Can't Text This

  Python: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

  Me: You know what? You really ARE a dad. You’ve got those dad jokes down to a science.

  Me: What happened to the bunny?

  Python: The bunny “doesn’t have a cool color-changing option, Dad. What if I get bored and don’t want it anymore?”

  Python: So, hermit crabs it is!

  Python: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

  Me: How many shells did you buy?!

  Python: Quite a few. I never in my life thought I’d be a grandparent to crabs, but here I am.

  Me: Congrats…I think.

  Me: I’m also slightly sad you didn’t get a bunny.

  Python: Wellllll…

  Python: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

  Me: YOU BOUGHT A BUNNY TOO?!

  Python: I RESCUED a bunny.

  Me: What’s its name?

  Me: Can I name him/her?!

  Python: No. I don’t trust you.

  Me: Well, you should. I have a great name suggestion.

  Python: For some reason, I doubt that.

  Me: Is it a boy or a girl?

  Python: A girl.

  Me: Thumbelina Bruce Wayne Cross

  Python: You’re kidding.

  Me: …

  Python: Oh wow. You’re NOT kidding.

  Python: No. HELL NO.

  Python: Also, what in the actual fuck kind of name is that?

  Me: I don’t know. Thumbelina is cute and Bruce Wayne is Batman. Why wouldn’t you want to name your pet after Batman? He’s Batman!

  Me: Come on, Robbie. Just do it.

  Python: No!

  Me: What were you going to name her?

  Python: Sure as hell not Thumbelina Bruce Wayne!

  Me: Spoilsport.

  Python: I regret nothing.

  Python: I think it’s my turn to hate you.

  Me: You named her Thumbelina Bruce Wayne, didn’t you?

  Python: Yes.

  Python: It just fits her so well.

  Me: Someone just took one step closer to making our “bang plan” happen.

  Python: For real? Shit. I’ll go buy ten bunnies and you can name them anything you want! Spanky, Sparky, Spidey, Tinker Bell! Whatever!

  Python: Can I just say I enjoy the fact that a bunny is what’s caused this? We’ll be banging like rabbits in no time.

  Me: And just like that, one step back. Don’t be a creeper, Robbie.

  Python: I take it back!

  Me: Weird. As I recall, we’re operating firmly under the “no take-backs” rule.

  Python: I hate my mouth sometimes. It just runs and runs and I forget that the things it says can come back to bite me in the ass.

  Python: Fine. You win this round.

  Me: We can call it a draw.