by Lauren Wood
“Clara, we’re both two consenting adults who want each other. If that’s the case then there’s nothing that can stand in our way.”
“There are things that are going to stand in our way,” she corrected me. “We don’t live in a world with just you and me. Our actions have consequences, and they can hurt the people around us. That’s not what I plan to do.”
“You can’t be perfect.”
“I never meant to be. I’m allowed to make mistakes.”
“And you think I would be a mistake.”
Clara looked at me with her beautiful eyes. “You would be the best and worst mistake that I ever made, and I’m not sure whether or not that’s a good thing.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I agreed with her. “But it doesn’t have to be a good or bad thing for you to do it. It all depends on what you want. Be selfish for once in your life.”
“Like you?” She questioned, sarcastically.
I snorted. “Yes.”
“I just don’t know that I can do that.”
“Fighting the feelings that you have for me isn’t going to make them any less intense. They’re going to continue to become stronger until all you can do is think about me and think about what it would have felt like, been like. You’ll always be curious, and is that what you want to go through for the rest of your life? Always wondering but never having the answer?”
The look on Clara’s face made it clear that she agreed with me. She’d always made herself out to be daddy’s little princess, and it was time for her to get a huge makeover.
Before she can say anything and continue to reject how we felt about each other, I dove in for the kill. My arm wrapped around her waist and brought her as close as I possibly could, and my lips pressed down onto hers.
If I wanted for this to happen between us, I’d have to be the best that she’d ever had.
She was a bit stiff, but that was okay. I kissed her softly and passionately before the heat turned up. My kiss grew in force, and my tongue darted along her lips, inviting her to open her mouth and invite me into the sweet crevice of her mouth. When she didn’t, I softly nipped at her, and she gasped, giving me the access that I needed.
She was sweet, but there was nothing that could have prepared me for the amazing way that she tasted. It was addictive, and I found myself wanting more. Of the kiss, of Clara, in general. I was becoming hooked.
And she didn’t seem to mind. After a few seconds, Clara began to ease up and started to kiss me back. Our lips danced together, and I knew that now that I’d tasted her, I wasn’t going to stop until I had her fully. At that moment, I didn’t give a damn about her boyfriend, her father, anyone that would oppose this moment.
All I cared about was Clara. And she seemed perfectly fine with that.
Her hand went into my hair and weaved through it. The harder that I kissed her, the more that she tugged on the strands. I had a feeling that she was trying to be gentle, but I wasn’t surprised to find out that gentle and Clara didn’t mix. And I was happy to figure that out. It left the door of possibilities wide open.
It was impossible not to remember that she was naked, pressed against me. The water surrounding us was cool, but we were burning hot. I couldn’t stop my free hand from wrapping around her breast which was far bigger than I’d imagined it would feel, and much more soft and ample. She felt amazing in my hand.
Clara let out the smallest moan, into the kiss, and I was pleased. She was so reactive that I was beginning to feel like this was the first time that she’d been touched, by a man. But that couldn’t be right. She had a boyfriend, and I knew that if I was her boyfriend, I would not be able to keep my hands off of her.
But again, something about that Brendan kid didn’t add up.
My lips moved away from Clara’s to focus on her neck, as I kissed and sucked like there was no tomorrow. I knew that I was leaving a mark. I was just too selfish to care. Clara didn’t seem to be protesting, anyways. And then my lips returned back to hers, unable to stray from them long.
All of a sudden, Clara pulled away from me, quick to put distance between our bodies. My body lacked the warmth that she’d been giving to it, and I found myself missing it. What was she doing? She was panting, now a couple feet away from me, and genuinely freaking out about what we had just done.
Great. Nothing could ruin a moment like a girl who was overthinking.
“What did we just do!” She exclaimed, and her voice was like a shriek.
“We just made out.” I frowned at her. “And from the looks of it, nobody’s ever made out with you, before.” I knew that it was forward of me, and it could leave me with a slap against my face, but I had to know the truth. Was she a virgin?
“That’s not true,” she argued. “Brendan has kissed me before.”
“Just kissed you?” I laughed. “Is that what I just did?”
“Whatever you just did, it shouldn’t have happened,” she asserted.
It was easy to tell that she was freaking out. I swam towards her so that I could hold her and calm her back down, but Clara wasn’t going for it, in the slightest. She put more space between us and narrowed her eyes at me. “Stay over there.”
“Why?” I asked. “You seemed to like me just fine when I was right against you.”
“Because this shouldn’t have happened.”
“You’re saying that now, but you enjoyed it.”
“It doesn’t matter.” She had admitted that it had felt good. “I can’t even begin to think of how Brendan’s going to feel, and what he’s going to say. He’s a good guy, and I run off and cheat on him. He’s going to be heartbroken and betrayed, and he doesn’t deserve that. And I don’t deserve to lose him. I have to think of a way to make this right or a way to fix this.”
I was beginning to realize how hung up on this Brendan guy that Clara was, and it was annoying. There wasn’t a single thing about him that was special. He hardly even showed emotion, yet he had her fighting for the relationship like she was trying to end world hunger. Why was it the safe, boring guys that ended up with all of the girls?
My hands balled into fists, underwater. “Why don’t you just break up with him?” I recommended, making sure that she fully understood that was a choice, still. “I mean, what’s so great about him, Clara? Do you really want to be with someone so boring? That’s not the guy for you.”
“Oh, and you are?!” She snapped. “A guy who spends his entire life vacationing. A guy who I’d always have to wonder if he’s out cheating on me or not because obviously he doesn’t think that cheating in a relationship is bad.”
Clara’s eyes narrowed at me, and she swam around me and got out of the water. And there was nothing that I could say to her to bring her back.
9
Clara
For the most part, Brendan was a fairly reasonable person. He didn’t show huge amounts of emotion, but that had to do with the way that he’d been raised. Whenever he did, though, I’d always felt like I was doing something right, bringing him out of his shell. It had always affirmed to me that I was doing something right.
But not this time.
I wasn’t sure that I’d ever seen him upset about something, and definitely not to this extent. His neck veins looked like they were about to pop out, and his face was so far into a frown that I felt like it was going to get stuck there. He was clearly angry about what I was telling him, and I didn’t know what to do about it.
“Brendan!” I was trying to reason with him again, to try and force him to see it my way that way he would understand. But he was so stubborn that he couldn’t, just for a second, see anyone else’s point of view. But I couldn’t be mad at him for that. I’d known he was like that from the first time I went out with him, and I’d chosen to do so anyway. “I didn’t decide to do this okay, my dad did, and I can’t change it, or he’s going to cut off all funding. I can’t have that happen. Don’t you get it?” I asked.
But he didn’t get it. In fact, I was
pretty sure that my words had made the situation worse. “You know what I get, Clara,” he started. “I get the fact that you’re going to live with a man because your father is making you. I get that you seem completely fine with it, and I get that you have intentions on cheating on me with him, because, clearly, everyone thinks he’s a much better suitor for you, then I am.”
I still hadn’t told Brendan that I had already cheated on him with Klaus, because I knew that the second I did, our relationship was as good as gone.
“That’s not true,” I argued. “My father loves you. This isn’t all some elaborate plan to get us together. Stop thinking like that. He’s a friend of my father’s who’s offered to help out. That’s all, Brendan.”
Brendan stared at me, for a long moment before he let out a deep breath. I was sure that it meant he was finally giving in and seeing my side, but I should have known him better than that. His veins were no longer popping, and his face was no longer red. But he didn’t look any less frustrated or angry.
“I don’t believe you.”
Four simple words that shouldn’t have meant anything, but they meant the world to me. Because, in that little sentence, he was making me out to be a liar. I raised my chin, at him, but there was nothing else that really needed to be said between us.
“If that’s really how you feel, then leave.”
And he did. He grabbed his stuff and walked right through the door.
I was left completely shocked. Of course I’d been the one to tell him to go, but I hadn’t actually thought that he would. If Brendan loved me like he claimed to, wouldn’t he have stayed to try and work things out? But the second that something happened that he didn’t like, he was dropping me like a sack of potatoes. He lived a calm and predictable life, and because he couldn’t figure out what was going through my mind, for the first time, he couldn’t guess what I was going to do next.
And that was a problem for him.
I had known that there were quite a few things that could happen once I told him, but this was not one of my predicted outcomes. He wasn’t supposed to just leave because he didn’t like the words that I was saying. He wasn’t supposed to give up on me. After being together all of this time, wasn’t our relationship stronger than that? This little bump in the road shouldn't have meant anything to us, yet it meant everything.
Could Shae have been right about the entire thing, from the beginning? Was there really something off about Brendan, about our relationship? All of this time I’d defended him, thinking that he was my soulmate, and now I looked like an idiot. We hadn’t fought in all of our time together, and now our first big argument, and instead of working through it, I felt like our relationship was practically over.
And that wasn’t a great feeling.
Without any other options, I picked up my phone and called the first person that was on my speed dial. Shae. A part of me didn’t want to tell her what had happened because I knew she would be more than happy to say ‘I told you so’, but the other part of me just wanted to tell my best friend what had happened.
I needed to talk about it, and who else was I going to tell? Shae answered on the first ring like she typically did when I called.
“Hey, Clara,” she greeted me. “Is this important because I’m actually right, in the middle of doing my own acrylics for the first time? I’ve been watching a lot of tutorials, but I think I finally have it this time.”
“Good for you,” I stated before changing the subject. “I think that Brendan and I are broken up.”
She was silent, and the only thing I could hear, on the other side of the phone, was her rustling around for something. Then, she finally settled. “Clara, that is the best news that I’ve ever heard. I’m so excited, I don’t care that I just chipped a nail. It is so worth it.”
I frowned, but what had I been expecting from her? “Shae, please.” Could she be serious with me? For once? I needed my best friend. And not for her to be a smart-ass but to actually be in my corner and support me like a best friend was supposed to. But then again, she had never been the typical best friend. “Be serious for a moment, okay?”
“I am being serious,” she retorted. “Why did you break up?”
“Because I told him about moving in with Klaus until I find a new apartment.”
“Did you tell him about what happened while you were skinny dipping?”
My cheeks turned red, as I thought about the makeout session that Klaus and I had shared. It was unlike anything that I’d ever felt before. It had felt passionate and sexy, and it was never going to happen again. All I could do was reenact the memories in my mind.
“No, I didn’t tell him,” I admitted. “There wasn’t really a chance for me to. He was so angry, and the last thing that I wanted to do was add to that fire.”
“Well, you do realize if you’re not broken up, now the moment that he hears the truth, it’s like you’re confirming his worst fears, and your relationship will be over. So, unless you plan on hiding the truth, you might as well start moving on, Clara.”
I bit into my bottom lip. “There’s no way that we can work through this?” Did I even want to?
Shae paused. “No,” she answered. “I don’t think so. Just look on the bright side. He wasn’t the guy for you, I can feel it.”
I had expected her to say that, so I wasn’t surprised. Before I could say anything, in response, someone knocked on my bedroom door. It could only be one person. “Come in,” I called, and the door opened. Antonio walked inside and sent me a smile. I knew that me moving out was actually starting to get to him a bit, but my dad was doing the best that he could to hide it.
“I can’t believe you’re really leaving, kiddo.” His words sounded so sad. But all of this had been his idea. Still, I guess I would have left him, regardless. At least this way he knew I was safe with a friend of his. He didn’t know he was sending me right into the den of the lion. “Are you all packed?”
I looked over all of my suitcases and nodded at him. “Yep, I think I have just about everything.” I’d been packing for the last couple of days. I had more stuff than I knew what to do with and had hardly noticed since I didn’t wear half of it.
“Are you ready to go?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll get the car running and have Matthew come up to get your bags.”
I nodded, as he turned around and left the room. We still had time before we had to say our goodbyes. I pressed my ear back up against my phone, and Shae was still, on the line. “I’ve got to go,” I told her. “It’s officially time for me to move.”
The car ride was long, and most of it was ridden in silence. Every once in a while, my dad would say something to attempt to engage me in conversation, but I was hardly paying attention. I didn’t want to talk. I was overwhelmed by my own thoughts and feelings while we took the three-hour drive to Klaus’ primary residence.
I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking back to the beach incident. It had happened almost two weeks ago, yet it was freshly imprinted in my memories. I wanted to push them away, but I also couldn’t stop myself from fantasizing about what would have happened if I hadn’t stopped him. He could have been my first, and there was nothing that I wanted more.
When I realized my thoughts, my eyes widened. Had I actually just thought that? I let out a sigh and turned over in my seat before closing my eyes.
“Clara, come on.” My dad was gently shaking my shoulder, and I woke up. My face was scrunched into a frown. “We’re here.” I stood back up and took the jacket off of me that I’d put on, during my nap, when I’d been cold.
I looked outside, but the apartment my dad said I’d be staying at looked much larger than the normal apartment. We were in a small gated community, and there were a few houses with a great deal of space between them. They were all glamorous, but this was pretty much a mansion in my book, rather than an apartment complex.
But hey, rich people liked to play by their own rules.
After
more of my father’s urging, I, finally, got out of the car. I was self-conscious about how Klaus was going to see me, and pushed my hair down, combing it with my fingers while I wiped my face, making sure that I didn’t have any drool on my face.
This was my first time seeing him since I’d run away from him at the beach.
My dad knocked on the door, and a housekeeper let us in.
“How are you doing?” I recognized Klaus’ voice, as he came from upstairs and into the small foyer that he had. “I know that it was a long drive. I’ve actually asked Jennifer to prepare dinner for you guys, so you’re more than welcome to stay.” He grinned, being his usual charming self.
“Good,” my dad stated. “I thought we were never going to make it here. I don’t do car rides very well.”
“Why not take the helicopter?” Klaus asked.
“Not enough preparation time. I couldn’t get our pilot on board with the schedule.”
“Then, hire someone else.”
I knew that Klaus was serious. He could care less about someone else’s job. Had I forgotten all about what he was truly like when we were apart for so long? He wasn’t a good person. After all, he was the reason Brendan and I were breaking up.
“Dinner was delicious,” my dad stated. We’d finished getting everything settled into my new bedroom upstairs, which was far bigger than I had anticipated it would be. It was almost the size of an entire moderately sized apartment. It had its own bathroom too and was everything that I needed. Then, Klaus had made sure that we stayed for dinner, so my father could be fed before he got back on the road. “But I should get going.” We were all standing by the door.
“I understand.” Klaus nodded at him. “Well, Clara couldn’t be in better hands.”
My dad smiled. “I believe it.”
“Bye, Dad.” I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. He was so sad to be letting me go, but he was getting over it because it meant I got to go to my dream college.
“Bye,” he whispered. With one more look, he walked outside, back to his car. Klaus and I watched him, straight until he drove away and disappeared into the night. I realized that this would be the first time that I’d ever been away from him for so long.