“Before or after you took me home for Christmas?” she asked bitterly.
It was tough not to laugh. I always did feel the urge to giggle at the most inappropriate times. “Definitely before. I’d want to adequately prepare you for the way that man can inhale a turkey. No one should have to see their boss like that without warning.”
Allison sighed and flounced farther into the couch, propping her feet up on my coffee table. I leaned back to sit alongside her, our shoulders almost but not quite touching. “I want to believe you.”
I rolled my head so I could watch her out of one eye. Her words steamrolled my heart flat. “But…”
“But it’s going to take a little while for you to regain my trust.”
I mulled that comment over for a long moment. “Are you going to give me the chance to?”
Allison rolled her head so she was staring back at me, her expression the one of fond exasperation I was pretty used to seeing when she looked at me. “Of course.”
I beamed at her as my heart suddenly reinflated and then became almost too big. “Good.”
“But I meant what I said yesterday. Complete honesty between us. Cheesecake, cats, strange obsession with weird space TV shows. I want us to share all of it.”
“Okay.”
Her expression softened, and she cupped the side of my face. “Because I love you, and there’s nothing I don’t want to know about you.” She paused and grinned at me. “No matter how nerdy.”
I laughed and smacked her lightly on the stomach. “Deal.”
We sat there smiling at one another like idiots for who knows how long before I decided I had to kill the mood with a yawn.
Allison immediately stood and held out her hand to help me up off the couch. I appreciated her assistance since it hurt a lot less with her pulling me up than me trying to propel myself.
“What do you say we continue this in bed?” she said softly, once we were again face-to-face.
“Okay, seriously. How do you really do that? You’re a mind reader, aren’t you? It’s okay. You can tell me. I won’t say a word.”
Allison chuckled. “Very funny, smart-ass.” She punctuated her statement with a light slap on my butt. “Get going. You’re going to get some sleep tonight if I have to exhaust you myself.”
My entire body short-circuited, and my gut clenched as I started thinking of all the ways she could possibly achieve that goal. I closed my eyes and took a moment to savor the lightning strikes of desire crashing into all the most wonderful places before I whispered, “That could take all night.”
“Then let’s not waste any more time.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The atmosphere that hung between Allison and me as we locked the apartment and turned off the lights so we could get ready for bed was thick and pungent with promise and tentative anticipation. I went through all my usual nighttime apartment prep in sort of a daze. My heart thudded loudly, and the palms of my hands tingled with the need to touch her. But underneath that was a discordant jangling of nerves I couldn’t seem to banish. I knew it was stupid. Allison loved me, and we’d slept together countless times. But somehow knowing that this would be the first time since I’d been shot had me all keyed up, and not necessarily in a good way.
“Do you have an extra toothbrush?” Allison asked softly, scattering my worried thoughts as we lingered together in the doorway to the bathroom, stealing shy, sidelong glances at one another.
“Sure,” I told her, my voice catching slightly. I went to retrieve one from the hall closet where all my spare toiletries lived. “Do you need something to sleep in?”
“If you don’t mind. I didn’t exactly come prepared.”
Only when she said that did it register that I hadn’t seen a bag. Not even a purse. She had nothing except whatever was in the pockets of her suit. I turned to face her, intent on reading her expression. “You came up here without anything?”
Allison shrugged and looked away. She bit her bottom lip, and the barest traces of a flush tinted her olive-toned cheeks. “It was sort of a spur-of-the-moment trip.”
I smiled slightly, taking care not to let her see lest she be embarrassed, and handed her the toothbrush so she could begin her nightly ritual. I couldn’t help the immature rush of pleasure that the notion of her sleeping in my clothes ignited, and I didn’t bother to try. On the contrary, I purposely chose one of my old JJRTC shirts for her to wear simply because it had O’CONNOR emblazoned on the back in big, bold, black letters.
After changing into my own pajamas, I knocked lightly on the mostly closed bathroom door, holding the T-shirt and boxer shorts I’d retrieved for Allison in my other clenched fist. I had to wait a few moments before she opened it with an expectant look on her face, the skin of which was now slightly damp and beautifully makeup free. I held up the clothes so I could hand them to her as she stepped to one side, allowing me into the bathroom.
I turned the taps in the sink, testing the temperature several times. Then I grabbed a cotton ball and the bottle of eye makeup remover and started taking off my eyeliner and mascara, basking in the pleasure this scene of domesticity invoked.
Allison made no move to leave. Rather than retreating to my bedroom to get dressed, she propped one shoulder against the doorjamb to the bathroom and stared at me.
“What?” I asked, giving her a quick, puzzled look.
“I like the shirt you chose for me,” she teased.
My face flushed, and I was grateful I could avoid looking at her in favor of washing it. I took my time wetting, lathering, and rinsing my skin. Then, for good measure, I repeated the process.
Still silent, I snagged the hand towel from the rack next to the sink and patted my face dry. I then began to brush my teeth. All the while, Allison rested smugly against the door frame, watching me with a vaguely cocky smile.
“It’s too bad I didn’t think to bring one of my shirts up for you,” she mused, as she cast her eyes back to the name stenciled in black Magic Marker on the back of the tee she’d stretched out between her hands.
“You want me to have one of your shirts?” I mumbled around a mouthful of toothpaste and bristles. I spat once and resumed brushing, watching her carefully. Exchanging training shirts would’ve been rather akin to teenagers exchanging watches or letterman jackets. Did she find the notion cute or hopelessly juvenile?
Allison glanced up at me, her eyes wide. Judging by the glimmer of fear that flashed beneath her eyes, I deduced she hadn’t meant to speak aloud. She hesitated for what felt like an eon, an unsettling mix of emotions dominating her features.
“It wouldn’t be the worst thing,” Allison said finally. Her expression now showed an interesting mix of embarrassment, hope, and determination.
“Kinda like staking your claim on me, huh?” I joked, mumbling through minty foam.
“It’s better than branding you, don’t you think? Or would you prefer I tattooed my name on your forehead?” She tried to make it a joke, but I was onto her. I don’t know what’d made her think that would work. I’d invented that technique.
I scoffed. “No tattoos,” I said, not bothering to remove the brush from my mouth. “But shirts are okay.” I reverted my attention to the sink. Somehow I thought she’d be more comfortable and inclined to continue this discussion if I didn’t make it a big deal.
“You’re all right with that?” Her tone was mild, and in the mirror I could see her inspect her fingernails in a blatant attempt to avoid eye contact.
“With what?” I was torturing her a little bit now, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to hear her admit it rather than just agree with something I’d said.
“Wearing my shirt. Me staking my claim on you, as you put it.”
I spat once again, more a feeble stalling technique than anything else. I needed a moment to decide how to respond. Then I went back to brushing, at a much slower pace. I nodded in answer, having teased her enough for one evening. “Mmm-hmm.”
“Really?�
��
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Even if I give you the one where my name is stenciled on crooked?”
I laughed. “Even that one.”
Allison grinned. “Good. Although, honestly, the idea of you sleeping in it when I can’t be here captivates me. Kind of like I’m holding you even when we’re apart.” Her voice had dropped almost to a whisper, and I had to wonder whether that sentiment had slipped out as well.
I spat the remainder of the toothpaste into the sink and rinsed my mouth. Then I put the toothbrush back into its holder and stepped in front of her, taking her hands in mine, clothes and all.
“I kind of like the idea of that, too,” I told her sincerely.
Allison’s face lit up, and she beamed at me, though I caught the faintest undercurrent of relief. “I’ll have to remember to give you one, then.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” I felt a tug around my heart as I realized that when I demonstrated the depth of my attachment to her, she acted self-satisfied, but when she came close to providing evidence of her fondness for me, she became self-conscious and unsure, almost as though she fully expected to have her feelings mocked or rebuffed.
But I merely returned her smile and led her down the hall to the bedroom. It was a minor miracle that she allowed me to.
Silence reigned. I took as much time as possible preparing the bed for sleeping so I didn’t have to watch her change into her borrowed pajamas. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or self-conscious by leering at her, and I didn’t want to become all hot and bothered and anxious.
The click of the lamp turning off was unexpectedly loud, but I was grateful for the sudden darkness. It didn’t shatter the intimacy that’d crept up between us, but it’d softened it, made it more bearable. As much as I loved Allison, I was still sometimes caught off guard by certain facets of our relationship and welcomed anything that made them easier for me to endure. Like now.
I climbed into bed and turned so I was lying on my left side with my left hand curled beneath my cheek. Allison had adopted a mirroring pose just a few inches away. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but once they did, I couldn’t look away from her. And, as it always did, her beauty took my breath away.
“What are you thinking about?” Allison whispered softly.
“You.”
Allison’s lips curved into a small smile. “What about me?” She caressed my cheek lightly with her fingertips.
I wrapped my fingers gently around her wrist, needing to feel her, and matched her smile with one of my own. “How beautiful you are and how happy I am that you showed up at my office tonight.”
“You are?”
“Of course.”
“I’m glad.” Allison hesitated, and even in the dark I could see her uncertain expression. “I wasn’t sure how you would react.”
“I’m always happy to see you. But I was surprised, especially since you were just up here yesterday. And you never did tell me what prompted the visit.”
“Do I need a specific reason to spend time with you?”
Hmm. Her tone had been light, teasing, but I caught the hint of strain underneath. She was trying to avoid this topic for some reason. If I decided to push the issue, if I opted to ignore her earlier plea to table any serious discussions for the remainder of the night and try to cajole her to answer my questions, I’d need to tread extremely carefully from this point on.
“Not at all. But knowing you, I suspect there is one. I could hazard a guess.”
“You could, huh? Enlighten me.”
I slowly slid my hand up Allison’s arm and tried not to wince at the ache in my shoulder as I wrapped it around her waist and tugged, urging her closer. She slid over, pressing the entire length of her body against mine. Her calf found its way atop both of my own, and I smiled at the sensation, then took a deep breath, inhaling the last traces of perfume that lingered on her skin.
“You missed me terribly. That’s a given,” I said.
“Mmmm. Could be. Though I’d never admit it. Your ego is big enough as it is. Go on.”
“You couldn’t manage even one more moment of not being able to gaze longingly into my eyes.”
Even through the darkness, I could see that Allison rolled hers. “Oh, boy. It’s getting deep in here.”
“You knew you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep without a good-night kiss.”
Allison chuckled softly and captured my lips with her own. As always, their softness and their heat struck me dumb, as did their ability to effortlessly reignite the flames of desire that were pretty much always smoldering for her.
“I guess I can go now,” Allison murmured thickly when the kiss finally ended, her lips still brushing against my own as she spoke. “You know, now that I’ve gotten what I came here for.”
It took a few seconds for my brain to register her words and then to assign meaning to them.
“Probably a good idea,” I said softly back, working my hand underneath the hem of the T-shirt she was wearing to rest against the small of her back. I started making slow circles on her skin with my fingertips. The more I touched her, the more I ached to touch her. The raw need building inside me was making it difficult for me to concentrate. “However, it is a long train ride back home. I could almost certainly be talked into giving you one more. You know, for the road. If you asked nicely.”
“Oh, really?” Allison shifted her position so her thigh now rested on top of mine, just above the still-healing scar I now sported. She rocked her hips slightly and continued caressing my cheek. “How unbelievably generous.”
“What can I say? I’m a giver.” I allowed my hand to drift up her side so my palm just glanced along the outer curve of her breast and smiled when she was unable to rein in a tiny whimper.
“Lucky me.”
“I’m glad you recognize that,” I teased as I bridged the millimeter gap between us and took my sweet time memorizing the feel of her lips and tongue.
One of Allison’s hands fisted in my hair, pulling me even closer, as her other one rested outside of my shirt on the swell of my breast, right over the top of my heart. Her fingertips were caressing my chest gently, which was a pleasurable contrast to the ones clutched fiercely in my now-tangled locks. It was my turn to let out a whimper.
“What was it? Really?” I whispered when our lips finally parted an eternity later.
Allison ignored me in favor of trailing feather-light kisses across my jaw and down my neck. Shivering, with goose bumps breaking out across my body, I slipped my free hand into the soft hair at the base of her neck and cradled her against me, encouraging her to go on.
For the longest time, I was positive she wouldn’t answer me, and I allowed myself to drift, carried away by the waves of erotic sensation her clever lips and teeth and tongue were igniting. I’d actually almost forgotten I’d ever asked her a question when she suddenly murmured against the skin at the juncture where my neck met my shoulder.
“What was that?” I hadn’t caught the words she’d uttered.
“I said, ‘All of the above.’”
“And?” The word trailed off into a moan.
Heaving a gigantic sigh, Allison lifted her head so she could look at me. “And we had a conversation to finish.”
“We did, huh?” I skimmed my thumb gently across her cheek and slid my other hand—the one that’d been thoroughly enjoying teasing the silken flesh of her torso—around her back and low enough so my fingers could slip just beneath the waistband of the borrowed boxer shorts she was wearing.
Allison’s eyes fluttered for a second as a look of pained desire crossed her face. She pressed her lower lip between her teeth for an instant as the hand resting over my heart clenched the material of my shirt. “Mmm-hmm.”
“You know, just because we decided to air all our dirty laundry to one another doesn’t mean we have to do it all in two days.”
Allison hesitated, obviously choosing her next words carefully. “Thin
gs have been strained between us since the day you left the hospital. Ever since the day we met, we’ve always connected effortlessly. Even after years of not speaking to one another, we fell right back into our old routine the instant we were in the same room together. Then all of a sudden, this weird distance sprang up between us.”
Allison ducked her head and refocused all her attention on tracing the ridged collar of my shirt with her fingertips. I could tell this was difficult for her to say for some reason, so I concentrated on sketching soothing patterns on her body while attempting to exercise my almost-nonexistent patience.
“We bridged most of it last night, and I know there’s no rush, but I didn’t want to wait any longer than I had to before completely settling things.”
“And do you feel like things have been settled now?”
“We still need to talk about a few things, but yeah. I think we’re good.”
Despite her words, her expression was somehow achingly sad as she made it a point not to look at me. My heart crumbled. Even through the dark I could see each thought and emotion etched deeply into her eyes.
“Do you want to talk about them now?” I asked, trying not to yawn again.
Allison shook her head, clearing her melancholy away. “Not tonight. And before you say anything, no. I’m not stalling. I just…have other plans for you. The things we have left to hash out can wait another day or two.”
“So, really you just came up here to get laid,” I said with a grin.
Allison gave me an exaggerated eye roll. “Of course you’d focus on that.”
“Yet I notice you’re not denying it.”
“How is it I’m so much more mature than you are?”
Worthy of Trust and Confidence Page 21