‘I’m not condemning you for it. You’re a very clever girl. As things have turned out, it was a good stroke.’
‘It wasn’t me, I tell you.’
‘All right, it wasn’t you. Don’t upset yourself about it.’
‘Then stop humoring me and believe me.’
‘I do believe you.’
‘You don’t. You’re just saying that. I wouldn’t jeopardize my big chance. I want to do the promotion, and you won’t believe that, either. Not that I really blame you. I was dead set against it for a long time. But I changed my mind. And now I want to do it.’
‘All right. We’ll talk about it later. Now . . .’
His mouth claimed hers. This kiss was not gentle and questing; it was possessive and demanding. While he held her body compliant with one hand, the fingers of his other hand unfastened the remaining buttons on her dress, giving him greater access to what lay beneath. Both his hands went inside, moving round her back to delight her skin, squeezing and kneading and molding her flesh. She felt her mind racing; she wasn’t able to maintain the fast-fading conviction that this shouldn’t be allowed to happen. There were things they had to settle first.
‘We . . . should . . . talk. Now . . .’
Did she honestly expect him to take notice of such a feeble plea? It was difficult enough to find a voice, let alone the words to speak, with his hands plunging her into a whirlpool of excited feeling, in the very center of which was a still, dull ache.
‘I want you, too, Nick, but . . .’
‘That’s all I need to hear.’
His drugging, explosive kiss scorched the roof of her mouth and drained her will to resist. Why shouldn’t she do what she really wanted and enjoy it? She went limp in his arms again and did enjoy it. Strong, expert fingers worked their way lower down her spine. The circular, massaging caresses achieved their aim. The favored area moved closer to him and held her in a magic vise of anticipation of what would come next. Her hands found their way round his neck as her slight frame shivered at his touch, enthralled and receptive. The excitement of his kiss, his embrace, made her pulses throb. She yielded to the terrifying yet irresistible pull that was shaping her body and making her mindless to everything but the increasing urgency racking him, a galloping fire that was consuming her in its heat. A red mist floated before her eyes. In a moment she knew that she would be lost to everything, with no way out, no other course open to her but sweet surrender. The fact that she thought it sweet was conclusive proof that she had already surrendered in her mind.
Yet the thought still persisted that she wouldn’t be doing him any favors. She had to make one last stab at trying to make him see.
‘Nick, you must hear me out.’
He tossed her a wry, chiding, trying-to-be-amused look. ‘Not going cold on me again, are you?’
‘No. I swear I’m not. If you still want me when I’ve said my piece, I’ll go along with it.’
‘Be quick about it, then. “I want your sweetness.’ His hand lightly flicked her hip bone.
‘I’m thinking of you as well as myself. I know you’d get a better deal by waiting. You’ve done so much. And I don’t mean those blown-up-out-of-all-proportion press reports. Luisa told the all the things you’ve been.’
‘She had no right to.’
‘She’s proud of you, Nick. And she has reason to be. You’ve never lived your life vicariously; you’re much too vital. You’ve fulfilled your craving for excitement. You’ve kicked the dust of the world off your feet. Your experiences have made you what you are today. Well, I’m going to demand no less of life than you have.’
‘Just what are you saying?’
‘The contract isn’t going to be torn up. I’m going through with it in the hope that I’ll discover what I’m looking for in myself. It’s not just talk. And it’s not the encouragement I’ve had from Ami and the others that’s given me this sense of confidence. It’s something I know from within. It’s for us.’
‘Like hell it is! It won’t do me much good if you’re somewhere on the other side of the world and I’m chained here.’
‘It’s just a year out of our lives. Is that so much to ask? As I am now, I haven’t the experience to match you,’
His mouth rose in a smile. ‘Don’t let that worry you. I have enough experience for both of us.’
He wasn’t taking her seriously. ‘I’m sure you have,’ she snapped, her angry eyes rising to confront the laughter in his.
‘Lindsay, get this through your head. I have no intention of letting you get your experience from anyone but me.’
‘You’ve got a one-track mind. I’m not talking about that kind of experience. Perhaps it’s unwise of me to admit this, but I’ll wait for you. The way I feel about you won’t let me make love with another man. I’m not experienced enough in living. I’ve got a lot of stretching to do.’
‘Stretch alongside me. Preferably on a bed.’ He reached out to touch her cheek, playing havoc with her emotions. ‘It’s been very interesting,’ he drawled. ‘You’ve aired your views. Now, can we take up from where we left off?’
‘No, Nick,’ she choked out, jerking away from the lazy descent of his fingers, endeavoring to still the desire welling up in her.
She clenched her fingers tightly together, digging her nails into the palms of her hands as punishment for wanting to reach out and touch him. She ached for the feel of his hands on her body; anticipatory tremors tingled through her at what she longed for. She wanted to go to bed with him and stretch herself physically. But in bed or out of it, she had no intention of being the passive partner. She had to be equal in all respects.
‘I want more than just now,’ she said.
‘Don’t knock it, Lindsay. It won’t be just now. I don’t know what fears you’ve got, but I wish you’d give them the boot. Trust me to make it exceptional for you. Trust me to take care of you.’
‘But that’s just it. I don’t want you to take care of me. I want us to care together. Why are you too stubborn to understand what I’m saying? I don’t want just a sizzling moment of passion with you, however stimulating and exciting it would be, and I’m not denying for a second that it wouldn’t be that and much, much more. I want to keep you, Nick. And I’ll have a better chance of doing that if I’ve proved something to myself first. Your taking care of me isn’t the answer. I’ve got to find my own security within myself. Otherwise I’m going to be jealous of every other woman you look at.’
‘I wouldn’t give you cause to be jealous.’
‘An insecure woman doesn’t need a cause. The other day, in your office, I was jealous of your secretary.’
‘You have no need to be jealous of Barbara.’ He pushed his hand through his hair and then said solemnly, ‘It might be as well for you to know about that relationship.’
‘Relationship?’ she queried.
‘I put that clumsily. Not that kind of relationship. At least—’ He groaned out the admission—‘not on my part.’
‘I had no idea I was stirring anything up,’ Lindsay said coldly.
‘You’re not, as you’ll see if you’ll just listen.’
‘I’m listening.’
‘Thank you. Barbara is an intelligent and very attractive woman. I’ve used her a few times. God, that’s clumsy, too! What I mean is, I’ve taken her with me when I’ve thought her presence would swing a deal my way. She’s multilingual, her memory is impeccable, and I have to admit that in business dealings she’s been an asset. I had no idea that she had hopes of one day being the mistress of the House of Delmar. And before you ask, she’s never been my mistress. I’ve never had the slightest inclination toward her in that way. Anyway, we’ve had a talk about it. She’s all straightened out, and you don’t have to worry about her.’
‘Perhaps not, but there’ll be other Barbaras,’ Lindsay said, surprised and touched at his wanting to set the record straight. ‘I imagine that your secretary is the kind of sophisticated woman you usually go out with. I
must seem vastly different to you.’ What on earth had made her say such a gauche thing? Lindsay asked herself.
‘Is that what this is all about?’ he asked incredulously, his expression lightening. ‘You don’t feel sophisticated enough for me!’ His surprise was too clear to be anything but genuine. ‘It seems that Barbara’s not the only one I need to set straight about certain things. If by saying that you’re not sophisticated you mean that you’re not plastic, then I agree. Barbara’s like the five women you selected for me for the Allure promotion. I picked you. Can’t you understand yet that it’s your difference that caught my eye? And you’re certainly different, my love. I can’t imagine anyone but you interrupting the kind of torrid moment we were having—and to talk!’
She suddenly felt as if she’d shed a weight that had been lying on her heart. Luisa was right. The dress had brought her luck. Luisa had been wearing it when her husband proposed to her, and it pleased Lindsay that history was repeating itself.
‘I guess I’ve been stupid, Nick. But talking hasn’t been time wasted. I needed to get something out of my system and have my mind set at rest. Perhaps I don’t want to be the Allure girl, after all. I don’t want to put a lot of distance between us. Not that I intend to stay home all day. I’ll find something. Women, as well as men, need to be mentally stimulated.’
‘That’s something I get in plenty from you. You’ve certainly proved your ability to keep me on my toes. I never know what you’re going to throw at me next. I’ve little doubt about your ability in other directions, but you’re going to give me confirmation, aren’t you?’
‘I most certainly am. And yet . . . it’s one thing to drift into something and let it happen. But to give permission!’ The lashes she’d lowered came back up. ‘I’m being very silly again, and there mustn’t be any more silliness between us.’
‘I don’t want anything between us,’ he growled, hoisting her into his arms and carrying her into the bedroom. ‘And soon there won’t be.’
Being picked up like this and cherished close to his chest touched her romantic heart. She would have liked this moment to come after they were married, if only to keep up the illusion of the magic spell cast by the dress, but times had changed since Luisa was a girl. It was unrealistic for couples who were in love and inspired with this passionate urgency to wait. Still, it would have been, nice. Lindsay’s reservations were not, however, deeply-felt; on moral questions her mind was at peace. She trusted Nick completely, and she didn’t want to wait any more than he did.
He set her on her feet by the bed. She wondered if she ought to do something, but he seemed to have the situation in hand. It was nice to be cosseted, and exciting to think that soon it would be her turn to cosset him.
Her dress was already opened to the level of her hips. He slid it from her shoulders and she stepped out of it.
‘When did you know, Nick?’ she asked as shivery delight gripped her.
More shivers ran through her as he unfastened her bra and assisted her arms out of the straps before asking, ‘Know what?’
The disrobing was momentarily halted while he planted a kiss on her bared shoulder.
‘Know that you loved me,’ she said huskily.
‘It’s not something that a man analyzes.’
‘Or a woman.’
‘It’s something he feels. He might not know it for what it is when it happens. It didn’t hit me in the face; it was a gradual awareness.’
She nodded, satisfied. ‘Women are supposed to be more sensitive about these things, but I can’t pinpoint the moment when I knew that I was in love with you. I love you, I love you, I love you, Nick,’ she said, repeating the declaration with fierce intensity, impulsively flinging her arms round his neck and bringing herself up close. ‘I’ll make you a good wife,’ she whispered against his skin.
‘Wife!’ he exploded, pushing her away. All the humor and passion were wiped from his eyes. He was listening to her now!
After trying and trying, suddenly she had his whole attention.
‘I thought that was what you had in mind,’ she said, her dismay equaling his.
‘Well, think again. I’ll go along with the flowery talk if it makes you feel good, but there’s a limit. The line must be drawn somewhere, and at no time have I mentioned marriage. Well, have I?’
‘No.’ She averted her eyes. She recalled being told that she had a very expressive face. Her pride was hammering home to her that it was better if he didn’t see how she felt just now. Not until she’d managed to get hold of herself. She felt as if she’d been dunked into a tank of freezing water.
‘So don’t try to con me into anything.’
‘I won’t! I made a wrong assumption. Or maybe you did, in thinking that I’m so gone on you that I wouldn’t want something a little more permanent than what you have in mind. You can’t call all the shots.’
‘Why can’t I? It’s what you’re trying to do. You don’t want to be just an equal, you want the upper hand. Well, I’ve been in control too long to hand it over without giving the matter some deep thought.’
‘Then do your thinking elsewhere, because I think it’s time you left,’ she said in a hard, clipped voice.
‘Don’t worry, I’m going. I can’t get out fast enough. I ought to have been more wary of you when I found out who you were.’
‘If you mean my being Phil’s sister, let me remind you that you didn’t find out on your own. I told you.’
‘Forestalling the obvious. You’re not stupid enough to think that it would never have come to light.’
‘It wasn’t that calculating. I didn’t think I had anything to hide. What did my brother do, for heaven’s sake? What terrible crime did he commit?’
‘He didn’t do anything bad enough to justify what happened. Let it be. I spoke without thinking. Phil paid the highest price of all; it cost him his life, so let’s not discuss it any more. I’m sorry that I got angry and let my tongue run away with me, but that’s all I’m apologizing for. I’ve got a clear conscience about everything else.’
‘You don’t have to yell to get through to me. I’ll believe you. Or is it yourself you’re trying to convince?’ she asked scathingly.
Chapter Seven
She didn’t really expect Nick to get in touch with her after the way they had parted, but she still jumped every time the phone rang. And when she left her apartment each morning, and her office every evening, it was becoming a habit to glance up and down the street. Twice her heart pounded at the sight of a lurking figure, but neither time did it turn out to be Nick. It was just some anonymous guy waiting for his girl.
It had been stupid of her to let things get that steamy between them, and even more ill advised of her to refer to marriage. That had been completely ingenuous on her part, though, and not the act of cunning that Nick obviously suspected. If she’d thought about it she wouldn’t have blabbed it out in that unintelligent way. Even if the idea of marriage wasn’t odious to him, he would balk at the thought of his life being managed.
To her surprise, Jim Bourne announced that he was giving her a farewell party.
‘If there’s anyone you want to invite, feel free.’
She knew that he meant Nick Farraday. He too had read the item in the Hot Sauce column, and he was puzzled by the melancholy that Lindsay wasn’t clever enough to hide from him. He was one of the few people to notice that her smile couldn’t make it to her eyes.
‘I’d like to ask Cathy, if that’s all right with you. I’m sure she’ll be able to get a sitter for Stephanie. She doesn’t socialize enough; it will be good for her. And I’d also like to invite Greg Hammond. At one time I thought something would click there. He was very supportive of Cathy at the time of my brother’s death. I truly believe that she valued his friendship. But I understand they had a row. Maybe if they saw one another again . . .’
‘My mother always warned me to beware of matchmakers.’
‘You’re not the target. Perhaps Greg Hammo
nd’s mother didn’t give him the same advice.’
‘Your sister-in-law is a very attractive woman. Intelligent, too. We had quite an interesting chat that time she came to the office to see you and you were out.’
‘Ah, yes! I’d forgotten. Don’t tell me you’re interested!’
He shrugged. ‘More to the point, what would Cathy find of interest in me?’
That was most illuminating. In her mind, Lindsay had matched Jim Bourne with Denise, the girl who was taking over her job.
‘Mmmmm. The best of luck, Jim.’ She didn’t add that she thought he’d need it to get anywhere with Cathy—not because he didn’t have enough going for him, but because of Cathy’s attitude. ‘I’d still like to invite Greg Hammond. There’s something I want to ask him.’
‘I’m not so dumb that I don’t know what. You’re curious about Phil, aren’t you?’
‘Wouldn’t you be if it were your brother? I don’t know what you know, apart from the fact that he worked for Nick Farraday, that is. He was fired on the spot for something. I’ve got to know what it was.’
‘I only know what you know, the bare bones of the case, not the details. Don’t you think you might be as well leaving it alone?’
‘Perhaps, I don’t know, but I do know what Phil was like. He was weak and fun-loving. I might have been a ballet dancer if I’d known in time that it wasn’t something that just happened, but that, like everything else worthwhile in life, it had to be worked for. Phil never made that discovery. He went through the whole of his life without knowing that the good things were gained through personal effort. At the same time, he wasn’t all bad. If he did something bad enough to warrant his instant dismissal, there must have been a good reason for it. I might be maligning Phil in my mind when it wasn’t all his fault.’
‘Just don’t pin your hopes too high,’ Jim Bourne cautioned.
* * *
The farewell party Jim Bourne was throwing for Lindsay was to be held in his home. Lindsay was touched by the gesture. She had felt that he was casting her off too easily. The party was indicative that that wasn’t the case: that he had valued the loyal work she’d put in, and that he was letting her go without putting up a fight because he didn’t want to stand in her way. If it suited his purpose not to cross Nick Farraday, that was merely a bonus!
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