As soon as the cold air hit Patricia’s face, she felt better. There was a certain numbness in the cold air that helped settle her spirit. After a moment, she turned and headed for the gazebo.
***
Stephen ignored the tear that slid down his cheek. It’d been hard to ignore the part of him that wanted to open the door when Patricia had called out his name. But he’d managed to resist it because he deserved to be punished. He deserved to be reminded of the terrible things he’d once done.
He didn’t deserve to be happy. He’d been fooling himself by thinking he could ever be absolved from his past sins. Those sins, like the scars on his face, would haunt him for the rest of his life.
Another tear slid down his cheek, and he ignored that one, too. He remained perfectly still on his bed, his arms folded over his chest, and his eyes closed. He only got up from the bed if he needed to relieve his bladder. Otherwise, he didn’t move. This was the punishment due to him for all the things he’d done to hurt his brother, his sister, Eloise, and others he’d been cruel to at some point in his life.
Every time he thought of Eloise, this happened to him. He would go through his entire life, marking down each offense he’d ever done to every person he’d known. He’d go over every reason he’d been wrong and how he should have acted instead.
This was probably what hell was like. It was a continual reminder of all the wrongs a person had ever done in the course of their life. The body would look to be at peace in the coffin, but the spirit would be in torment.
It was a sobering thought, and it was one that crept on him from time to time, often when he least expected it. He didn’t know why Loretta still talked to him. He didn’t know why she brought her children over to see him. He was glad she did, of course. With the children, he had a glimmer of something he couldn’t have with anyone else: a second chance.
If only he could start over… If only he could go back in time and do it all over again. He would change everything. He would have been the person he should have been.
He took a deep breath and released it. Then he cleared his mind so that he could get a reprieve from the onslaught of his negative thoughts…at least for a while.
Chapter Ten
The next day, Stephen still refused to leave his bedchamber, so Patricia asked the coachman if he would take her to Loretta’s residence in London. She knew she was taking a risk by going there so close to the birth of her child, but she was at her wit’s end. She couldn’t take another day of being all by herself, and she needed to know what to do about Stephen.
All the way into London, she kept her hand over her belly, hoping the child would be content to stay inside her womb. She’d been experiencing light cramping from time to time over the past two days, but so far, they’d always lessened until they went away completely. At that point, she’d forgotten all about them. Now, as the carriage swayed back and forth, she became aware of the cramps again.
Fortunately, as the carriage came to a stop in front of the townhouse, she realized the cramps had started to grow further apart. She was still having them, but they weren’t getting closer in frequency. So that settled her nerves.
Wrapping her cloak around herself, she got out of the carriage and headed up the steps. It wasn’t until she was knocking on the door that she realized Loretta might not even be here. What if Loretta was visiting a friend? Or what if she was at a social gathering with Enduring Friendships? Loretta had mentioned being a part of the socially flourishing group.
Patricia hid back the urge to panic. What if she’d made the trip for nothing? What if she was going to have to return home without knowing what to do about Stephen? She couldn’t barge into his bedchamber and demand he tell her why he’d stopped spending time with her. Surely, there must be something she could say or do to smooth things over between them. If she could figure out why he was avoiding her, it would help.
The front door opened, and a gentleman stood on the other side. She wasn’t sure if he was the footman or the butler. Ichabod had used a butler to open doors, and Stephen was using a footman.
She cleared her throat. “Is Lor…” She stopped herself. She had almost forgotten to ask for Loretta by her title. Lewis had stressed that it was very important to do that when it came to the ranking class. “Is the Duchess of Lambeth here?”
The gentleman nodded and waved her in. “May I tell her who wishes to see her?”
“I’m her sister-in-law. I’m married to Mr. Bachman.” She was technically the widow of Lord Pruett, but since she was married to Mr. Bachman, she wasn’t sure if she should be called Lady Pruett or Mrs. Bachman. Lewis had told her something about there being a rule regarding widows of titled gentleman, but she couldn’t remember it at the moment.
The servant left her in the entryway, so she waited while he went to talk to Loretta. Half a minute later, Loretta was hurrying over to her.
She wrapped Patricia in a hug. “I’m glad to see you. I was afraid I’d make things worse if I came out to visit you. Things didn’t go well that night of the dinner party. When Tad came in and said Stephen was tired and went to bed, I knew it wasn’t good.”
“I was wondering if we could talk about that.”
“I’ll be happy to,” Loretta assured her. “First, I’ll have to make sure we can talk alone. The butler will take your cloak.”
Patricia noticed a different gentleman coming over to them. So the one who had answered the door must have been the footman. She quickly removed her cloak and gave it to him.
Loretta took her by the arm and led her down the hall. “What kind of tea do you like to drink?”
“I’ll drink anything. I’m not picky,” Patricia replied.
“Do you have a favorite type of tea?”
“Well, if I had to pick a favorite, I suppose I’d go with green tea.”
“We’ll have that then. Are you hungry?”
“No.” It was hard to be hungry when she could feel her womb tightening. The cramping did not accompany it this time, so she knew she was still safe from giving birth. But it was still distracting.
They reached the drawing room, and Patricia saw an unfamiliar couple. The lady was a couple of years younger than Loretta, but the gentleman looked older than her. The lady was holding Edmund while the gentleman was spinning wooden tops on a table with three children. Two of those children were Rosamond and Janus. The other, probably three years old, was a boy.
“This is Patricia,” Loretta said. “She’s the one Stephen married recently. Patricia, this is my brother, Brad, and his wife, Ava. They brought their son, Jeffrey, with them.”
“He’s three,” Rosamond told Patricia as she ran over to her. “Is Uncle Stephen here?”
For some reason, the question made Brad stiffen.
“Um, no,” Patricia replied. “I came alone.”
Brad relaxed.
Rosamond, on the other hand, looked disappointed. Janus, who had seemed to also expect Stephen, also frowned before he turned his attention back to the spinning tops.
As much as Patricia wished she knew why Stephen’s brother was glad Stephen wasn’t there, she couldn’t ask. It wasn’t her place to ask. She didn’t know Brad, and even if she did, was it her business?
“I have something I need to discuss in private with Patricia,” Loretta told Brad and Ava. “Can I visit you later today?”
Patricia was about to say she could come back another time. She hadn’t meant to interrupt them. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She wanted to know what was going on with Stephen, and this was the only way she was going to find out. Since Brad and Ava lived in London, Loretta could see them whenever she wanted. Even as she reasoned these things, she still felt a sting of guilt prick her as the couple got their child ready to leave.
They offered a greeting to Patricia, and she returned it. But she wondered if they were upset with her for interrupting their afternoon with Loretta.
Once they were gone, Loretta told the butler to bring
green tea. Then she called for the maid to take the children to another room.
“Do we have to go?” Rosamond asked. “We like Aunt Patricia.”
“Yes, you have to go,” Loretta replied. “I need to talk to her in private.”
“Are you going to share a secret?” Rosamond asked.
“Something like that.”
Despite the situation that had brought her here, Patricia chuckled at the girl’s question.
After the children left with the maid and the butler brought in the tea, Loretta shut the doors of the drawing room.
“I’m sorry it took so long to get everything taken care of,” Loretta said, gesturing to the settee. “Sit and have some tea.”
Patricia went to the settee and waited until Loretta poured her a cup of tea before speaking. “Did Tad tell you if I said or did something to upset Stephen?”
Patricia figured she might as well get right to the point. She could engage in polite conversation, as Lewis said wealthy people often did, but she wasn’t in the mood for it. The sooner she got to the heart of the matter, the better.
“No, Tad didn’t tell me anything.” Loretta sat next to her and took a sip of her tea. “I’m baffled about why Stephen bolted to his bedchamber at the dinner party. Stephen didn’t tell you anything?”
Patricia shook her head. “He hasn’t left his bedchamber since that night. I haven’t seen or spoken to him at all. I knocked on his door, but he didn’t answer.”
“Hmm…” She took another sip of her tea then put the cup down. “Stephen did that right after Eloise threw a hand mirror at his face.”
Stephen’s first wife had thrown a hand mirror at his face? “Is that why he wears the mask?”
“Yes. He hasn’t let anyone see his face since then, but I’m sure the injuries he got from the incident are substantial, considering a mirror is made of glass.”
“That must have hurt.”
“I’m sure it did. I’m sure both his pride and his flesh were wounded in that incident. He and Eloise never liked each other. From the moment they married, it was one fight after another. Every little thing they argued about was the talk of the Ton. Eloise lamented the fact that he didn’t have enough money. She said he was worthless, both in bed and out of it. Then she’d go around saying he’d be better off killing himself. Then, at least, she could marry someone she could respect.”
Patricia gasped. How could anyone say such a thing? Did Eloise think it was a light matter to wish that someone would die? Having lost her father early, her mother later, Barnaby, and then her first husband, she’d seen more than her share of deaths. Death was a terrible thing. She never wanted to see another one for as long as she lived.
“Stephen wasn’t exactly innocent, either,” Loretta continued. “He had similar retorts he’d throw back at her. And they would do this in public, which made the gossip so rampant. It wasn’t until she threw the hand mirror at his face that he left London. Then, finally, the gossip died down.”
Loretta cleared her throat. “I know Stephen wasn’t perfect, but he’s changed a lot since then. He isn’t the same person he used to be. He blamed himself for a lot of what happened, but sometimes I think he’s too hard on himself. I knew Eloise, and she was awful. She thought everyone was around to do her bidding. She didn’t care about anyone. All she cared about was what she could get from someone. If she couldn’t get something from someone, she had no use for them. She never changed. She was that way until she died.”
Well, that explained why Stephen didn’t want to talk about his past. She’d known it wasn’t pleasant, and she’d known he hadn’t gotten along with his first wife. But the situation between them had been worse than what she’d expected.
Patricia forced her attention back to Loretta. “You said Stephen locked himself in his bedchamber after Eloise struck him with the hand mirror. How did you get him to come out?”
“I didn’t. The doctor tended to his wounds, and he mentioned a residence for sale outside of London. I only know that much because I went to see Stephen shortly after he moved.” She paused. “It was the first time I saw him since he married Eloise. I felt sorry for him. Even if he wasn’t all that nice, he was still my brother. I didn’t want to see anything bad happen to him.”
“He told you he kept to himself because of his injuries?”
Loretta nodded. “I wouldn’t have known he did that if he hadn’t told me. I thought he’d done it because he didn’t want anyone to see his face until he got the mask. But, now that I think about it, he changed after that. He wasn’t the same Stephen I was used to. He apologized for all of the things he’d done to me, and he asked if it was too late to have a second chance.” She smiled at some memory that played in her mind. “It was the first time I saw that side of him. He’s been that way ever since.”
“Did something happen at the dinner party to make him think of the night Eloise struck him with the hand mirror?” Maybe that was what had prompted him to retreat to his bedchamber. If the past was so painful that he covered mirrors to hide from it, then surely, it had something to do with the night Eloise struck him.
“I’m sorry, Patricia. Tad didn’t tell me anything, but if I were to guess, they must have talked about the past. When gentlemen go off to talk to each other in the den, they don’t often tell us ladies what the topic of conversation was. Stephen has become a private person. I’m sure Tad didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to betray Stephen’s trust.”
That made sense. And it explained why Stephen had her sign a contract promising she wouldn’t ask about his past, remove the covers over the mirrors, or look at his face. The butler had told her Stephen was prone to bouts of retreating to his bedchamber and staying there for days. Loretta didn’t know this. But then, Loretta didn’t live under the same roof with him. She couldn’t know what he did most of the time.
Loretta picked up her cup and drank more of her tea.
“What makes Stephen happy?” Patricia asked.
“People,” Loretta replied. “He’s always liked being around people. He’s so different from Brad. Brad enjoys being alone. Stephen used to say it was a form of punishment to be stuck somewhere alone.”
So maybe he was punishing himself. Patricia could see how that would be a punishment. He’d come out and told her he didn’t like the loneliness in the manor any more than she did.
“Maybe I should visit with the children,” Loretta said. “He seems to be like his old self when they’re around.”
Encouraged, Patricia asked, “Would you come out with them? He was excited about the dinner party. He couldn’t wait for the children to find where he had hidden their gifts.”
“I promised a friend we’d spend the day together tomorrow, but I’ll make a trip out there the following day.”
That meant Patricia was probably looking at another long day by herself, but if Loretta could get him to come out of his bedchamber when she came over, then she could manage through it.
“Thank you,” Patricia said then drank her tea, finally feeling better.
An hour later, Patricia got into the carriage and settled into the seat. The slight cramping in her abdomen reminded her that she’d be giving birth soon. Maybe if Stephen enjoyed being around people, especially children, this baby would help keep him from retreating back to his bedchamber in the future.
No one should be so overcome with guilt from the past that he stopped living. She might not know the person Stephen used to be, but she knew the person he was now. He had been good to her. He’d taken her in when she’d needed a husband, and he’d been respectful and courteous to her at all times. He didn’t have to put on a pretense with her. There was no reason for him to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. He would have nothing to gain from it.
The carriage moved forward, and she relaxed. Her baby moved. On instinct, she rubbed her belly. Soon. Very soon, the baby would be born. She was looking forward to holding the little one. Maybe Stephen would hold him, or her, too.
Chapter Eleven
It was in the middle of the night when someone knocked on Stephen’s bedchamber door. No. The sound didn’t come from there. It came from the door connecting his bedchamber with Patricia’s.
He sat up in the bed, still fully clothed. He was wearing the same clothes he’d had on at the dinner party. Time stopped having any meaning, and he wasn’t even sure what day it was. All he knew was that it was late. The moon was high in the sky.
“Stephen?” Patricia called out from the closed door. “I’m ready to have the baby.”
At once, he grabbed the mask lying next to him and put it on. He crossed the room and opened the door. Patricia was holding her belly. She was in nothing but a shift, and her hair was hanging in soft waves over her shoulders. She gritted her teeth, and something in him snapped into action. He hurried to the cord to summon the butler. Then he returned to her.
“The butler will get the doctor,” he said as he took her by the elbow and helped her back to the bed.
He urged her to sit down then went over to the dresser and lit the candles. They would need plenty of light. He went back to his bedchamber and grabbed all of his candles. Once he put them throughout her bedchamber, he started lighting them.
Patricia let out a breath he hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “The baby’s coming sooner than I expected.”
“I know. You weren’t expecting this for another couple weeks.”
She nodded. “Yes, that’s true, but I also meant I don’t think it’s going to be long before it’s born tonight. I don’t think this baby will wait until the doctor’s here.”
“Sure, the baby will wait,” he said as he continued lighting the candles.
“I don’t think so. I think I waited too long to tell you I’m having cramps. It’s just that for the past couple of days, I’ve been having them. They would come and go. This evening, I thought it was the same thing, so I went to bed, and when I woke up, I realized they were getting stronger.”
The Marriage Contract Page 9