“Are you going to tie me up and hold me against my will?”
I grin. “I’d love to, actually.” I’m only partially joking.
She sighs and drops her hands by her sides. “Please stop, you’re being ridiculous.”
“Nope. It’s time we un-complicate this.”
“That’s impossible, Nick.”
“Why?” I step closer and take her beach bag from her hand.
“Because . . . I don’t want to get hurt.”
Though I assumed she was scared in some way, it’s hard to hear her say it’s because of me. “I won’t hurt you, Bethany,” I promise, and run my fingers over the strap of her purse and pull it off her shoulder.
“I don’t want to fuck it up.”
“Then don’t.”
“You act like it’s that simple,” she breathes. “We are never simple.”
I drop her purse on the couch, holding her gaze despite how crazy she makes me and the fact that I want to pin her against the wall and show her how good we’d be together. “No, we’re not. But all these years have been building up to something. It’s time to see where it takes us.”
She licks her lips. “It’s going to ruin whatever this is between us.” It’s like she says the words because she thinks she should, not because she means them. They’re light on her tongue, almost breathless, and her eyes are locked on mine.
“Or,” I whisper, “make it better.”
Her head shifts slowly from side to side. “You can’t know that.”
“I know that you look smokin’ hot in those cowboy boots that I’ve watched you dance in more times than I can count, and that I nearly lost my shit today when you took off your sundress.” I take a step closer so that her sandals touch my toes. “I know you’ve worn the same perfume since high school and that you’re neurotic when you need to be in control of something.”
I tuck her hair behind her ear and frown. “I know that when I’ve seen you with other guys, you don’t give them any part of you—you barely look at them, definitely not the way you’re looking at me.”
I lean closer, sunblock and shampoo filling my nose and making my insides ache with desire. “And I know that you’re having an extra bad day when you knot your hair on top of your head, and that you’d do anything for your brother, no matter what it costs you. Some nights you go out and want to live with abandon, but it never sates you.” I take her messenger bag off her shoulder and let it drop to the ground. “I know that you push me away because whatever this is between us scares you more than anything.”
“And it doesn’t scare you?” she rasps.
I appreciate her soft bottom lip and the dimple on her left cheek when she swallows thickly. “Not anymore and certainly not enough to let you leave.” I want to see what we could be, to prove to myself it’s not all in my head. I want to prove that it’s not years of tension and distance that’s made us feel an attraction to one another, but something real beneath the surface.
No more waiting. I kiss her.
No more games and back and forth. In this moment, she’s my life’s blood. She’s the heat coursing through my veins, the adrenaline that makes my body hum and my heart pound, like I’ll explode without the taste of her again. I want her in every way, and all it takes is her lips parting against mine and a whimper before I lose myself.
Forty
Bethany
I’m lost in a wave of euphoric surprise and sudden relief as Nick’s mouth covers mine. His hands are hot against my jaw and neck, and I can’t help but whimper as his tongue slips between my lips. Mint and man fill my senses, and a lightning storm enlivens every nerve ending on my body. Thunder rumbles through his chest and the charge that has always filled the space between us becomes an air supply I can’t breathe without. It’s what makes him so dangerous. It’s what consumes me and stirs something wild awake inside.
My arms tangle around his neck, unable to resist the pull between us that’s become a life-support my body can’t deny, and I give into him completely.
Hands flutter. Our bodies press together. Nick lifts me up against the wall, it’s unyielding behind me. My legs wrap around him, my insides swirling with a red-hot need as his hands grip my thighs and his mouth devours mine.
This is different than our kiss before. It’s frenzied and raw and all-consuming.
His hands find the hem of my dress. “Take it off,” he commands, tugging at it. “I want it off.” My bathing suit top gets in the way, but that doesn’t slow him down. It fuels him, filling him with more determination as he tears my dress away. His hands are greedy and he yanks my bathing suit top down, lifting my breast into his mouth.
I gasp and pull his soft hair between my fingers, my body clenching in need as liquid heat pools inside me, yearning.
“Nick,” I rasp. “Please.”
He bites my lip. “Say it,” he growls. “I want to hear you say it.”
I’d do anything he asks if it meant he’d fuck me. “I need you.” I whimper as his fingertip brushes over my nipple. “I—want you,” I gasp, squeezing my legs tighter around him.
Nick yanks me from the wall and walks us to his bedroom. He drops me onto the bed, appraising me, like I’m a prize he’s won, watching me writhe with wanting as he pulls away. He tugs his shirt over his head then unbuttons his shorts. “There’s no going back,” he says. It’s a warning, but I’m not sure if it’s for me or himself.
Every doubt is gone. Every fear is a fading memory. “I don’t want to go back.” The chill without him against me makes me tremble, and I run my hands down my body. Nothing matters before this. “I never want to go back.”
Nick pulls a condom from the bedside table, and I struggle to keep my eyes open in my anticipation. I feel the bed move and Nick climbs over me. “Look at me,” he says. His voice is a distant, alluring rumble, pulling me to him.
I open my eyes, lost in the wild green and brown that stare back at me.
He kisses me again, more gently than I expect, and I memorize this. This feeling. This elation and levity. When he finally eases himself inside me, the weight of the last ten years disperses, and I’m completely undone.
Forty-One
Nick
Lying in bed, with Bethany in my arms, is the most surreal feeling I’ve ever had. She’s not the girl of my past or the girl of my dreams. She’s Bethany. She’s real. And if the past couple hours are any indication, she’s mine. The thought makes me hard all over again.
Her chest rises and falls in soft breaths beside me as she blinks lazily up at the ceiling, her fingertips trailing my arm wrapped around her middle. Her skin is so supple and warm, and I can’t keep my hands and mouth off her.
Kissing her shoulder, I sit up on my elbow and peer down at her delicate profile. She blinks slowly. The ruddiness of her cheeks, the sated gleam in her eyes, and the way her hair sprawls out over my sheets is my doing. She looks happy and sated, and I revel in the sight of her.
“How long do you think we could hide out in here before people come looking for us?” I ask.
She smiles, a genuine smile that makes me consider holding her hostage so that she never has to worry about anything ever again. “If I’m not home to get Jesse to school tomorrow, my mom will freak.”
I nuzzle into her neck, breathing her in. “That’s too bad. I was hoping we could play hooky tomorrow.”
She chuckles softly. “I wish. We have to report in about our project progress tomorrow.”
I grumble. “Professor Murray is the last thing I want to be thinking about right now.”
She cups the side of my face with the palm of her hand, and I immediately relax. “At least I’ll get to see you,” she says, surprising me. Her soft expression falters. “I should go soon. It’s getting late, and I’m already going to get the third degree.”
I sigh, watching the shadows creep into her eyes. “Your parents suck.”
“You have no idea.” She laughs, partly amused, and presses her lips against min
e. She holds our kiss, inhales before she breaks away and rests her forehead against mine. “I’m going to move out soon,” she says. “I don’t know when, but . . . soon.”
“And leave Jesse?”
She shrugs. “I won’t be gone forever.” Her eyes meet mine and I see the pain in them, a pain I know I can’t fix, no matter how badly I want to. “I need to get out of there though.” She kisses me this time and whimpers against my mouth.
I want to joke that my persistence finally paid off but this—us—is too big for jokes. I can feel it in the words she doesn’t speak. Instead of saying anything, I kiss her back, letting my lips linger this time, savoring her. We lie in each other’s arms a little while longer before she turns around in the sheets to face me fully.
“What happens now?” she whispers.
I kiss her nose and flash her a wolfish grin. “Well . . . I have a few things in mind.”
“I meant what happens with us?” she clarifies with a laugh, then she sits up, the sheet falling from her body.
I groan and bite the back of my hand. “Are you serious right now?”
Bethany peers down at the bikini discarded on the floor, like she’s decided it’s time to get dressed.
“First of all,” I grab her wrist and pull her back down to me, earning a giggle I’ve never heard from her before. “I’m never letting you go; you’re mine now,” I tell her. “I mean that in the least creepy way possible.” But I do mean it. Now that I’ve seen a glimpse of what’s possible between us, I can’t ever let her go. She’s the one I want. She’s the one I’ve always wanted.
“What is it?” she asks, concern creasing her brow.
I reprise my smiles and give her a wink. “Just working out the timeline for a quickie after class tomorrow.” I bite playfully at her neck, provoking another giggle that makes my heart soar.
Forty-Two
Bethany
It’s eleven when I finally force myself to go home. Though the porch light is on, all the lights are off in the house, which is a relief. I don’t think I could handle my parents right now, not while I’m still high on the whirlwind the past few hours have been.
Quietly, I open the door and step inside. As expected, the house is silent, save for the ticking of the wall clock, and I divest my bags in the living room as quietly as I can. Although my mind is more still than usual, my body feels boneless, encouraging an irrepressible smile. It all still feels like a dream, and I can’t remember why I’d been so scared to take the leap with Nick. He’s different than Mike, I’ve always known that, even if doubt has inched its way in one too many times. Now, though, I feel it in every fiber of my being. Being with Nick is right.
Desperate to chug some water down before I collapse on my bed, I flick the kitchen light on to find my mom standing at the island. I clasp my hand over my mouth to stifle a scream. “Oh my God,” I breathe, squeezing my eyes shut. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Where have you been?” She’s scowling and doesn’t mince words.
“I’ve been at Nick’s. We were working on our project, and I fell asleep.”
“More lies?” she seethes.
I blanch. It might not be the whole truth this time, but I’ve been nothing but honest until now. “Excuse me?”
“You may think I’m an absentee mother, Bethany, but I’m not blind. I know what the walk of shame looks like.” Her words are like acid around my heart. “I defend you to your father and you do this?”
“Do what?” Even if she knows about Nick, I can’t see her being so angry about it. She’s petrifying—even in the middle of the night her hair is perfect and her disappointment drips off each and every syllable. I’ve never seen her so angry with me.
“Did you forget something today?”
I shake my head, dread clawing at me as I try to remember. “No—”
“You were supposed to pick Jesse up from the movie theater—his friends left and he was waiting there, alone and scared out of his mind for over an hour. How could you do that to him?”
“But, I didn’t—”
“It took me all night to get him to calm down. What the hell was so important that you couldn’t even answer your phone? Him?”
My chest tightens. “It’s off,” I realize. “My phone’s off . . .” My mind is swirling. If I had been drinking, I might think I was intoxicated. It all feels unreal. “I checked the calendar yesterday—it wasn’t on the calendar.” I rush over to it to find it’s written in, but I know it wasn’t there the last time I checked. “I didn’t know I was supposed to pick him up.”
“Well, you were, and this time you get to tell him why you forgot about him and didn’t pick up his nineteen calls.” She shakes her head.
“I was with Nick, yes,” I say, my voice shaking. It feels like the world is cold and rushing in around me, and I can’t catch my breath. I would never forget about Jesse. I would never disappoint him. “It’s not like that, though.”
“So, you’re not sleeping with Nick?” I don’t want to lie, but I can’t bring myself to say yes. She shakes her head. “Never mind, I already know the answer.” She seethes the words, like I’m disgusting to her, and it tears at my heart.
My mom grabs an empty glass from the counter and walks to the sink to rinse it out.
“Why do you say it like that?” I ask, hating the hurt in my voice.
“Because your father is right,” she bites out. “This is Mike, all over again.”
“Nick is nothing like him—”
“Only this time, your brother gets the shit end, too.”
“Stop using Jesse to make your point,” I grind out. “I’m nothing like you and Dad. Jesse knows he can count on me.”
Her eyes widen and her nostrils flare, but I refuse to be lumped into the same category with her. “I have never forgotten him before.”
“I didn’t either! It was one misunderstanding. I didn’t know I was supposed to pick him up. If you would communicate better and not leave last minute notes on the calendar, I would have shown up.”
“And your phone? Are you blaming that on me too?”
“I had my phone off for one afternoon.”
She shakes her head like she can’t stand the sight of me and it fuels my anger.
“I wanted one day for myself—you’re acting like I’ve ruined Jesse’s life.”
“No, but you’re on the path to ruining yours.”
I gape at her, at a complete loss. How has it escalated to this? I don’t see her logic. I don’t understand what she and my father are so worried about. “You both act like I’m incapable of being a level-headed adult, like I couldn’t possibly have a boyfriend and maintain a semblance of responsibility. Mike was almost four years ago—I was in high school. It’s time to get over it already.”
She takes a step closer. “Get over it? You barely graduated high school because of him. You lied—you never went to class. God only knows what trouble you and Anna Marie got into. I half expected you’d come home pregnant. So, you don’t get to tell me I’m overreacting when I’ve seen first-hand how thoughtless and reckless you can be when it comes to your infatuations.”
“Thoughtless?” I breathe. “Infatuations?” I walk to my bag on the couch, pull out my journal, and toss it onto the counter. “Reading material, in case you care to know how thoughtless I’ve been over the past ten years—how infatuated I am with Nick,” I say, tears dripping from between my lashes. “Since I’m such a disappointment to you and Dad, consider me a burden you no longer have to bear.”
I turn for the stairs. I don’t know if she picks up the journal or if she even plans to read it—I’m not sure I even really want her to—but it’s all I have left of myself to give her, and I’m out of ideas about how to get through to them.
By the time my bags are packed with as much as I can carry, I hurry for the door and I don’t look back.
Forty-Three
Nick
I’m practically walking on sunshine when I get t
o school Monday morning. I wasn’t sure I could sleep after Bethany left, but I was out like a light until my alarm went off at seven. I have no idea how this morning’s class will go, but I know I won’t be able to take my eyes off her, differently than before.
Heading toward class with fifteen minutes to spare, I figure a trip to the vending machine will be a good time-filler. When I see knotted blonde hair and the black and purple messenger bag I’ve stared at a dozen times, sitting on the bench, I walk over to Bethany, unable to resist my excitement.
“You came early,” I say, plopping down beside her. She startles and jumps, and when she peers up at me her eyes are red and puffy, like she’s been crying. I hadn’t been expecting that.
Bethany pulls her ear buds out one by one and blinks at me.
“What’s wrong?” I brush a strand of hair from her face. “What happened?”
She wipes at her eyes and shrugs. “I’m fine. Just tired. I got in a fight with my mom last night.”
About me. That’s the first thing I think of. “About what?”
She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter, but I stayed at Anna Marie’s. She said I can stay with her for as long as I need. I just . . . I can’t be at home anymore.”
“Does Jesse know?”
She pulls the sleeves of her shirt down over her hands and swallows thickly. “I told him when I picked him up for school this morning. It’s not like I won’t be around anymore, I’ll still pick him up for school and stuff. He didn’t have much to say, but I think he understands.”
Although I’ve never met Bethany’s parents, I’ve known since middle school that I didn’t like them. “I’m glad you left,” I admit. “You can always come to my place.”
“Thank you.” Bethany smiles weakly and takes my hand, splaying our fingers together.
Saratoga Falls: The Complete Love Story Series Page 89