by Nako
“You.” He hated how she treated him now and knew that it was all his fault.
“Better call ole girl, I’m not available.”
“Oh, you must done got a man now?” he asked, hoping that she hadn’t.
“Who knows? But, I gotta go.”
“Wait Nene, chill out damn.”
They had been on the phone for almost two minutes and not once had he asked about his son.
“Do you want to talk to your child? His birthday is next week, Raheem.”
He smacked his lips. “Nene, how many times I gotta tell you that ain’t my seed?”
She wasn’t about to let him keep lying to her.
“You are so full of shit. Bye Raheem and don’t call my phone no more.”
Every time she blocked the number, he found someone’s cell to use. This time he called from the jail and she wondered how the call even got through. She was done with him and he refused to accept it.
“How? That girl lied on me. She been wanting to fuck me, I kept telling your dumb ass that.” He was getting mad.
Mahogany rolled her eyes. “The energy that you put into keeping this story up should be put into your child. He needs his father.”
Which was a lie because he wasn’t shit and honestly, he was doing him a favor by not claiming him.
“Lil nigga is a bastard and that ain’t got nothing to do with me.”
She was disgusted by the things that often left his lips and he made no apologies for em. He was heartless.
“You are going to rot in there,” she said through clenched teeth.
“I almost said some shit to you,” he couldn’t piss her off because he was actually calling for a favor.
“What? Ain’t nothing you could ever say to me that’ll get to me. I been stopped letting you have that control. Sorry boop!”
He used to have her wrapped around his finger. Those days were over.
“Don’t get fucked up, hoe.” Raheem knew that he shouldn’t have called her out her name, but she pushed him every time.
“Bye.” She hung up in his face and went back to getting ready for work.
She was working a double today. The apartment that she managed to get them in was in a worse environment, but cost more, which baffled her. The property manager promised her that in a year or two, the community would be full of white people since they were currently renovating and gentrifying the area, but she didn’t care about that. Mahogany didn’t understand why she had to pay an upcharge on something that hadn’t even taken place yet. She heard gunshots each and every night, so that gentrification bullshit needed to be shoved up the manager’s ass. The rent in New York was so steep, she considered going back to Florida. She felt like that would be going backwards, so she promised herself that they wouldn’t be in this new building long. She desperately wanted to give her small family that white picket fence and dog, even if a husband wasn’t in the picture. She planned on getting back in the studio and revamping her career. Mahogany refused to give up on her dreams and for years, she had sort of downplayed her talent strictly because the group was no longer. However, bills were still due, and she had to keep food on the table. She refused to sit still any longer, it was officially grind time.
η
Juice turned the air down as soon as he saw Porter doze off in the back of the truck. Three days later, they were back in the city and his bed was calling his name. Porter was the true definition of, “No Days Off.”
He was elated to see his boss catching a few minutes of sleep even it was only during the ride to the parking lot where Juice’s car was.
As soon as he closed his eyes to do the same, Porter’s velvety voice alarmed him.
“Cut the air back up for me, please.” He didn’t like being hot.
He moved the controls and closed his eyes again.
“You see that billboard?” Porter asked him minutes later.
Juice’s eyes peered open slowly.
“Where?” he questioned as he looked out the window while thinking to himself, this nigga literally never slept for longer than a few minutes. In California, they didn’t take a break at all. The hotel that the company put Juice in was rarely visited and he didn’t even get to see his mama or his peoples.
“Right there, on top of the Samsung building.” He pointed.
Juice nodded his head. “Yeah, what about it?”
“I own it. Do you want to know how much it brings in a year?”
He shrugged his shoulders and took a wild guess, “Uh, couple of hundred thousand.” It was New York City, and this was prime real estate, so it had to be doing well, regardless.
Porter chuckled. “Shittt, that’s horrible. I would sell it if that’s the case. No, last year, according to my accountant, that one measly billboard made me one point three million dollars.”
Juice was in shock. “Ads?”
Porter nodded his head. “Yep, advertising. It’s considered another source of income for me. The average millionaire has six. I have about...eleven,” he schooled him.
“I said that to say, you need to start doing research on what else you’re good at and most importantly, what else will bring you in the top dollar. What’s your goal for the year, financially? How much do you want to make?”
He had not long been promoted. Internships at Beauty By Bavay only came with weekly stipends and on occasion backstage passes at events around the city which is why he started promoting at the clubs to keep money in his pocket.
“Uh, thirty thousand, I guess. I don’t know.” He ain’t never had shit, so what was probably chump change to Porter was a lot to Juice.
“I’ll pay you sixty. You need to make sure your side hustle brings in that thirty,” he told him and then closed his eyes.
Juice never ceased to be amazed by this guy. They drove in complete silence for the remainder of the ride while he counted his blessings and Porter caught up on some rest. When they neared the building, the driver announced, “Juice, we’re here my man.”
Porter yawned as he sat up in the seat and checked his half-powered phone.
“As always, good job this weekend. We’ll go to Miami in a few days.” He was always letting him know when he was on the right path so that when and if he ever fucked up he wouldn’t take it so personal. Porter was grooming him to be the best. Juice wanted to hug this nigga, but he kept his cool.
“I pray that whatever you’re waiting on God to do, that He does it in your life. Immediately,” he said to him with compassion in his eyes as the truck came to slow stop to let Juice out to get in his car. Juice was a devout Christian and, in this industry, he sort of kept that to himself. Although, his mom told him to let God’s light shine through him. In due time, he would. He knew that it was nothing but the prayers of his mother and hard work that had brought him to this place and this was only the beginning.
Porter didn’t say anything, he only held his hand out and shook it firmly.
“See you in two days. Get some sleep.” He knew that he needed it, the late nights and early mornings lifestyle was one that required adjustment.
Juice shook his head. “No sir, if you’re in the office, I’ll be there as well. I’ll hit your jack in the morning. Goodnight.” He grabbed his duffel bag and hopped out the truck.
Porter thought about what he said, and it caused him to consider what was he expecting God to do for him and his life. The truth was he had everything. Or at least what people on the outside looking in would consider, a blessed life. He was good, he had no pressing issues that stressed him other than being in competition with the man in the mirror. He felt as if he’ll be at a better peace or state of mind once Burke came home and got his shit back together. He also had come to the brutal conclusion that his children weren’t coming back and while they were alive he had failed them miserably. That had hurt to admit during some quiet time in the shower. He wondered if they knew that he loved them tremendously. With everything in him, he loved his kids. He also prayed that Kim knew it
as well. It was a scripture in the Bible that said something about a man that had gained the world yet lost his soul, and that’s how he felt right now.
Porter thought that Mahogany was a piece to his missing puzzle. Love was something that he low-key yearned for. In his private time, those precious moments should be filled with genuine conversations and good vibes. That’s what he thought he was going to have with her, but then she moved and severed all communication with him. He wasn’t used to chasing after anyone, it was normally the other way around. Maybe that was why after a few weeks of not hearing or seeing her, he still yearned to be in her presence. She wasn’t leaving his mind and like a strong fragrance, she lingered.
C H A P T E R 9
Just cus it’s different and we’re not the same – Kiane Lede
It was one of those days where everyone in the office had got the memo before he even made it in…
“He may be on the bullshit today. Stay out of his way,” Casey told Juice in the breakroom as he fixed a cup of coffee.
Juice was confused. “Huh?”
“It’s Kim’s birthday.”
Casey didn’t add that they had also lost a big ass deal because the company didn’t think that Beauty By Bavay could handle the contract. Burke had really left a bad taste in some of their colleague’s mouths and P was still cleaning up the mess.
“Oh okay…should I order him some…roses? I mean what do we do?” he questioned. It was his job to make his life easier.
“Leave him alone.”
However, he couldn’t do that. They had to spend the majority of the day together so when they got in the truck and Porter spoke, Juice merely nodded his head and went back to his phone. Porter thought that was weird, but he didn’t say anything. As they went about their day, handling business, conducting meetings and some light shopping, Juice barely said two words and only spoke when he was spoken to.
“Did you get some dental work done or something?”
Juice looked up at him from the turkey burger he was about to devour.
“No sir…did you?” he asked with questionable eyes.
“Why you not talking today then?”
He nibbled on the salad that really wasn’t giving him the same taste as the Salmon Caesar from the diner that Mahogany worked at. He missed her dearly
“I don’t know.”
He wasn’t a good liar and Porter knew that. “Anything you want to talk about?” If he could fix his problems, he would try.
“Uh no, is there something that you want to talk about?”
“Cut the bullshit. What’s up?” Porter wasn’t playing anymore.
Juice dropped the burger, sat back and wiped his mouth.
“Casey told me that today was Kim’s birthday and to leave you alone,” he admitted.
The look on his face told him everything. His boss was unaware that today was his late wife’s birthday. “You forgot?”
He slowly nodded his head, he was ashamed. Did he really work that fucking much? Now a few things made sense. He was wondering why he had received Edible Arrangements and shit a few people had sent, “Thinking of you on today,” text messages. Then Carmen called to ask him if he wanted to do dinner tonight.
“I worry about you sometimes,” she added.
“Carmen, I’m going to give you the money. You don’t have to do all of this.” He was a tad bit insulted. He thought that she was playing on his emotions, but now he knew…it was Kim’s birthday.
They were worried about him.
The past two years that he had spent in France, he did sort of fall into a deeper misery on her birthday, their anniversary, the kid’s birthdays and the memory of the plane crash, but on today? He was in a dapper mood.
“Juice, can I ask you something man?” hints of his European upbringing slowly coming out.
He nodded his head, waiting on him to speak.
“Do you think that’s fucked up? I didn’t remember her birthday. I don’t do things the conventional way. I don’t want to…” he sighed.
Porter fumbled with his phone. “I’m done blaming myself,” he admitted.
“Well stop.” He didn’t know how to do that though.
“How?”
Maybe it was the glass of champagne that they had at the office building they visited prior to having lunch.
“Do you believe in closure?”
Porter shrugged his shoulders. “Not sure.”
“How about you go tell her Happy Birthday and get your peace at the same time?”
Visit the grave site?
“Nah man. I can’t. I don’t even want to.”
Kim was buried in her hometown anyway.
“Well, today’s her birthday. What would she be doing right now?”
A light smile graced his face. “I know exactly where she would be if she still lived up here.”
“Let’s do it then.”
She loved wine. City Winery was one of her favorite places to spend time at, whether she was solo dolo or with her small group of girlfriends.
It was nothing for her to shoot him a text, “At the winery, love you.”
“Stopped by the winery for lunch, if you want to join me…”
“The winery is closed today. I can scream!”
One of the many things that he adored about her was that she had always enjoyed her own company. Kimberann was once a free-spirited individual and she knew how to have a good time. Porter had hardened her heart over the years with his inabilities to keep her smiling. It was the little things that he didn’t do and ultimately, led to the demise of their marriage. If she didn’t have the kids, she would’ve been left. He could only imagine how she was living it up in Heaven.
They parked, and Juice was going to stay in the car until P told him, “Get out.” He caught up with him right before the elevator closed.
“I’ve never been here before,” he shamefully admitted.
“Really?”
Porter regretted a lot of things in life and spending quality time with his wife was one of them.
As soon as they stepped off the elevator, a hostess greeted them.
“Hi, two today?”
Juice nodded his head as his boss’ eyes waved all over the place. This is where she used to hang. Wow.
“What’s crazy is Yara…you know her, right?”
Of course, he did.
“Her sister-in-law owns this,” he shared with him.
“You know everybody.”
The hostess gave them a small tour since they weren’t busy today and Porter was in awe of how nice this place was.
“My wife used to come here every day.”
She perked up at that and wanted to know who his wife was.
“What’s her name? I’ve been here since we opened.”
“Kim…tall, brown-skinned.”
“Oh, my Lordddd.” The woman held her heart as she stepped back in awe.
“You’re the husband?” she asked, in disbelief. She said the husband as if he was a myth or a figment of Kim’s imagination.
Damn, baby what was you telling people…
“It depends on what she told you about me?”
She then came closer and hugged him closely. “God bless your soul.” She couldn’t imagine what it felt like to lose your entire family at once.
“We were devastated by the news. Jesus, I cried for weeks. That was my girl right there. I miss her every day. She kept me company, made all my days easier. Her smile…her laugh…” She had tears in her eyes but spoke with a smile. She could go on and on about Kim.
“Today is her birthday,” Juice let her know.
“I was wondering why her son stopped by. I think he’s still here.”
Porter’s eyes bucked and then he relaxed, never the one to show any signs of being uncomfortable.
“Son?”
Porter ignored Juice’s questioning look and asked the woman, “Where is he?”
He hadn’t seen him or spoke to him since the funeral. Th
ey were what you called…estranged. He never cared for him and unfortunately, Porter never tried to fix that. Too busy to careless.
“Juice, how about you chill back, and I’ll catch up with you?” he suggested before following the hostess to wherever his “step-son” was seated.
She led him to a room that was normally reserved for guests who were having a private meeting, gathering or birthday dinner. She let him know that he had been there for an hour or two and had called before he came.
Kingston turned around once he heard the door open.
“I’ll close this for you guys,” she whispered as she slid a partition across and then shut the door.
Kingston wouldn’t even give this lousy nigga his hand to shake. He didn’t even stand to hug him or anything. Porter had raised him, gave him a great life, and he still…looked and treated him as if he was gum on the bottom of his shoe. He sipped from the glass and sat it back down.
“Bet you don’t know what her favorite wine was?” He shook his head. The irony of this mother fucker.
Porter surprised him when he said, “Gen, red and dry.”
Lucky guess, he thought to himself.
“How long you been up here?” Last, he had heard, Kingston was living in Texas.
“Why?”
Porter stopped by the window to enjoy the view. “How you been?” he asked another question.
“Again, why?”
Their relationship was non-existent.
“You don’t think I care about you?” Porter had been in his life since he was eight.
His step-son laughed heartily. “Aye man, my mama is dead and gone, you ain’t gotta flex for me. Ain’t no cameras in here.” That was a low fucking blow.
“Don’t baby me. Your friends are gone. The cameras are off,” Kim mumbled under her drunken breath.
“I beg your pardon?” he couldn’t have heard her correctly.
She rolled her eyes and pushed him with all her might.
“Don’ beg your pardon me. I’m so sick of you. This life…this FAKE-ASS marriage. I look good on your arm and that’s it? You can tell me the truth.”
Kingston sat up in bed, overhearing their conversation.
“Why do I have to keep convincing you of my love for you?” it was the million-dollar question.