by Bonnie Lamer
It takes Kallen a couple of tries to get the baby into the highchair. He can only get one leg in at a time with the other getting caught on the tray making it seem like the baby is doing extreme yoga before he lifts her to try again. Finally taking pity on him, Tabitha removes the tray from the chair so Kallen can set her down and strap her in. Once the baby is settled, she puts the tray back on the highchair.
Creating a baby size spoon, Tabitha scoops up some banana and holds it out to the baby’s mouth. “Open up,” she says in the coaxing voice pretty much everyone uses when trying to get a baby to eat. The baby’s mouth remains closed. In fact, her lips are now pressed together in the universal ‘I am not eating that’ sign. After a couple more tries, Tabatha gives up and hands the bowl and spoon to me.
Moving closer to Lielle, I hold out the mashed fruit and do my own version of the baby must eat voice. “Come on, open up.” The baby looks at the banana filled spoon and smiles. Suddenly, the kitchen is filled with monkeys swinging on vines. I duck to avoid getting hit by one before I figure out it’s just glamour. I feel a little foolish now. The baby claps her hands and laughs. Taking advantage of her open mouth, I put banana in it. The baby gums at it happily.
“I take it there are monkey’s in the Elf realm,” I comment, still embarrassed I ducked.
Trying hard not to laugh at me for fear I’ll make him feed the baby, Kallen manages a choked, “Yes.”
“The rest of you might as well bring your plates in here,” Tabatha says. “No sense in our dinner getting any colder.”
“Or you could eat in the dining room,” I suggest.
“And miss out on watching you being maternal and my cousin growing more nervous by the second? Not a chance,” Kegan chuckles. Both Kallen and I glower at him but he ignores us as he goes to retrieve his plate.
Ten minutes later, everyone else is almost done with their dinner while I am still feeding the baby. Who knew they ate so slowly? I eye my own plate that Kallen retrieved for me with longing. My stomach growls loudly.
“I could feed you while you feed the baby,” Kallen suggests.
I am tempted to take him up on it but I would feel silly having him feed me in front of everyone. “No,” I grumble. Finally, I scrape the last bit of banana from the bottom of the bowl. The baby opens her mouth just as readily as she did with the first bite. “Do you think she is still hungry?” I ask no one in particular. From the way she begins to kick her feet and fuss, I will take that as a yes.
“Perhaps a bottle is in order,” Isla suggests.
“Do Elf baby’s drink cow milk?” I ask. We don’t happen to have any baby formula handy.
Surprised by my question, Isla responds, “I do not know.”
“In our realm, we don’t generally give babies cow milk so young,” Mom says. She has been hanging back watching this whole time. She had better not be getting any ideas about being a grandmother any time soon.
“Then what should we give her?” I ask.
“Kallen could go milk a goat,” Kegan suggests earning him a glare from my gorgeous husband.
“How about juice?” Alita suggests.
“Do babies drink orange juice?” I ask Mom.
She purses her lips. “Apple juice is a better choice.” Because it has no pulp, I wonder. “Not quite as acidic,” she adds as if she read my mind.
Tabitha goes to the fridge and pulls out a pitcher of homemade apple juice. She creates a bottle with magic and pours some inside. Putting the top on it, she hands it to me. I, in turn, hand it to the baby. She looks up at me with big, round blue eyes that are asking ‘what do you expect me to do with this?’ Sighing, I take the bottle back and set it on the counter. I turn back to her and lift her out of the highchair and cradle her in my arm. Picking up the bottle, I put the nipple to her lips. She smiles and latches onto it. She happily begins to suck the juice out. Around us, the room fills with apple trees in full bloom. The girl really knows her fruit. Slowly, her eyelids begin to grow heavy. No one in the room speaks for fear of waking her. When she stops sucking, I gently pull the bottle from her lips. After a few more minutes, I cautiously put her in the bassinet which Kallen has moved to the floor. We don’t want to leave her on the counter in case she can crawl out of it. To my relief, she stays asleep as I move away.
We all tiptoe from the room except Felix who stays behind to watch her. Everyone is quiet until we reach the living room. Even then, we speak in hushed tones. “So, how are we going to find out what is going on in the Elf realm?” I ask.
“I can go,” Kegan volunteers.
Kallen shakes his head. “Not alone.”
I study my husband. “Um, do you really think you’re going to go off and leave me with the baby when you are the only other person she wants to hold her?” I do not miss the guilt lurking in his eyes. That was exactly what he was thinking he would do. Fat chance of that happening.
“We will not be gone long,” Kallen hedges.
“Neither of you will be going anywhere,” Isla informs him and Kegan.
“Grandmother,” Kegan begins but Isla cuts him off.
“If we send anyone to the Elf realm, it will tip off whoever is looking for the baby,” Isla explains.
I had not thought of that. “If we go asking questions about why Addylyn would send her baby to us, it’s like a neon sign saying ‘the baby is in the Fae realm.’”
“What is a neon sign?” Alita asks.
A fair question since there are no neon signs in this realm. “A really bright sign,” I explain. She nods in semi-understanding.
“Why am I entering through the terrace?” an annoyed voice asks from the doorway.
“So you don’t wake up the baby,” I tell my biological father in a ‘be quiet’ tone.
He does a double take. “Baby?”
I glance at Kallen who shrugs. “Grandmother wanted me to be discreet. I thought it best to simply say there was an emergency.”
“Will someone please explain to me what is going on?” Dagda demands. His ‘Most Patient Fairy in the Realm’ trophy is permanently on hold.
“Tell the wanker it’s his love child and get the thing out of here,” Taz suggests.
Out of the corner of my mouth, I murmur, “Shut up.”
“A baby we believe is Queen Addylyn’s was left on the terrace a short while ago,” Isla explains.
“Why the hell would she leave her baby here?” Dagda demands to know.
“That is the question of the evening,” Isla drawls.
Dagda rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms to keep from snarking back. Finally, he asks, “Where is the child?”
“In the kitchen sleeping,” I tell him. “Follow the smell of wildflowers.”
Dagda glances toward the kitchen. “I will take your word for it.” Is he afraid of babies, too? “Why do you believe it is Addylyn’s child?”
“The child’s ability with glamour is…precocious,” Isla explains.
“And she looks like her,” I add.
Dagda frowns. “If she was seeking sanctuary for her child, why would she bring it here?” Is he insulted Addylyn didn’t send the baby to him?
“There was a note with the child stating Xandra was the only one who could protect her,” Kallen says. His words receive only a grunt from Dagda. He is still insulted.
“If it would make you feel better you can bring her back to the palace with you,” I suggest.
I get a stern look from Isla. “Though you did not ask for the responsibility, I believe it wise the child remains here until we determine the reason for it.”
In other words, suck it up and deal with it. Got it. “Fine,” I sigh.
The scent of wildflowers is suddenly replaced by the smell of smoke. Voices are coming from the kitchen and are rapidly rising in alarm but the words are indistinguishable. Fire begins to lap at the walls and a baby’s voice begins to wail. We dash to the kitchen en masse meeting Felix who was on his way to get us.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him.
In the bassinet, the baby is sitting up. Her face is streaked with tears and her lungs must have an infinite supply of oxygen because she doesn’t stop to take a breath between shrieks. I kneel down in front of her and pick her up, resting her head against my shoulder and patting her back. I make little cooing sounds in her ear to soothe her. Kallen kneels next to me and wipes a tear from the baby’s cheek with his thumb. She slowly begins to calm.
When I look up, I find the same shocked expression on Dagda’s face the others had earlier when I soothed the baby. “What?” I demand.
My biological father shakes his head as if to clear it. “Nothing,” he says. Uh huh.
“Are you sure the Elves aren’t using some trick with glamour?” Taz asks. “Because ‘comforting Xandra’ is an oxymoron.”
“Go away,” I tell him.
The smell of smoke is diminishing. The smell of something riper, and real, is growing. “Um, anyone know how to change a diaper?” I ask. Wow. I have never seen Kallen move so fast. He is up and across the room before I even finish my sentence. I guess he’s not volunteering for the job.
“I will talk you through it,” Mom says, trying hard not to laugh.
I glare at her. “I think I would learn better if someone showed me.”
“Give her to me,” Tabitha says gruffly. She is not happy when the baby clings to me in a definite ‘I am not going to her’ show of defiance. Tabitha is quick to hide the hurt on her face, but not quickly enough for us not to see it.
“Sorry,” I murmur. Turning to Isla, I ask, “Why would she only want me or Kallen to hold her?” After all, she doesn’t know any of us.
Isla grimaces. “I suspect her mother used her own glamour to ensure this.”
I furrow my brow in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“She means images of you and Kallen were probably inserted into the child’s mind. Addylyn could have used her glamour to convince the child that the two of you represent safety and comfort,” Dagda explains. “Thus, ensuring you could not pass off the responsibility for her onto anyone else.”
Taz snorts. “Let’s test that theory. You teleport the kid a thousand miles away and if you can’t hear her cry when you get back, that means she found comfort there.”
Disgusted, I tell him, “That’s just mean.”
“Yeah? Let’s talk after you change that septic tank you call a diaper.”
The baby is growing riper by the second. Ignoring Taz, I ask the room in general, “What should I use as a diaper?” I doubt they have Huggies in the Fairy realm. Can a magical diaper be used? If so, what happens to the poop when the diaper disappears? Can magic make it disappear? If so, where does it go? My stomach begins to churn as I think of the possibilities. None of them are pleasant.
“Here,” Tabitha says creating a cloth diaper with magic along with a wash cloth. “Put this one on her and then rinse the other one.” I guess that answers my question. She brings the wash cloth to the sink and wets it.
But, rinse the other diaper? “In the sink? That is so gross.” Looking at Kallen, I ask, “Change or rinse?” I admit, I get a little bit of satisfaction out of the fact that he turns as green as I feel.
“You will not be rinsing it in the sink,” Isla drawls.
Where else would we rinse it? Oh. Eew! “You can rinse,” I inform Kallen. He is too busy swallowing back bile to protest.
Kegan slaps Kallen on the back. “You have fun with that.” If looks could destroy, Kegan would be nothing but a pile of dust motes.
“Where do I do this?” I ask. It seems wrong to change a baby in the kitchen.
“Outside would be nice,” Taz grumbles from under his paws. Even Felix has moved as far from the baby as possible without leaving the room. Their sense of smell is greater than the rest of ours.
That might not be such a bad idea. Anywhere in the house I change her, the odor is sure to linger. “I’ll do it on the terrace,” I tell everyone. Okay, I may be stalling. Regardless, I carry Lielle outside hoping nothing leaks from her diaper on the way.
“Would you like me to talk you through it?” Mom asks.
I narrow my eyes in her amused direction. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”
Her face the picture of innocence now, she says, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
My audience has not shrunk at all. Everyone followed me out here. Sighing, I lay Lielle in her bassinet and tug her light blue dress high enough to expose her diaper. There are two pins holding it in place. I carefully remove them being sure not to poke myself or the baby. I set them aside. With great trepidation, I peel the diaper back. It takes half a second for me to put it back in place. “That is so disgusting,” I exclaim. I send pleading gazes to everyone around me. “Maybe someone should show me how to do this before I try it on my own.”
Mom giggles. “Sorry, honey, I would help you if I was corporeal.” Sure she would.
“You are quite intelligent. I have every confidence you will figure this out on your own,” Isla says. She is having considerable difficulty keeping her amusement in check.
I glance at Kallen and consider offering to switch. He changes and I rinse. Then I consider what I just saw. Do I really want to rinse that out? No, I don’t. At the moment, I am having trouble figuring out why anyone chooses to have children if this is what they have to clean up on a regular basis.
Okay, time to suck it up and get this over with. I peel the diaper back again, being sure to only breathe through my mouth. I take the wet wash cloth Tabitha gives me. Now, how do I do this? I glance at Mom.
“Pick up her legs a bit and wipe from front to back,” she instructs.
Easier said than done. Lielle seems to think this is great fun and she is happily kicking her legs. It takes several tries to move them out of the way so I can wipe away everything which needs to be wiped away. I pull the diaper out from under her and clean the last bit of poo from her bottom. I grasp the edges of the diaper together and hold it out to Kallen. “Have fun,” I snark.
When he just stands there in complete horrification, Tabitha slaps the back of his head. “Get a move on.”
After glowering at the Fairy who helped raise him, Kallen finally steps forward. With two fingers, he takes the diaper from me. Holding it as far from his body as his arm will allow, he walks back into the house to the sound of Kegan snickering.
“Think it is funny, do you?” Tabitha asks him. “You can rinse off the wash cloth.”
Kegan turns green. “I am not amused in the slightest,” he insists.
Alita giggles. “Come on, I will help you.” She is a far better wife than I am. Taking Kegan in one hand and the edge of the wash cloth in the other, she drags him into the house after Kallen.
Now, I have to put the new diaper on. If only I could remember how the other one was pinned. “Do I have to fold it or something?” I ask.
Tabitha kneels down next to me and the bassinet. “Give it here,” she says and I hand her the diaper. She folds it into the appropriate shape and then tells me how to put it on the baby for optimal leak protection. When it is time to pin it, she tells me to slip my fingers between the diaper and Lielle’s skin so I don’t accidently poke her. This turns out to be excellent advice for Lielle, bad advice for my fingers which I poke several times before the pins are in place. I manage to get only a tiny drop of blood on the diaper, though.
“Will you guys watch her while I go wash my hands?” I ask no one in particular.
“Go on,” Tabitha shoos.
When Lielle’s face scrunches up like she is about to cry again, Dagda adds, “Do hurry.”
In the kitchen, I scrub my hands as if preparing for surgery. I even clean under my nails. From down the hall, I hear random insults being exchanged between cousins in between gagging sounds. The rinsing of the diaper and wash cloth does not seem to be going well. I am avoiding that room like the plague. Drying my sp
arkling clean hands off with a towel Tabitha keeps close by, I hurry back to the terrace. Lielle hasn’t started in with a full wail yet, but she’s gearing up for it. I lift her from the bassinet and quiet her until she is only sniffling.
“You can try rocking her,” Mom suggests.
I don’t remember any rocking chairs in the house. “Where?” I ask.
“Since the child does not want to be far from you, I suggest in your bedroom,” Isla says. “We can set up a crib, as well.”
In our bedroom? Dismayed, I ask, “You want her to sleep in there with us?”
Isla cocks her head to the side. “Do you have a better suggestion?”
Sending her back to the Elf realm is sounding better and better. Glumly, I mutter, “No, I don’t.”
“Once she is asleep, we need to discuss what we are going to do about her,” Dagda says. I notice he is standing in the far corner of the terrace. Both out of sight and smell range for the changing of the diaper. Coward.
“Right, I’ll be back as soon as she lets me get more than five feet from her,” I tell him with a bit more edge than was probably necessary.
I consider carrying Lielle up the stairs. Which brings to mind all of the ways I could drop her. I opt for teleporting. Wow. Isla is fast. There is already a crib at the end of the bed and a rocking chair in front of the balcony doors. It is an old fashioned wooden one. I walk to it and sit down, cuddling Lielle against my chest. She smiles up at me and suddenly the trauma of changing her diaper is forgotten. It doesn’t take long for the rocking motion of the chair to work its magic. The baby’s eyelids grow heavy. Soon, she is sound asleep. Unfortunately, I am afraid to move her to her crib for fear she will wake up again. So, I continue to rock until Kallen comes up.
“Is she asleep?” he whispers.
I nod. “But I don’t know how to move her without waking her up,” I say just loud enough for him to hear me
Coming closer, Kallen slips his large hands between me and Lielle. Gently, he lifts her from my arms. Every so slowly, he carries her to the crib and places her in it. She fusses for a second but it doesn’t last. She is too far gone into the land of dreams to wake up. And what dreams she is having. Since she fell asleep, the room has been filled with flowers, various animals such as bunnies and foxes, and Elves who fawn over her in her glamour. This should make for an interesting night when Kallen and I are ready for bed.