by Jessie Cooke
Ian’s looks are more subtle. He got our mother’s darker hair, it’s almost jet black and he got Dad’s blue eyes. He doesn’t have an ounce of fat on him, but his muscle is lean and you have to actually see him without his shirt on to notice it. He doesn’t have a single tat. I’ve tried to talk him into it, but he’s resistant. He’s quiet most of the time. He lives a lot of his life in his head and that was always his problem…in my opinion…where women were concerned. The girls didn’t usually want to be the one that had to do all the work at the beginning.
I put my truck in the garage and noticed that Lance’s car wasn’t here. He either left or took a cab out. I unlocked the door from the garage to the kitchen with my key and stepped inside. The house was dark…I thought that was weird, the sun had only just went down. I caught a flash of light out of the corner of my eye and realized it had come from the pool. Ian must be swimming. I went over to the glass doors and realized I didn’t see him out there but I heard some weird noises. Suddenly worried about him, I grabbed the door handle and pulled it open and stepped out in one fluid movement. When I did, I was in for the shock of my life.
My Jacuzzi is on the patio. It has a little wooden deck around it. I could see Lance laying back across the deck with his eyes closed and his head dangling off it a little bit. I might have thought he passed out there, if it weren’t for the fact that he had his hands in my brother’s hair and my brother had his mouth wrapped around Lance’s cock.
15
Cassie
I went by the training center on Wednesday. Micah called me in for a photo shoot, claiming that people were clamoring for posters of me. Those were his words. Everything he said and did was so dramatic. I got a feeling that was why Jacob didn’t like him. I was surprised to see that the rest of the crew all seemed to be there, except Jacob. Brock approached me when I came in, and I was a little bit nervous considering his advances at the car show.
“Hi Cassie.”
“Hey Brock.”
“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry I was such a dick the other day. I was just trying to goad Jacob. It’s kind of what we do. I should have thought about it making you uncomfortable. I’m sorry.”
I was touched. He seemed sincere. “Thank you, Brock. It’s okay. I realized that you were joking.”
He grinned and said, “Will you tell the King of the Jungle that for me so he doesn’t chew me up and spit me out the next time we spar?”
I laughed. “Yeah, I will if I see him. Why isn’t he here?”
Brock wrinkled his brow and said, “I’m not sure. Lance said he had a family thing.”
“Oh, I hope everything’s okay.”
“Yeah, me too, he never misses practice and he has a pretty important fight coming up this weekend.”
I glanced over at Lance. He’d been looking at us, but now he wouldn’t make eye contact with me. “He didn’t tell Lance what the family thing was?”
“Nope.”
I looked at Lance again. He was going out of his way not to look at me. I wondered what that was about. I said bye to Brock and went to my photo shoot. An hour and a half later when I came back through the training room, the other guys were gone and Lance was the only one left. He was working out on one of the machines and he had his back to me. I walked over and waited until he finished his set before I said,
“Hi Lance.” I’m glad I waited. He may have dropped his weights. As it were, he choked on his water. When he finished coughing he said,
“What’s up, Cassie?”
“Not much. Brock said that Jacob missed practice today. Is he okay?”
He looked…relieved…maybe? “Yeah, um…he had a family thing he had to deal with. He’s fine.”
“Oh good, okay. Thank you, Lance.”
“Sure.” As if hoping to shoo me away, he started pushing and grunting on his machine again. Every vein in the guy’s neck was popping. I thought about Lizzie again as I stood and watched him and I found myself thinking that if she decided to give the baby up…was it really fair of her to not even tell him? He stopped his work-out again and said, “Did you need something else?”
“No. Sorry.” I left him to it at least satisfied that things were okay with Jacob. I spent the rest of the day at class and doing homework. Dad and I had dinner together again and then I did more homework. By bedtime I was really tempted to text Jacob, but it had only been a day so I made myself wait. I realized that I hadn’t ever given him my number. Of course, he hadn’t asked for it either…
Thursday dawned a new day and I went to school determined that I would text him today, just to see how he was doing. I had an early class so I waited until after class was over and I text him:
“Hey. I was just thinking about you and wanted to say hi. If I don’t see you before, I will see you Saturday at the fight. This is Cassie by the way.”
I got a text right back that said, “Finally, she gives me her number.”
Smiling, I text back, “I had to make sure you were number worthy.”
“You have no idea how glad I am that I passed the test. I’m already having Cassie withdrawals.”
Grinning now like an idiot I put, “I was at the training center yesterday, no Lion.”
“Damn! Sorry I missed you. Family stuff. My father is getting married soon. Lots to do. No fun.”
“Well, congratulations to him. Is his fiancé nice?”
“I will meet her tomorrow and let you know. Can I see you after the fight Saturday?”
“Please.” I got a smiley face emoticon in return for that one. I felt a lot better.
I stopped by to see how Lizzie was doing then. Lizzie was solemn when she answered the door. She was still in her pajama bottoms and t-shirt and there was an empty carton of Ben and Jerry’s on the coffee table. This was serious. “Hey, you doing okay?”
She closed the door behind me and said, “I went to the doctor yesterday.”
“Positive?”
“Yep.”
“I saw Lance yesterday…and today.” I took a seat on her couch.
“You didn’t say anything…did you?”
“No, but Lizzie what if he wanted the baby? Shouldn’t he at least have a say so?”
She gave me a pathetic look and said, “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that? But seriously? Lance, with a baby? That’s even worse than me trying to take care of one. It would be raised by his bimbos. Between the two of us the baby would be safer being raised by wolves I think.”
I tried not to smile, “Sometimes having a child changes people.”
“Are you judging me for giving it up, Cassie?”
“No honey! I would never judge you. My heart is breaking for you. I’m just trying to help talk you through it. If I’m not helping, I’ll stop.”
She started crying again. I wondered when the poor thing would finally be cried out. “I know you’re only trying to help. I’m sorry! I’m just so mixed up, Cassie. I’m going to lose my job…”
“No you won’t! They can’t fire you for being pregnant.”
“This is Micah we’re talking about. He’ll find a way.”
“We won’t let him get away with it.”
“Sometimes I think an abortion would be the best choice…but every time I start researching it, I get sick.”
“You’re the only one that would have to live with that decision, Lizzie. So make sure that whatever choice you make is the one that you can live with. Whichever one it is, I’m going to support you a 100%, okay. I will never judge you. I love you.”
“I love you too!” she sobbed and hugged me. I let her cry for a while and then I said,
“Why don’t we get dressed up and go out tomorrow night? You need to get out.”
She nodded slowly. “Maybe. Maybe that would help. I’m not looking forward to Saturday night. Now that I know about the baby, it will be hard for me to see Lance.”
“One day at a time, honey, okay?”
She nodded. “Where are we going tomorrow night?�
�
“Let’s go to the dolphin bar.”
“Okay. Let’s go buy a new dress.”
I laughed. “I have dresses. I don’t have money. But I’ll go with you. I don’t have any more classes or homework today for a change.”
“So how are things with Jacob?”
I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Hearing his name made me think about him and thinking about him made me smile. “I think they’re good,” I said.
“You think?”
I shrugged. “It’s really early. I don’t want to get my hopes up too much…”
“Did you get together after the car show?”
“Um…yeah, kind of…” I stood up and grabbed my purse. She grabbed my arm and pulled me back down next to her.
“Uh huh! Spill…I want details.”
Hmm, I wasn’t sure I wanted to admit that we had sex in a supply closet. “Well, he invited me back to his place but I already promised Dad that I would have dinner with him. So, we’re going to get together after the fight Saturday.”
“Okay…but you’re withholding something. You said…and I quote… ‘kind of’.”
“Well…we kind of had sex.”
“At the car show?”
“Yeah.” I could feel my face growing hot.
“So tell me, how do you kind of have sex?”
“Um…we had sex in a supply closet.” There, I said it. I can barely hear myself think now because Lizzie is cracking up.
When she stopped laughing she said, “He couldn’t afford a room?”
“I was in a hurry…”
She cracked up again. She had tears rolling down her face when she said, “Man Scott’s head would explode.” Scott was fond of telling me how prudish I was when it came to sex. He had been my first and my only until Jacob. I guess I could have been considered a prude…but now that I’ve been with Jacob I think maybe I just wasn’t interested. I don’t think Scott was doing it right. “Speaking of Scott…guess who showed up to have his picture taken with me?”
“Oh no! Did you tell him to get lost?”
“Well, he was drunk as usual, so I thought I would just take the picture and get it over with.”
She was shaking her head. “Bad idea.”
I laughed, “You think? He grabbed ahold of me and wouldn’t let go. He wanted a kiss for old time’s sake.”
“Ew!”
“I know. Anyways, Jacob came to my rescue.”
“Did he punch him?”
“No. But he did grab him by the collar and he told him something about being bullied by someone bigger…and then he told him to get the fuck out. I wish you could have seen Scott’s face. It was hilarious!”
“Wow! I miss all the good stuff. But just for the record honey, Scott’s face has always been hilarious! Your taste has gotten much better.”
I smiled. “That’s what Jacob said.”
16
Jacob
I went to sleep Tuesday night with the image of my brother giving one of my best friend’s a blow job. I don’t know what the fuck to do with that. Ian heard me go back in the house and he tried to talk to me, but I wasn’t ready. Maybe they were on something…Lance can get pretty wild sometimes. Maybe he put something in my brother’s beer. I just didn’t know what to think. I guess there is the possibility that they’re gay…but why wouldn’t my own brother clue me in on that before I saw him in a porn show?
Wednesday morning Ian left for work before I got up. He left me a note that said, “We need to talk. If you want me to move out, I will. Please don’t tell Dad.” I laughed aloud. I could just imagine how that conversation would go and somehow I would come out being the bad guy. No fucking way would I ever tell my father that his favorite son is…Shit! Is he gay? But what about Lance? Lance is as bad or worse as I am about chasing skirts…I thought about going into practice and having to look him in the eye. I didn’t have it in me. I text him and told him to tell everyone I had a “family thing,” he text back and said, “Are you pissed?” I didn’t know how to answer that. I was freaked out…and yeah, I guess I was a little bit pissed. I was pissed that they let me walk in on that. What if Cassie had come home with me and seen all that? She probably would have thought I was some kind of freak.
I avoided Lance and E both on Wednesday. Thursday was a different story. I was getting ready to go train and I hid out in my room until almost eleven. I thought for sure that E would already be at work. I stepped out in the hall and there he was…waiting for me.
“You can’t avoid me forever, Jake.”
“I’m not avoiding you.”
“Bullshit.”
I took a deep breath and said, “Okay, I am. I have no fucking clue what to say.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out like that.”
I ran a hand through my hair. He was about to tell me that he’s gay. How do I respond to that? Ever the glutton for punishment I said, “Find out what, exactly?”
“That I’m gay,” he said. There, he said it. The world didn’t stop turning. Deep breaths, Jacob.
“When did you decide this…exactly?”
“I’ve known since I was eight years old and I fell in love with Billy Weston.”
“Billy Weston? The little creep who always had dirt on the end of his nose?”
He laughed. “It was a freckle. But yes, that one.”
I rubbed my head again. I need caffeine. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Look at yourself, Jake. You’re freaked out. You’re avoiding eye-contact with me. You’re not going to training because you don’t want to run into Lance. It’s not that easy to tell your family, especially when your brother sweats testosterone and your father is a controlling asshole.”
“I need caffeine,” I said, heading for the kitchen. He followed me and while I made a protein shake out of my coffee he said,
“I’ll find another place to stay…but I need to know that we’re okay before I walk away.”
“I’m just…It’s not an easy thing for me to wrap my head around.”
“I know. Like I said, I’m sorry you found out like that. Lance is really embarrassed, and really afraid that you’ll tell the other guys.”
“Is he…I mean is Lance…?”
“Gay?”
“Yeah.”
“You’ll have to ask him that.”
I nodded. Another conversation that I didn’t want to have. “Are you going to tell Dad?”
Now he ran a hand through his hair. His was shaking and I suddenly realized how truly afraid he was that I was not going to want to be his brother any longer. He thought that I was going to change the way I think and the way that I feel about him because he’s gay.
“Hey E…”
“Yeah?”
“Forget about Dad for a minute, okay? First of all, you’re not moving out. Nothing has changed…except maybe that we need to set some, “Where E can have sex” boundaries.” He smiled. That’s what I was going for. “You know…nobody lives a perfect lifestyle that leaves no room for judgment by other people. There are things that we all do or believe that other people consider “sinful,” or “wrong.” There are things we all do or believe that other people would be disgusted or upset about. Hell, I do those things every day. But I will tell you from the perspective of someone who has been on both sides of it, all any of it really is…is bullying. It’s some holier than thou piece of shit that thinks he knows better how you should live your life than you do. You are one of the best people I know. Back in school when I got the shit beat out of me routinely because I was the new kid or the skinny kid or the kid who didn’t want to dress and act like everyone else or…whatever the fuck their reason happened to be that week, you were always there for me. You never said, ‘I’m going to walk away from this relationship because all these fucking bullies have some stupid opinion or another about my brother.’ You always had my back. I will always have yours. You’re my brother…Period. I wasn’t angry or upset with you about being gay. I�
��m not embarrassed or ashamed. I’m not bothered by it at all. The way I found out was what freaked me out…and thinking about you telling Dad makes me sick to my stomach because I know that he won’t make it easy on you. I love you, man. I could give two shits who you choose to have sex with…unless it’s Tammy…then it’s over between us.”
Ian had tears in his eyes. I could tell he was trying hard to hold them back. He cleared his throat and said, “Thanks, Jake. I love you too.”
“Everybody does,” I told him with a cocky grin. “Shit! I guess I better go talk to Lance too.”
“I think that’s a good idea. He’s really worried about what you’re thinking of him. I also think that I should wait until after Dad gets married to tell him. It’s going to put him in the foulest mood ever. I’d hate to do that to his new bride.”
“Have you met her?”
“Not yet. But it should be interesting. He hasn’t been in a relationship for a long time. I hope she likes being bossed around.”
I laughed. “He doesn’t need a wife for that. That’s what he’s got us for. He told me I couldn’t bring a date to dinner tomorrow night.”
“Tammy won’t be there, we have an extra seat.”
“That’s what I told him.”
“Then bring her. We both need to start standing up to him more. The more we take, the more he piles on. I love him, but I can’t live my life to please him anymore.”
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.” Ian grinned and opened his arms. I hugged him. I felt for him. Stand up to him or not, our dad was going to chew him up and spit him out. “Okay man. I’m going to talk to Lance. Whatever is between you and him stays there. I just have to clear some things up with him about our friendship, I guess.”
“Thanks Jake,” he said again. He had tears in his eyes.