by Liv Bennett
I unbutton his t-shirt and run my hand over his chest to feel the scar as a reassurance. The scar wasn’t a lie. He risked his life for me. And, I love him so much. Even the possibility of him being with another woman can’t take that away from me. “Can you imagine how much it hurts, just the thought of you with another woman?”
“Of course, I can. I feel the hurt every time I see you looking at Jack’s pictures.”
“I don’t—” I pause to carefully ponder what I’ll say next. I have Jack’s pictures recorded on my phone and my computer, and every now and then I look at them. “I don’t look at them... often.”
“I know. I know that you love me, and I understand and even appreciate your love for him, but it still hurts.” His voice cracks and he drops his eyes down to his knees. Adam, who is the master of intense staring, cannot look me in the eye. I hurt him that much.
“I’m sorry.” I take his hands into mine and lift them to my lips. “I love you. You’re the only man in my life.”
“You’re the only woman in my life. I’m begging you; please, don’t ever blame me for cheating on you again. I’d rather kill myself than do such a horrible thing to you. And, yes. I’ll sell you my shares in the company first thing in the morning, because your love is the only important thing to me.”
I bury my head in his chest and let the tears that have been kept imprisoned go free. Between my sobs, I hear him crying, too. My beautiful, tender Adam. I pray I’ll never have to make him cry again.
The next morning, I go to work early because Adam insists on selling his shares of the company today. Although I repeat to him that it’s not necessary and that I trust him, he is adamant to get me to work.
At ten o’clock sharp, his attorney comes. I call the attorney of the company, and four of us sit in the conference room. To my utter shock, Adam wasn’t just planning to sell his share to me; instead he wants to transfer them to me without getting a penny out of the transaction. He paid a little over five million dollars when he bought them. After one and a half years, the company’s value has doubled, which automatically doubled the value of his shares.
His attorney hands me a paper to sign, under the curious eyes of my own attorney.
“You can’t do that. I won’t sign it.” I shoot Adam a surprised look.
“Please, Taylor,” Adam urges. “Don’t oppose it. Jack left you the company. You should be the sole owner of it.”
“Okay, but let me at least buy them. Just give me a couple of days to gather the money.”
“I don’t need the money.” He stares at me with a look that speaks more than words. He doesn’t need the money; he needs my trust.
“Don’t. No. There is no way I’m signing it.” I push my chair back to stand and leave the conference room. Adam runs after me and catches me in the hall.
“I won’t calm down until you sign the paper,” Adam says when he reaches me.
I ignore him and walk toward my office. Henry is chatting with Sabrina in the anteroom, and both turn to smile at me as I enter. I nod to them, walking into my office as Adam comes behind me and closes the door.
Why is he being so generous? I’m beginning to wonder whether it’s just about my trust issues.
“Don’t say any more.” I raise my palm toward him. “I’m not going to do it. The company wouldn’t be what it is today without your input. If anything, I should gift you more shares to reward your efforts.”
He throws himself in the chair across from my desk and lets out a frustrated breath. “Jack’s father founded this company and Jack left it to you. It’s not right for me to claim ownership of it, even a part of it. It should belong to you fully.”
“It’s not actually about gaining my trust, is it? You’re punishing me for still looking at Jack’s pictures. For still having feelings for him. But, he’s in the past. You’re my present and future. I love you. You fill all of my heart and soul.”
He smiles the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen in his face; a smile full of contentment, surprise, solace, and love. “What if I offer you mind-blowing sex right now on your desk in addition to the shares, will you sign the papers?”
I roll my eyes and lean my head back to rest it on my chair, letting the feelings of deprivation and frustration fill my body. “As much as I want to, I have to say no to the share transfer. Either you’ll sell them to me or stay as one of the company owners.”
“Your final word?”
I nod. He stands and leaves without saying another word.
I don’t know what to make of his generous offer. Perhaps he’s really having an affair with another woman, maybe had and finished it, and he’s giving me his part of the company to lessen the feeling of guilt. If that’s the case, he’s not as much of a monster as I made of him out to be. He’s just a man controlled by his sex drive.
Still, the thought of sharing him with another woman is enough to destroy me. How quickly just a few text messages turned me into a mass of fury? How much worse would I be if it was actually the truth?
Yet, more than the idea of Adam sleeping with another woman, it’s the thought of him not loving me anymore that really hurts me.
If he’s honest about the text messages, then how did they end up in his inbox? In a separate folder, no less. The messages are too elaborate to be just spam. The last message hit Adam’s inbox at the right time for me to see it. Timing too perfect to be an accident. Is someone playing games with me?
There’s no other explanation than someone else’s finger on the buttons to make sense out of this odd occurrence. I can’t think of anyone other than Valerie, who gets a kick out of interfering with my life. Since she’s kept under the watchful eyes of the psychiatric personnel, and her accomplice is in prison, it must be someone else, maybe another accomplice, behind the messages. Valerie doesn’t have a sibling or any other relative who might help her. However, even the most malicious people have friends, most likely as depraved as they. If Valerie is getting an outsider to help plan another attack on me, I should be prepared for her next move.
A cold chill spreads across my body as I remember the events Valerie caused me to go through. The assault in the parking lot, the fake suicide, and her attempt to kill me. She might want to try to attack Adam to get back at me.
I grab my phone to dial Bree. She knows how much I suffered because of Valerie and stayed with me through the ups and downs. Bad luck that she had to break her leg when I need her most.
“Hello,” Bree answers with a husky tone in her voice.
“Bree. I’m glad you answered. What happened? How’s your leg?”
“Much better. Hey, you don’t sound well. Isn’t everything okay with the love birds? Don’t tell me it’s about Adam’s meetings with Chloe Hawkins.”
Yeah, there was that issue, too. “No, it’s something else, but I don’t want to bother you with my problems right you.”
“You can bother me all you want. I’d rather be bothered with your personal issues than my throbbing leg.”
I pull my chair toward the window, slip out of my shoes, gather my feet under my legs yoga style, and recite to Bree every little detail about last night. She listens with a few ah’s and oh’s in between.
“Sounds very suspicious,” she confirms my own beliefs.
“Do you think Valerie might have something to do with it?” I ask.
“It’s difficult to say.” She exhales a long breath, making rustling sounds on the phone. “She certainly has the motivation, but I don’t think she’s capable of executing it from the loony bin.”
“I thought that, too. But, she must have someone who’s helping her from outside.”
“Yeah, that’d be the only way. Why don’t you have Ferrell from IT take a look at the messages? He might track down the sender.”
“Yeah, I’ll do that.”
“Honestly, Taylor. You should stop suspecting Adam’s fidelity. That’ll only push him into another woman’s arms.”
“That’s not exactly calming.
”
“I’m not saying it for you to calm down. Adam is a good man, as good as it gets. I haven’t seen another man so much in love. There shouldn’t be any place for jealousy in your relationship. It’ll only set you two apart.”
She’s right. I bite my lower lip and scratch my forehead. If only I can control my irrational emotions. “I know. I guess I’ve gotten too emotional after the miscarriage. I can’t help but feel inadequate...”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you have miscarriage?”
Oops. Now that the cat is out of the bag...“Yeah, almost two months ago.”
“Oh, girl. I’m so sorry. But, hey. you’re still young. You’ll have a child sooner or later. Don’t put yourself under unnecessary pressure.”
“I’ll try.” I have to try.
“I should go now. Someone’s at the door. Must be my lunch order.”
“Okay.” I start to tab on the phone to end the call, but I remember the problem with the furniture purchase. “Oh, wait. The cost of the furniture was ninety-five-thousand dollars. Not fifty as you’d told me.”
“Yeah, about that. When I placed the order, the discount wasn’t available any more. I thought the total sum would be fifty, but then I received an email from the customer service saying that the sum was actually ninety-five. I couldn’t cancel it even though the problem was a technical issue on their website. I’m very sorry.”
“Just so you know; Adam canceled the order.”
“I expected that.”
“Okay, talk to you later.”
I head directly to Adam’s office to borrow his phone to get Farrell to examine the suspicious text messages, but find a note on his door saying he’ll be on the construction site the rest of the day.
I let Adam be the rest of the time. Somehow, the shock of him possibly cheating on me has drained all the sexual pleasure out of me. That’s why I don’t have any motivation left to plot another trick to seduce him. It’s as if my perception of him has changed—or worse, we’ve changed.
He stops going to the hotel, as expected, but instead spends a lot of time in his study. In the evening, he runs for hours and comes home exhausted only to settle in front of the TV. At least he cuddles with me on the couch while watching his basketball games. I’m beginning to think that he’s punishing me for that kiss he witnessed, rather than giving me a lesson about men. Now that I had my own share of jealous trauma about him with another woman, I can totally understand his anger over that kiss.
I book a weekend stay in Las Vegas in an attempt to break the growing distance between us. We stay at the Bellagio, gamble, and watch shows until the morning, skip breakfast the next day, and have a hearty buffet lunch. We basically do everything under the sun, except for having a serious talk. I can’t help but feel our relationship is slipping through our fingers.
We arrive at our home a little before midnight. I hop into the shower the first thing to wash away the heavy odor of casinos and the airport that has sunk into my skin, while Adam disappears into his study, as usual.
I don’t see him in the bedroom until about midnight, but I don’t have energy to go check up on him. Yawning heavily and loudly, I slip under the sheets and start sleeping. A moment later, I jolt up in the bed when a fresh rush of desire sparks between my legs. I look around to see the reason for it. Adam’s naked body is curled around mine, his bare legs entwined with my clothed legs, his arms wrapped around my waist. My body is reacting to him even while deep in sleep.
He’s sleeping naked except for boxer briefs and sprawled on the bed. My lust for him is growing by the second, making me break into a sweat. It’s not just the physical desire to be with him, to feel him that pumps the blood faster in my veins. It’s the pure, elemental yearning to be one heart and soul with him again. It’s been over two weeks that I’ve been deprived of him and his love. Now I need, more than anything, to feel that he still loves me.
I pull out my t-shirt, and slip back down on the bed, then wrap my arms around his neck, and begin rubbing my breasts against his chest. My nipples jump from his hot skin brushing against mine. Inhaling his naturally musky scent, I bury my lips in his neck and nuzzle gently against his skin. I’d prefer nowhere else in the whole wide world to being wrapped up in his arms. My heaven on earth. The only place where no problems or worries are strong enough to get me down.
Humming faintly, he tightens his grip around my waist and shifts to position himself on top of me and his hips between my thighs. I gasp at the sudden heat pulsating in my core.
I lick and suck his chest, despite knowing nothing would take me to the long-missed sensation of the climax. “I’m sorry,” I whisper as our eyes meet.
“What are you sorry for?” he asks while examining my face for a clue.
“For the words I said to you at the hotel.”
He waits, without saying anything. I watch his Adam's apple move up and down as he swallows. He can’t just forgive me yet. He must have been very hurt.
“I know I hurt you. Even more than you realize. And I’d give everything I have to be able to take back what I said.” I pause to take a deep breath. I feel like I’ll choke on the sob pushing up in my throat. No words can even begin to cover the regret that’s been sucking the life out of me slowly but steadily these last few days. I hurt him; I hurt myself; I hurt our relationship, which has basically become my only reason to live. “I’m sorry for kissing another man, too. And I’m not apologizing because I want to make love to you, though I am dying to be one with you again. Don’t get me wrong. But, more than that, I want us to go back to how we were before the kiss. I can’t put up with the thought of us being estranged from each other. I love you, and I know you love me, too. And I’ll wait for you as long as you want.”
Except for a miniature smile, he keeps his mouth shut and leans down to rest his head on my shoulder. I stay awake for several minutes, hoping he’d say something, only to hear his breathing getting deeper and steadier while he is falling asleep in my arms. I kiss his forehead, before I close my eyes.
Tomorrow will be a new day. I shouldn’t lose hope.
***
It’s hard to keep my hopes high when another week passes without him touching me. I try directly urging him to talk to me, and when he doesn’t back down from his persistent silence, I threaten to not go to work if he won’t open up with what’s keeping him away from me.
The morning of signing the contract with Mr. Hawkins, I go to the shower with him, praying silently that he’ll finally end this game so I can go to work. He gets under the water and starts soaping himself. I take the sponge from his hand and run it around his back.
“I’m not going to work if we don’t talk about it now,” I say.
He turns around sharply to face me, hard lines covering his face. “You can’t be serious. The company is your responsibility. You can’t neglect it for a silly game.”
I take a step back at the anger in his face, in his words. “I told you I wouldn’t go to work unless we work things out between us. It’s actually you who is insisting on continuing the abstinence.”
“You shouldn’t mix your private life with work. Didn’t you once say the company was what kept you alive after Jack’s death? Don’t you care about his legacy anymore? You know the importance of this new project for the company.”
I shake my head several times. “I can’t work under these conditions. I can’t think straight.”
“You don’t need to think straight to place your signature on the contract. You’re going with me, and that’s the end of the discussion.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.” I step out of the shower and grab a towel as I storm out toward our bedroom. With rage coursing my body, I don’t notice he’s followed me out until I drop the towel on the floor in the bedroom and turn around to see him.
I’m totally naked and have been begging him to take me for weeks, but he doesn’t so much as look down at my nudity. What has changed? Have I gained too much weight? Has he lost his int
erest in me? Has he finally realized I’m not as attractive as he thought me? Or has it finally dawned on him marrying his best friend’s wife wasn’t such a brilliant idea? He can’t even file for a divorce if he wanted to, out of the heavy feeling of debt to Jack for saving his mother’s life.
I grab the pink, silk robe at the foot of the bed and slip it on, tightly fasten it at my waist to cover up my undesired body, in shame.
“Please, get ready so we can leave in half an hour. We can still make it in time to the meeting. I don’t need to tell you how unprofessional it’ll be if we keep them waiting.”
Half an hour is long enough for passionate morning sex, but I have neither the courage to remind him of that, nor the desire. He’s pushing us both down the cliff, yet insists on continuing as if we don’t have a huge problem.
I sit on the bed and watch him leave the bedroom and then hear the banging of the door of his study. He’s right. Once again.
Reluctantly, I move toward the closet and pick a navy skirt suit and a silk beige blouse. As I untie the ribbon of the robe around my waist, my phone beeps with an incoming message. Hoping it’s from Bree to let me know Mr. Hawkins team is arriving late or even asking to postpone the meeting, I open the message. First I read the words, but they don’t doesn’t make sense, so I re-read it.
“Adam is mine. I’m pregnant with his baby. Let him go so we can be together.”
Were the messages true? Did Adam actually have an affair with another woman and try to cover it up with the transfer of his shares? My hands tremble at the one word that has the power to turn my life upside down. Pregnant. Someone is pregnant by Adam. Oh, my God. Adam is going to have a baby. And it’s not from me. Even if he loves me, he can’t turn his back on a baby. He’ll just choose him.
Oh, my God.
Last night was probably the last time we slept together in the same bed. The last time I kissed him goodnight and rested my head on his shoulder blades while sleeping. My blood drains away with every passing second that’s taking me closer to a life of loneliness. A life without Adam. My heart stops beating at the thought of the darkness that will very soon swallow me when Adam leaves. I’d be a heartless bitch for begging him to stay, to choose me over his unborn baby.