by Piper Rayne
“She wanted to abort and at first I did the whole ‘it’s your body’ thing, but the closer it got to the day, the more I wasn’t okay with it. The night before she was supposed to have the abortion, I had a law student friend draw up some papers for her to sign. I paid her throughout the pregnancy, and paid her to sign over her parental rights.” He turns his head and stares up at the window that houses his sleeping child. “That stays between us. I’d prefer it if Brady never found that out.”
I nod. “Of course.”
“So I ended up marrying her for a short time so insurance would cover the pregnancy, because although I was making decent money, I couldn’t afford medical bills like that.”
“Oh.” Now I sound like his father.
“We divorced right after her post-care was done. She left town and I send her pictures and letters giving her updates, but half the time they get returned. Sometimes it’s months before she gets in touch and tells me she’s moved to a different state again. She has no desire to see him or know him.” His voice cracks and I put my arm around his shoulder.
“I’m sorry.”
He shakes off my apology. “It’s her loss.” He turns to face me, my arm falling off his shoulders. “I know you just met him today, but he’s so caring and funny. I’m sure every father thinks his kid is the best. I’d hate to meet a bastard who didn’t.”
I divert my eyes because I’m not sure my parents ever thought that of me. Maybe Jacob, but Lennon was the crazy one who wouldn’t sit still and was always causing them trouble.
“He does seem great. Talkative, but adorable.” I laugh and he nods, knowing, I think, that Brady would never be able to chew gum because he’d never shut his mouth long enough to taste the flavor. I realize that he reminds me of myself in that way, even now.
“I never meant to put you in this situation. You’ve been thrust into it without warning and now we have to make a decision.”
My heart plummets to the depth of my stomach. Decision?
He takes my hands in his and I mentally prepare myself that this is it. He’s going to break up with me and choose his kid. Which I could never fault him for.
“I’ve enjoyed our time together.” His voice is so low I almost can’t hear him over the leaves rustling in the wind.
I pull my hands from his and slide over. His forehead wrinkles. “It’s okay, Jasper. You owe me no explanation. It’s been a great three weeks and I’ll always remember them, but I understand. Really.” I move to stand, but Jasper cages me between him and a giant log post holding up the porch.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“I get it, okay? We were having fun and you don’t like to mix the two, but now that Brady met me, you’re kind of stuck. I’m giving you the out you’re looking for.” I say the words out loud even though they’re making me feel physically sick. I guess I didn’t realize how much I wanted to stick around until Jasper was letting me go.
He stares at me long and hard, while my heart hammers against my chest so loud it could be part of a drum line.
“Lennon.” He says my name slowly. “Do you remember this afternoon? Before I got the call?” His voice is low and holds that confidence I’ve admired from the first moment I met him.
I nod.
“Did I rip off your clothes?”
“No.”
“Did I bend you over a table, pull my cock out and fuck you until you couldn’t take anymore?”
“No.”
“Did I push you against the glass window, spread-eagle, demanding you tell me how much you want me?”
“No.”
All those scenarios sound nice though and now wetness pools between my legs.
“Was I gentle and loving? Did I caress your skin and tell you how beautiful you are?”
A rush of heat rises to my cheeks thinking about our time together this afternoon.
He cocks an eyebrow.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“Do you think I would do that if I was ‘just having fun with you?’” He uses air quotes for my phrase.
I look away, but he places his forefinger under my chin, forcing me to look at him.
“Maybe,” I say and a small smile plays on his lips.
“Lennon?”
I blow out a breath. “No, I suppose not.”
A full-wattage smile emerges and his hand moves up and pushes back the hair from my eyes. “So I think we can agree, I’m in this.”
I shrug.
“Lennon.” Again with the stern voice. Must be a dad thing.
“Yes?”
He kisses the tip of my nose. Damn him, why does that always get to me? “I need to know if you’re in this. I need to forge a plan.”
“A plan?”
“I’m in uncharted territory. Brady’s never had to compete for my attention. He’s never known what it’s like for me to have a woman around. And you don’t really seem like the kid type. No offense.”
“Okay,” I say, slightly offended that he thinks I can’t handle a child even if I’ve been questioning my own ability all day.
“I just meant tha—”
I hold my hand up in the air. I get what he means—I’m irresponsible, I have my head in the clouds, I’m never serious about anything. Whereas he has a mouth to feed, a roof to put over that little guy’s head. He has to be responsible. He has someone relying on him. I don’t even have a fish to feed.
If I don’t go grocery shopping, it’s only me who will starve to death. I don’t have to make sure I eat from all sections of the food pyramid to ensure I’m healthy. The only time I drink milk is in my coffee. I’m way out of my league here.
I realize all this and then I look at Jasper and the thought of us breaking up turns the fissures around my heart into full-on cracks. “I don’t want to break up, Jasper, but like you said, I have no idea what to do with a six-year-old.”
“I’m not looking for a mother for Brady, but I need you to commit somewhat.” He looks at me and I can’t help but feel he’s offended that I haven’t hopped on board the happy family train yet.
“What if I lose him? Or what if I say a bad word? I mean I do have the mouth of a truck driver.” I stand to get away from the fears pushing their way into my psyche.
“I don’t expect you to pick him up from school, or feed him. And believe me, Brady knows all the bad words. He has me as a father.” He says that like he’s not the most perfect dad when I know he is. He must be. Just look what he’s doing here. Vetting me to make sure I won’t put his son’s heart at risk.
I look back at him on the stairs of the cabin, his elbows resting on his knees, his hair a dishevelled mess, eyeing me and waiting for my decision.
I look through one of the cracks in my heart searching for the answer. I’m quiet for a long time before the answer comes from within and it feels right. It feels right in my gut and I’ve always been the kind of girl who goes with her gut and I’ve never regretted it. I’m not about to change that now.
“Okay,” I say softly.
Jasper arches his eyebrows. “Are you sure, Lennon? You have to be sure.”
“Yeah.” I stare up at the star-filled sky. “I mean, I was a kid once. I’m sure I can channel that energy.” I nod my head a couple times, convincing myself. “I’m a good aunt… I think.” I shrug.
“I don’t think you have too far to go,” he jokes and pushes himself off the steps and walks toward me. His footsteps crumble the gravel under his weight and his arms wrap around me.
“Positive?” he clarifies.
I smile, becoming more convinced that I got this. People might doubt me, but I’m an adult and surely I can act like one and be a good influence.
“Positive.”
He smiles and dips his head, giving me his goodbye kiss, except this time I’m not going anywhere. I guess I need to change the name of this kiss.
But to what?
It comes to me as Jasper’s hands leave my cheeks. This kiss doesn’t feel like a goodbye. It
feels like a beginning.
A beginning kiss.
The beginning of what? I can’t be sure.
20
I wake up to a small lump next to me in bed.
“Ah!” I scream, sliding out from under the covers and onto the floor. “Jasper!” I whisper-yell, but he doesn’t come.
Prepared for an animal of some kind that’s joined me from the great outdoors ten feet away from the cabin, I look around the room for something to protect myself with. But there’s nothing, so I try to tiptoe out of the room.
One of the floorboards creaks under my foot when I’m almost at the door and I whip my head around. The lump in the bed moves side to side and a scratching sound echoes throughout the quiet room.
My eyes widen and I stay focused on the lump while I walk slowly backwards until I reach the door frame. I turn the knob and slide through the opening, carefully closing it behind me. Then I dart down the stairs to find Jasper.
He insisted we sleep separately last night since he wasn’t sure how Brady would react to the two of us in bed together. He wants to take things slow between the two of us. And that was fine—last night. Before some wild animal decided to take a catnap in my bed.
I find him sleeping on the couch and I hop on top of him.
“What?” he yells and I cover his mouth, but he sits up straight anyway.
A dreamy lust-filled look enters his eyes and his hands slide up my nightshirt, squeezing my ass. The blanket between us does nothing to hide his morning wood and he grinds into me.
Now usually I’m a morning girl. Hell, that’s a lie. I’m a morning, noon and night girl—who am I kidding? But as great as that feels, there’s an animal upstairs.
He moves his face and my hand slides off his mouth.
“What do you say we go to the bathroom for a quickie before Brady gets up?” he whispers and I crawl off him.
“There’s an animal in my bed,” I say and his eyes widen.
“Animal?” he asks.
I nod. “Yes. And I heard scratching so it must have claws. I almost woke it up.”
Jasper’s eyes narrow and he looks toward the stairs leading to the bedrooms with an ‘are you serious’ expression.
“I’m serious. Come on.” I wave my hand in the air and he stands up, his red boxers tenting from his erection.
I cover my eyes. “Put your pants on,” I say, shaking my head.
He walks over to me and removes my hands from my eyes. “You’ve seen my cock before. In fact, if memory serves you quite like seeing it,” he reminds me.
I shake my head. “Well, Brady doesn’t need to see it.”
“Sorry, babe, he’s seen it.”
I glance down at it again. “Really?”
He nods, sliding on his pants. “Never like this though. I’m not ready for that conversation.” He chuckles and begins walking toward the stairs.
“You can’t go empty-handed,” I squeal and he stops, turning back around.
I glance around. Bingo. I grab the poker from the fireplace and run it over to Jasper like it’s a hot potato, letting go and backing away from it the instant he has it in his hands.
He rolls his eyes and climbs the stairs as I tiptoe behind him, hanging onto the waistband of his pants.
“You have to be quiet, it could be on the other side of the door,” I whisper when we reach the landing and he nods, but I can tell he’s not taking this situation as seriously as I am.
He throws the door open, the knob hitting the wall behind it, and I scream and jump on his back.
“It’s gone!” I yell, my legs around his waist, my arms probably strangling him.
Jasper steps into the room, ignoring the fact that I’m acting like a koala bear on his back. A koala bear on crack. He flips open the covers and—there’s nothing there.
For some reason my response is to try to climb higher up on his back.
“Quit kicking me.” He stops my foot from kicking his stomach.
“It could be under the bed,” I whisper-yell.
He stalks toward the bathroom instead.
“What are you doing? Look under the bed. I bet it’s under there.” I smack his bare shoulder and he shakes his head.
The bathroom door is open and I hear water on and then the scratching sound again, so I tense on his back. “Oh. My. God,” I say, my flight response seconds from kicking in.
He steps into the doorway of the bathroom and there’s Brady, standing in front of the toilet, peeing with his Spiderman boxers at his ankles, all the while scratching his cast.
I hop off Jasper’s back then turn around and cover my eyes. Two penis sightings in one morning. What have I gotten myself into?
Jasper laughs as a very sleepy Brady flushes the toilet and then walks past him. “Morning, Dad,” he says and crawls into bed.
He throws the covers over himself, burrowing himself in my bed.
I run out of the room and Jasper follows, shutting the door behind him.
“Sorry,” I say, cringing.
He hands me the poker and walks down the stairs.
“How was I to know?” I follow him and he gets back on the couch while I put the poker back near the fireplace.
“I missed you,” he says, completely ignoring the situation upstairs, as if it didn’t happen. He pulls the blanket open. “Join me?”
I look over at the stairs and back to him. “What if…”
“A half hour,” he says and I trust that he knows his kid well enough to know that he’ll sleep a little longer.
But sometime shortly after, I’m awoken by the blaring of a cartoon on the television. I peer over to find Brady sitting in a chair, still in boxers, but instead of watching the TV his eyes are wide open, staring directly at me.
Oh, boy. Literally.
21
My finger shakes as I press the buzzer button of Jasper’s condo. “Banks,” I murmur to myself. How did I ever end up here? I have a Toys “R” Us bag and a bag of groceries to cook dinner, and I’m perching a tray of Starbucks coffee precariously in my other hand. What I should have is a drug store bag filled with condoms and a case of beer, and dinner shouldn’t even be on my mind.
“Lennon!” Brady screams through the speaker and the door buzzes and unlocks.
The smile that seems automatic when it comes to that little guy emerges and I remember exactly why I’m doing all this. I press the elevator for the top floor because where else would Jasper Banks live but on the top floor?
When the doors open Brady’s already there, jumping up and down.
“You’re late,” he says and his eyes widen when he sees the Toys “R” Us bag. He calms down, clasps his hands behind his back and looks up to me. “Do you need help?” he asks, but I know what he’s really asking me.
I chuckle and switch the coffees to my other hand, then hold out my bag with his new board game in it. “Here, you can take this.”
One of the smiles I’m slowly becoming addicted to brightens his face and he slides it off my arm.
“What is it?” he asks, peeking through the plastic. “A game?” he asks.
“Yep, I thought we’d play it after dinner.”
We walk next to one another on the way to the condo, him looking skeptically into the bag and me wondering what kid doesn’t love games.
“Okay,” he says, walking through the door and holding it open for me.
“Brady, go wash your hands,” Jasper dictates as soon as we’re inside, pointing to where I’m assuming the bathroom is. He grabs the coffees from my hands, placing them on the counter before helping me with the bags.
“Dinner’s not even ready,” he whines, but Jasper gives him a long stern look and his head falls and his shoulders slump as he walks down the hall.
Once he’s out of sight, Jasper pulls me to his body, his lips quickly finding mine. His tongue parts my lips and he lifts me by my waist, but moments later the water down the hall turns off so we separate and start unpacking the groceries.
I’ve learned this is what happens when you have kids. I’m trying to look at it as a form of tantric sex. Maybe I can fool myself into thinking I’m down with delayed gratification.
Brady’s feet barrel into the kitchen seconds later, and he props himself on the breakfast stool.
“Man, that cast is slowing you down,” I comment and Jasper carries some of the food to the fridge, his hand slyly brushing along my ass when he passes me.
I smirk, but don’t let on.
“Look how many signatures I have.” Brady holds his arm out to me and I nod.
“Where’d you get all those?” I ask.
Jasper walks back to the counter. “He went to the community center with my parents,” he says.
“Oh, I still need to meet your grandma and grandpa,” I remark, side-glancing Jasper. He was able to get us out of the dinner with his parents, feeling that Brady was enough newness for us to deal with for the moment.
“Grandma asks a lot of questions,” Brady says, staring down at his cast in admiration.
“Really?” I ask, folding the empty plastic bags on the counter.
Jasper’s body stiffens and I have this feeling that he’s delayed the meeting between his parents and me because he’s concerned it won’t go well, not out of concern for how I’m coping with all the changes.
“Yeah, she asked what you look like. Oh, and she wanted to know if you’re nice to me.”
“She can be inquisitive,” Jasper says and when I look up I catch him non-verbally telling Brady to quit it.
I move over to Jasper, and place my hand on his arm. “It’s okay. I’m used to people judging me and not liking me right away,” I whisper so Brady doesn’t hear but apparently, the kid’s got bat ears.
“She’ll like you,” Brady says and Jasper’s eyebrows shoot up to the sky.
“Now you know… there’s no secrets with kids in the house.” He smiles and I slide by him, purposely brushing my breasts against his chest. He sucks in a breath.
Since this is my first time in Jasper’s condo, he pulls everything out for me and a half hour later, the pizza roll-ups are on a plate with Brady looking at it like I’m asking him to eat a pig’s foot. Or broccoli.