by Lucy Gillen
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ROWAN found it hard to believe that Sean, even in his hatred for Michael Doran, could have behaved with such viciousness, and the revelation disturbed her far more than she cared to admit. Her pleas that he should stop and go back, see how badly he had hurt Michael, had met with stubborn and sullen silence and he had driven the little car at far more than its usual speed, his jaw set grimly, his eyes icy hard. It was a new Sean, this cold, hard man behind the more charming person she was used to, although, if she was perfectly honest, she had glimpsed at him once or twice before when Sean had been angry or crossed in some way. It was Rowan who explained briefly to a surprised Laura and she tried not to attach too much blame for the incident to Sean, telling herself that he had acted impulsively as well as dangerously. She had insisted on ringing Tomaltach to tell Bridie so that either she or McConnell could investigate and call for further help if it was needed. She knew that they must have been puzzled as to why she had not done more herself, and she was tar more worried than she cared to admit about Michael. She said little to Sean, but there was a chilling coldness in her when she thought of the malice that had prompted his deliberate action and she found little comfort in his subsequent lack of concern. He had almost certainly known what would happen when he panicked the big grey, and she could not forget his 171 dark glower of satisfaction when the man he hated was thrown. Nor could she forget her last glimpse of Michael Doran lying there on the road, so still and quiet. It made her shiver every time she thought of it. Rowan had little appetite for dinner and once or twice Laura looked at her curiously, as if she suspected her of being far more concerned about Michael than she should have been. Even so, she looked mildly disapproving at her protege, although she said nothing. It was some time later that Rowan found Sean beside her and realised with a start that he behaving this evening as he always did. Just as if nothing untoward had happened, although his voice did perhaps have an edge of defiance when he spoke. 'Will you come for a walk with me?' he asked, and Rowan looked at him blankly for a moment. 'I'm not sure.' .He frowned swiftly at her hesitation and she sighed. 'Very well, if you want to, although it's dark and there doesn't seem much point.' 'There's a moon,' he told her, .as if that would make her more amenable, but Rowan was in no mood to be coaxed. She merely nodded. 'Just as far as the end of the garden,' she agreed, 'but I'll need to fetch a coat first.' It was much cooler in the evenings now and there was an air of dejection about the garden which even the moonlight could not dispel. It seemed to Rowan suddenly like an alien place, chill and unfriendly, and she shivered, though not altogether from the cold. Something had changed, some indefinable something that had banished the peace and tranquillity of her existence here and made her more aware of things beyond her own comfort. They walked in silence as far as the end of the garden, to where the old stone seat stood, and only 172 then did Sean put an arm round her waist in the usual way."Rowan, I'm sorry.' She shook her head, hugging the collar of her coat up round her face, not looking at him. "You should apologise to Michael,' she told him quietly, 'noc to me.' The encircling arm stiffened resentfully. 'Perhaps I'm not on the right track about a lot of things,' he said shortly. 'I'd no idea you were on such familiar terms.' Rowan sighed. 'I don't want to start an argument, Sean. Why do you always have to be so touchy? I call him by his Christian name occasionally and I see no harm in it. I just wish you wouldn't make a major issue out of it.' 'I apologise.' He sounded stiff and resentful and when she looked up she could see the stubborn thrust of his jaw in the uncertain light. T was under the impression that you disliked him as much as I do.' 'I don't dislike him,' said Rowan, and recognised the truth of her answer with a blink of surprise, 'and I've I've realised that I may have misjudged him in quite a few things.' , 'Misjudged him?' Rowan nodded, even more sure now that she had voiced her doubt. 'He may not be as black as he's painted. As black as you've painted him,' she added meaningfully. 'I see.' He took a moment to absorb that. 'I wasn't aware I'd painted him any blacker than he was. But of course you possibly know better,' he added with heavy sarcasm. 'Possibly,' Rowan allowed, still controlling her voice, but only with difficulty. "I was also,' he went on, still sarcastic, 'under the 173 impression that you were engaged to marry me.' 'If I am,' Rowan said, exasperated, 'it doesn't mean that I have to ignore every other living male within speaking distance, surely. Be reasonable, Sean.' T wasn't aware I was being anything other.' "Well, you are, and I don't like sarcasm.' He was silent for a long moment. 'Are you still coming into Gallyborn with me tomorrow?' he asked at last. 'If you want me to.' 'Of course I do.' 'Then I'll come, but first I must go and see how Michael is.' 'Damn Michael Doran ' he snapped. 'Why should you care about him one way or the other?' 'Because you could have killed him this afternoon, Sean, and you know it. Basically I was to blame, I suppose, but that doesn't excuse your attack on him.' 'Attack?' he jeered. 'He was to blame if anyone was. He should keep away from you, it's only because he knows you belong to me that he goes out of his way to see you whenever he can.' Rowan flushed angrily. 'I do not belong to you, Sean, and I've told you before, I object to being talked about as if I was no more than a a property you've acquired.' 'Well, I'm sorry, but it doesn't alter the fact that Doran wants you because you're because he knows how I feel about you, but I'll break his damned neck before I'll let him take you away from me ' 'You very nearly did just that,' Rowan retorted. 'I shudder every time I think about him lying there. It was callous and foolhardy, the way you behaved, Sean, and I'll never forgive you if anything serious has happened to him.' That was perhaps more honest than she had meant i74 to be and she was almost as surprised to hear herself say it as Sean obviously was. 'He's not badly hurt,' he told her sullenly, although he at last had the grace to look a little shamefaced. He would never admit to being entirely in the wrong, she realised, especially not in this mood. This side of Sean was one she did not particularly like. 'You don't know he isn't badly hurt,' she told him, anxiety sharpening her voice, though she tried to control it. 'And I mean to go to Tomaltach in the morning and find out for myself. I must find out how he is for my own peace of mind.' 'I suppose you don't care that tomorrow is a very important day for me?' She had almost forgotten the other reason for his visit to Gallyborn, the reason Laura had hinted at so mysteriously. 'I'm sorry,' she said, remarshalling her thoughts with difficulty. 'I didn't realise it was so : important to you.' 'It could mean a complete new life for me,' he told her, 'and I was hoping you were going to share it with me.' 'A new life?' She looked at him curiously, shaking her head to clear it. 'I'm I'm sorry, Sean, I don't r know anything about it.' He put his hands in the middle of her back and . pulled her close to him, a gesture she normally took for granted but which she now resisted, however slightly. His eyes were dark and gleamed in the shadowy mystery of his face. H 'I thought Laura might have told you, but I'm glad hasn't in a way.' He looked at her for a moment as trying to prejudge her reaction. 'I've a good chance getting a well paid job in England,' he told her at lltast. 'A friend of Laura's has a racing stable and he's P(pffered me the post of veterinary. I'm seeing his repreIE.' sentative in the morning to see if we suit each other, then I can decide whether or not I take it. Laura thinks I should.' Laura had so many friends in the right places. Rowan thought, and she was prepared to pull strings to make things easier for her lame dogs, as Michael called them. Not that Sean wasn't a good vet and perhaps getting away from Bogmoor would help him to see things a little more clearly. He might, in time, even lose some of his hatred for Michael Doran. 'I think you should take it, too, Sean,' she told him, and meant it sincerely. 'I'm sure it will be a good move and you deserve a good break for a change.' 'You will come with me?' 'Into Gallyborn?' She was not prepared to answer in any other context at this moment. Another display of temperament would be too much to take. 'Yes, Sean, I'll come with you if you'd like me to, but I must go and see how Michael is first.' The hands on her back curled tightly and she could feel his whole body tense with anger as he fought to control his temper. 'If
you go near Doran again,' he warned. 'I'll settle it with him once and for all.' 'Oh, Sean, stop it!' She felt near to tears, although the precise reason for them eluded her at the moment. Perhaps it was simply that she was tired of the eternal hatred that seemed to permeate everything he said and did these days that and the worry of not knowing just how seriously he had hurt the man he hated so much. She held her hands tightly clasped, trying to be calm. 'Can't you stop hating? It's so futile and you're wrong about him in so many ways, you're quite wrong.' 'Wrong?' He released her as if he could no longer bear to touch her. 'You tell me I'm wrong after all he's done?' 'You you misunderstood his motives,' she said des176 I perately, getting deeper and deeper into something she would not easily extricate herself from. She was only a little surprised to find herself defending Michael Doran and she knew Sean was hating every word she said in his defence, but somehow that seemed to matter -less now. 'You ' He stood for a moment, visibly trembling with anger, then he swept his hands through the air in E. a gesture of dismissal and contempt. 'Damn him!' he said, and the curse seemed the more virulent because .,- it was so quietly said. Then he strode off back to the I house leaving her standing there alone by the stone seat, chilled and unhappy. The following morning Rowan was awake early and r she lay for a long while staring at the ceiling, so many things whirling around in her head that she had difficulty m making sense of any of them. Her first thought on waking was of Michael Doran and she began all over again, wondering how badly he had been hurt in the fall Sean had engineered She wished she could have called Tomaltach again last night, but she knew Laura would have been almost as disapproving as Sean if she had suggested it. Of one thing she was certain, however, she would go up to the house herself this morning and see for herself how he was. Neither Sean nor anyone else would dissuade her from that. She ate little breakfast, noticing that Sean was missing but thinking that perhaps he had had an early call. It was as she was leaving the house some douh Th me out of his rooms' his expression doubtful but still defiant. 'Rowan ' She turned and smiled, only too willing to let bygones be just that. -Hello, Sean.' 177 He did not return her greeting but fixed her with a look that demanded rather than asked her to change her mind. 'You're going up to Tomaltach?' Rowan nodded, refusing to become angry. 'Yes, Sean, as I said I would. I'm on my way now.' He was silent for a moment, unwilling to concede an inch. 'If you still want to come with me,' he said at last, 'I'll be leaving about eleven I shan't wait if you're not back.' He turned and walked back across the hall leaving Rowan to watch him go, uncertain and suddenly tearful. 'Seani' Her cry halted him in the doorway and he turned, his expression refusing to accept anything short of complete surrender. 'I'm I'm sorry.' She saw his look of disappointment and did not even know why she was apologising or what she was sorry about, but she was suddenly very sure of one thing at last and she turned to walk away from him before he saw it in her eyes. She went along the lane as tar as the gate into the meadow and only realised, too late, that the ground was much more wet than she had expected. The lush grass was turning yellowish with autumn and smelled mustily when she trod on it, and the cattle would soon be moved to other quarters for the coming winter. There was an air of nostalgia about her as she followed the soft rise of the ground before it sloped down again to the river. So many things had happened in the few short months she had been in Bogmoor and she had not fully realised how quickly they were happening. How much she had changed, how others had changed. These few months in Bogmoor had affected her life far more than anything ever had before and she still had to discover if she was behaving wisely or being a complete and utter fool. She wished, for the thousandth time, that Rupert i78 was still around to listen to her and help her to sort out her tangled emotions, or that she could see Abel Rigg, her godfather, and unburden her heart to him, but there was no one, so she must make her own decisions, wise or unwise. She could not even be sure she would be welcome at Tomaltach after the way she had driven off with Sean, although she could not be blamed entirely for that, since she had had no choice in the matter. Whatever her welcome was, however, she would at least know if Michael had been seriously hurt or not. Along the river bank the willows were thinning, their leaves already yellowing on the drooping branches and making it possible to see far more of the river than had been visible only a little over a month ago when she had found Rupert here. It scarcely seemed possible that it was such a short time ago and she looked across to where the river swept along under the overhanging trees, its brown water now swollen from several heavy rainfalls recently. Nothing looked so enchantingly bright and beautiful as it had done only a few weeks ago, and she sighed. Almost before she expected it Tomaltach loomed at her through its surrounding trees and she crunched on to the neglected gravel drive, biting her lip in anxiety and uncertainty as she came nearer the great stone bulk that looked somehow more forbidding now than it had the last time she saw it. So forbidding in fact that she resisted only with difficulty the temptation to turn and run. The huge wooden door presented its stubborn face like a challenge and she remembered the way Michael had opened it with one foot, only then it had been ajar as if in welcome and now it was fast shut. In the absence of any means of summoning Bridie she rapped hard with her knuckles on the studded 179 planks, hastily putting her fingers to her mouth to soothe the resultant smarting. She had not long to wait before someone came and the housekeeper looked mildly surprised to see her, glancing behind her, almost as if expecting to see someone else too. For a moment she stared at Rowan uncertainly, then stepped aside and invited her to come in. 'Himself's not here,' she explained, "but he'll not be too long away, I hope. Miss Blair.' Rowan bit her lip, her anxiety plain in her eyes. 'He he's not in hospital?' It was almost a plea and Bridie recognised it as such, smiling reassuringly. 'That he's not,' she told her, 'though 'tis no fault've some folk, so I heard.' Rowan was unsure at first whether she herself was included in the condemnation, but she thought not. 'Oh, I'm glad!' She looked relieved and Bridie smiled encouragingly. " I only came to see how Mr. Doran was,' she explained. 'After after yesterday.' "He's better than he's anny right to be, be all accounts,' Bridie told her, her eyes curious, as if she would like nothing better than to hear Rowan's version of the incident. "He's gone into the village to see someone, though God knows who t'would be at this hour've the day. McConnell drove'm off a bit ago, so he'll likely not be much longer now.' "He can't drive himself?' Rowan began speculating anew, anticipating the worst. "Not wid a sprained arm, he can't,' Bridie told her, 'Though God knows he'd a tried but for McConnell talkin' some sense into'm.' "If I may,' Rowan ventured, "I'd like to wait for a while and see Mr. Doran when he comes back.' "That you will,' Bridie assured her. "For he'll be wantin' to see yaself, surely.' She led the way across the vast echoing hall. "Would ya come into the li-brary 180 room? There's a fire in there an' I'll make ya some tea.' Rowan followed, accepting the offer of tea gratefully, and was left alone in the big, book-lined room that she remembered well from her last two visits. It was odd, she thought, how it looked somehow different this morning. When she had been here before she had registered only luxury and an air of well-being whereas now, with nothing else to distract her eye and with new knowledge of the owner's circumstances, several things appeared different. For instance, she could see that the heavy curtains at the long window overlooking the river, had seen many years of use and were even shabby when one looked closely enough. The chair coverings, too, had the same look of long and well-used age about them, slightly faded and well washed. It was a room that had seen numerous years of wear and tear, a homely room for all its size and impressive array of books. It was certainly not the luxurious residence she had once seen it as, and she reluctantly recognised the prejudice that had coloured her impression. She shook her head as she looked around her, discovering an odd feeling of familiarity and comfort about it. If only Mary Donovan, Laura and Sean could see this room, she thought, they would perhaps be obliged to rethink their opinion of Michael Doran, realise that he did not live the life o
f luxury they pictured for him. A deep sigh, however, admitted that Sean at least would have no wish to be wooed from his prejudices. His hatred of Michael was far too ingrained and longstanding to be easily dismissed. Several times she glanced at her watch, but not with anxiety because she would not be back in time to go with Sean, for she was not at all sure that she wanted to go. She was so thoroughly confused at the moment that she could riot think straight about anything. 181 It was gone half past ten when she heard a car outside, then voices and slamming doors, and she stood by the fireplace nervously twisting her fingers together, telling herself that she was all kinds of a fool to have come here and that she should have taken advantage of his not being there and left earlier. Any moment now it would be too late, tor she heard Bridie's voice, soft and quiet, followed by Michael's, deep and unmistakable, and swallowed hard. He opened the door wide and stood for a moment looking at her in silence while she held her hands in front of her, almost as if she was praying, feeling the wild, blinding pulse at her temple. He showed no sign of injury that she could see, except for one small graze down the right side of his face. He had one hand tucked into his jacket as if for support, but that was all, and for the first time, she believed Bridie's assurances that he was not badly hurt, closing her eyes for a moment on the unutterable relief that flooded through her. When she opened them again he was standing beside her, his good hand stretched out to the warmth of the blaze, eyes speculative and half mocking, as they often were. 'Good morning.' The formality of his greeting surprised her after her own flood of emotion and for a moment she stood, silent and uncertain. 'I came to see how you were,' she said at last. 'You were worried about me?' The grey eyes were disconcertingly close and their expression between laughter and impatience. 'I was worried,' she admitted. 'I didn't know how badly you were hurt.' 'You could have rung and I'd have put your mind at rest.' 'Would you rather I'd rung?' she was stung to retort, 182 and he laughed softly, those fascinating little lines I appearing beside his eyes and mouth.I 'I think you know better than that,' he told her. 'And i'as you see, I'm not badly hurt at all, just a few bruises.' ;.. "I'm glad.' 'Hmm.' He considered for a moment. "It's no thanks '': to Maxwell that I didn't get my neck broken.' He arched a brow at her as if seeking confirmation. 'I :gather that was the idea.' : 'Oh no, he ' He laughed shortly but with surprising good humour. 'You're less honest about it than he was,' he told her, and Rowan looked startled. 'You've you've seen Sean?' He nodded, watching her face. 'That's where I've ;been. I believe in tackling a man on his own ground. 'Taking the fight into the enemy camp, you might say.' She looked uneasy at the idea, visualising how fraught with tension the meeting must have been. " I didn't realise I mean, I didn't expect you to go over there this morning.' He eyed her tor a moment as if he thought she should have expected exactly that. 'You surely didn't expect me to let him get away with it, did you?' 'No no, I suppose not,' Rowan admitted. 'Of course not,' he retorted. "I'd have gone alone, but McConnell insisted on playing nursemaid and driving me down.' 'That was only common sense,' she told him, and he laughed. 'Common sense.? That, my lovely, is something you wouldn't know much about, surely, though I think you're learning.' Rowan flushed. 'I have as much as most people,' she declared. " I admit I misjudged you at first, but I wasn't entirely to blame for that and you didn't do 183 much to correct me.' "Could I have done?' "Of course you could,' she retorted, and saw, too late, the glint of laughter that invited her to lose her temper. She drew a deep breath and stuck out her chin at him. 'Anyway, I'm sorry about about yesterday, and I'm very glad you weren't hurt.' "You don't have to be sorry,' he told her. 'Maxwell was driving and you just went like a lamb when he called you. I must say,' he added with a wry smile, 'he seemed to have the situation well in hand. Your blind obedience wasn't at all what I expected of you.' Rowan bit her lip, trying hard to dismiss the memory of how she had walked back and climbed into the car beside Sean without offering any argument at all, wondering if he as well as Michael had gained quite the wrong impression from her compliance. 'It it wasn't blind obedience,' she objected. 'I just didn't want you two to start well, to start quarrelling.' Surprisingly he smiled as if he understood and shook his head slowly, laying one hand on her arm placatingly. 'I know, Rowan. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made that dig at you.' She looked at him for a moment, one hand unconsciously held to her throat where a pulse fluttered crazily at his touch. 'I suppose you have quarrelled now?' she guessed. He nodded. 'Well, we didn't exactly fall on each other's necks,' he told her, 'but it was a confrontation that was long overdue. Especially since the advent of you.' She looked up at him, startled by his bluntness. 'I don't understand you,' she said. 'I think you do.' The grey eyes held hers for a : moment and then she hastily lowered her gaze. 184 It was still to be proved that he was not the womanchaser that Sean and Mary Donovan said he was, and the way he was looking at her now gave her no encouragement to doubt them. The way her heart was behaving too made it very difficult to think dearly at all, although she was determined to try. 'I'm I'm sorry if Sean said anything about well, about you and me,' she said, feeling horribly gauche at putting it into words. 'Oh, he said quite a lot about you and me,' he told her softly. 'I'm sorry he had no right to jump to condusions and least of all to say anything to you about his silly suspicions.' He said nothing but still watched her in that same steady disconcerting way. 'He's he's jealous,' she went on, and he nodded solemnly. 'I gathered that.' 'He's got it into his head,' Rowan said desperately, 'and nothing will persuade him otherwise.' 'I haven't tried,' he told her quietly, and laughed when she blinked. 'Don't look so surprised,' he said. 'Maxwell heard a few home truths this morning and, much as he disliked hearing them, it did dear the air.' "About about yesterday?' 'About a lot of things, including the fact that you weren't nearly so keen to see me with a broken, neck as he was, am I right?' Rowan looked at him, knowing at last what she had so far refused to recognise. She could never have forgiven Sean if Michael had been badly hurt in that fall and, no matter what he was or had been, it could make no difference at all now. 'I was horribly afraid you'd been badly hurt,' she admitted, 'and I had to come here this morning, Michael, to. to know for sure.' 185 He moved across the short distance that separated them, lifting her chin gently with one finger so that he could see her face. 'But you still don't know what to think about my murky past, do you. Rowan?' He smiled and his eyes searched her face, coming back to her mouth as if it fascinated him. 'Do you still think I had a whole army of mistresses up here at Tomaltach, my lovely?' he asked. Rowan shook her head as well as she was able. 'No no, I don't,' she said a little breathlessly as he lifted a stray tendril of hair from her neck gently with one finger. 'Is my word good enough for you this time?' She nodded. 'Of course.' 'Of course,' he mimicked, his eyes teasing her newfound confidence. 'And don't laugh at me,' she reproached him. 'I'm not. I'm just feeling sorry for Sean Maxwell. For the first time in my life, I pity him.' Rowan shook her head regretfully. 'Poor Sean, I should have gone with him this morning. He was depending on me, I think, and it's a very important day for him.' 'It's a very important day for me too,' he told her softly, the caressing fingers still gentle against her neck. 'And don't worry about Maxwell, he'll get that job. He's a good vet and it'll give him a chance to stand on his own feet at last. He never has,' he added when she looked as if she might argue. 'Laura O'Neil took him in when he lost Thornhill and he was gradually transferring his need for support to you. He's always had a prop and it isn't good for him.' 'I suppose you're right,' Rowan admitted. 'Of course I'm right.' The hint of arrogance made her lift her chin and draw away from him. 'You're always so right, aren't 186 you?' 'Always,' he said firmly, his eyes glinting wickedly. 'I'm as pig-headed in my way as Maxwell is, only I see a bit straighter.' Rowan looked at him, a glowing warmth adding colour to her cheeks. 'Are you sure you're you're seeing straight now?' she asked, and he laughed a deep, resonant sound that was oddly disturbing and the tiny lines darted from the corners of his eyes and mouth in the way that was suddenly and endearingly
familiar. 'I'm seeing straight,' he assured her, and put out his good arm to her. 'Come here,' he said softly. 'Don't argue, just come here.' She did as he said and he drew her to him until she was held dose in the curve of his arm. 'Michael ' 'Why did you come here this morning?' he asked, as if he well knew the answer. 'I told you, I wanted to see how you were. I was worried in case you were badly hurt.' 'Worried,' he echoed, and laughed softly, his eyes dark with some expression that at once frightened and excited her. 'You should have been pleased to see me grovelling in the dust,' he told her. 'After all, you've told me often enough how arrogant and insufferable I am.' 'And so you are,' Rowan retorted with a flash of spirit. 'Arrogant and insufferable!' She would have sought more adjectives, even more virulent, but he laughed and pulled her closer until his mouth found hers and silenced them both. Rowan buried her face against him, breathless and a little hazy, when he released her at long last. 'You were saying?' he asked, and laughed when she looked up at him. 'You are insufferable,' she insisted, but her eyes 187 were shining softly and her mouth pouted softly so that he kissed her again. 'And poor too,' he informed her solemnly a few moments later. 'But if you think you can bear the thought of rabbit stew for the rest of your beautiful life, I'd love you to be the lady of the manor will you?' Rowan looked at him, shining-eyed. 'Yes, my darling,' she said softly, and lifted her face to him again.