by Lauren Wood
Everything had happened so fast. Before I’d known it, he was pleasuring me and pumping himself inside of me. The last thing that I’d been thinking about was protection. I began panicking once I realized what a grave error that I’d made. I had a feeling that this was going to end up horribly.
I wasn’t on any kind of birth control, and why would I be? When I’d been dating Brendan, he’d been so assured that he wasn’t going to touch me, that he wasn’t under any kind of temptation. He’d never so much as sent me a hot glance and had never tried to touch me more than a simple pat on the shoulder.
Maybe I should have gotten some condoms just for backup. After all, how was I to know that it wasn’t going to happen, at all, right? But I’d never thought that much about it. I’d never had feelings like this before. I had never wanted Brendan as much as I wanted Klaus. He didn’t ignite the same fire in me.
And it wasn’t like I could have prepared myself. I hadn’t known I was going to be with Klaus, after all. I couldn’t have gotten something if I didn’t know.
I eventually wanted a child, but not like this. Not when I hadn’t seen the baby daddy in a month because my father was forbidding me to see him, as if we were a modern Romeo and Juliet story. And it seemed like he’d just about given up on me.
But it didn’t matter how I felt until I knew for sure, and there was only one way for me to find out.
“Clara, are you listening to anything that I’m saying?”
I tuned back into the conversation with Shae. “Hey, I have to go.”
“What? Why?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
I ended the phone call. I wouldn’t be able to focus with her on the line, yelling things in my ear.
When was the last time that I’d left the house? I’d done nothing but stay in for the last few days. I didn’t have the energy to go out or do anything. It wasn’t that I wanted to wallow in my self-pity, but I couldn’t, exactly, control it. Klaus wasn’t talking to me. It wasn’t like my dad was much better, and I wasn’t speaking to Shae. What other reason did I have to leave the house?
I grabbed my shoes and slipped them on my feet before I went to look at myself in the mirror. My eyes widened when I realized just how bad I looked. I wouldn’t want to talk to me, either, if I was being completely honest. I looked like a mess, like I didn’t care. If it were any other situation then I would have been appalled because I did usually care. This past month, I really hadn’t cared. I was definitely not myself.
But I wasn’t going to go anywhere dressed like this. I took my shoes off and slipped into the bathroom to take a shower. When was the last time that I had taken a shower? When I’d been with Klaus? It was probably for the best that I just didn’t think about it because I would be absolutely disgusted by the answer.
I turned the hot water on and jumped into the shower. I didn’t feel like taking a long one. Instead, I washed my body quickly with my favorite soap, did a quick rinse of my hair, and then got out.
My outfit was simple. A pair of shorts, a shirt, and some sneakers. I pulled my hair into a lazy ponytail and then left my bedroom, something that I hadn’t done in months.
I didn’t see Dad when I left, but I wasn’t surprised. He was probably at work, unless it was the weekend, in which case I didn’t know. I didn’t have a clue what day of the week it was, but that was only warranted. I hadn’t kept up with any part of life at all the last few weeks. Days blurred together without any distinguishing features.
Our housekeepers seemed completely shocked to see me out of the room. Most of them didn’t even utter a greeting to me. But I wasn’t surprised. They probably forgot I was in there. I wondered how long it would be before they texted my dad and let him know that I’d finally left my room.
I didn’t think about anything as I drove to the nearest pharmacy. It was what made the car ride go by so quickly. I went inside the store and looked around a few aisles before my eyes landed on the pregnancy tests. I grabbed one before making a face. I would grab two, just to be safe. When I got an answer, I wanted to be sure.
Because if it came out positive, I still had no clue how I was going to handle it.
I checked out and went back home.
When I got home, I was relieved to see that my dad still wasn’t home. That was for the best because I had a feeling that he wouldn’t be pleased to see what was in my bag. I parked my car and held my bag close against my body so that none of our hired help would see it as I passed by. I went straight upstairs, back to my bedroom.
My nose scrunched up when I smelled it. Usually, my room smelled clean, but now it smelled stale, and I hadn’t noticed because I hadn’t been outside to remember what clean was supposed to smell like. I was going to have to get it cleaned and clean up my entire act, especially if this pregnancy test came out positive, and the odds weren’t in my favor that it wouldn’t.
If I was pregnant, what would Klaus do? Would he stick by my side or toss me away like all of his other one-night stands? I really hoped that he’d meant it when he said that I was different.
I went into my bathroom and pulled my pants down before peeing on the first stick. The two-minute wait was the last part, and the entire time, I felt like I was going to throw up. The anticipation was killing me, and I found myself checking the timer I’d set on my phone, every couple of seconds, waiting for the test to finish, hoping that it came out negative.
But the odds were never in my favor. I turned the test around, and I could feel my eyes beginning to water when I noticed that it was positive. Fuck fuck fuck. There was still a chance that it could be wrong. These things weren’t always right, and maybe I’d just managed to get a faulty one.
At least, that was what I was going to keep telling myself.
But the second one didn’t prove to be any better than the first when it came out positive, as well. I was completely and overly fucked.
I grabbed both pregnancy tests and went into my room and sat on my bed. My arms wrapped around my legs, and I cried into them, unable to help myself. I was going to be a mother. The question of whether or not I was going to keep the baby wasn’t one that I was going to entertain.
This baby was a part of me and was created from something special. Now all I could do was hope that Klaus felt the same.
There was a knock on my door. I tuned it out because I could only deal with one thing at a time, and I was sure that it was my father, probably going on another rant about how I was falling behind and how everything that had happened was nobody’s fault but my own. Well, he could can it because that was the last thing that I wanted to hear.
He came in anyway. His face scrunched up. “Oh, honey, we’re going to have to get your room cleaned.” Then he noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks and immediately came over to me. “Why are you crying?” He asked, his voice serious. “Is everything okay? Did something happen to you?”
I didn’t want to say anything. I couldn’t say anything. Instead, I just threw him the pregnancy test. He frowned before picking it up, confusion etched across his features. Once he realized what it meant, and what I was telling him, he dropped it and stared at me. “Clara,” he said my name slowly. “You’re pregnant?”
“It looks that way, daddy.” My voice was spiteful.
“Who’s the father?”
“You must really think your daughter just turned into a slut overnight who would let anyone on the ride as long as they paid the fine?”
My dad grimaced. “Klaus?”
“Yes, Klaus.”
“And you’re sure?”
“Without a doubt.”
14
Klaus
“Is that really how you feel?” Ezra asked. He was staring at me like he didn’t believe me, but I didn’t need him to believe me. The only person that I truly needed to fool was myself. And then, maybe then, I would be able to stop thinking about her every moment that I was awake. Because this couldn’t go on.
“Yes,” I answered his question
for the umpteenth time. “That’s how I feel. It really doesn’t bother me that I don’t get to see her.” Lies. Lies. Lies. If I wasn’t even convincing myself, how the hell did I expect to convince them? I was sure the truth was written all over my face. All I wanted to do was go over to Antonio’s house, wrap my arms around her and tell her how I really felt.
I had never known what love was before I met her, and maybe I still didn’t. But for her, I knew that what I felt was real. I’d fallen fast and hard, but for once in my life, I didn’t want to be selfish. What was that old saying? Let it go, and if it comes back then it’s meant to be. I was waiting for my little butterfly to return to me.
But what if she never came back? I needed to drive this home because I needed to be able to rebound, to get over her and forget her. Something told me that wasn’t going to be nearly as easy as I anticipated. After all, wasn’t that the reason those teenage girls wrote all of those love songs about their first breakup?
“Clara was just a conquest, like every other girl I’ve slept with.” Except she wasn’t. She was the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, through the good and the bad. But her father had made himself clear, and since I hadn’t heard from her, I was running out of options. I couldn’t think about her forever.
“Who do you think you’re fooling?” Quinn asked. She offered me a kind smile, which made me wonder yet again how my brother had managed to find someone who was so kind. She was definitely too good for him. “You said it yourself when her father was here, trying to take her away. You love this girl. Why are you trying to hide your feelings?”
Because that’s the easiest thing to do. If I could convince myself that my feelings weren’t real then I could push them down and pretend like they didn’t exist. Or, at least, that was what I’d thought. Had it worked out for me thus far? Not, in the slightest. I still knew exactly how I felt about Clara.
I let out a deep breath. Maybe I should start taking Quinn’s advice. After all, she knew more about this stuff than I did. She was happily married with a man who had vowed he was never going to get married a second time.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” I admitted. “I’ve never felt this way, and it feels like every way I turn, I’m making a wrong decision.”
“That’s what love will do to you,” Quinn joked. “It’s supposed to make you feel funny, that’s the pleasure of it all. Do you want this girl back, Klaus?”
I didn’t have to think about my answer, and there was no need for her to ask me twice. “Yes.” My answer was simple and powerful because it was the truth. There was nothing I wanted more than this girl in my life.
“The first thing that you have to do is tell us how you really feel about her.”
The words that I’d been so afraid to say after Antonio had left my house. I’d never said the words to someone, or about someone, before, and the one time that I did, I felt like they were just thrown back in my face as if they were worthless and meant nothing.
“I love her.”
Quinn smiled. “Good. And why do you love her? What is it about her that makes her special?”
Everything. “She’s defiant,” I stated, remembering our first encounters. My lips curved into a smile. “She doesn’t worship at my feet or believe that everything I do is right. She doesn’t want me because of my money or because I look good. She was with me because she liked who I really was. I’ve never met anyone like that before.”
That was why I’d come to love Clara as much as I did. She was different and in today’s age, different was hard to find. But I’d never thought that it was a bad thing. I was like a moth drawn to a light, and I didn’t mind. In my eyes, she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. She was perfect and the exact kind of woman that I needed.
Now, I just had to figure out how to win her back and erase whatever brainwashing her father had done. And then maybe I stood a chance.
“She sounds like the perfect girl for you,” Ezra said sarcastically although I could see the smile written across his face. I knew that he and Quinn were being genuine, and I realized just how much I appreciated the two of them.
“She really does. How does she feel about you?”
That was a good question. I knew that she liked me. I’d practically forced her to say the words. I hadn’t wanted her to lie to me, and she hadn’t. But that didn’t mean that she was in love with me. And maybe I was the only weird one who even fell in love this fast.
“I know that she has feelings for me,” I told Quinn. “She can’t stay away from me, but I don’t know if that’s love or not. To be completely honest with you, I’m not really sure what love is supposed to look like. I couldn’t tell you how she really felt about me.” I sighed and my shoulders sagged.
Quinn sent a look to Ezra. “Don’t worry. When someone loves you, Klaus, you’ll know. You won’t have to guess. You’ll be able to feel it, and there won’t be any question about it.”
That sounded nice. I didn’t know if I’d felt that or not, and considering that I wasn’t sure, probably meant that I hadn’t. When she did, I would know.
“Well, what can I do now?” I asked, hopeful. “It seems like she’s forgotten all about me.”
“Trust me,” Quinn started. “She hasn’t. You’re not easy to forget.”
“Easy,” Ezra stated. I rolled my eyes at my brother while Quinn laughed. He could be so territorial without reason, considering that she would never do anything to hurt him.
“Well, we have to go,” Ezra stood up. “We’re paying the nanny by the minute.”
I laughed. “Is that a joke?”
“I wish that it was.”
I walked them to the door. “Bye, I’ll see you guys later.”
“Don’t be a stranger,” Quinn stated.
“Or do,” Ezra said after her.
I waved at them, as they left before closing and locking the door behind them. Afterwards, I went upstairs and jumped into my shower. There was something about running hot water that could clear my mind although it could do more with the steam and less with the actual water part. Still, it always helped me, and that was what I needed right now to figure out my game plan.
There was a towel wrapped around my waist when I heard the doorbell ring. I had a feeling that it was Quinn because she had the bad habit of constantly forgetting things. I opened the door, but it wasn’t who I thought it was. It was Antonio paying me yet another surprise visit.
At least this time I hadn’t just fucked his daughter.
“Well, look what the cat brought in,” I said sarcastically and opened my door, so he could come in. It wasn’t that I wanted him in my house, but I couldn’t very well talk to him outside without clothes on.
Antonio stepped in, but he didn’t look happy to be doing so. “Whose daughter is upstairs this time?” He asked. “At least I know it isn’t mine.”
“Oooh,” I said sarcastically. “When did this cat get claws? What are you doing here, Antonio?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
Antonio didn’t say anything, but that was okay. I had enough to say for the both of us. “If I remember correctly, you said that the two of us were done, right? That you wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, and then you pop up on my doorstep. Please, Antonio, tell me what I should make of this.”
To say that I was a little bit upset at Antonio was an under-exaggeration. Just like I wasn’t on his good side. He wasn’t on mine although I’d never had much of a good side, anyways. He pretty much made up the entire list. Antonio had taken away the one woman I’d ever come to love, and that was unforgivable.
“Do you ever just shut the fuck up and listen?” Antonio snapped.
“Oh, there’s the business side of you. It was about time you grew a pair of balls and stood up to me.”
I could tell that he was fuming. “I didn’t stand up to you because you were my friend.”
“Obviously, not good friends if I slept with your daughter, right? That is what
you said, isn’t it?”
What was I doing? If I wanted to get Clara back, arguing with her father certainly wasn’t the way to go about it. Then again, at this point, she was never going to get back together with me anyways, not if Antonio had anything to say about it. So what did it matter what I said to him? It wasn’t going to change anything or make the situation any worse than it already was.
“Do you want me to punch you in the face again?” Antonio asked me, and I could tell that he was desperately trying to keep himself together.
“Well, I don’t think the first time got the point across.”
“Have you always been this much of a jackass?”
“I guess you didn’t notice when you were sucking up to me.”
“Then, I’m glad those days are over.”
“Me, too. It’s hard living with a stick up my ass!”
Antonio’s hands were balled, and I was sure that he was going to hit me again. But this wasn’t like last time. There wouldn’t be any free shots. I would fight back, and I knew that he could sense that. If it was a fair fight between the two of us, we both knew that it was going to end with me being victorious.
“I can’t believe you’re the father of my grandchild.”
“Yeah, well…” I stopped talking, as my words drifted into the air. “What did you just say?” There was no way that I’d heard him correctly because it sounded like he’d just said that I was about to become a father.
Antonio sighed. “Clara’s pregnant, and I’m sure you can guess who the father is.” I was flabbergasted.
“Why didn’t she tell me?” I asked. “I’ve been texting and calling her, no answer.”
Antonio rubbed the back of his neck. “I blocked your number on her phone. She hasn’t been getting anything.”
So, she wasn’t ignoring me, and she was carrying my child. This was a development I never expected.