by Anne Ashby
“What did he promise, Gran?” Zoe straightened as all sorts of possibilities flashed through her mind.
“Nothing, nothing really.” Bess evaded Zoe’s question and her eyes. “I just wanted…hoped you’d get on. If things went smoothly with Connor, then you’d be ready to meet everybody else, and I wouldn’t have to keep pretending—”
“Oh, Gran.” Zoe’s arm slipped around her grandmother’s shoulders. She hadn’t understood her insistence on secrecy had so affected Bess. “I’m so sorry. It’s been selfish of me, hasn’t it?”
Zoe blinked hard to disperse the tears forming in her eyes. “It was just so new, and I guess scary too, having a family.” She swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to go on. “I’ve been scared I’ll wake up one day and find I’ve been in a wonderful dream.”
“Does this feel like a dream?” Bess pinched her leg.
“Ouch.” Zoe rubbed the red spot forming on her thigh. “It’s more like a nightmare, with you the wicked old witch.” She glared at Bess. “You’re a vicious old lady.”
“You’d just better believe that, my girl.” Bess’s eyes twinkled for a moment before the sparkle was replaced with a look of determination. “I want to know what’s going on between you and Connor. I’m not going to give up until you give me an answer, Zoe, so you might as well come clean.”
Zoe chewed on her bottom lip, trying to think of some way to avoid the question. After flying around the room seeking inspiration, her gaze settled back on her grandmother.
“You’re such a fraud.” Zoe groaned. “You look like a delicate flower that would wilt without constant attention, when you’re really as stubborn as an ass, or a mule, or whatever the saying is. Can’t you just leave it be?”
“No.”
“Oh, Gran. If there’s any chance of hurting you, then I’m outta here. I’m not coming between you and your family. I—”
“You are my family.”
“I know, and I’m so thankful to have found you. But I refuse to be the cause of any grief.” Zoe leapt to her feet and paced across the small space a couple of times, feeling her grandmother’s gaze following her every movement.
Eventually she sank back down beside the older lady. “Sometimes people just don’t hit it off, Gran, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I guess that’s what’s happened between me and Connor.” Can I convince Bess that’s all it is?
“Connor hasn’t done anything, Gran.” Except be his obnoxious self. “We just seem to grate each other up the wrong way.”
She gripped her grandmother’s arm. “Please don’t go saying anything to him.” He’ll only assume I’ve been complaining. “I don’t want to be the cause of any friction between you. Please, Gran.”
Zoe chewed on her lip waiting for Bess’s response. Zoe’s conscience pricked as the eventual heavy sigh told her just how much a burden this situation was to Bess.
Before she allowed herself time to consider, she offered, “What about if I come to Wellington with you for Christmas?”
Her rising panic was quelled for a moment by the excited wonderment shining on Bess’s face.
Her fingers clutched at Zoe’s arm. “Do you mean that? Are you sure?”
Zoe nodded, doubting her voice would work now the panic was setting in.
“Oh, Zoe, thank you.”
She returned Bess’s embrace.
“You won’t be sorry. They’ll all love you.”
Except Connor. “Please don’t say anything to Connor.”
Zoe had to be content with a misty smile.
“I’ve been worrying about my bus trip. Do you remember? We’re scheduled to leave next Wednesday.”
Zoe had forgotten all about the Senior Citizen bus trip Bess had told her about. Two weeks touring around the East Coast.
“I wondered if I should cancel…they’ll probably be able to find someone else to take my place.”
“Cancel? Why on earth would you want to cancel? You were looking forward to it, weren’t you?” Now she remembered the conversation, she was sure Bess had been excited at being able to obtain a seat on the popular excursion.
“Well…you and Connor…I mean you not getting on—”
Zoe forced a laugh. “Don’t be silly, Gran. Of course you must go. So what if Connor and I can’t stand the sight of each other? We’re adults. I’m sure we can get by for a couple of weeks without doing each other any harm.”
She crossed her fingers behind her back, appalled at the idea. “Don’t even consider trying to back out.” She hugged the stooped shoulders. “I’d be very angry,” she warned.
Zoe’s effort to persuade Bess everything would be fine while she was away must have worked. Bess left the room as abruptly as she’d arrived, but with a big smile on her face.
Thrusting open her window, Zoe slumped against the window jamb, staring out at nothing.
Bloody hell! What have I let myself in for? Two weeks alone with Connor, and a meeting with my family. She didn’t know which one scared her more.
Pains in her stomach, deep shooting pains, had her bending over to ease them away with deep cleansing breaths. She’d assumed this symptom of extreme anxiety had disappeared with childhood.
Perhaps next year I could take some psychology papers and see if I can talk myself out of this physical reaction to fear. In the meantime, her concern for Bess’s happiness was more important than a little discomfort.
****
Thank heavens Connor was nowhere around next morning, so she didn’t have to pretend to be relaxed and carefree.
In fact Zoe couldn’t believe her luck. She hadn’t seen him for a couple of days. Although she had heard him talking to Bess on multiple occasions while she was busy studying, so she’d lucked out on the chance he might have shifted.
Perhaps he’d started his job, although it seemed unlikely to start working at the medical school near the end of a semester. But if it kept him out of her hair, Zoe was more than happy. Keeping a low profile was proving to be easier than she’d hoped.
****
The first Saturday of the university summer break turned out to be one of those depressing, wet days. Although the television weathermen kept telling them the reservoirs were low and they needed rain, Zoe was bummed out as she looked out at the dreary sight.
The pressure of exams was off until next year. She glanced up glumly as Bess strolled into the kitchen. “I was looking forward to doing something exciting today. It’s like a massive weight’s been lifted and I wanted to celebrate. I was planning to walk down to the garden center this morning and buy some more plants.”
“You and that garden.” Bess chuckled as she accepted the cup of tea Zoe handed her. “You’ll run out of space soon if you keep buying more. You should be out with some young man, if you’re looking for excitement, not messing around in my garden.”
Connor’s attitude had made Zoe more sensitive to undercurrents in conversations and she glanced at Bess quickly. “Do you want me to stop?”
“Of course not, honey.”
“I’ve never had a garden before.” Zoe looked at her grandmother, trusting she could tell this lady things no one else had ever heard. “I never guessed how great it would feel.” If only I’m still here to see things I planted actually growing.
Bess clasped Zoe’s fingers firmly. “As far as I’m concerned, Zoe, that garden is now yours. You do whatever you like out there. I know it’ll always look beautiful, if you have anything to do with it.”
Zoe blinked furiously, wondering if something could be wrong with her tear ducts. Maybe she had an infection or something. They’d taken to leaking so much lately.
“Where’s Connor? Did he have a late night?” Talking about him will soon destroy any fuzzy emotionalism, Zoe reckoned. She had to make sure she never got too used to this set-up, in case it never lasted.
“Oh, didn’t he tell you?” Bess frowned. “I thought he would have told you.”
Zoe couldn’t let on to Bess
that Connor wouldn’t tell her the time of day, let alone anything else.
“He’s gone to Wellington for the weekend.”
Zoe almost jumped up with glee. A whole weekend, just her and Bess, without the grating presence of Connor watching every move she made. She could relax, and be herself. Not have to watch everything she said, in case there was any ambiguity in her words.
“Do you have any plans?” Zoe asked eagerly. “We could do something together.”
“That would be nice, dear. But don’t you have things to do yourself?”
Not now I know Connor is away. “Not another thing. Is there a movie you’d like to see, or some shopping you’d like to do? I could drive you into the city.”
Bess hesitated before saying rather timidly, “There is one thing.”
“What? You name it, and we’ll do it.”
“Could you help me start sorting through all my papers and photos? I want everything catalogued before I die. Otherwise Warren and David will have no idea.” Her look was eager and hopeful. “You said you know about all this…what’s it called?”
“Genealogy.”
“Yes, genealogy. Would it be too boring for you to help me make some order out of all the shoeboxes I have in my wardrobe?”
“Boring?” Zoe leapt to her feet. “Gran, it’ll be the most exciting thing you could ask me to do.” She had to ask. “But are you sure you wouldn’t rather someone else do it, maybe one of your sons or grandchildren? They might—”
“I am getting one of my grandchildren to do it…you.” A faint smile twitched at her lips. “You might be intent on hiding our relationship, Lord knows why, but I’m not.” She stood. “So, will you help me?”
“Oh, Gran.” She slipped around the bench and hugged the older woman tightly. “Yes, yes, yes.” She couldn’t help laughing out loud. “Yes, please. It’s not something we’ll be able to do in a few hours, though,” she warned.
“I know it’ll take days to just sort through all the rubbish I’ve collected over the years. But afterwards, perhaps we could go on to find out more about my…our ancestors too? If you have time, of course.”
“You betcha. There’s nothing I’d rather do.”
The weekend was one of the happiest Zoe could remember. The dining room remained a shambles, and neither of them cared. Papers and photos lay around everywhere while Zoe’s handwritten family tree continued to grow as Bess remembered, or discovered, increasing information about their family.
Bess’s excitement fuelled her own, as Zoe determined to produce the most comprehensive history of the family she could.
“What on earth’s going on here?”
It showed the extent of Zoe’s concentration that she hadn’t even been aware of Connor’s return until he spoke from the doorway.
“Zoe knows all about genealogy.” Bess boasted from under a pile of papers she was sorting through. “She’s doing our family tree.”
“We’re doing ou…your family tree, Gr…Bess.”
Two days without Connor had made Zoe careless. She bit her lip as she leaned over the computer screen, praying he hadn’t picked up on her slips.
“Where did you get the laptop? Is that yours, Zoe?”
Before Zoe could reply, Bess absently spoke. “No, I bought it yesterday. Zoe said it would be easier to get everything tidied up if we had a computer.”
“Did she indeed?” Ignoring his contemptuous tone, Zoe kept typing. “And of course, she’ll be able to use it for her studies, too.”
“Oh, that’s an idea.” Bess looked up. “Zoe, would it be useful to take that thing”—she pointed at the compact laptop—“to classes with you?”
“Oh, yes. It’ll be most useful.” His voice was heavy with sarcasm.
Zoe ignored him, although the words now appearing on the screen were completely unreadable.
“And you’ll be able to do your assignments at home next year instead of spending all those hours at the library?”
Zoe glanced at Bess.
“Why didn’t you tell me you needed a computer? I’d have bought you one sooner.”
“I didn’t really need one, Bess.” Zoe spoke in a suffocating whisper, knowing exactly what Connor was making of Bess’s purchase. “This is for you. I’ll teach you how to use it, and you can write to all your friends. Maybe you’d even like to get a connection to the Internet so you can use email.”
“An Internet connection, too?” Connor’s voice hadn’t changed; it was still cold and hard. “That would help with all your research, too, wouldn’t it, Zoe?”
Zoe tilted her chin up and shot him what she hoped was a withering gaze.
She easily turned his comment around from the barbed inference he intended. “Connor’s right, Bess. There’s a lot of information available on the Internet now. We could do a lot of research right here, instead of at the family history center. You might like to get Connor to look into the feasibility of getting connected, the costs, etc.” She shot him a forced, sweet smile. “I don’t know anything about it.”
The glare he shot her way bounced straight off as she ducked her head again, pleased she’d scored at least one point against him.
“This is so interesting, Connor.”
Bess couldn’t be unaware of the friction sparking between us tonight.
And yet she seemed oblivious as she produced some papers and passed them to him. “Zoe knows all about how to trace ancestors back in Scotland, and everything.”
“What a total waste of time.”
Connor’s abrupt response drove Zoe to query. “Aren’t you interested in knowing where you’ve come from, your history?”
“No.” His eyes were even colder now as she looked across at him.
“But—”
“Searching the past is dangerous. It’ll only result in pain and heartache,” he warned. “I wish you hadn’t encouraged Gran to think of doing such a thing.”
“This wasn’t Zoe’s idea, Con.” Bess stood and stretched. “I’ve wanted to sort all this out for years. What do you think Warren and David would do with it all if I dropped dead tomorrow?”
“Burn it, if they have any sense.”
“Oh, Connor,” Bess gasped. “You can’t mean that.”
His dark, brooding expression suggested he was quite serious.
“All the more reason for you to get it done, Bess, and copied onto some CDs. That way you can protect all this precious history from morons like Connor.” Zoe glared at him, finding it totally incomprehensible that someone could be so callous about his own family history.
She survived the murderous scowl he shot her way before he abruptly excused himself and stomped out of the room.
“What’s with him?” she couldn’t help asking.
“He’s not interested in family history. He’s always thought it a waste of time.”
“Well, he’s wrong,” Zoe contradicted. She picked up another piece of paper to transcribe into the computer. “If I hadn’t got interested in tracing my father, I’d never have found you. Genealogy hasn’t brought me any pain or heartache.”
“Exactly the opposite, I hope?”
Zoe grinned across at her grandmother. “Exactly the opposite,” she confirmed.
Chapter Five
Even Connor’s sarcasm last night couldn’t dispel the high Zoe was on after such a buoyant weekend alone with Bess. She was still buzzing as she dived out of her room and almost collided with him on his way back from the shower.
The dark scowl and his death grip on the lapels of his dressing gown, not to mention his sudden white-knuckled stranglehold on the towel drew a scoffing reaction from Zoe. “For goodness sake, Connor, relax, why don’t you? You don’t really think I want to see what you’ve got hidden under there, do you?” She forced a tinkling laugh. “Believe me, I don’t.”
She told herself she wasn’t affected by the sudden ruddiness of his face or that strange hurt look in his eyes as she squeezed past him and closed the bathroom door behind her.
Her comment hadn’t caused embarrassment, which was the emotion she’d intended to evoke, but something else entirely.
Well, I don’t care. She stepped under the shower. To hell with me avoiding him and pussyfooting around. I’m not going to miss any more of Bess’s company before she leaves on Wednesday. I can handle anything Connor throws at me. Christmas was only a few weeks away. He’d learn then she wasn’t some bludger trying to take advantage of his grandmother.
How much harm could be done in a few weeks?
She allowed the water to drizzle down over her head. Behind her eyelids she pictured Connor in the hallway, clutching his dressing gown, as if she might rip it off. What is it with him hiding his body anyway? As if he thinks I’m interested…ha.
Although somehow his shoulders had seemed broader and his waist trimmer… Her eyes flew open and she gasped. He was her cousin.
She viciously turned the mixer around until cold water was spraying down over her head. What’s the matter with me? She couldn’t be attracted to him. She mustn’t be. It was wrong. Concentrate on his personality. Although he might look fantastic, his personality was so definitely not.
It was probably just an influence of shared bloodline, family. Yeah, that was it. There had been an affinity with Bess straight away. That’s what kinship was. If I had had a brother, I’d probably feel the same about him as I do about Connor. Zoe’s body relaxed as she turned off the shower.
It wasn’t until she was back in her room she thought of Rangi, a boy whose stays in the welfare home often coincided with hers. She’d always considered their ongoing relationship as being as close to siblings as possible.
She sank onto the bed, closing her eyes, conjuring up a picture of Rangi. Were his shoulders wide and strong? Did he have a trim little waist like…? She groaned as she could see no further than Rangi’s teasing eyes and cheeky grin. She’d known him for over ten years, loved him dearly, but there had never been a moment’s attraction for him as a man.
Whereas Connor…
****
Instead of staying in her room, or going into the garden, Zoe joined Bess and Connor in the lounge. Being alone would give her too much time for thinking.