Mia’s tongue barely peeking out from the corner of her mouth. The older Vinzetti couldn’t take her eyes off her daughter. Ever since they’d been returned to each other, their bond had grown stronger than Gloria ever thought it could be. Before they’d left for Milan, Mia had begun to show all signs of a typical teenager- apathetic and filled with attitude. Since she’d been back, Mia was filled with a focus, a determination to live a full life, learning what was important and how to survive.
Mia had decided two months ago to take her GED and leave high school. She said it was petty and stupid, and she felt she was beyond that. Gloria was not thrilled to say the least, but after listening to Mia’s argument for it- she could start college early, graduate by twenty-one, or even twenty if she went to summer school- she was convinced that it would be the right decision for the girl.
“What?” Mia asked, feeling her mother’s dark, penetrating eyes on her. Again.
Gloria shook her head. “Nothing. I’m just so proud of you, honey, working on your college entrance exams.”
“Yeah, well be proud when I get in.”
“You will, sweetheart. I have absolutely no doubt about that.”
Mia smiled. She truly was a beautiful young woman. “Thanks, Ma.” Mia turned back to her studied, knowing full well that her mother was still watching her, but she didn’t care. They had clung to each other after her return, both faced with the ultimate loss of losing mother or daughter, and determined to see it as a new start, a second chance, not to be squandered. Gloria could get a bit clingy at times, always having to know where Mia was going, and when she’d be back, but the girl understood, and was often the same way with her mother.
She was applying locally, figuring community college was probably a good way to start. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do, exactly, but was somewhat leaning toward law. Dean had made a huge impact on her. One thing she knew for sure- she wanted to get her and her mom out of the tenement they were in, out of the Bronx, and for her mom to quit her jobs.
Gloria pushed back from the table at the sound of the knocker. Looking through the fisheye, she was confused. Taking a second look, she gasped, quickly working to unchain and unbolt the many locks. The door opened to a grinning Denny.
“Oh my gosh,” the dark-eyed woman grinned back. She pulled the tall woman into a warm, welcoming embrace, Denny careful to not dump her offering.
“Is she here?” she asked as the hug ended. Gloria nodded.
“Yeah. Follow me.” Gloria led their guest through the living room toward the kitchen. “Mia, honey. It’s for you.”
The girl looked up, pencil poised over the page, frozen as her eyes widened. She was stunned, struck dumb, frozen to the spot.
“I got your note,” the brunette said with a smirk, holding up the paper Mia had left for her at Duke’s. “Told you I’d bring you a mocha breve,” Denny said, holding up the paper cup she held.
“Oh my god,” Mia breathed, nearly knocking the chair over backward in her haste to get out of it. “Denny!” She ran to the tall woman, Gloria barely managing to snag the cup out of her hands before the brunette was engulfed by a very excited seventeen year old.
“Hey, kiddo,” Denny whispered, holding the teenager. She pushed her away just long enough to look at her, take in her flushed features, beautiful long hair, casual dress and bare feet. “You look so good.” She smiled, beaming from ear to ear. She felt like a small piece of her puzzle had clicked into place.
“So do you. You’re so thin, Denny,” Mia said with drawn brows, taking in the beauty before her. She was beside herself with excitement to have Denny standing in her kitchen. “I can’t believe you’re here!”
“Well, I’m on my way out of town, so figured I’d drop by and say hello.”
“On your way out of town?” Dark brows drew. “Where are you going?”
Realizing she no longer existed in the world of two of the Island Six, Gloria slipped away to her bedroom for some even television and to read Rachel Holt’s novel she was re-reading.
Denny sighed, running a hand through her hair as she followed Mia’s lead, taking a seat at the kitchen table. She watched as the girl closed a large, floppy paper text book and shove it aside.
“So where are you going? Is Hannah waiting for you?” Mia grabbed the paper coffee cup that her mother had placed on the table, lifting the lid and inhaling the strong, mocha fragrance. “I can’t believe you remembered.” Her grin was huge.
“I never forget a promise to a friend.” Denny squeezed the girl’s hand, then entwined her own fingers in front of her on the table. “No, Mia, she’s not.”
Mia sensed something had gone terribly wrong. Denny looked too thin, and like she hadn’t slept well in far too long. “What happened? Are you okay?”
“Can I ask you something, Mia? Kind of a strange question.”
“Of course.”
“When you came back, you know, back into your life, here, was it easy? I mean, did you feel - ,” Denny chewed on her lip for a moment, trying to find the words. She didn’t have to. A soft touch on her arm stopped her, blue eyes meeting understanding brown.
“I didn’t know if I was coming or going, Denny. At school, it all seemed so foolish, somehow, like all these kids could worry about was what color lipstick to wear, wh
en there was such a bigger picture out there. Nothing felt right, tasted right, or even smelled right. I think my mom was really worried for awhile.”
“Yeah,” Denny said, relieved to hear that she wasn’t the only one. “I don’t know, Mia, I just felt so out of place, like I was a stranger in my own life.”
“But you were, Denny. I don’t think any of us came back the same people we were when we left. I know I didn’t.”
“No. Me, neither.” Denny’s eyes dropped, catching Mia sip from her drink out of the corner of her eye.
“Denny, where’s Hannah? You wanted to get home to her.” Mia wondered if maybe she had the answer to her question before she even answered it, the pain in the brunette’s eyes so powerfully expressive.
“I,” Denny swallowed, not even admitting what she was about to say to herself. “I moved on, Mia. I got back here, and I’d look at her, yes I cared, and yes I still loved her. But, my heart wasn’t there anymore.” Denny ran her hands through her hair. “I feel like I left some part of me back on that island.”
“More likely you gave that part of yourself away, and it’s probably in Oregon somewhere.” Denny was stunned as she looked into dark eyes, far too wise and aged for the youthful face they looked out of. “We all knew,” Mia continued. “Everyone saw it. But you, two.”
Denny looked at her, a smile beginning to grow. “Who made you so smart?”
“Born that way.” Mia grinned and sipped her coffee. Denny chuckled at the whipped cream mustache, grabbing a napkin from the dispenser in the middle of the table and wiping it away. For all of Mia’s too adult nature, there was still a young girl under there. “Thanks. So where are you going?”
“Not sure. I just need some new scenery, a new start somewhere.”
Mia studied the beautiful woman for a woman, looking into the tired eyes and too thin body. “I think that’s a great idea, Denny. I really hope you can find happiness. You’re such an amazing person, you deserve nothing less.”
Denny was touched by the girl’s words, and squeezed her hand in gratitude.
* * *
November 30 - Denny Dirisio’s Diary:
I’m not entirely sure how to do this, never writing in a journal before. Do I write to this - diary, itself? Am I writing to myself? To someone in the future? Hell, I don’t know. Guess I’ll just start.
Well, I left Mia and Gloria Vinzetti’s place today. After talking pretty late, Mia talked me into crashing on their couch, then Gloria made us the most amazing breakfast this morning. It was nice to spend some time with Mia and her mom- good people. They wished me well on my journey, which I’ve begun. I had no real direction in mind, just got on the road and drove. Right now I’m in Cherry Hill, NJ, sitting in a Barnes & Nobel, drinking a caramel macchiato. I was just chatting with the woman behind the counter. Her nametag said Debbie. Nice lady. Lived here for about 30 years, she said. Nice gal.
I have absolutely no idea where I’m headed from here- thinking Philly. Deb said I’m not too far from it, like half hour or something. Why not? Maybe I’ll stay there tonight, or keep going.
December 13- Denny Dirisio’s Diary:
Guess I’ve been a little remiss about writing. Not used to this whole diary thing. I’ve been wandering randomly. I hit the City of Brotherly love, always liked Philadelphia. Wandered around the streets a bit, visited the Liberty Bell and a few other historic sites. Did you know Philadelphia has some friggin’ awesome cemeteries in them, Diary?? Wow.
December 24- Denny Dirisio’s Diary:
It’s Christmas Eve. To be honest, I’m extremely sad, very lonely. I don’t even really want to write tonight, but it seems, Diary, you are my only companion at the moment. I’ve looked at my cell phone I don’t know how many times tonight. But who would I call? Joni? Make her worry, nah. Besides, knowing her, she’s put a tracking device in my van, and will march her ass up here to Huron, Ohio.
Earlier today I was standing at the shore of Lake Erie. Man, it was cooooold! I bet it’s beautiful during the fall. A woman there, I think she said her name was Laura, told me that during the summer, spring and fall you can watch the ships coming in, carrying iron ore. I bet that’s pretty cool to see. Sometimes, with the way technology is today, I’m surprised ships and trains are still used.
I can’t help but think to this time last year, last Christmas on the island. Rachel was making soap for all of us, and it was a difficult time, but a good one. I still feel lost, but what makes it easier this time is at least I actually am alone. It’s pretty painful to be lonely when you’re surrounded.
Alright, I’m depressing myself even worse. I’m going to bed. Night, Diary.
February 5 - Denny Dirisio’s Diary:
Winter has definitely hit the mid-west. I’ve been stuck here in Oronogo, Missouri for a month. They got hit hard this year, so I’m stuck. Somehow I don’t think a VW van was made trudging through waist-high snow. A nice lady named Vicki has actually given me some temporary work, shoveling her walk and drive when it’s possible, in exchange for a warm bed and food. I was staying in my van, but for some reason, she didn’t like that very much. Maybe it was because I got stuck in a drift in front of her house. *snicker*
I had absolutely no idea there were a bunch of mines dotting the Missouri landscape! Go figure. Vicki has been telling me all about them, and something locals call the “circle cave”. She told me I should stick around until spring and see for myself, but I think I’ll be gone by then. This just doesn’t feel like home for me. I’m actually starting to get a bit of cabin fever. I’ve been on the road for over two months, and am enjoying the trip. The holidays were tough, but they’re over now, so I’m ready to move on, see what else lay ahead.
I truly had no idea what a cool country I live in. The people I’ve met are amazing. I’m glad I bought that disposable camera back in Hershey, PA. I can’t wait to get the pictures developed and see what I got!
February 26 - Denny Dirisio’s Diary:
The snow has broken! I am so outta here. Vicki, it’s been great, but I just gotta move! I can’t even begin to tell you how much snow I shoveled in the past month. But I must admit- it’s gorgeous. I love snow, but am anxious to move into a little warmer climates, or at least different ones. I’ve never lived in any other state other than New York. Well, and some random island in the middle of the Caribbean.
I’ve figure out that people are never happy. On the island, I prayed daily for snow, knowing damn well it would never happen. Now, I’m in the middle of a winter wonderland, and I’d love to have the sun beating down on my skin.
I think I’ll head west.
March 3 - Denny Dirisio’s Diary:
You know, I haven’t quite decided yet why I keep writing that it’s Denny DiRisio’s diary. Who the hell else’s would it be??
March 7 - Denny Dirisio’s (No Shit!) Diary:
Okay, so I mean absolutely no offense to the fine people of Kansas, but JESUS! The longest eight hours of my life sitting behind the wheel of my van. Even singing show tunes didn’t help the time pass any quicker. I’ve been counting shrubbery as pass it, giggling at the little tufts atop some of the hills, thinking how much they look like nipples atop breasts. Told you I’m bored. I’m not sure where I’m headed, but I’m thinking Colorado sounds good. I’ve always wanted to see the Rockies.
So today I allowed myself to indulge a bit. I bought Willing To Conquer on audio. As it was read, the man’s voice smooth and velvety, I couldn’t help but think back to that night on our ledge, when I had my migraine, listening to Rachel talk about her story. Knowing how she sounded, her reverence for her characters and their situations, it wasn’t hard to insert her voice, allowing it to fill me, her words, her thoughts, the wonderful way her mind works.
I’m a little ashamed to admit I ended up in tears. Now that I’m totally removed from Hannah and my guilt over leaving, guilt over falling out of love with her, and guilt for falling for another woman, I’m allowing myself to think about that other wo
man. It hurts, but at the same time, it puts a smile on my face. I’m surprised that after all these months I’m still able to see Rachel’s face so clearly in my mind. I can still hear her voice- soft and unbelievably comforting. You know, sometimes as I lay in my van, or when I decide to indulge in a hotel room, I lay there and have the strangest thoughts: what would it be like to have coffee with her? You know, like go to some outdoor café or something, just us, sitting at one of those small, round wrought iron tables with the matching wrought iron chairs. What kinds of things would we talk about? What would be in her eyes?
Even now, sitting here in my hotel (too damn cold for the van tonight) in Sterling, Colorado, I’m staring up at the ceiling, hands behind my head. I’ve got you, dear diary, lying face down on my stomach, waiting there so I can write down all of my wonderful pearls of wisdom - er - something. I wonder what would have happened if Rachel and I had met under different circumstances- a book signing, or just in some random elevator. Would we have started to talk? Would we have noticed each other? Like, if she weren’t some famous author, and were just two regular people doing regular things. No doubt I would have noticed her. She’s gorgeous! Would I have spoken to her? Had the courage to? Would she have spoken to me?
I had caught on the radio one day while flipping through that she had basically disappeared off the radar. Rumor had it she’d moved to Europe. Did she continue on with that trip to Milan after all? What was she doing right now at - 9:37 p.m. mountain time? If she were still in Oregon, it would be, what, 8:37? Doubtful she was in bed. Was she up, fingers racing across a keyboard, working on her latest masterpiece? Was she curled up on the couch, watching TV? Did she ever think of me?
I was so grateful for the Polaroid’s we were given. Mine was still in my bag- I hadn’t dug it out tonight yet. Thought about getting up now to grab it, but I’m too tired. My butt hurts from so much sitting, but I wanted to make it through Kansas before stopping. Time for bed, I think. At least time for my brain to go to bed. Maybe I’ll watch some meaningless hours of TV. Maybe take a hot bath.